"Jared! I need you in my office, please." The Warden almost yelled, but then stopped and asked more politely when he heard his accountant scream in surprise. Jared jumped as he heard the announcement through the speaker intercom at his desk, throwing his pen up in the air because the Warden was so loud. And because, Jared was always very nervous anyway.
He got up right away, grabbing a couple of blank papers with a clip board without thought, as he scrambled to his bosses office as quickly as his heavy feet could take him. He wondered what the Warden would want to talk to him about so late into the day, and a million reasons crossed his mind. It was then as he was at the door it hit him like a ton of bricks.
The dream.
The whole Dream Machine incident had only ceased to be once the Warden had created so much chaos and turmoil and distress, mostly to the Warden himself, that it seemed to just stop, and take care of itself. Superjail was a strange place, and seemed to have its own realities, because even if things were the worst Jared had ever seen and felt, things did get better either on their own, or by the Warden's bidding or mood. Or they just got just better enough to carry on another day. Just barely though.
The Warden was paranoid of a possible riot takeover by a group or groups of inmates, possibly to take over Superjail, kill all the staff, and most likely to escape. How they were to escape was far beyond even Jared, who sometimes was boggled by the immensity of Superjail, so much so, he was not sure he could escape it sometimes himself. There were no plans, and there was nothing the inmates were going to do. It was his bosses delirium that caused it, all from a single dream he had had which was that of a riot of inmates killing himself, Jared and Alice.
All of this, for Jared at least, was not the real issue.
It was his dream.
There was a bubble of something that was similar to guilt deep inside of his stomach, guilt that was not for something that he had done, but for what he had thought. Dreamed, to be more precise. The bubble was grinding his thoughts and creating whirls of great confusion, and would not let him be.
'The warden doesn't respect anything about me, not even in dreams.' Jared thought, the bubble of guilt, now increasing as fear, rising up in his chest, making his heart beat race.
When the Warden, in all his direct childishness, decided to invade the inmates dreams, it was an okay idea, albeit, crazy and invasive. But when he wanted to sneak into Jared's dream…
Oh God.
Jared knocked on the door twice, lowly.
"Come on in, Jared!" The Warden said whimsically.
Jared smiled slightly, and opened it. "Hello, you sound like you are in a good mood sir, may I help you?" Asked the timid accountant, rubbing the back of his neck with a stiff, sweaty palm.
The Warden bounced up from the table and slithered toward him. "Jared, I am in sort of a good mood today, after that mess that happened recently with the inmates, I feel much better that I'm not in danger." He smiled blankly. "Or Alice, or you."
Jared's breathing was slowing down, but still, his heart was beating faster than ever.
"Thank you, sir, so am I ."
"Jared, I need to speak with you, first about something you have been planning."
"Su-so-something I'm planning?" Jared could barely speak, his voice was soft and scratchy. Did he think his dream was a plan? That he wanted to take over Superjail? Oh no...
The Warden pulled Jared toward the desk and had him sit down, as the Warden did the same on the other side of the desk.
"Sure! We are going to have an anti-riot party, you know that! I would like this one to go a lot better than last year's! I would like about 20% less deaths this time." The Warden beamed, his arms in the air. Jared inwardly sighed, relieved.
Jared was glad he brought papers, and went to find his pen to write something down, but then he remembered he left it in his office. "Less deaths…or more?" Jared asked quietly through the Warden's ramblings, and the Warden either didn't hear him, or didn't care.
"What else would you…uh want at the, par-party?" To Jared it seemed a waste of money and time, and it hurt his head to think of all the paperwork and work related injuries this would cause.
The Warden paused a moment. "I want Alice to wear the most lovely gown; it will held in the Recreation room in the seventh district of Superjail, because that one is the nicest, but we need to take out all of the weights and clear it out completely. It will begin at seven in the evening sharp! Anyway, Jared, write this down in your notes!"
Jared was thinking so hard about the tasks and stresses of the coming evening, he was hardly listening to his boss.
'I love you…'
"What did you say?" Jared looked up sharply, as he thought he heard the Warden say sometimes totally out of character. It made his face go pale.
"I said 'Write this down in your notes!'… you went off into dream land there." The Warden looked at him crossly. "Alice will be my date, of course…" He trailed off into a goofy, love-sick smile.
Jared found a pen on the Warden's desk and started to write.
"Wait! Wait, Jared…" The Warden had a look of recollection and put his palm to his face.
"Wh-what sir?" Jared asked quietly.
"That reminds me of the other subject I wanted to talk to you about."
Jared blushed, knowing in his gut almost immediately what the 'other subject' was.
"I am concerned about some things, Jared," He clicked his tongue on his teeth creating a clicking sound. "This whole crazy mess with my invention had made me rethink a couple of things…"
"Su-sir, I am so sorry about this, this dream I had… I wasn't in control of it." Jared started to sputter out, and his heart was fluttering and pounding in his chest. He thought this was an inappropriate conversation to have with the Warden.
The Warden waved him off and shook his head, "Jared, when you and I first met, you were out of luck, and poor and unwittingly working for the Mafia, and lots of things. But you impressed me with you intellect for numbers, budgets, contracts and laws. You were smart then as you are now. I get so caught up in Superjail, I forget to do things right for my employees. I love this fantastic prison, I really do, but I can't have it working right if my staff isn't either."
