A/N This is my first Naruto fic. So yeah, in case it sucks…

On Becoming Clean

A lonely form stood in the half lit shower room, water pouring over her. Konoha's weapon. If she was waiting for the water to purge her of her sins, she'd have a long time to wait.

Blood entwined with water and dirt, streaking down her skin in macabre tracks. She knew she should be scrubbing it off of her, she knew that ridding herself of the reminders of this day would be the very best thing she could do. Do the job. Strip off the traces of what happened. Go home and go on with your life. She wasn't the only one who frequented the ANBU headquarters before heading back to her apartment after a mission, not the only one to linger here in the empty halls and unlit training rooms when she could be in her warm bed, not the only one unable to stay clean. The shower at home was white and pristine, healthy. The one she stood in held a slight darkish stain that never could be cleaned off. Tainted. Dirty. Like her.

The blood clung to her like a lover. Let it go, her inner voice told her harshly. It's just a job, and it's just a paycheck. Paychecks paid the bills, even when they were cashed in blood. Her blood or someone else's, it didn't matter. The bloodier the better, the fatter her wallet, and the longer she could eat. How long had it been since she ate or drank? The only liquid she could recall lately splattered and stuck, drying dark and sticky on her body. Damn it, this mission was staying with her. Clinging to her like the grime that coated her flesh. She should scrub it off, and then maybe she could go home. Or maybe she would sleep here instead. She could go home when she felt more normal, when she wouldn't spend an hour staring at the shower floor and wondering why it was so damn clean. She never showered there, that's why it sparkled. Just like her. The Hokage's apprentice. The talented medic. The most powerful kunoichi in the village with the exception of her mentor. Sparkly. Perfect. Her.

Crimson, blackened with bits of offal that could have been from any number of men over several nights. That was her too.

The hot water beat down on the back of her neck, steam rising about her as she kept her head bent and her hands against the wall for support. She stared at the swirling pattern beneath her feet, wondering if the bits ever missed the whole, and if she should have been polite enough to return them. She didn't realize that she was laughing at the absurdity of the thought until the sound echoed eerily about the room. It didn't matter, when a person was dead, they were dead. That was it. It was just a job, just her job. Tear them apart or stitch them back together, whatever the village needed, she did. Cash the checks. Or watch them piling up in the corner, because it felt too bad handing them to bank teller when only she could see how much blood stained them. Only she knew… what she did to earn them.

"You're late. And you look like shit."

Hmmm. She'd never noticed him, even though he was only a few feet away. She must be losing her touch. Then again, the kunai she always wore around her neck was already in her hand and ready. Maybe she was just losing her mind. Unwilling to pursue that line of thought, she simply closed her eyes and licked the moisture gathering at her lips, lowering the weapon but still holding on to it, flipping it idly in her hand.

"You always did know how to talk to the ladies, Kiba," she said with a slight smirk. A derisive snort was his only reply. She could feel his eyes on her, and for a brief moment she considered his audacity of approaching her when she was undressed. But that was too much effort and she had a shower to take, and another one to go home and visit. It must be lonely, she couldn't remember the last time she had used it.

"You were supposed to be back two weeks ago, Sakura," Kiba said flatly, yet she could hear the underlying growl in his tone. He was displeased. Two weeks?

"I thought I was running a bit behind," she said mildly. The water felt cold, so she turned the knob further to the left, hoping to coax out a bit more heat. The puddles at her feet were less dark, being replaced by a lighter pink. She didn't have to turn around to know what the expression on his face would be. His dark eyes would be narrowed, and in the dim light the clan markings on his face would look menacing. Especially if he was frowning, because then just the tips of his fangs showed. His arms would be crossed in front of his chest, and despite the lazy way he would be leaning against the wall behind her, there was nothing relaxed about him when he was angry with her.

