Hello, Shaman King fans! Raikku of the Darkness here with a new fic that's a big "F-U" to 4Kids TV. Take off 'Shaman King' will you? I think not!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Shaman King' or any of the its characters, nor any other shows ruined by those 4Kids bastards. However, any original characters, like Raikku or Rayna, all belong to me, so you steal, I kill.

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Crap to the Future

By: Raikku of the Darkness

Prologue: Horo-Horo and the Time-Defying Toilet

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Once upon a time in a land called Germany, a man paced in his underground study. His brown eyes never looking up from the ground, always walking six steps, turning, then walking another six steps in the opposite direction. Then he stopped, scratching his long white beard.

"Come now, Faust." he whispered to himself. "You know you can do this."

Yes, this man was the original Faust, Faust the First. A scientist, brilliant in the ways of alchemy and witchcraft. Many people him to be mad, however, and drove him to live in the secret underground compound of his now destroyed castle on the edge of the village. As you may know, Lord Faust sold his soul to the devil, Mephistopheles, for the power of necromancy, the art of raising the dead. But now, the great Faust was confused. For five months, his been working on a project, a secret project. A project so secret that he had to take a special potion to remember everything about it, for he wrote nothing down. Only two beings knew of this secret project; himself and Mephistopheles.

Faust began to pace again, the shadows on the walls dancing, as if laughing at his plight. Soon, the air about him grew cold and the doctor knew that he was there.

"Having a problem with your duty, eh, Faust?" a deep voice said from behind him. He turned to see a man in a black robe, black hair and blood red eyes.

"What do you want?" Faust hissed.

The man chuckled, revealing his white fangs. "Is that anyway to speak to your master."

The man sighed. "What does my master wish of me today?" he growled.

"Good, you're learning." said Mephistopheles, waving his clawed hand; a throne-like chair appearing. The devil sat. "I'm checking in on our project. I am your financial backer."

Faust swallowed hard. "It's stuck."

"Stuck?"

"Yes, stuck."

Mephistopheles leaned back in the chair. "Why is this?"

Honestly, even Faust himself didn't know. He ran all types of tests, but yet, the problem was still there.

"I don't know."

The demon laughed. "You don't know?"

"No."

"Let me see the medium."

Faust walked over to a table and lifted something off it. With another wave of his hand, another table appeared before him. The scientist placed the object down on it. It was a wooden cabinet with a flat top and two doors on the front.

Mephistopheles stood up. "Take it out."

Faust opened the doors and took out something white and placed it on the cabinet. It was a porcelain pot; a chamber pot, also known as the original toilet.

"So what's the problem?"

"Well, " Faust began. "the spell has already been placed on it, but it doesn't seem to be working."

Mephistopheles threw him an amused look. "Did you do it right?"

The doctor let a low growl escape his throat. Of course he did it right; he's Faust I!

"Yes, I did. Maybe your minion taught me wrong."

"You blame this on Situs?" he chuckled.

"Yes."

"You shouldn't say things you can back up, Faust." another voice added from the dark corner of the room.

"Oh, Situs, I'm glad you could join us." a woman appeared from the shadows. She had short blond hair and also blood red eyes. A mischievous smile plastered on her face. She wore a very revealing black dress; low cut with a high slit coming up her thigh. In her pale arms, was a worn, black book.

"Master, you know I taught him right." Situs whispered. "He's just a disgrace."

"Maybe," said the devil. "Or maybe you forgot again."

Her eyes widened. "No, never!"

"Give me you spell book." Situs had him the object in her arms. Mephistopheles opened it and stopped on a page. He ran a clawed finger down it.

"Master, I taught him all that was on that page." she pleaded.

He glanced up at her, smirking. "Then you didn't know there was a continuation on the back, then?" he turned the page, showing the missing ingredient.

"My lord, I-"

"You what?"

Situs was sweating profusely now. "I didn't know. I swear!"

