She was leaning against the doorframe, watching the tiny figure lying in the bed. She didn't dare to take a step closer, afraid of waking the little thing curled up in the fluffy sheets. They looked so soft and warm that for a moment she thought about joining the other little girl, but she held back.
A small cough escaped the form on the bed and she saw the small body shift slightly under the covers.
"Tegan?" a quiet voice called from the covers.
A smile lit up the face of the girl by the door.
"Yeah Sasa, I'm here," she said, taking the first steps towards the bed. She reached the side of the bed and gave her sister a big gummy smile. Sara smiled back at her weakly before another cough escaped her.
Tegan's smile faded away. She felt partly responsible for the sickness her sister now endured. They had been playing in the snow the day before and when it had gotten dark and grown much colder, her sister had wanted to go back inside but Tegan had managed to convince her to play a little while longer and now here Sara was, in her bed with a cold.
There was a part of her however that was happy with the knowledge that she could convince her sister to do things she didn't want to do, even when Sara knew they weren't good for her health. Sara was always so gentle and caring, always ready to please her sister, just to see her smile.
They were only nine years old but Tegan knew in her heart that this would be the roles they would play their entire lives. Tegan was the extrovert, full of energy and often needy, always looking for affirmation and approval, especially from her sister. She was the one to be more affectionate, at least in public.
Sara was quiet, well, most of the time she was. She was the one to try and knock a little sense into Tegan's head when she got too carried away with things. Maybe she could appear more serious and somewhat distant, but Tegan knew her better than that. She witnessed it just yesterday. Sara had her own way of showing her love for her sister. Always giving Tegan the attention she craved, Sara was more than willing to stand behind Tegan's back and give her the reassurance she needed. It seemed there was nothing Sara wouldn't do to please her. A contented smile would form on Sara's lips every time she knew she was doing something that would make her sister happy and Tegan thought there was little, if anything, more important to her than getting to watch how Sara's eyes would twinkle and her face would light up as that very smile appeared.
The only time Tegan felt happier was when she got to see Sara's special smile, the one reserved only for when Tegan was the one to make her happy. Tegan felt it wasn't as easy for her as it was for Sara to make her sister fill with glee. Sara was just more complicated, but those smiles that reached Sara's eyes every time Tegan did something good, they were the most important thing in the world to her.
They were just nine years old but Tegan knew they would be like this forever, Sara willingly giving her the spotlight and Tegan searching for her approval.
Sara coughed another couple of times and Tegan looked to her, patting her lightly on the head.
Another thing that Tegan figured out early on in life was that she was physically much stronger than her sister. Her sister got sick quite often, while she was always okay. She even thought this could be her fault too. They were twin sisters and maybe she had taken something away from her sister that made her stronger and Sara weaker. Then again, on the other hand, there were so many things that Sara was better at.
A smile spread to Tegan's face at the thought that they were like the two halves of one thing and there was no doubt in her mind that she would have needed her sister to make her life complete.
"What?" Sara asked, seeing the smile grow on her sister face.
"Nothing, I was thinking that I'm lucky I don't get sick all the time," she said the first thing that came into her mind.
"Well, yeah, you are... But there's you don't need to smile about it," Sara said sounding a little annoyed.
"It's not my fault if I'm stronger," Tegan announced with a proud look in her eyes.
"Maybe it is."
Hurt clawed at Tegan's chest as Sara voiced the worries she had just been thinking about. She looked up to see Sara had turned her back on her.
"I'm sorry." Sara mumbled, her quiet voice came out muffled from beneath the sheets, where she was currently hiding her face. She peeked out, turning to face Tegan again.
"It's just, it's not fair that you're going to get to go and have fun while I'm stuck here," Sara sighed, pouting slightly.
Tegan gave at her a wide grin and jumped on the bed, making Sara's head bounce up and down on the pillow. Sara cringed a little as her head began to hurt.
"Oh, oops, I'm sorry…" Tegan began seeing her sister expression.
"But did you really think I'd go and leave you here alone? I'm not going out without you, little sis." Tegan added, sitting cross legged next to her twin.
That's when it happened, the special smile that always made her heart melt and her insides feel warm and fuzzy. That's when it appeared on her sister lips and Tegan watched in adoration as the smile reached Sara's eyes, making them sparkle.
