One Sweet Love
Ally's Note: Title mercilessly stolen from Sara Bareilles' song, which could be B&B's theme song, I swear. I haven't had the time to check this story for spelling or grammar errors, so you have been forewarned.
Booth pulled his three day old daughter from the small plastic bathing tub and smiled. She was still so small and too young to glimpse back at him with a look of recognition, but Booth felt an overwhelming sense of love falling over him as he cradled her head with one hand and carefully placed her down on the commode with the other. "There you go!" He pulled his hand back from underneath her tiny head and wrapped her up into a yellow fluffy towel. Booth leaned in towards her, carefully drying her. Two bright big blue eyes focused on his face and Booth paused a second to look back at her. "It was just a sponge bath, but now you're all clean and sparkly again."
Booth reached beside him for a diaper when the baby furrowed her brow and started to fuss. "It's okay," Booth spoke in a soft and soothing voice. "We're almost done. Let's just try to let your mommy sleep just a few minutes longer, alright? You've tired her a little when you came out, so we need to give her all the rest that she can get." After a twenty-four hour delivery, Booth, Brennan and their newborn baby had all been exhausted. Their midwife stayed with them throughout the entire time, but she managed to drive herself home afterwards. Booth had collapsed on the bed right next to Brennan, feeling a little bit like he had been giving birth as well.
The baby was kicking against the towel, but stopped fussing when Booth put the towel to the side. He grabbed the baby's feet and lifted her up slightly so he could shove the diaper underneath her. "Eh…," she mumbled. Booth made quick work of pulling the front of the diaper up to the baby's lower belly and fastened the tabs.
"Eh…?" Booth replied. "You're almost done! We'll just put you in a pajama and then we'll go see mommy, okay?" Booth smiled. Things had been so different with Parker. He visited him at Rebecca's place, but she did most of the parenting. Booth enjoyed these little tasks like bathing her and dressing her. Even changing diapers did not bother him. Fatherhood suited him perfectly. He looked at the door of the nursery, which led to their bedroom where his Bones was hopefully still sleeping soundly.
Booth picked a one-piece pajama from the pile and gently helped the baby slide her feet and arms through the appropriate holes. It was a dark blue one that read 'FBI baby', a present from Hodgins and Angela. Once she was done, Booth carefully picked her up and placed her on his arm, making sure that her head was resting against his shoulder. He gently held her head against his shoulder by placing his free hand on the soft skin of the back of her head. The baby was facing Booth's head and Booth took another moment to marvel at his beautiful baby daughter.
Looking at her was almost exactly like looking at her mother. It instantly told him things that other people would only find out through words and experience. He knew, that she was going to grow up and play the piano and be remarkably good at that. He knew that somewhere in her life, someone would suggest a modeling career, because she would turn out to have Brennan's blue eyes and Booth's lean figure. He also knew right now that he would never let her, because he had seen way too many abused models in his career. At this moment he realized that twenty-two was a way too young age for her to be having sex and that she was going to give him hell in her teenage years, but that she would turn out fine eventually.
Booth pressed a small kiss on the top of her head. "Now, let's go to mommy." He walked towards the door and pushed the door handle down with his elbow. He tiptoed into the dark room, while the baby made soft cooing sounds against his shoulders. Booth looked to his right and saw Brennan lying on her left side, facing him. Booth carefully closed the door behind him and sat down on his side of the bed. She did not even wake up.
Booth made himself comfortable by leaning back into his pillow, never letting go of the baby. He then gently lifted her from his shoulder to place her on his belly. He felt around with one hand to grab the sheets and draw them up his body to where the baby rested. The sounds she was making were quieting down and Booth could feel the little body relax against his own. With one hand, he stroked the baby's back in slow circular motions.
