Author's Notes: My first Familiar of Zero fic in a year.
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Lord Saito de Hiraga des Ornières made his way through the halls of a very familiar Academy, dressed in garb that even to Mages that knew him personally, was rather odd.
He'd finally managed to get a new jacket. Bright, burning red, and a tail that flowed like a red and white flame behind him. It had been one of the first things he had gotten for himself when returning him, claiming that the item was the only thing that properly expressed his "baddassary".
Louise would have it burned that very evening, leading Derflinger to make an unfavourable remark comparing women to clothes that would land him hilt first into a pile of horse manure.
He wouldn't get out until the following morning.
"Thank you for doing this, Saito."
"No worries, Old Osmond."
Not feeling slighted in the least by his nickname, the old professor came to a stop before a large door, Saito, and a small legion of Mages with him. He pushed open the door, knowing well the potential danger that lay within this place, the Vault. The Vault that held relics of another world.
Now a person from that world had come.
Saito walked ahead of the group of cautious Mages. To them, these were mysterious objects, which quite possibly held powers that very few spells could hope to contend. They were beyond comprehension, dangerous, which was why the Vault had been constructed.
To Saito, it was just interesting. There was so much to see. His eyes darted in all directions, finding a myriad of colors and forms, until his eyes were ensnared by the largest object in the room. He moved towards it, a mass of damaged metal, one of it's metal "wings" missing more than half its form, the other scarcely recognizable for what it was. He walked to the distorted face of the mass, gazing at it with intent, nearly deaf to the Mage who approached.
"This fell from the sky. It landed right in the royal palace. Ruined their flower garden, the Queen was furious for weeks..."
"A Satellite..." Saito smiled. "Probably just junk now. It's not dangerous." He gazed closely that the remains of what was once a tool of exploration. Humanity, always a species reaching out, and now there was even a whole other world they had yet to truly discover. "Will they find their way here one day? And be able to come at will?" His smile faded, he wasn't sure how to feel about that possibility. Magic meeting science...could it bring a Utopia, or a new definition of World War?
He walked away, soon placing himself before a small table. Upon the table where a few, mundane (to him) items, but one thing in particular caught his eye. Bright gold, actually made of gold! He picked it up, already knowing what it was.
A cigarette lighter.
"What have you found, Saito?"
"Oh it's-" He flicked it, summoning a flame almost as if by magic. Which in this world was just par for the course. "People use it to light Tobacco and such."
"Ohhh!" Out of nowhere, Osmond produced his pipe, placing it before the flame as Saito lit the contents. The old man took a deep breath of the substance, expelling it with a pleased smile. "Brilliant. Keep it if you want, but take it to Jean first, will you? I'd like one of my own..." The old man took another puff of his pipe, walking off with a contented sigh, a confused Saito in his wake. Why would he want a lighter when he could probably burn the academy down with a wave of his staff? Saito's mind turned to Jean, who had hauled himself up in his lab for reasons unknown. That man was always working on something...
Saito pocketed the lighter. Hey, he was a lord now: Lords were supposed to have nice things. Though if Louise ever found him sucking on a Tobacco pipe she'd replace it with her wand...
Saito soon set his eye on something hidden only cloth, something quite large. He walked towards it. What had the Mage's hidden? Seeming to hear his silent question, another made reached for the cloth.
"We found this a few years ago..."
The cloth was removed, making Saito...grin. "TV! Awesome!" Now if they only had electricity here, he could go back to the other world, pick up his Playstation 3 and he could make the perfect rec room at the mansion, but again, that one vital backbone of civilization Halkeginia had yet to discover...how were they surviving again? No electricity, no internet; how the hell had he survived this long? It wasn't like he had much to do...okay, he did. There was one benefit he couldn't get back home.
One thing which...made TV seem kinda pointless. In fact, screw it, he didn't care anymore. "It's called a TV, it's used for entertainment. It's not dangerous, though my mom says it rots the mind..."He walked away, shaking his head, surely nobody ever took his mom's thoughts seriously. He never did look back at the Mage, who was slowly raising his wand...
He walked, taking in random things as he went, spotting some things which had just been left out in the open. A printer, a crate (were those packages Noodles?), a couple of machine-guns (maybe he should take those too...) and-
What was that? He walked over to a pedestal, which, strangely, he recognized it's design as being native to this world (Louise had yet to give up on educating him about noble matters...) He looked at what lay atop it.