Sara was still smiling when she replied "I'm not your little sister Tee, we're twins," even if she knew that technically, Tegan was older... 8 minutes older.
"Oooooh... yes you are, and I'm gonna stay here to take care of you," she smirked, with that Sara's face lit up to a whole new level as her smile grew even bigger, something Tegan didn't even think was possible. Overcome with joy from the effect she was having on her twin Tegan leaned in closer and wrapped her up in a tight hug.
When she let her go a few seconds later, she saw Sara's smile fading away. She was scrunching her face in a weird way and her little button nose crinkled just a moment before she sneezed in Tegan's face.
"EEEWWWWW, yuck... SARAAAAAA!" She screeched, hysterically wiping her face with her hands. She was about to yell something else at her, when Sara laughter turned into another coughing fit.
She looked to her with concerned, and when she realized the cough wasn't dying down, she started to panic.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" Tegan urgently called out as loudly as she could while her eyes began to water. She was on her knees now, looking at her sister with frightened eyes and moving like a scared puppy.
As Sonia entered the room, she ran towards Sara and took her into her arms, she patted and rubbed Sara's back until the cough died down. Leaving Sara's body exhausted as breathed ruggedly.
Sonia lay her daughter back down on the bed.
"Sweetie, are you ok?" she asked while carefully covering her up again. Sara nodded, trying a little smile but then she looked at Tegan and her eyes instantly widened.
Sonia turned to find Tegan crying silently on the floor. It surprised her to find the waterfall of tears cascading from her daughter's eyes without even the slightest of sounds passing her lips.
"Oh come here Tegan, its ok," Sonia soothed. As Tegan reached her and nuzzled her face into her chest, crying even harder, sobs only now escaping her mouth. Sonia let Tegan cry for few minutes, gently stroking her hair and whispering comforting words in her ear.
She saw Sara sit up and reach out a hand to rub Tegan's back. As Sara's hand touched her sister, Tegan calmed completely bringing a big smile to Sonia's face. She let Tegan go and looked down at her with a soft, gentle smile.
"Are you ok?" she asked softly, Tegan nodded. "She scared me," she mumbled, looking at her mother then turning to her sister.
"I'm sorry," Sara offered with sorrow in her eyes.
Tegan felt guilty, she didn't mean it like that, so she reached over to her sister side and embraced her, gently pushing her back on the bed. She lay at her side without breaking the hug.
A couple of minutes into their snuggling, they both felt gentle hands rubbing over their arms and they both looked up at their mom at the same time. They had completely forgotten she was in the room, too focused on each other. When they turned, Sonia saw tears on both of their faces and she smiled knowing in her heart that the hope she had always had; that her daughters would always care about each other this much, was in no danger.
"Are you going to be ok?" she asked them both, they both nodded smiling.
"Ok, I'll bring something for you to eat up here when dinner is ready," Sonia said looking at Sara. Sara nodded again as her hand unconsciously reached for Tegan's. Sonia watched their hands clasping together and a wave of love washed over her, she felt so lucky to have her two girls.
"I guess I'll bring something for you too?" Sonia said with a grin, knowing that there was no way to convince Tegan to leave her sister's side to come and eat downstairs.
Tegan smiled widely and left Sara's hand to run into her mother arms.
"Thank you mom," she said with a cheery voice, "I love you," she added, squeezing her a little tighter.
"I love you too," she smiled to both of her daughters.
She put a hand on Tegan's head, ruffling her hair.
"Moooom," Tegan scrunched her face up in protest and patted Sonia's hand away. Sonia chuckled at Tegan's behavior. She knew she hated when anyone touched her hair, she smiled warmly thinking about how she easily accepted her massaging her head when she was crying into her chest.
"Take care of her," she said to Tegan with a big smile as Tegan was trying to adjust her hair again.
"Of course... Always," she said with a gummy smile, even if her tone was rather serious.
Sonia's heart jumped in her chest with joy at hearing those words and that joy only grew when she saw the effect of the words had on Sara. She was wearing one of the most beautiful smiles she had ever seen on her daughter face.
