Like every college student, the late October afternoon found Jonn sitting in front of the computer, procrastinating. He knew he had several essays and usch, but found himself enjoying the Monday off from school-thank you, Wilma-most by surfing the web. Unfortunately, his DSL had been down for nigh-upon two months, and he had resorted to setting up his old (shudder) Dia-Up connection. As a result, the madness was beginning to set in. Right now, he was an inch from the screen, staring at Firefox's little blue loading bar.

"Load, curse you!" he whispered hoarsely. "Load, or the clowns will eat me!"

Thankfully for everyone within ten miles, his ASP badge decided to ring at that time. The badge, which Jonn had acquired upon joining the Anti-Sue police several months ago, was more than ID; it was also a communicator, a tricorder, and a cool blue glowy thing that could be used as a flashlight. Jonn flipped it open. The caller ID said "Mr. H.".

"Mr. Wood," said a voice(ASP was notoriously cheap, and never used videocomm unless it was important), "there is an assignment for you. I believe you're heard of Danny Phantom?"

"Once or twice," replied Jonn, glancing at the computer. Google had finished loading. "I suppose my first assignment as an agent is to be in that particular canon?"

"Yes, indeed," said Mr. H. "Um...as a side note: the badge is reading your pulse as off the charts. Also, you haven't shaved or bathed in a while."

"Clowns," said Jonn by way of explaination.

"I see...well, one to beam up."


Seconds later, Jonn found himself in his room at ASP HQ. He bathed, shaved, checked his email-that Nigerean guy still hadn't gotten back to him-, changed into his costume, got some anti-psycotics from the commissary, wondered how to spell "commissary", and headed for Weapons.

The weapons locker of ASP's Sector H was manned by a bespectacled Englishgeek by the name of "Simmons". Simmons was arguebly the best at creating weapons that couldn't exist for combating creatures that shouldn't exist. In this case, he was waiting for Jonn with the weapons case all packed up.

"Your loadout," he said without a greeting, "consists of several devices designed to simulate Danny's ghost powers. Flight, invisibility, overshadowing...we've even got Ghost-Sense, of sorts, in these." He held up a pair of sunglasses.

"Simmons, I don't know if you've noticed, but I already wear glasses. Unless you've hacked into my eye doctor's computer and-of course. Nevermind."

Simmons gave Jonn an innocent look. "Your cover is as the attractive-snicker-son of a friend Sam's parents. They have enough empty rooms in their house to put you in one and forget you exist.All you have to do is flash them with this." He handed Jonn a small device not unlike a silver tampon with a little red light on the end.

"Isn't the light supposed to be blue?"

"ASP's policy is that the second movie doesn't exist."

"But-"

"You go bye-bye now."