Brennan was still sleeping; her breathing was slow and even and she looked so peaceful now. You never would have guessed that three days ago, she had had a baby. Lying on her side, the sheets were tucked underneath her armpit. Her right arm rested across the stomach that was no longer swollen. Her hair was spread out behind her on the pillow and her lips were slightly parted. Booth felt the instant urge to lean in and kiss her. He wondered if she was aware of how happy she had made him. He looked down at the baby on his stomach. Her eyes were closed now and all he could hear was her breathing, quicker than Brennan's.
This was the good life, Booth knew. He was relaxing in the bedroom, with his two favorite girls. Both of them were finally getting some well-needed sleep, as the adjustments to either of their lives required a certain amount of energy. Booth closed his eyes – just for a few minutes – while resting his fingertips on the baby's back protectively. Her body moved as she inhaled and exhaled and Booth smiled. He was still adjusting too. He had been waiting for eight months for her to arrive and now she was finally here. Their lives would never be the same again.
Brennan bolted upright from her sleep, instantly waking Booth who had accidentally dozed off as well. She looked to her right at the empty crib next to their bed. "The baby!" she exclaimed. Booth noticed the look of terror on her face as her hand traveled down her flat tummy. He reached out for her with his hand and placed it on her shoulder. She jerked her head towards him.
"Bones, she's right here!" Her lower lip trembled. "Right here, see? I bathed her and then she fell asleep on me. I can't bear myself to put her in the crib right now." Brennan's eyes traveled down to his stomach and rested on the content baby. She let out a deep breath of relief and sat back against the pillows, her eyes falling down to the wrinkles in the bed sheets. Booth picked up on her distress and he narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. "Bones, what's wrong?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I had a nightmare," but by the way she was nervously biting her lip, Booth suspected that was only half the story.
"Hey," he said, reaching out to her with one of his hands to caress a loose strand of hair from her face to tuck it behind her ear. "I know you, Bones, and there's more. Is there something you're not telling me? Are you not feeling well?" She did look rather pale. According to the midwife, she had lost a significant amount of blood, but she did not have to go to the hospital for a transfusion. The iron level in her blood was tested in the birthing center where she had the baby.
"No, I'm fine." She looked at her little girl resting on Booth's stomach. She was wearing that FBI pajama, which Brennan had liked the minute Angela had given it to her. Booth's fingers rested on her back lovingly and the sight was tugging at her own heartstrings. "Can I… Would it be okay if, if I held her?"
Booth looked down at the sleeping baby on his stomach. "Yeah, of course." He sat up straighter and placed one hand against the baby's bottom and the other one to cup the back of her head. "Here she is." Brennan formed a cradle with her arms so that Booth could gently place her on it. Brennan watched in awe. She had somehow expected that after months of anticipation and three long days she would have gotten used to this feeling of having a baby – her own baby – in her arms. Instead, she found that she was still slightly overwhelmed. She was so tiny and helpless and dependent on her. Whatever she herself would do wrong now, would have a direct effect on her daughter. Brennan sat up straighter too.
"Bones? Why are you so close to tears right now?" Booth shifted closer to her side so he could comfort her or perhaps take their daughter back from her. Once he was close enough, Brennan surprised him by lying her head on his shoulder. "Bones?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm tired or…my postpartum hormones are causing me to feel irrational, but I find I'm very scared." Brennan felt the first tears escape her eyes, but she did not wipe them away as she was holding her baby. "I have to change now. Not just my life, but me personally. What if I fail? If I can't change—"
"Bones, you have proven to me, over and over again that you have been able to change. Look at us now! We're married and…" he paused for a second to brush her tears away from her cheeks, "we bought a house together. All these things you never thought you could, like losing yourself in someone, finding a reason for marriage, you have done all that. " He pressed a kiss on the top of her head.
Brennan shrugged her shoulders. "But being a mother is an entirely different thing! I don't know what's wrong with her when she cries. I don't know any lullabies that babies like," Brennan raised her head up from his shoulder. "Like now, she just opened her eyes. What do I do?" How was she supposed to always know what to do every day? If she grew older and would start coming to her for advice, support or help, how was she supposed to know what was the right thing to do? Brennan shifted the baby onto her lap and wiped her eyes with her own hand.