"We were going to send someone out tonight if you didn't show," he informed her. They both knew that someone would have been him. She shrugged, wondering why the water was growing colder every minute. She opened her eyes and stared at her feet, preferring the sight to that in her mind. She didn't want to picture him right now. Kiba was too complex, and she had more simple things to occupy her attention. Like how the third one had screamed when she'd been forced to gut him…

"Then you should be thankful I did and saved you some sleep, instead of you growling at me," she heard herself say lightly, even as her mind's eye watched the slicing movement over and over again, watched him clasp his hands to his belly desperately. She could have saved him, perhaps tomorrow at the hospital she would re-gut someone else. Was that a word? Re-gut? Tsunade would know. She probably shouldn't ask, her mentor always got such strange expressions on her face when she did. Kiba was talking but she had not heard the first half of what he'd said. Water filled her nose, as she found herself randomly raising and dropping her face under the shower head. Maybe she was losing her mind.

"Sakura? Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmmm?"

"I said, you would have saved everyone some sleep if you had just taken someone with you. You had that option, you know. Anyone would have been better than going alone. Why the hell Tsunade gives you kunoichi the choice of solos for those kinds of missions is beyond me."

"Some of us work better knowing that no one will see what we do." What we let be done to us, and our revenge when it's over.

It was true. Along with standard missions, kunoichi were expected to be used to seduce and lure men into weakened states, and they were trained to handle themselves thusly. But sometimes things got out of hand, and some targets could never be in hand in the first place. Even the strongest most capable kunoichi could find themselves unable to properly function after a target was finally taken out. The first time that she had suffered through a brutal gang rape to get to her desired man, she had barely been able to get herself home in one piece. Her strength and chakra healing kept her going longer than most, but even she had finally learned that the embarrassment of a male shinobi hiding in the backgrounds could be well worth it when said shinobi's strength got her home safely.

Some kunoichi never were able to perform with an audience they knew and insisted on going solo for those missions. Other kunoichi refused to go in alone, scared of what might happen. But most, like herself, picked a shinobi or two and stuck with them, limiting who saw them at their worst and therefore maintaining a semblance of their dignity when not at work. Her pride had flown out the window when her first time being accompanied on such a mission, her partner had pulled off his shirt and balled it up between her naked thighs, desperately trying to stem the bleeding while snarling at her to not pass out, damn it, and heal herself! And if the result was that said males were slightly more protective than normal over their partners, no one in the shinobi community was crass enough to bring it up. Treating the kunoichi like whores because of that part of their job was a great way to find a kunai to your throat and not always by her. Two months ago the amiable Kotetsu had flown into a rage when a visiting young shinobi from Sand had implied such about Tenten, and not a single person had felt obliged to pull him off as the more experienced Leaf nin showed exactly what he thought about that.

"You still shouldn't have gone alone," Kiba as normal would not be budged in his opinion. "If your current condition is any indication," he added with a touch more harshness in his tone.

Her condition? Well, bits of offal had never been her best look. But the length of time she had spent in here was slowly working the grime from her body, and there were no injuries visible that she was aware of. Still, better to placate him than wonder about it too much. Maybe then he'd leave her alone. She had been alone so much this last month that she wasn't used to the company. Company meant things she didn't feel like thinking about right now, like how it felt to hold the body of the one you'd just killed, his life spilling out and coating you as you hide from the ones that sought retribution. Seeing red, so much red, but it was normal because there was always a stack of fluffy white papers telling her it was okay because it was only a job. Just a job. Do the job and strip off all the traces of what she saw, what she did, so no one could tell. Then she could go home and stare at her shower and tell it to stop worrying so much, because she was fine, she was always fine.

…Or maybe not.

"You were busy, Kiba," she once again heard herself speak, although there was less lightness this time. One hand at her hip, tingling. One hand on the wall, tile softer than it should be, cracking too easy and crumbling away to fall at her feet. Fall, fall, fall at her feet. That was why she was so damn good at her job, Kiba or no. When it was done, she was always the last one standing.

"Kakashi wasn't." That must have taken him some effort to say, considering…

"You hate Kakashi." And she hated lukewarm showers. Maybe the steam knew why the water felt so cold? She should ask it.