Mephistopheles walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. "There, there, Situs. It's ok."

"Really, Master?" her voice muffled in his cloak.

"Yes," he answered, lifting her chin. "You have another purpose now."

"I do?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What's that, my lord?

He grinned at her. "You will give us the missing ingredient."

"My liege?"

"Your demon heart." his hand dug into her back and a second later, took out her still beating heart. The body dropped to ground in a bloody heap. Mephistopheles threw the heart to Faust.

"Mix this in with the rest of the potion. It will work now."

And so, with the help of the devil, Faust the First created a chamber pot with the power to travel to the future. But soon, he realized that the power of time travel was one that even he could not control. So he lock it in his underground cavern for all eternity, or so he thought. 500 years later, the cursed toilet would be unearthed by his very descendant, Faust VIII, who didn't know of the horror, the madness, or the cleaning that went into this cesspool of hell. He lived a normal (for him) life with the chamber pot until one day…

"Oh, my god, Horo-Horo! What did you eat?" a brunette boy exclaimed, covering his nose. A blue-haired boy laid next to him, shirt unbuttoned.

Horo-Horo groaned. "I don't know, Yoh. Uh…a watermelon, roast beef, a pizza-"

"Just this morning, Horo." Yoh interrupted

"A watermelon, roast beef, a pizza…" the boy's stomach rumbled. "Ooooh, it hurts!"

"Well, last time, you broke the only toilet left in the house, so we'll just have to wait for Faust to get back with that chamber pot thingy."

Yes, Faust was bring the cursed toilet to the En Inn for use. The Ainu was staying with Yoh while his sister, Pirika, Yoh's fiancé, Anna, friend, Tamao, and Yoh's cousin, Rayna, took a week-long trip to a hot spring in Kyoto. They already established that they will have to get the toilets fixed before the return or both of the their faces would be on the back of a milk-carton.

The door slid opened revealing Faust and his wife, Eliza. "Sorry, I'm late, Yoh." he sniffed the air. "Ugh, what died in here?"

"Ask Mr. I'm-Starving!"

"Ok, I get it!" exclaimed the Ainu.

"So," Faust began. "Where do you want this?"

Horo-Horo leaped to his feet. "I'll take that!" he said, snatching the chamber pot from the doctor and running toward the restroom.

"Does he know how to use that?" Faust asked, his wife giggling beside him.

"He'll figure it out." Yoh answered.

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"What the hell?" Horo-Horo said, looking at the bowl he was supposed to take a crap in. "What do I do with this?"

"You poop in it, stupid!" a voice called from outside the door signaling that the Chinese bombshell, Ren, had arrived.

"Shut up! You just miss your little girlfriend, Ren!" he yelled back.

"Rayna's not my girlfriend!" The blue-haired boy turned back to his problem. He sighed, pulled down his pants, and took a seat.

"This is weird." he thought to himself. Then, his butt began to tingle. Looked to see the porcelain pot beginning to glow.

"Oh sh--" he couldn't finish his sentence as he and the toilet were pulled from the restroom.

They were moving fast, through time and space. Horo-Horo saw many things: the invention of the wheel, the creation of the world, the guy creating first pizza. Finally, the traveling stopped and he fell to the ground.

"Ow." he said lifting his head. His brown eyes screamed as they took in his surroundings.

It was Funbari Hill but all the buildings were destroyed, leaving their skeletons behind. The once green grass was now dirt and the sky was a dim gray.

"Did Hao do this?" he thought to himself. He rose to his feet, pulling up his pants as he did. He looked around again and as he was doing this, a newspaper slapped his face.

"Ow! Today is just not my day!" he yelled. He looked at the paper, one head line read:

"Paris renamed '4-Popalis'"

"4-Popalis?" he questioned. Then, it all became clear when he read the headline:

"World conquered by 4Kids TV"

Horo-Horo looked up. "Holy Crap."

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