"I think, you just shouldn't overthink. This may be our own baby, but it comes with the same instruction manual as baby Andy. Be careful with small items and act from the heart." Booth wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She frowned as he tugged her close to his side.
"Did we get an instruction manual?"
Booth chuckled. "Not really." With his free hand, he rubbed the soft skin with a few dark hairs on the top of the baby's head. "But it's not rocket science, Bones. Especially in the first few weeks. They eat, they poop and they sleep. If they start crying, it's usually because they're lacking in one of these three areas."
Booth had hardly finished the sentence or his daughter's face contorted in a desperate look and she let out a loud sob. "Oh!" Brennan exclaimed, looking over at Booth. "I think I need to feed her."
Booth crawled over towards his side of the bed and got up. "I think you might be right. I'll go grab your pillow." Booth walked back into the nursery and grabbed a green pillow that was lying in a rocking chair. It was a special one, used for breastfeeding. It helped Brennan position the baby better, without it getting heavy on her arm. Nevertheless, she was having trouble with getting the baby to latch onto her nipple and whenever she did not manage, she would have to use a pump. It made her feel disappointed, Booth knew. She wanted to so badly to be a good mother and every time she would have to pump and feed her with a bottle, she felt like she failed.
When he walked back into the bedroom, he found that Brennan had her knees drawn up and propped their baby up against her upper legs, so that they were now facing each other. The baby's sobs had now turned into a loud wailing and Brennan was trying to soothe her the best that she could by stroking the baby's head. "Sh, it's alright. It's alright. I'll feed you in a few seconds, if you will let me. You won't have to be hungry anymore. Please, you don't have to cry."
"I don't think she can actually understand you yet, Bones." Booth sat back down on the bed and took his daughter from his wife's legs as she unbuttoned her pajama top and parted the sides. She glanced anxiously at Booth as she pulled the pillow onto her lap and placed one arm on it to support her daughter.
"I'm ready." She said and Booth leaned forward to place the baby on top of the soft pillow. He pressed a kiss to his daughter's head, who was still crying and sat back a little. Brennan lowered the cup of her bra and helped to guide her daughter's head to her breast.
Booth watched Brennan bite her lip and Booth stretched his arm so he swipe his thumb past her bottom lip, releasing it from her teeth. "Don't be nervous, Bones. You'll either manage or you don't. Either way, we'll have to visit the midwife tomorrow and then we can talk about these problems. You're not the only one, Bones. Many babies are having difficulties latching on."
She shook her head. "Babies are acting on instinct, Booth. I should just be able to get this done." Brennan felt more tears stinging behind her eyelids, but she quickly blinked them away and forced her attention back to her daughter. "Come on, you can do it." She teased the baby's lips with her nipple, but the baby was too busy crying out loud to actually close her mouth around the bud. "Please, they feel so full…" Brennan pressed her baby a little closer and then she finally pressed her lips to her mother's skin.
Booth's mouth dropped open in amazement and he shifted so that he could look a little closer. "Is she drinking?" It was a fantastic sight to see his Bones nursing their daughter. It almost made him want to sing. Her daughter's face relaxed and Brennan gently cradled her to her body. This was his family now.
"Well, she's suckling, but not actually sucking," Brennan raised her hand up to gently stroke her daughter's cheek with the tip of her finger. Her baby then closed her eyes and Brennan gasped. "She did it! She's latched on!"
Even though she had done that several times before already, Booth could barely contain his excitement. "Really?" Her daughter's lower jaw moved as she greedily drank from Brennan's breast. "That's beautiful." And it really was. Brennan looked up at Booth and finally he saw some of that sparkle back in her eyes which he had been missing after she exhausted herself so much in childbirth.
"You know, I think her name really fits her. 'Father's joy' in Hebrew… I've never seen you more ecstatic than when you first got to hold her." Brennan sent him an open smile at the fond memory. She had been very tired, but Booth's teary smile as he greeted his newborn daughter was engraved in her memory forever.