"That's not the point, Sakura. My personal feelings aside, he's better than the rest of us, and he'd have gone with you, even if he had just gotten back in. He's pissed too, by the way. He thinks you're taking too many risks."

"He should take it up with my shower."

Did that just come out? No, she just thought it; of course she wouldn't have just said it. She wasn't crazy or anything. Damn, why was the water so cold? She turned the dial even though it wouldn't go any further. Was it too much to ask for hot water? Hot water to scrub off this mission, to clean herself from what she had done. It was her ritual, hers alone, and Kiba was interrupting it. He was always interrupting, especially when she needed him to the most. How insanely inconvenient, not to let her slip away into delicious ambiguity, where talking to one's own self was as normal as cradling a dead man until he stunk and began to bloat. Stupid tiles, crumbling like dust beneath her palm, they really needed to work on this shoddy construction. Because construction was normal, and showers were normal, and paychecks didn't make you cringe, and tomorrow she'd be fine as long as he just didn't say anything more. Please, Kiba, don't push this. Just this once, let her be. The water was cold and could they just not talk about it… please?

Silence. Wonderful silence, where the only sound was the running water, and her breathing, and a hand that protested its owner's ignorance. But he would never let her be, because that wasn't his way. It hadn't been since she had asked him to go on a mission with her and she had found that the loyal stayed that way, even when it was inconvenient as hell. That the only thing Kiba hated more than the smell of her fear was the smell of her blood, because while the one made him fiercely protective, the other brought him to his knees. He hated her getting hurt. He hated it.

A body moved behind her, broader, taller, more muscled. But not stronger. She didn't have to turn to know the expression on his face. She just wasn't ready for it just yet. She was still twisting the knob, over and over again. She found her hand being drawn away and the water being turned cooler.

"Sakura… the water is scalding," Kiba whispered into her shoulder. His other hand closed around hers, fingers entwining against her hip. The way his breath hitched just slightly was her only clue that something was wrong and yet it was enough. Bits and parts, blood and showers, and stacks of papers gave way as her mind refocused.

She looked down and realized that the crimson running down her leg was her own, now mixing with his as the man behind her slowly drew the kunai out of her hand, cutting his own in the process.

"You're hurt," she said quietly, watching him replace the chain back around her neck and settle the kunai between her breasts with gentle fingers. His clothes were wet and freezing but the arms that wrapped about her were warm, so very warm. Maybe he was stronger, just in his own way.

"So are you." He held her silently and she let him. But just for a moment, just until he said it…

"They never should have made you ANBU, Sakura. You weren't right for this. It's not good for you." There it was, and there it would always be. And until he finally understood how strong she was, she would never let him hold her for any longer. Because if surviving this mission alone wasn't enough, then Kiba would never understand and she'd always pull away. She might mourn the loss of her sanity some nights, but she was stronger than he ever gave her credit for.

"You really believe that, don't you," she whispered as she turned and faced him, once more in control. The water was hot. Very much so. And perhaps she needed to put some clothes on, no matter that Kiba was looking only in her eyes, that he always looked in her eyes these days. "There's just one problem."

"And that is?" He stood his ground, aware of her change in demeanor but unwilling to back away from her. Wanted or not, he was there. Neither of them had a choice in it anymore.

"As good as I am at saving people," she said softly, "I'm even better at killing them." Neither of them had a choice in that either. She was too good, she was too well trained, and death fit her like a glove.

"But thanks anyway, Kiba." Sakura leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his jaw, the highest she could reach. Then she left without a word, knowing Kiba and Akamaru would shadow her all the way back to her apartment. That if she left the door unlocked than they would sleep on her couch, only to be gone before she awoke in the morning light. And that if, at any point in the night she awoke from nightmares from this mission, the arms that would wrap around her would remind her that for a while, she was okay.

That no matter what she did, he would always be there.


Sleep had not come easy for her. It never did anymore. The more that Kiba thought about it as he shifted uncomfortably on her couch, sleep didn't come easy for him anymore either.

