Hi, all!

I have been working on some 'serious' stories (no-really,) to try and upgrade my image here...(yes, I know how silly that sounds, but see my latest flame on my profile page...sniffle...I am so ashamed of myself...sob...I deserve to be punished. Possibly a good spanking would be appropriate...)

Props to Artemisgirl, for...well, for being Artemisgirl!

Seriously, though-if you are reading my fics because you appreciate someone who tries hard not to butcher the English language, then you should check out Artemisgirls'. In addition, she is also a better storyteller than even the great Vinnie the geek! I know, hard to believe... . She is also somewhat younger than I, and therefore should be immune to the type of abuse I must suffer.

Well! That was uplifting, no?

On to the story...'A Letter From Raven Roth.'

b e g i n s t o r y

Dear 'Vinnie,'

Where to begin…? I think what we have here is a failure to communicate-so I will remedy the situation.

I understand that you fancy yourself a writer, and our (the Teen Titans) exploits provide a rich fountain of story ideas from which one may draw inspiration, but I must insist that you stop inventing ludicrous situations and romantic pairings which involve me.

I notice that virtually all of your stories center on me, and my 'romantic involvements.' Has anyone else ever told you that you seem to have an obsession with your (imaginary) version of me? Perhaps you should think of some constructive way you can channel your overactive imagination. (Do you get off on writing love scenes for me because you don't get any?)

How would you like someone, whom you don't even know, making up stories about your private affairs? My love life is none of your business. In fact, I can most definitely assure you that I have no love life at all. Yet you have written stories about me having affairs with numerous team members, both male and female. Worse yet, some of your stories are painfully graphic. (Yes-I saw that disgusting story you posted on AdultFanFic. Too chickenshit to even use the same pen name, huh?)

You, and others like you, make me ill. How you can extrapolate a hug of gratitude I gave Beastboy into a full-blown love affair is beyond my comprehension. He is like an annoying little brother to me-yes; I care about him, when I am not fantasizing of pounding him into sludge, but give me more credit than that! How could I love a little green hairball class-clown type with the I.Q. of an onion? (Sorry, BB.)

Then we have the story that has me falling head-over-heels for my mechanical friend, Cyborg. Oh-please! Cy is a great guy, and intelligent, and he is a good friend-when he is not acting as childishly as Beastboy. Cyborg will eventually find a girl who enjoys stupid video games as much as he does, but it's not going to be me. Yes, I did display genuine joy in helping Cy reconstruct the T-car, but did it ever occur to testosterone-tainted mind that I was just sharing some of Cyborg's joy at having recreated his dream car? Did it ever cross your mind that someone could derive pleasure simply by giving selflessly to another? I also find that physical labor can be a pleasant diversion from the problems of daily life, to say nothing of the satisfaction of just knowing one has done a job well.

Then there is the not insignificant matter of your casting of Starfire as my love interest. This one really pisses me off. Starfire adores Robin, in case you have been too comatose to notice. Besides the fact that Star and I are not lesbians, I do not find her sexually attractive, nor do I have the endless patience required to deal with her constant stream of inanities. She is also sickeningly joyful all the time, and has horrible taste in clothing. Although Robin may find her buoyant naivete endearing, believe me, Star and I have absolutely nothing in common, other than the fact that we both have breasts, which to an immature twit such as you, seems to be the sole defining characteristic of 'femininity.'

As for 'fearless leader' Robin, it seems that you have a healthy skepticism of his ability to have a meaningful relationship with someone other than his computer. Let's keep it that way, shall we? I have better things to do with my life than to try to deal with his insecurities, phobias, and multiple neuroses. Don't even try to go there!

In closing, I would like to inform you that, as much as I would like to grind you into one of Starfire's puddings-of-sadness, I am exerting (as I always do) remarkable restraint in dealing with you; you pathetic loser. You will be hearing from one of Mr. Bruce Wayne's many powerful, well connected, and humorless attorneys. I sincerely hope that you find nothing in his treatment of you to be amusing. You have savaged my reputation, and viciously assaulted my character-you will be repaid in kind.

I will not wish you to 'drop dead,' only because that would deprive me of the immense pleasure that I will experience from seeing you squirm and beg for mercy, after my lawyer is done with you.

Here's to hoping I never hear from you again….

Sincerely,

Raven Roth

P.S. I don't know how the hell you found out my real name is Ri'is, but if my lawyer doesn't beat it out of you, I surely will.

P.S.S. I hate you. I hate you so much.

p a g e b r e a k h e r e

This isVin again. Please review, even if you must flame, and crush my poor little ego...