A/N: First fic. I've been looking around at this fandom and from what I've seen, I haven't noticed a story like this. So if there is one, I would just like to make it clear that I am not attempting a copy. I just like this fandom too much to not write something. :) Reviews would be great too... Disclaimer: The Hunger Games Trilogy belongs to Suzanne Collins. Just using her characters for some creative release.
Tomorrow is Independence Day. Panem is celebrating twenty five yeras of independence from Snow's regime. It's also a celebration of narrowly escaping another dictatorship under Coin, for those who understand. Like Peeta and I. Sometimes I can't believe it's true. This freedom we have. I wonder how long it will take me to wake up from this dream. But I never do wake up. And I know that Peeta has the same thoughts, because he pulls out the game.
"We're actually free. Real or not real." he asks.
I bring myself closer into his embrace, wanting to completely dissolve into him. "Real," I mumble in his chest.
Our door slowly creaks open. I see a mess of black hair and blue eyes staring at us. "Mom? Dad?"
I hide a groan as I stretch and I feel Peeta sitting up. I was hoping to maybe sleep in a little late since Az is visitng my mother in the Capitol and he's the one that usually wakes me and Peeta up.
"Good morning, darling." Peeta says, scratching the back of his head and yawning a little.
Tully smiles before ducking back behind the door again. Before I can question her behavior, she comes back, this time carrying a tray full of food. "Good morning Mom and Dad." she places the tray on the bed and carefully sits on the edge.
I stare at the food in shock. There's pancakes, yogurt, fruit, granola, bread, even two cups of hot cocoa.
"What's all this?" Peeta asks, already grabbing a fork and digging into the pancakes.
Tully shrugs and looks away. "I just thought you guys would like some breakfast in bed."
I narrow my eyes. Tully would never do something like this. Maybe she'd do it if Az was here and he convinced her to, but on her own…no. Tully's too much like me. "I think someone's trying to butter us up." I say, grabbing a piece of bread and dipping it in the hot cocoa. A habit I learned from Peeta.
Tully actually has the audacity to look shocked. "Why would I ever try and butter you guys up? I'm just being nice."
"Even if she is buttering us up, I don't mind having breakfast in bed. The pancakes are really good too. Did you add the cinnamon like I showed you?" Peeta asks.
Tully nods her head. "I even mixed clumps of banana in it."
Peeta's eyes light up with pride. "Wow, Tully! And the inside isn't even runny."
The two of them start talking baking. I know Tully's up to something, but whatever it, I let it slide for the moment. She and Peeta are being baking nerds and I've learned from previous experience it could be dangerous to interrupt them.
Once we finish up the food, Tully grabs the tray and sets it down on the floor. "So…I was kind of wondering…can we go see the fireworks tomorrow?"
And there it was. The real reason for Tully to bring us breakfast. "No." I quickly answer. "Thank you for the breakfast though."
"But Mom! It's the twenty-fifth anniversary! Everyone at school says it's going to be the biggest firework show ever! We have to go! Dad, tell her something!" Tully whines in one breath.
Peeta sighs as he looks from Tully to me then back to Tully. "The fireworks look the same on TV. If anything, you see them better on the TV because you don't have to see over the heads of a bunch of people or trees or buildings getting in your way."
"No, it's not the same! They look bigger and really cool and they sound cool and it's just better."
"The answer is no and that's it." I'm starting to get frustrated with her.
"But Az gets to see them this year with Grandma in the Capitol! I'm three years older than him!"
"You know that was your own fault. You could've gone too, but instead you decided to skip school for a week." Peeta finally says.
Tully pouts and picks at a loose strand on our covers. "But I've never seen them up close before,"
I glance at Peeta, hoping to read his thoughts just from his expression. But his face is completely blank. He has his 'poker face' on. I hate it when he does that. "Maybe next year you'll actually behave yourself in school and you can go with Az to the Captiol and watch the fireworks there." I tell her.
"But-!"
"Tully, that's enough. The answer is no. We are not going to see the fireworks. You can watch them from the TV and that's it." I snap.
"Daddy…I really want to see them. Pretty please?"
A groan gets stuck in my throat. I know what she's doing. She's pulling out those sad, watery blue eyes, trying to convince her daddy to give in. Oh look. Now she's even playing a little with her hair. Peeta practically always gives in when she does this. Drives me insane that he can't say no to her. But I know this time he'll have to. There's no way he'd ever agree to seeing the fireworks in person. It wouldn't be good for him and he knows it.
"All right, fine. We'll go see them."
I stare at Peeta in shock. Did he really just say that?
"Yes! Thank you so much, Daddy!" Tully exclaims as she jumps up and wraps her arms around Peeta.
Peeta smiles as he hugs her back. I wait for him to look at me, but he's avoiding my gaze. He knows exactly how upset I am with him.
"Why don't you go clean up whatever mess you made in the kitchen?" Peeta suggests.
Tully nods excitedly and hurries downstairs with the tray in her arms. I wait until the door closes to make any kind of move.