Sakura had finally passed out a few hours ago, and so far she had remained blessedly calm in her slumber, although he knew better than to assume it would stay that way. Normally he would have been asleep himself at this point, relying on his and Akamaru's sharp ears to rouse him if he was needed. But tonight he was restless, edgy, and it went beyond the overly long mission his sometimes partner had gone on. True he had been very worried about her, but not the way that she thought. If Hinata had gone on a mission solo and had not returned after a couple weeks after expected, he would have been panicked, sure she was injured or dead. But not Sakura. It wasn't her death in the field that he feared so much. In fact, she was at her best when on a mission. It was when she came home, it was the look in her eyes after she had killed her target, it was when she started training again…

Speak of the devil himself.

Kiba's ability to sense chakra was not nearly as good as other shinobi could achieve, but his nose told it all. And he was so hypersensitive to this smell that Kiba could find the man in a crowd of people with his eyes closed. Letting out a soft growl and unaware that it was echoed unconsciously by the large white dog at his feet, Kiba stood and slipped out of Sakura's apartment. Having done this many times before, Akamaru remained where he was, guarding Sakura in his master's absence. A moment later bare feet touched the roof of the next building over, and Kiba stared at the older man with barely concealed anger.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly, keeping his voice down so not to waken anyone. The last thing he needed was to get into a midnight blowout with the object of his frustration. The last time it had not only woken Sakura, but half the neighborhood.

"I'm checking on my student, Inuzuka," Kakashi Hatake said flatly, never shifting from his crouch as he looked across the street and into the partially covered window to Sakura's bedroom. "Or do you control that now, too?"

There was a dangerous bite to the Copy Nin's words, and Kiba was smart enough to check his rapidly rising temper. Despite his overwhelming anger with this man, Kiba knew when he was overmatched. Strong or not, he couldn't hold a candle to Kakashi. The impotency of his position in this only frustrated him all the more.

"She needs sleep," was all that Kiba said in return, unconsciously glancing down to where Sakura lay, only one small foot visible beneath the comforter. "She was barely lucid when she came in," he added, unable to keep the slight growl from his throat.

"Then perhaps you should go home and let her."

Kiba tensed, eyes narrowing.

"Perhaps if she didn't have so many nighttime visitors, I would. Sometimes I wonder what Naruto would think about all this," Kiba added, the threat rolling off his tongue. It was his trump card, something he had wanted to keep hidden unless absolutely necessary. However Sakura's behavior at the ANBU headquarters tonight had unsettled him, and the only person he knew that was strong enough to change this situation was the kyuubi carrier. Naruto had been on several long missions, absently from the village nearly the last two years, but he could be found. And if he knew what had changed so much during his absence, Kiba believed he would come back and help the Inuzuka heir to protect Sakura.

At the mention of Naruto's name, Kakashi finally looked at Kiba, eyes coldly dangerous. After a long silence, the older man finally spoke, his words soft but filled with derision.

"We are shinobi. We are weapons, all of us. If that is something you cannot accept, then you need to leave the fighting to those who can."

Kiba flushed, embarrassed anger making him take a threatening step forward. The silver haired man stood, calming watching to see if the younger shinobi would actually try to strike him. However a flicker of movement caught his eye, Sakura's foot disappearing as she shifted in bed restlessly. By the time Kiba looked back, Kakashi was gone. Cursing softly, Kiba remained on the roof until he was sure the other man wouldn't be coming back. Finally he jumped lightly off the roof and slipped back into the small apartment. Akamaru had already taken the couch, and he wagged his tail unapologetically as Kiba just shook his head and went into Sakura's bedroom. She was muttering in her sleep, a precursor to the nightmares that would soon follow. Sliding carefully into the bed next to her, Kiba laid his head down on the pillow, watching her shoulders rise and fall as she breathed, her face lost beneath a wealth of soft hair and her arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. In a while, if things got bad enough, those arms would wrap around him too. It was the only time she touched him, the only time she really touched anybody. Kiba blamed Kakashi for that, even as she clung to him in her dreams.