She turned to reach the door and she heard Tegan's feet on the floor as she ran to her sister again. When she glanced back she saw her daughters holding hands again, with those beautiful smiles on their faces. She smiled widely as her heart swelled again. Those were the smiles that only appeared on their faces when they were together, no one else could bring that light to her daughters' eyes. She always knew there was something special about her little twins, and she felt so lucky to have the chance to witnesses one of those moments where they found themselves in their own world, where nothing was needed except for each other. It was like magic.
"Call me if you need me," Sonia said, they came back from their private little world to nod their heads, just to lose themselves again a moment later.
That was something that had always left Sonia kind of fascinated. The fact that she wasn't allowed into the world her daughters shared. It wasn't their fault, they didn't do it on purpose. They were growing up and she was losing part of her grip on their lives and that was normal. She was just missing them and she knew she was missing something special and beautiful. She was just happy to know that they would always have each other to rely on. And looking at their closeness, she was sure they were going to take care of each other forever. At least, she hoped.
Tegan squeezed her sister's hand as she took the remote to watch some TV. They both lay in Sara's bed, on their backs and Tegan joined her sister under the sheets. Halfway through the cartoon they were watching, she felt her sister wrapping her hands around her arm and pulling her closer, before resting her head on Tegan shoulder. Tegan smiled in content and went back to watch the screen.
Ten minutes later, Sara was asleep, letting out tiny little snores due to her cold. Tegan chuckled at the sounds her sister was making, thinking she sounded like a little piglet. She giggled again at the thought, trying to muffle the sound with her hand, she didn't want to wake Sara up after all.
Sara's head had slid onto the pillow again at some point, but her hands were still holding onto Tegan's arm. Tegan tried to roll to face Sara without waking her. She moved slowly but Sara stirred slightly. Tegan suppressed another giggle when Sara wrinkled her nose in her sleep. Tegan thought it was cute.
Tegan took her time to study her sister face. She was amazed at how similar they were. Yeah, they were twins so they were meant to be... similar. Identical twins, so it was kind of expected for them to be identical. There was just something about having someone that looked like you, it always left her speechless. They were growing up and lately she felt the need to... be different. Like... they shared the same friends and played the same games, they did all the same things. Sometimes it felt strange to know that Sara was always there but then she thought there was no other way for her to live. She felt like she needed Sara, like she couldn't live a life without her. There were a lot of strange feelings that came with having a twin. She had never really thought about it before, maybe it was just part of the process of growing up. But even in the moments when her sister's presence didn't feel all that great, she still felt incredibly lucky to have her. To have someone who would be there for you forever, someone to share everything with. It was... well, it was cool.
Another thing that amazed her was the fact that even if they did look almost identical, they were complete opposites on the inside. It's strange to think that they're so similar and yet so different.
Still, that was something that made her happy. She didn't really understand why she was happy to have differences, to be a different person than her sister. She didn't understand that she was happy to have someone who made her feel complete. God, she didn't even know what it even meant to feel complete. She was having a hard time figuring out was she was feeling lately. Often finding herself surprised by her own thoughts, thoughts that she couldn't even fully comprehended. She usually just shrugged those off though, telling herself she's way too young to be thinking about that kind of stuff.
She just knew that she was happy to have Sara, she was happy with how Sara was... In some ways different than her. Sometimes she thought about what life would have been without having her twin. It didn't last long though because no matter how much she tried, she was never able to imagine a life without Sara in it. She thinks she would have felt bad and unhappy, and even if she didn't understand the meaning of being complete, she knew that she would have felt like a big part of her was missing.
Tegan didn't know when, but she must have fallen asleep with those thoughts running through her mind. She woke up to the sound of her sister coughing again. Sara's face was a little shade pink but the coughing fit didn't seem as bad as the one she had early. She did what her mother did before and started to pat Sara gently on the back trying to comfort and calm her. The fit subsided soon and she rubbed up and down her panting sister's back.
"It's over," Tegan said smiling at Sara as she lay down again.
Sara coughed a couple more time, taking her head in her hands and cringing.
"What wrong?" Tegan asked as she put a hand on her sister head.
"Nothing... just... my head hurts," she winced, the pain slowly fading away a little.
"Come here," Tegan instructed her, patting the space between her legs.