Booth smiled back at her and held her gaze until she broke it to look at the baby. "Yeah, Abigail was a great choice. She may want to shorten it to Abby when she's older, but even that has a certain ring to it. Abby Booth." Booth thought of her middle names and then took a deep breath. There was something he really wanted to ask her, but he felt rather hesitant. Brennan was rather emotional right now and if he'd upset her while she was feeding their child, it would not benefit any of them.
Brennan disengaged the baby from her breast and tried to switch her over to the other one. This time, she latched onto it immediately. Brennan exhaled in relief as the uncomfortable pressuring feeling passed. She then noticed Booth staring intensely at her. "What?" she asked, suddenly becoming very aware of his eyes on her.
Booth shifted on the bed, so that he was sitting next Brennan again, with his back against the headboard. "Well, Bones, I'm just thinking about something…" Brennan looked at him questioningly.
"What is it?"
"I'd very much like to baptize Abigail in my church," he saw her open her mouth to respond and probably protest, but he quickly added to his confession. "I know how you feel about it, Bones. You're an atheist and you don't believe in God or Catholicism, but I do. I'm her father who still goes to church every Sunday and I would like to take her with me when she grows older."
Brennan was rather stunned. During her pregnancy, they had discussed a lot of things, but never religion and the way it would influence their child's upbringing. "But…what if she grows up and doesn't believe? If one day, she would tell you she doesn't want to go to church because she rather believes in the universe?" Her daughter released her nipple and turned her head away from her breast. Brennan re-adjusted her bra before she lifted Abigail up against her shoulder. She lightly patted the baby's little back, trying to get her to burp.
"That would be her own choice and I would accept that. It's just that to me, christening her would be the ultimate gesture to her. We'd allow her the option of religion. We – or me – trust her in God's hands. It would make me very proud." Booth tickled the skin of the baby's neck as she rested on Brennan's shoulders.
Brennan looked at Booth. He did go to mass every Sunday. He prayed and said grace every day. He believed in a God and Jesus and saints. She had learned to respect his way of life. His religion meant a lot to him and he meant a lot to her. So the only way that she could respond was by saying: "Yes."
Booth frowned. " 'Yes?' Bones, a few years ago, you wouldn't let anyone say a prayer at Christmas dinner. Now you're agreeing to baptize your daughter. Do you know what that means?"
"Yes. It means that we initiate her to your church, believes and morals. Whatever my believes are, I think I should consider yours for her as well. I am a scientist, but you are not. Maybe she will be a scientist too, but she could also be like you. A heart person." Brennan blinked a couple of times. "You use religion by means of it giving you strength. You feel confident in believing that someone is watching over you. You go to the church for enlightenment and pay for your sins, but you never let any of that cloud your judgment. You're still Booth, making your own rational decisions and taking responsibilities for your own actions."
Booth smiled at her and the little baby staring at him with big blue eyes that were still learning how to focus properly. "Church is important to me, but that doesn't mean that I follow every rule or enforce my believes upon others. I just feel better in believing that we are never alone and that I'm protected by God. That's what I want for her as well. The awareness of good and evil and the whole bible will come later."
"You really believe that you turned out as good as you did because of the things that Catholicism taught you?" Brennan cocked her head to the side, but she did not appear to be mocking him this time. Oh Bones, Booth thought, you have no idea just how much you have changed, baby.
"I do. I learned about the values that good people ought to develop as well as which negative qualities to avoid and I took these teachings to heart." Brennan winced and Booth figured she was cramping up again; something that happened often to her after breastfeeding. Booth quickly took their daughter from her and placed her against his own shoulder. "Are you in pain?"
"Just a little," Bones replied with gritted teeth. "I'm just sore. Everywhere." Her body was still trying to get used to breastfeeding and at the moment it was still a little painful whenever she did. Sitting up or using the bathroom hurt a lot. The stitches stung as if her entire lower body was in a slow fire. She had thought giving birth would be the most challenging thing about pregnancy, but she had been wrong.