"What do you think you're doing?" I hiss, slapping Peeta's arm.
"Ow! Why can't you remember that you have heavy hands and that it hurts whenever you slap me?" Peeta complains as he now rubs his red arm.
I groan loudly, making my anger clear. I throw the covers off of me and get up.
"Come on, Katniss. She really wants to see the fireworks. We'll take her this one time." Peeta says as he gets up as well.
I dig through the drawers, looking for something to wear. "You always give in to her when she pulls that face out. I said no, yet you still said yes just because she put on a pout for you."
"You mean the pout that she inherited from you."
I don't even try and hide my scowl from him.
"Katniss, it's just this one time. What's the harm in it?"
"We agreed that we wouldn't go see the fireworks. You know what those explosions can do." There's a bit more gentleness to my tone this time, but it doesn't take away my anger.
"Katniss, it's been more than a year since I've had…an episode. I can handle it."
I just stare at him. The look in his eyes shows that he really does believe he can handle it. I don't think so though. It's just too much of a risk I don't want to take. Yes, it has been a while since his last episode, but when he does have one, it's the worst thing that can possibly happen. Relieving those memories, having to decide if they're real or not. Thankfully, the kids are always gone when he has one. They're either in school or I'm able to send them to Haymitch's before it gets worse.
"It's just…I know it's hard for you…I hate it that you have to go through them and I want to make sure I do everything I can to make sure you don't."
"I know. I don't want to go through one again. But it'll be fine. I'll have you and Tully beside me the entire time." He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Please don't worry about it?"
"Fine." I mumble.
"Are the Mellarks ready yet?!"
I shake my head as I start braiding my hair. "Why is he here already?"
Peeta just chuckles as he stands next to me, fixing his hair. "He's on time you know."
He's right. Haymitch has been on time as of late. I don't doubt Effie's behind it. I hate it considering we're always running late and used to be the ones hurrying Haymitch up.
"Uncle Haymitch!" yells Tully from her room. I can hear her running down the stairs. She inherieted Peeta's heavy steps.
"We better hurry before he poisons Tully's mind with his opinions about us." Peeta jokes.
I quickly tie the braid and follow Peeta down stairs. Tully's already on Haymitch's back, ordering him to gallop around the house like a horse.
"Maybe next time. Looks like your parents are finally ready." Haymitch says. He eyes Peeta. "You sure you're up to it?"
Peeta places his hand on my back. I think he's trying to reassure me, but I know it's more to reassure himself. "Yeah, I'll be fine."
"Let's go, let's go! They're going to start without us!" Tully exclaims.
Gathering a few last minute things, we all go outside and start walking towards the Justice Building. Haymitch was walking ahead of us with Tully still on his back. Tully was telling him all about school and explaining why exactly she didn't get to go to the Capitol with Az. I wonder if she's giving him the full story or just making it seem like she was a victim in all of it. Peeta and I walk arm in arm a little behind them.
"I asked Haymitch to watch her. Specifically if we have to leave," Peeta said quietly.
"How are you feeling right now?"
Peeta shrugged. "Normal. Actually, a little deprived."
I frown. "Deprived from what? Are you sure you're okay?"
Peeta laughs. "Deprived from you. You only gave me two kisses today and I had to initiate them."
I roll my eyes and shove him a little. "You're such a sap."
He keeps laughing, kissing my temple.
Peeta is doing good so far. I just have to keep reminding myself that he is going to be okay.
When we finally got to the Justice Hall, there was a slightly big commotion when people realized we were actually there. The mayor even wanted us to stand in front and give a little speech. Peeta practically had to drag me up the stage. He did all the talking though and managed to keep it under five minutes. While he was talking, I could see Tully (still on Haymitch's shoulders) staring at us in wonder. She still doesn't know about the role we played in the Rebellion. She's only ten. They start learning about it when they're twelve in school. I faintly think to myself that we should probably be the ones to explain to her everything.
We leave the stage and head back towards Haymitch and Tully. The mayor says a little speech as well before he starts the countdown.
"The coutdown, Mom! They're starting it!" Tully exclaims, nearly jumping up and down on Haymitch's shoulders.
I smile at her enthusiasm. At least she was having a good time.
"10, 9, 8, 7!"
I glance over at Peeta. He turned to look at me. I could see the fear and worry in his eyes.
"It'll be fine," he whispers.
I nod, but grab Peeta's hand and hold it tightly.
"3,2,1!"
Then came the explosions.
Peeta's grip on my hand tightened. He was staring up at the sky, the exploding colors going everywhere. There was a constant stream of them, twenty going off all at once. The crowd was cheering, applauding. There was so much noise. I wonder how I could've let Peeta convince me it was okay. It was not okay.
Peeta let go of my hand and gripped his head. His eyes were squeezed shut and I could see his mouth opened in a silent scream.
"Peeta? Peeta, look at me." I tried to grab his chin to make him look at me, but he jerked away from me.