Sara nodded and moving to the space Tegan had created for her. Lying down again, she rested her head on her sister's stomach. In no time Tegan's hands were in her hair. Normally, she wouldn't let anyone touch her like that but Tegan was massaging her scalp with fingers so gentle that she thought, maybe she could be an exception and she promised herself, that in the future, she wouldn't get mad when Tegan would try to touch her hair.
The TV was still on and soon they found themselves lost in the screen as Tegan continued to absentmindedly massage Sara's scalp. Sara was drifting in and out of sleep when their mother opened the door to her room.
Sonia froze with the tray of food in hands, then she started to giggle, trying not to spill the soup she had prepared for Sara. The sight of them was just too sweet and so funny. Tegan was massaging Sara, and Sara had the cutest sleepy face she had ever seen. It looked like Tegan was shampooing Sara's hair, or she was kneading some dough. It was just funny.
"What?" Tegan inquired with a smile, without moving her hands away from her sister.
"Nothing, you two are just so cute..." she gushed. Sara turned to look at Tegan, the second they made eye contact they both began giggling.
"Well, here's your dinner, girls. I'll come back in a few… I've got some medicine for you," she finished looking to Sara. Sara pouted, making Tegan and Sonia laugh again at her cute expression.
As Sonia left the room, they both started to dig in. Halfway through her soup, Sara gave Tegan her best puppy face, looking longingly at her plate and Tegan couldn't say no to Sara's plea, she huffed, stifling a grin and traded some of her pasta for some of Sara's soup. The smile on Sara's face made it worth it.
When Sonia was back they were both chewing on some fruit. She took the tray away and came back a couple of minutes later with a spoon and a bottle of syrup.
"Do I really have to?" Sara grumbled, knowing the answer all too well.
"If you want to feel better, then yes, you have too," her mother replied softly, caressing Sara's shoulder.
"Can I give it to her?" Tegan asked, the other two turned to look at her. Sonia smiled as gave the spoon to her, opened the bottle and poured some of the medicine onto the spoon.
"Be careful," she said to Tegan.
Tegan turned toward her sister and smiled at her.
"Okay, open your mouth," Sara looked at her for a moment before doing what she asked.
Tegan placed the spoon carefully into Sara's mouth, and watched as she closed her lips around the metal. Tegan lifted her hand and at the same time Sara tilted her head back. Sara tried not to flinch at the bitter taste as she swallowed the medicine. Tegan withdrew her hand slowly, pulling the spoon out from Sara's mouth and handing it back to her mother. Sonia was still smiling widely.
"I love the way you're nursing your sister," she said laughing.
"A nurse? That sounds good," Tegan said smiling, then she turned to Sara, "I'm your nurse, little sis,"
Sara faked an angry face but her tone betrayed her when she said "I'm not you little sis, Tegaaaaaaaaaaaaan."
Sonia giggled while the two girl's laughed. Mid-laugh Sara started to cough again and Tegan's hand was rubbing her back in no time. The coughing stopped almost immediately.
"C'mon Tegan, let her rest," Sonia motioned for her to leave her sister's room. Tegan looked at her upset. She didn't want to leave Sara alone, but she knew that her mom was right, Sara needed to rest. As she reached her mom and took her hand, they heard Sara start to speak.
"Can't she sleep with me tonight?" she asked in a small voice, looking at the two figures near the door. She spoke so softly, it was as if she wasn't sure whether or not it was something she was allowed to ask. Her eyes met her sister's. "If you want to, I mean,"
Tegan turned abruptly to her mother.
"Can I? Please?" she begged, almost bouncing on her feet. Sonia took a moment to look at her two little girls and smiled.
"Will you take care of her?" she asked, crouching to be at eye level with Tegan.
"I will always take care of my little sis," she announced proudly. Sonia smiled, her smile growing when they heard Sara's voice.
"TEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAN," she called, trying her best to fake being upset.
"Go on then, but don't stay up too long, I'll come check on you later."
In a second, Tegan was under the sheets with her sister again. Sonia turned shaking her head as she left her daughters alone.
"Tee, read to me," Sara said, sounding so shy that it came out more as a question.