Perhaps it was why Kakashi hated him too.


If the Hokage of Leaf had ever thought that her position guaranteed her the right to control who stormed into her office and when, she had long since learned otherwise. However most of the time her troubles were caused by the elders, who thought they were beyond reproach, the oldest elite shinobi, who were sure they were beyond reproach, and one blonde haired knucklehead, who never realized that he usually deserved reproach. Therefore it was with a bit of surprise that Tsunade turned the corner that morning, hangover still buzzing behind her eyes, to find the dark haired young man leaning against her door as if he owned it. His muscular arms were crossed loosely and his expression looked bored, but the elder woman knew a fighting stance when she saw one. The tenseness of the large white dog at the Inuzuka heir's feet would have given it away, even if his master hadn't.

"Kiba, I don't remember calling you for a meeting," Tsunade said with only the slightest touch of amiability. That is, she didn't curse at him or ignore him. She did however give him a look that said move or be moved, with the latter promising to be a more painful approach. She was going to have to forcibly remind Kotetsu and Izumo of the importance of promptness, both of whom knew better than to let anyone in to see her before ten, unless it was an earth shattering emergency. Kiba straightened beneath the weight of her stare, but didn't budge.

"I need to speak with you, Hokage-sama," he said curtly. "It's about Sakura."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "She's fine. She came in last night and left a report on my desk."

"But you didn't see her." Kiba had the audacity to look disapproving. In an effort not to give him a sound thump to remind him of his place, Tsunade sidestepped him and moved into her office, the tall young man following at her heels. She started slightly, giving the corner of the empty room a hard look, and then she returned her attention to Kiba.

"No," she shrugged, sitting down in her chair and giving him an annoyed look. "Why, should I have?"

"Only if you cared at all about the condition she's been coming back in," Kiba drawled, but his eyes flashed angrily. The Hokage shuffled some papers around, mostly ignoring him. But she watched Kiba out of the corner of her vision, well aware of the tension held in his frame. She couldn't remember seeing the Inuzuka this upset, although he was doing a very good job hiding it. The biting sarcasm was normal for him; the way his teeth were grinding against each other was not.

"If she's injured, Sakura knows to get herself to the hospital or to heal herself," Tsunade sounded unimpressed with Kiba's concern, and it made him bristle. At his feet, Akamaru flattened white ears but did nothing. "Get on with it or get out, I have work to do."

Kiba barked out a laugh, although there was no humor in it. "Ahh, busy crossing another one out of the book, huh?"

This time Tsunade stopped and gave him her full undivided attention, her eyes narrowing dangerously. If her apprentice had been stupid enough to blab to this boy, then all their hard work would be for nothing.

"Come again?" Tsunade's voice was still calm, but the hairs on the back of his neck rose warningly. The Hokage was a deadly woman to make unhappy with you, and as good as Kiba was he knew he was no Naruto to take the full force of her fury and escape unscathed. Still, that did not stop him from plunging ahead for Sakura's sake.

"What?" Kiba asked derisively, not caring that his tone reeked of disrespect to the most respected one in his village. "You didn't think I'd notice? Sakura's been fucking her way through the Bingo book, taking out more S-class criminals than any other ANBU member in history, and you thought only you and Kakashi knew about it? I might be on the sidelines, but I know her and I know what she's capable of. When she spars no one can do anything more than touch her, and yet when she appears again at the end of her missions, she's always thrashed."

"Your point being?" Tsunade said flatly, although Kiba could smell the anger rising in her beneath the ever present scent of sake. His lips curled back slightly in a snarl.

"You really don't give a damn about her, do you? Just make the weapon and use it, until it's dull or broken. Sakura's not the only shinobi in this village, you know."

"Are you volunteering, Inuzuka?" the Hokage asked, smirking a bit as she leaned back in her chair. She eyed him from head to toe, obviously evaluating him. "I doubt you have what it takes to get the job done." Kiba bristled, but bit down his instinctive reply. He would go head to head with the Hokage for Sakura's sake, but his pride was not so stiff that he would face off with her over himself. Insults he could handle, this wasn't about him.

