Stars shone faintly in the sky. They were few in number and scattered far apart. The whistling sounds of fireworks could be heard in the distance. Eren lowered his eyes, cup clenched tight in his hands. The hot chocolate had grown cold a while ago and his hands were slowly following suit. Being with Armin and Mikasa was too painful right now; none of them said it but they all knew why the other tensed when he was around. After all, it was just a few months ago that Annie had encased herself in crystal and— even though nobody flat out said it—he knew it was his fault it had happened.
Sighing, he leaned back, moving his right arm so it was holding his body up. That's why he'd left the New Year's celebration. He just couldn't handle it. Those stares were burning at him. The undisclosed comments eating away at his mind.
Eyes shut and jaw clenched, "Shit…" He was being such a coward. Hiding away on top of the wall enclosing the city just because he couldn't handle something so trivial. Was Mikasa searching for him right now? Knowing her, she probably was. She was so protective when it came to him that it was frightening at times.
"Here you are, idiot."
The familiar voice made him flinch; it cut through the low whistling of fireworks like a knife. It gave him a mixture of feelings to hear it. Was he happy? Relieved? Irritated? Maybe all of them.
"What do you want, horse face?" Eren looked up at the new arrival with a mildly annoyed look on his face. A corner of his mouth went down and eyes half opened.
"Shut it, Mikasa's worried you know. You ran off without telling anyone anything!" Small amber iris's glared down at him, arms crossed over his chest.
What did he care? Every time Mikasa was concerned he would get like this. Angry. It was confusing and actually, it annoyed him for some reason; other than the fact that he was mad at him for no reason.
Seeing that he wasn't going to get any reaction from Eren he sat down next to him and let out an irritated sigh. "Here."
Something warm pressed against his face; looking at it he saw it was a mug of hot chocolate. "Ah…thank you." He took the cup in his hands. The warmth felt wonderful against his freezing hands. Dark teal eyes took a glance at Jean; the other was looking into the distance as a breeze blew against the two.
He looked tense. Was he cold? Eren's eyes softened a little and returned to staring at the stars. He heard Jean shuffle a little and suddenly he felt a hand on his wrist, thin fingers brushed against the bottom of his hand.
"Jean?" He gave the other a startled look. What was going on?
"…the cups in the way…" Jean muttered.
He used his other hand to take the cup away from Eren, leaving it vulnerable to the cold air. But it was quickly replaced by his own hand. Blood began to rush to his cheeks. So many confusing thoughts were whirling in his mind.
"It's not your fault, Jaeger." Jean said, causing Eren to look from their hands to his face. "What happened with Annie, it's not your fault. It was unavoidable."
What the…? What was he saying?
"You sound stupid, where did this even come from?" Even if Eren said that, he found himself unable to meet his eyes. But Jean's words… They were all what he wanted to hear. He couldn't let him know that though.
"You're pretty easy to figure out, Jaeger. Headstrong and hotheaded." Eren was about to say something when Jean spoke again, "But also dishonest."
"Wha-"
"You don't even tell Mikasa or Armin how you feel; you just keep up the act of being a suicidal bastard because that's what's expected of you. But really, you're always worrying about how people look at you and how your actions affect others. You might not always think things through, but you make the decision you believe that is right." His hand lightly squeezed the amber colored Eren's eyes ,only to meet dark teal irises staring back; "That's why it isn't your fault…Eren."
Eren inhaled sharply and looked away from him. Just now…just now did his heartbeat increase? His own hand twitched in Jean's, wanting to bring him closer. He brought one leg up close to his chest. Laughing through his nose, Jean leaned in and scooted closer to Eren. Using his free left hand, Eren pulled his dark bangs down. Those amber eyes were boring into him as if he was trying to find some hidden treasure.
"Jean, stop it—" Eren was cut off when a firework went off behind them. The people down in the city were already beginning to set off the big fireworks and by the time they popped they were at their level on top of the wall.
But it wasn't just the loud explosion that made him stop in his tracks; the light that the firework had provided revealed the expression on Jean's face. Eren found himself speechless at the sight of seeing those gentle amber eyes, those eyes that had always been so cocky and stern before. Those eyes that had showed fear and mockery at the thought of joining the scouting legion. His mouth formed a tight line and just like him, Jean's cheeks were also a shade of pink.
Eren looked away a strange feeling rising inside; he remembered feeling like this back in the training core where he and Jean first met. It was just a few days after entering the training core to see who in his class could continue. Eren had been having issues with balancing on the ropes that were used for the 3D maneuver gear, the gear used by the three legions to fight the titans. Eren remembered feeling frustrated and embarrassed that he couldn't balance his body weight, but most of all he remembered feeling embarrassed asking people for help.
Especially Jean.
He tried to free his hand from Jean's grasp, but Jean pulled it back—no, he didn't just pull it back. He brought Eren's hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. Amber eyes closed and dark teal eyes looked everywhere but at Jean as his mind tried to process what was happening.
"Ah, um, well, you should probably get back to the celebration, it seems like the big fireworks are going to be lit soon." Damn, Eren was rambling. "You know, it's better to celebrate the New Year with the group! Captain's probably looking for you too. It wouldn't be a good idea to make him angry."
"Then you should go back with me." Jean sounded as nervous as Eren felt. "But I would rather spend it up here with you alone…because I like you."
Eren's breath caught. It had been muttered quickly and in a near whisper, but he heard it nonetheless. Liked him? He had to be joking, right?
That thought was quickly erased. No. Jean wasn't that kind of person. He was the type of person who always spoke his mind.
"Like me? But I'm a man! On top of that, I turn into a titan. I always screw things up because I can only think about killing all the titans." This was probably the first time he was speaking the truth to someone. "I can't stick to any plan and always rush in without thinking. I let my anger get the better of me and it always puts people in danger."
"That's not how I see it." Jean had shut him up with those words. "You do think of other people. You want to kill all the titans so nobody has to feel the same pain as you. You want them to be happy and live without fear." He sighed and held Eren's hand with even more determination. "That's why…at some point along the way…I fell for you."
Eren didn't know how to respond to that. How do you respond to that? Dark teal eyes shut tightly, relieved tears were building up now but he didn't want Jean to see them. Another firework went off behind them. Jean leaned in closer. Suddenly the whole sky was being illuminated and the sounds made Eren open his eyes. That's when he noticed how close Jean had gotten. How close his face was. He could see his lips part slightly and just how much care he held for him in his eyes.
That's when he gave up; maybe he did feel the same way. Eren's own lips parted and he began to lean towards Jean as well. They were getting closer and closer when Eren began to feel something tingling on his face. Jean must've felt it too because they both drew back from each other.
Ash. Ash had been blown in the breeze and got on them both.
Jean scowled and looked at Eren; they looked at each other for a long time. Each knew that the spell was broken. Looking away, Eren turn towards the firework display and put his hand out.
"I don't know how I feel, horse face, but I can at least do this right."
Amber eyes widened a little then a soft laugh escaped Jean, he turned as well and reached for Eren's hand.
"I think I got my answer."