A metal box. He wasn't an expert, but he highly doubted that was from his world. A box with seemingly countless ridges, and symbol on the front which if he had to guess, was a lock. Whatever was of interest here, was inside this strange container.
"What's in here?"
Osmond approached slowly, eyeing the box with caution. "This is...perhaps the most dangerous thing we have." He sighed, lifting his staff. "Draw Derflinger, Saito, and be on your guard." With the uttering of a few words, and the waving of his staff, the case began to open, the countless ridges pulling away an fading into one another, revealing that under the top layer many more had been created. Saito pulled out Derflinger, gulping. What kind of fear had gone into this box? He watched he layers unlock one by one, getting close and closer to the center, closer and closer to-
It.
Clink. Derflinger hit the ground, Saito frozen in place. The Mages around him all had their weapons drawn, fearful, if the Gandálfr was scared of this thing, then what chance did they have? They watched, with trepidation, as the boy advanced on the contents of the box, unarmed, and unguarded, was the boy insane? He put his hands upon the thing, lifting it from the slate that was once a box.
"Be careful! That thing's alive!"
Saito looked over the thing, taking in every detail. Such a small thing, but he knew, he understood the scope of what he held. Their fear, their fear held some merit. Once upon a time, in his world, this creature had once made a notable bid for global dominance. In a way, this one thing had more power than any Mage could hope to hold. He looked the creature in its dead eyes, and squeezed.
"Pikachu!"
Two of the Mages screamed, raising their wands, waiting for the creature to leap from Saito's hands, kill him and advance on them. Osmond kept his staff trained on the boy, who was looking...annoyed. He cast a deadpan look across the Mages, one at a time.
"It's a children's toy."
...
Saito put the Pikachu plushie back, picking up Derflinger and placing him back in his sheath. He walked away from the plushie, considering taking it home...
Saito's exploration found a box of pens (most underwhelming find of the day, Colbert was gonna want 'em. Quills were about to go extinct), a camera, a landmine (now in a box of its own), a Buddha statue, and a painting from... his limited English made out the words "Van Gogh" in the corner, maybe he'd take this too. He looked around, smiling. After the previous incident, the Mages were taking to examining the objects with greater curiosity, now as long as they didn't examine anything dangerous recklessly everything was going to be fine. He returned to the pedestal, maybe he could leave early, get this home and give it to-
"I'm certain this is jewellery-" Jewellery, that was always better. He turned, intending to enquire if he could get a look at-Saito felt his voice die in his throat, he knew what that was, but as long as-shit! "Hm, it looks like this pin can be pulled out."
Saito's life flashed before his eyes, the many years in Japan, then arriving in this world, the battles, the adventures, the countless attempts of girls to get into his pants or heart, Louise beating him, Louise kissing him, Louise giving him her special morning-He grabbed the slate, pulling it and charging the Mage as the Pikachu plushie fell to the floor, forgotten. "Osmond! Close the box!" He was not gonna die! No way in hell was he losing that. He snatched the live object, slamming it into the box as it started to lock up again. He threw it across the room. "EVERYONE GET DOWN!" The box slammed into the wall, falling to the-BOOM!
Saito hit the ground as the deafening sound hit every wall and beyond. All bodies hit the floor, confusion and terror clouding most of them. It seemed like an eternity before there was the sound of something sliding. "I think it's over, brother." Saito nodded, standing up, and looking over to-he gave a sigh of relief.
The box...looked the part. It was distorted, deformed, showing that something indeed had tried to escape, but ultimately had failed. It wasn't useful as a box anymore. He turned to the no longer ignorant Mage, a box of the explosives forgotten on a table. "Don't pull the pins!"
Somebody coughed, clearing their throat, and all eyes turned to the old Mage. "I think that's enough. Let's call it a day."
Saito nodded, grabbing the little plushie and running off, maybe Louise would appreciate something cute. Maybe he could tell her all about how he almost died, and with the plushie as an extra, he could get something good out of this. He raced to the door, his spirits soaring higher and higher as he pictured where this little plan of this could lead! Things were looking up!
"We'll continue tomorrow, Saito!"
"Shit!"
They came right back down.
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End
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Author's notes: Couldn't resist a Pokémon reference, but Pokémon or not, I think a talking plushie would genuinely get that reaction from Mages. Just look at what they called a Rocket Launcher. Imagine what they'd make of a smartphone...
Well, at least they wouldn't scream "Witch!" and try burning someone. Wouldn't that be ironic? (they'd probably just burn scientists instead...)
See you next year (maybe) folks!