"I'm just saying that if you don't ease up on her," Kiba growled, "then you're not going to have anything left. The mission load is getting to her, even though she would never say anything. She'd not made for this, and as her sensei, you should know it better than anyone."

Tsunade's golden eyes locked on Kiba's and he fought the weight of her stare, fought the desire to look down. But that would show weakness, and he refused to do that. Not now.

"You're right. I do know Sakura. And I know exactly what I'm doing. She is serving her purpose well. I suggest you do the same, shinobi. That is all."

At the obvious dismissal, Tsunade turned her chair around, and the sudden presence of Izumo and Kotetsu on either side of him made it clear that he had no choice but to leave. Akamaru growled softly in his throat when the two stepped closer, but Kiba was already turning to go, although not without one parting shot, consequences be damned.

"You're the perfect Hokage, Tsunade," Kiba left off the honorific deliberately as he left the room. "But being an ice cold bitch doesn't have to be part of the job description."

The kunai to his throat didn't surprise him, especially since he didn't try to move away, but the speed of it did. Either Izumo was getting slow or maybe he didn't completely disagree with the younger ANBU.

"Let him go. And don't let the puppy back in until he learns to stop yapping." At the Hokage's command the kunai was lowered and Kiba was removed from her office, Akamaru looking decidedly unhappy about the whole thing as he padded behind. As soon as the door shut behind them, Tsunade sighed heavily and dropped her face in her hands.

"As much as I hate to admit it, the kid's got a point."

At the sound of the drawling voice, Tsunade groaned, having nearly forgotten he was still there. Nearly. She gave the man a dirty look, where he now sat lounging on the corner of her desk, nose buried in a small book.

"You mean the bitch part?" she asked dangerously, to which Kakashi coughed delicately.

"Of course not. I would never be so disrespectful," he told her with a small eye crease. But his voice dipped to a more serious level. "But you had to expect that someone would start to notice. Even tucking her away in ANBU doesn't keep her hidden completely. And it is starting to affect her… it's only time before more of her friends notice."

"That can't be helped, Kakashi," Tsunade declared. "If she can't handle these missions, then she can't handle what's coming next. And personally, I believe that Sakura's strong enough to survive what we're throwing at her."

"I do too, but try telling him that."

"I'll get Kiba reassigned, keep him from interfering."

Kakashi shook his head, closing his book and standing up with a long suffering sigh.

"I wouldn't suggest that, he's smarter than he looks. Although I have to admit that isn't a very promising statement. But he's loyal to her and he'll know if you're trying to keep him from her. I doubt that's a fight you want on your hands," Kakashi said quietly. "Inuzuka loyalty is nothing to be trifled with, and if he feels backed into a corner, he'll come out fighting. He's threatened to get Naruto involved, you should know."

"That's the last thing we need," Tsunade's eyes widened, then narrowed again. "Kakashi? Am I going to have to kill him?" It was not a joking question, and it made Kakashi pause. Disloyalty to Konoha came in many forms, some more subtle than others, and sometimes a Hokage had been forced to assign an impossible mission to a shinobi deliberately. It took the white haired man a very long time to reply, long enough to allow her to make several interesting conclusions.

"No," Kakashi said finally, his voice calm and professional. "Kiba's a good fighter, and besides, the Inuzuka clan would be enraged if it got out. No, it's better to let him stay preoccupied with her, not that he isn't taking that too far. If he causes more problems, I'll deal with it personally."

"You really don't like him, do you?"

"Why do you say that?" Kakashi asked carefully.

"Because the only time you don't read is when it has to do with Sakura, or when you are facing an enemy, and the whole time Kiba was here, you didn't look at your book once." Tsunade seemed amused at her ability to see through the genjutsu he had used to hide himself when the younger shinobi barged in. However if it bothered Kakashi, he was skilled enough not to show it.