"No, Katniss! Get away!"
Everything inside of me dropped, especially my heart. He was having another episode. There wasn't anytime to see if anyone was noticing him or if Haymitch really was watching Tully. I had to get Peeta out of there. I grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him through the crowd, as far away from the explosions we could get.
"It's going to be all right. We're going to get through this."
Peeta's breathing was becoming ragged with his internal struggle.
"What's real and what isn't?" I asked. We were still so close to the fireworks and the explosions were so loud. At least we had finally gotten away from the crowd.
"No, let go of me!" Peeta finally exclaimed as he pulled away from me.
That was when I finally got a good look at him. His face was contorted in both rage and pain. His face had become completely pale and sweat was covering him. Yet, the thing that caught my attention, was his eyes. They weren't that familiar blue. I could hardly make out the blue actually. They had dilated almost completely with the faintest hint of the blue outlining them.
"Katniss, please…" he dug around his pockets and pulled out handcuffs. "I don't want to hurt you…I just…" Peeta threw the cuffs at my feet and grabbed his head again, this time yelling. The explosions covered his yell. "Get away!"
I didn't know what else to do. I pick up the cuffs (somewhere, in the back of my mind, I'm surprised Peeta's this prepared) and slowly walk towards him again. "This is going to pass. It's all going to be okay again. Please, Peeta…" This was becoming one of the bad episodes. The ones where he would black out.
He just shook his head and held out his wrists.
Without question, I handcuffed them, but still held on to them. "Remember what's real? Remember that everything that actually happened isn't distorted. It isn't shiny."
Peeta groaned. "No, that isn't true!" he yelled. "You…you were…you tried to kill me!"
"Do you remember our first Games? We worked as a team."
"No! No, just stop it!"
"All those years ago at the bakery. When you threw me that bread. Was that real?"
"Stop!" His yell was something akin to a wild animal.
I dropped his hands and took a few steps back when I saw the look in his eyes. Pure hatred. Even now, they were still getting to him, trying to destroy us both. I had to get him back.
"Daddy!"
"Tully no!" I screamed as I saw her throw herself into Peeta's legs. She had latched onto him before I could register she was even coming. It was those explosions from the fireworks. They were throwing me completely off. I ran towards her and pulled her off of him, wrapping her tightly in my arms. I knelt on the ground while I tried to keep Tully from him.
"Let go! I want Daddy! Please Daddy! I'm scared! I don't like them!" Tully cried as she struggled against me.
Peeta froze, staring at her with his dilated eyes. There wasn't any kind of recognition in his eyes. He didn't even remember his own daughter.
"Please, Daddy," Tully cried, this time at a barely audible level.
"Tully?" he asked softly, looking down at her.
When I looked at his eyes, I felt my heart swell. The blue was coming back. Peeta was coming back. He was coming back to us.
He knelt on the ground with us. Tully squirmed away from me and ran to Peeta, burying her face in his chest. Peeta hugged her as best as he could with the handcuffs. I took deep breaths. It was okay, now. It passed, just like they always do.
"Thank goodness! She's okay. I swear, I just put her down for a second and then she took off on me." Haymitch panted as he slowed down to a jog to reach us. When he actually looked at the state we were in, he frowned. "Everything all right here?" he asked. He noticeably stiffened when he noticed the handcuffs on Peeta.
"Yeah, everything's all right." Peeta said quietly. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile. He looked tired, but he was back. "We should probably get back to the house though."
Tully nodded and continued holding on to Peeta as if he were her life source.
I close the gap between me and Peeta and undo the handcuffs. As soon as I did, he wrapped both me and Tully in his arms.
"We should get going," I whisper. The fireworks were still exploding and I didn't want Peeta to relapse.
He agreed and stood up, carrying Tully in his arms.
It was a quiet walk back to the Victor's Village. Every step we took, the explosions became quieter and quieter. By the end, Tully was fast asleep. We say our goodnights to Haymitch and I promise him that he's going to hear it from me tomorrow. He just shakes his head, muttering something about it not being his fault Tully took off on him.
We tuck Tully in and make our way to our bedroom. Peeta grabs my hand as we walk. "So are you going to say 'I told you so.'?"
A grim smile comes on my face. "Not this time." I stop to really look at him before we go in our room. He's still pale and looks drained. But his eyes are still that wonderful blue that always reminds me of love and hope. I place my hand on his cheek. "Please, don't ever leave us like that. Don't ever leave me like that."
He grabs my hand that's on his cheek and holds it there. "Don't you know by now?" he asks softly.
I furrow my brows, wondering what he's talking about.
"Katniss, I love you and the kids too much to ever leave completely. Even during my worst episodes, I know I have to come back because I love all of you too much. I will always come back."
I don't say anything. I just press up against him and hold him tight. He doesn't say anything, just kisses me gently on my head. And despite everything that's happened this evening, I smile. I smile because I know he's right. That he will always come back. And him holding me right now is completely real.