Tegan wasn't one who really liked reading, so she wasn't sure about her request. She felt awkward, she was more of a comic book kind of a person, but there was no way she would say no to her sister.
"Sure," she nodded, leaving to get a book.
When she turned to climb back into the bed, she was graced with the smile she loved so much on her sister's lips. Making all the awkwardness she was feeling instantly worth it.
She cleared her throat when she sat on the bed again, opened the book, the one she had randomly picked was full of short stories.
She was doing her best, but she stumbled over her words every so often, the way her sister was staring at her wasn't helping her nerves. She wanted so badly to please Sara that she was even doing different voices during all the dialogue. Halfway into the story, she heard her sister chuckle at her side. Tegan looked down at her with big eyes.
"What?" she asked with trembling hands.
"You're terrible, Tee," Sara giggled.
Tegan eyes started to water as she felt a strange sting in her chest. It wasn't that familiar, but it wasn't something completely new either. She felt this way from time to time, in one way or another, it was always related to her sister.
Sara saw the tears forming in the corner of her sister's eyes and her face fell. She wasn't meaning it in a bad way. She wasn't sure how to explain what she was thinking really, but she was sure she didn't want to see her sister cry.
"Hey Tee, no, I didn't mean... I... It was a funny kind of terrible," looking at her sister face, she knew she wasn't convinced. At loss for words, she reached out and hugged Tegan.
"I like your voices," she whispered in her sister's ear.
She heard Tegan sniffle and pulled away, her sister was trying to smile through the tears and Sara smiled back.
"Really?" Tegan asked with eyes full of hope.
"I love them," she replied softly, giving Tegan another one of those special smiles.
Tegan smiled widely and then looked back at the book between her hands. She wasn't sure she wanted to go on. Seeing her hesitation, Sara took the book from her hands and started to read out loud.
Tegan was absolutely mesmerized. Sara wasn't doing voices, even so the way her tone changed and her face scrunched, reflected all the emotions the characters were going through. Tegan couldn't help but stare at Sara in amazement, her twin was perfect. She wanted Sara to read to her forever.
When the story finished, Sara turned to Tegan who was still looking at her with her mouth agape. Sara laughed softly, shaking Tegan from her state.
"You know, I'm the sick one and you're the big sister... and I still feel like I'm doing all the work," Sara regretted her words immediately, scared Tegan would take it the wrong way, so she put a comforting hand on Tegan's knee.
Tegan looked at her for a long moment, then a big smile appeared on her face.
"So... If I am the big sister... you're my little sis," she said cheerfully.
Sara's face fell, maybe she had used the wrong words, but to see her sister so genuinely happy, let her feel that making the little mistake was worth it.
She smiled again at her sister that hugged her tightly. Sara started to cough again, and her sister rubbed her back like she had done before, calming her. After a couple of minutes, Sara lay comfortably in her bed again, trying to find the right position to sleep.
"So... What can this big sister do to make her little sister feel better?" Tegan said, watching her sister turning again and again in her bed. She was talking more to herself than to Sara.
"You could sing to me," Sara smiled.
"I love when you sing," she added honestly, it was true, she loved her sister's voice.
Tegan grinned the biggest smile of the day. She felt so proud, it felt so good to know her sister loved something about her and to know that there was something she could do to please her and make her happy.
"I can do that," she said still smiling. She lay down at her sister side, facing her. Starting to sing while playing with Sara's fingers.
Sara started to chuckle at the song her sister chose. It was a theme from some cartoon, but she loved it. She just loved the sound of her sister voice, no matter what she was singing. She stared lovingly into her sister's eyes as she listened to her sing. Tegan smiled when Sara joined in and the two sang together, eyes locked on each other.
They didn't even notice the figure leaning against the doorframe until she spoke.
"Hey girls, time to sleep now," Sonia warned, trying to shake the smile on her face. Moments like these made her feel like the luckiest mother on the Earth.
The two girls turned and smiled warmly at their mother before they turned to look at each other again.
"Go to sleep, little sis," Tegan said to Sara.
Sara poked out her tongue and smiled at her. She curled up against Tegan's side and took one of her hands between her own.
Sonia smiled at the two little figures in the bed one last time, then turned off the light and closed the door. Leaving Tegan and Sara lost in their own world again.