"Other Leaf shinobi aren't enemies, not unless they turn rogue. Anyway, he did have a point. Don't let her go on anymore solos," Kakashi said quietly, and in his tone was an echo of Kiba's warning. "The idiot kid's not going to be the only one furious if this plan gets her killed."

Bowing slightly, the Copy Nin proceeded to disappear in a swirl of leaves. Tsunade had the grace not to smirk at how alike the two "idiot kids" really were. Then she pulled out a half empty bottle and a stack of papers, knowing it would take both to give her the courage to push ahead and give Sakura her next mission, even when everything she had screamed that she shouldn't.


"Again."

Steel against steel, the grating sound that once made her cringe was now music to her ears. The sound meant that she had met his attack, and that she wasn't dead yet. A change of stance, a minute shift of his shoulder meant to draw her attention, but she knew better now. Two years ago she would have fell for it. These days it took a lot more than a simple diversion to leave her open. Steel on steel, mixed with sweat and blood. She was always bloody these days. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if she smelled like it, if that was why Kiba was always so on edge. He hated the smell of her blood, couldn't seem to handle it for some reason. It drove him into a dark fury, or a maddened frenzy. Inconvenient, that. The man in front of her had no such qualms, and would slice her open from chin to ankle if given the opening.

Damn, she just gave it to him, too.

Dirt tastes the same, no matter where you are, and Leaf's was no different. But Sakura didn't spit it out, didn't hesitate over the warm grit that slid over her tongue. Instead she rolled away from where her momentary laxity had thrown her, his blade cutting down where she had been, close enough to slice her cheek. A parry as he spun and lunged downwards, and a well placed kick directed at his head even though she was still on her back, because she wasn't anything if not flexible. And strong. If he had allowed it to connect it would have broken his neck, so he backed off enough to grant her to time to regain her feet. Sword held at the ready. Blood dripping down her jaw.

"Again." Barely remembering to spit before she spoke, she didn't need the iron as much as she needed this practice.

"Haven't you had enough, Sakura? We've been out here all day without a break." Kakashi sidestepped, allowing her to draw him back into the fight as she carefully approached.

"I let you through my guard," she shook her head, green eyes narrowed. "I can't let that happen, sensei."

"There is such a thing as over training," he reminded her in an amused voice, watching her every movement with his sharingan. Kakashi knew he was better with a katana than her and was still faster than her, but Sakura was inventive in her attacks and he didn't want to end up a particularly bad training accident before the day was through.

"When we've reached that point, I'm sure you'll let me know," Sakura gave him a tight smirk, her version of a grin these days. "I am pretty thirsty." She relaxed as if she was thinking of allowing the session to end. Kakashi should have known it was a ruse, but maybe his own thirst was getting to him and for just a moment he let his guard down. It lost him some hair and nearly his right ear. He hadn't sensed her using it, but she must have put some chakra behind that lunge, having come so fast. Kakashi was furious with her for breaking their self imposed rules. Therefore as their swords locked their eyes did too, and the lazy swirl of his sharingan made her momentarily lose concentration. In a normal fight he would have run her through right then. However Sakura lucked out when Kakashi took half a step back and punched her square in the face. She hit the ground, everything going black.

Luke warm water pouring filling her mouth and nose woke Sakura with a start a few moments later, and she jerked sideways with a kunai already in her hand.

"Relax," the older man said in a slightly bored tone as he handed her the water bottle. "And fix your nose, I broke it." Sure enough, when she reached up to tenderly touch her face, a swollen angry nose protested. Sakura grimaced, glad at least that he'd had the decency to reset it while she was out cold. After a small surge of chakra, she scrunched her nose up a few times to make sure it worked right, ignoring his smirk at her actions.

"What was that for?" Sakura glared at him. "You broke the rules."

"You did first," Kakashi replied, giving her a stern look. "I said no chakra for a reason."