Booth eyed his wife and then placed a comforting hand on her knee. "Come on, let's get you the bathroom. I'll run you a nice and warm bath." Booth got up from the bed again and walked over to Brennan's side of the bed to place the baby in her crib. They had intended for her to sleep in the nursery, but since this was her very first day in their own house, Brennan requested Booth to temporarily put the crib in their bedroom. She wanted to keep an eye on the baby and make sure that she was still breathing at all times and all her needs were met.
"Will you come in with me?" Brennan asked him. He looked over to her. She was staring back at him questioningly.
"Only if you want me to." When she nodded, Booth smiled and walked over to her. She threw back the covers and gasped.
"I wet the bed again!" The dark red sheets had an even darker stain on them. Her pajama bottoms were bright red between her legs. The smell of iron told them that she had been bleeding still. Very common, according to the midwife, but Brennan felt ashamed every time that she fell asleep for a couple of hours, only to wake up in a puddle of her own blood.
Booth offered her an arm, which she took gratefully as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and got up. "You didn't actually pee on the bed, Bones, so you didn't wet it. You just…painted it a different color."
Brennan smacked his arm. "That is so not funny, Booth!" but she let herself be led to the bathroom by him anyway. Once there, Booth turned on the tap and waited for the water to turn warm. As he did so, Brennan looked into the bathroom mirror and gazed at herself. Except for her sleep-tousled hair, she did not look any different. Nevertheless, "I am a mom now."
Booth put the plug in the bath before he slowly walked over to her. He stood behind her as she continued looking into the mirror. Booth gently placed his hands on her delicate upper arms and he rubbed them soothingly. "Yes, you are. In less than a year time you fell in love, became Temperance Booth-Brennan and you had the most beautiful baby girl this world has ever seen."
Brennan raised an eyebrow and if she had not been as tired as she was, she surely would have started arguing that there was no way to objectively determine beauty. Instead, she turned around to face him, instead of the mirror. "You're a good person, Booth. I want our daughter to take after you like that." She swallowed nervously and placed both of her hands on his chest, feeling his heart beat underneath her hand. "If you think that you benefited from a catholic upbringing this greatly, than I think Abigail should have that opportunity too."
"Bones! You are good too, just the way you are!" He watched in despair as he saw some fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. He never meant to make her feel inadequate or whatever it was that she was feeling now.
She just shook her head. "I'm not like you. I don't believe in anything that hasn't scientifically been proven to be there. I'm not so certain if a church is right in distinguishing such a strict line between good and evil, but…when I look at you, when I talk to you, I feel better for just being around you. I'm proud of being Temperance Booth! I want…people…to feel that way around Abby too. They should appreciate her the way I appreciate you," Booth placed one of his hands on top of her own against his chest. "Everyone appreciates you."
That last sentence was not entirely true, but Booth let that one slide. He knew what she was trying to say. "So, you'd be okay with it if we baptized our baby and if I took her to Sunday mass?"
"Yes." Brennan nodded.
Booth gratefully pulled her inside his arms and he just held her for a while. She buried her face into his neck and took a deep, calming breath as he massaged her back with his hands. He looked over her shoulder into the mirror and smiled. They were going to be just fine. He would only still have to convince her to get that piano.
Ally's Note: I personally haven't come across any fanfics dealing with the discussion about religion and what that would mean for their baby. I like the image of Booth holding his 'joy' in a baptizing gown to have her christened in church. I love the idea of them going to mass on Sundays, her small hand tucked into his… Aww, sweet Abby Booth. And postpartum Brennan with all these hormones surging through her; I imagined that she would not be as tough then.
I hope you liked this one. Do tell me in a review or on Twitter (at)AllysonHale. If you'd like to read my take on B&B during the pregnancy, you could read my stories called Hiatus (complete) and Jump Start (far from complete).