"I," Sakura said loftily, climbing a bit unsteadily to her feet, "didn't use chakra. It's not my fault that it's hard to tell the difference."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, disbelieving. Sakura merely shrugged as if to say it didn't matter what he thought. At one point in her life it would have, but now he played a different role to her. The Sakura of old had desperately striven to stand out, to make her sensei proud of her. But it was only the actions of an unconfident child, trying to please for the sake of pleasing, not for the personal gain of her actions. Now, everything she did had a purpose. She was a blade of steel, but she could still be hardened more. She could still be sharpened more. And the sensei that had ignored her before definitely didn't ignore her now. Sakura had his single minded attention, and Kakashi was forging her into what he had never accomplished with his other two prodigies: a completely controllable killing machine for Leaf.

Well, mostly controllable. She still had her moments.

The spar continued, so long that both were bloody and exhausted when they finally ended it in a draw. It was only then that Sakura allowed herself a drink of water, wondering why the refreshing liquid tasted so flat. In fact the village itself seemed dulled, muted, less full of life… less full of a lot of things. She knew it had to do with the chakra suppression pills, but it didn't make it any easier. They were only weak ones, this was just the beginning but she hated the way it made her little world so much bleaker.

"Kakashi, I don't know if I can keep doing this," Sakura said quietly. There was a deep exhaustion in her voice that matched the tiredness in her eyes. He didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. She knew what she had agreed to, even if not all the reasons behind it. And there was no one else. Truly, not even the most powerful of shinobi in this village could do what she did. She was the perfect combination of lethalness, intelligence, strength, healing ability, and beauty. Where one part of her arsenal failed, another would win out. It was how she had survived this long. But it was not without its costs.

"Then when you have found and trained a suitable replacement, you can stop," Kakashi finally said, knowing it was cruel but feeling compelled to say it anyway. Sakura knew as well as anyone that there would never be anyone else. That was why the Hokage was using her like this. Standard issue training. When you have a weapon, make it count. Take out as many of the enemy as you can. Keep the village safe. It had been ingrained in Sakura since her days in the academy. She knew Kakashi was using it against her, and it was in moments like this that she hated him for his callous manipulation of her emotions. But that was training too. With Kakashi everything was about preparing her, even when she didn't like it, even when she didn't want it. So she drew herself up, forced her feelings down, and slowly raised her katana. The large hand on her wrist pressed it back down.

"Enough swordplay, Sakura," Kakashi told her, pacing around her slowly, like a predatory cat around a mouse. She wondered when that had ceased to bother her.

"I have to train if I'm going to survive," Sakura said softly. He paused behind her, standing much closer than normal. Intruding on her personal space. Just like Kiba, never leaving her be for reasons beyond her complete understanding.

"I know." His breath was hot on the back of her neck, and she understood what that meant. There was more than one way to train. And she would be a liar if she said that this kind of training didn't save her life too. And with Kakashi, it was a much more pleasant way to sweat and bleed. Even the harshest lessons could be oh so sweet when he was done. Clothed lips lightly caressed her shoulder, bringing up a reaction that he himself had conditioned in her body. And if she was honest with herself, it was not unwelcome. It was not… wanted, in the normal sense. But not unwelcome. He was always so calm, so in control. Kakashi sensei. She was so glad it was him instead of another one of her targets. His was the only body that gave a damn when he was on top of her. That loved even as he taught her to handle hurt, to embrace it and use it to her advantage. But sometimes… sometimes she had dreams of other hands, ones that never taught, never changed, only accepted. Sometimes she dreamed that there was more than this for her…

"Kiba hates you."

In her haze, Sakura didn't know why she said it, but it made Kakashi go still for a moment. Then the growl that escaped his throat was less Kakashi and more his distant cousin that seemed to never be far from his student's mind. He jerked his mask down and spun her around, catching her mouth in a rough kiss. Her body melded against him perfectly, as he had trained her to do. She didn't fight him, only encouraged with noises and caresses that he himself had shown her. And as he took her Kakashi wondered if any part of this woman was still Sakura, or if she was only what he and Tsunade had made of her. He realized with mixed sadness and disgust that he would never know.

This time she kept the dirt in her mouth, and wondered what she tasted like to the ground beneath her knees.