Jared suddenly had a burst of confidence, in anger. "Am I lacking in my duties? I do everything you ask of me, I check in every day, and I am sorry sir… oh God…." Jared seemed on the verge of a panic attack. "You treat Alice better than me, so you really just mean to do things right for her, cause I don't feel good about this….not at all…." Jared was bright red, and started to say sorry for his impertinence.
"Jared, just relax! Darn it, you never can calm down, can you?" He asked, frustrated and full of an emotion he could not understand. "You are misunderstanding me, because...Jared, you are not listening!" His anger welled up in his eyes, and his hands were balled into fists. Jared stopped immediately and calmed down to assuage his bosses agitation.
"Sorry." He said quietly. The Warden calmed down too.
"What I am trying to say is your dream is a cry for help. It's a power struggle, don't you see? You still think you like to be abused, and need alcohol and food and drugs and all these things to fill your emptiness… but I see this dream as it is." The Warden jumped up triumphantly, and looked down, towering above Jared. "In your drea-"
Jared cut him off. "Please, sir, I appreciate your sincerity, but I really don't want to talk about it…" Jared was thinking he was better off while he was ahead, because he knew that the Warden was taking this dream into a way different analysis than what the dream simply was, a fantasy. He had secretly struggled with his fear of his boss, his low-key idealistic crush on him, and his pure anger at him for the horrible way he treated him a lot of the time, and it was truly a love and hate relationship. For all the time they had a boss and employee relationship, it turned out much more complex to Jared than he ever wanted. The Warden knew him better than his own mother.
His body was quivering, and his face was flushed, as Jared was never one that could successfully hide his feelings physically. The Warden was really starting to look pissed.
"I know what's best, Jared, I am the Warden, and I don't speak unless I know what I am saying is fact. Your insolence will only further my speech..." The words, to Jared were lost in his own burning thoughts, and really, Jared was afraid he would start to agree with him because as the Warden was talking of his past transgressions, it rang horribly true to him. He was also afraid he would tell him something else that rang horribly true.
'I love you.' Jared heard the words again, in his head, and he realized it was his own subconscious. But he didn't love the Warden of all people, did he?
"Jaared," The Warden sang out with patience running thin as prison cafeteria soup, and Jared took a deep breath and the Warden sighed. "You are really not here today, are you?"
"I am so sorry, sir. I am just preoccupied. I have a lot of work ahead of me."
The Warden rolled his eyes and continued, ignoring the apology. "In your dream, we switched roles, and well, you know what happens next… but you treat the 'accountant me' the same way I treat you, with fear inducing anger and disrespect. You are the 'Warden'. And it is a struggle, not between you and me, aha, because right after that you don't seem mad at me in the dream, nor do I…."
Jared put his face into his hands. He wanted to cry. This was all too humiliating.
"It is a struggle within yourself. You have no respect for yourself, therefore no one can have respect for you. You fill emptiness with temporary reliefs, drugs, alcohol, food, and other such earthly pleasures that you don't know who you are and you don't know what the hell you are living for."
Jared, at this point did start to cry, but he tried to hide it. The Warden noticed, and got up and moved his chair next to Jared's.
"Why the hell are you bothering with me? You always treat me like dirt, and rarely are nice to me! I don't understand, I don't…. I just want to die!"
The Warden jumped up at the last statement. "No, no, no! You just need something to live for."
Jared stopped crying and looked at his crazy, seemingly homicidal maniac of a boss straight in the eyes. Everything he said was true, but that last statement, to him, seemed like the most real, beautiful and meaningful thing anyone had ever said to him. That thought in itself made him sad, but it warmed his heart.
"Sir, I don't have anything to live for but this job." Jared said quietly.
The Warden made a thoughtful face, and quickly he became distraught. "Jared, you are depressing me…" His eyebrow quirked, but then he brightened.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" The Warden asked happily.
Jared looked at him funny.
"I did. Cherise, from the Ultraprison."
The Warden smiled a little. "Ah yes, I remember. Don't you talk to her anymore?"
"I don't ever get the chance to. She is never around to see me, and I am always too busy to see her. I liked her a lot, as we were both very similar, but I don't know if a real relationship would work out…" Jared didn't mention how every time he talked to her, the Warden himself would interrupt or something would jam their transmission, purposely or not, it never happened.
"I remember that little assistant, slightly, she looked like you if you would have been a woman. Except you would have looked better than her as a woman. I also remember Ultraprison's snarky little trick of a Warden. She was...ugh, nice..." He rolled his eyes. "Nice in bed! Hah!" Then he gave Jared a look of comical goofiness, a knowing grin.
"Did ya love her?" He asked seriously.
Jared sighed. "Yes, I did. I loved others too. I love a lot of things."
The Warden sighed and looked out the window to his massive jail. "Like what?"
"Like, uh, well…ummm…." Jared said in stutters, "Law and order. Proper budgeting, strategic plans for safety and safety awareness."
"Bullshit." The Warden said in a cocky, I know you too well kind of way. "You are always so prim and proper. Tell me something better than that."
"I like my job, it kills me, but I like it. I like working for you, sometimes…. I like how this place keeps me safe from most of the things I would kill myself over." Jared sighed. "I like women and I like Mexican food. I used to smoke Gitanes; those French cigarettes."
The Warden laughed. "Who doesn't like women, Jared!" He laughed again. "You are Not telling me anything new. I want something juicy, interesting, cool, happenin'… I want to know something you like or dislike, that you don't talk about to anyone. Also," He started, "Later I want to know how you got a hold of Gitanes if you've never been to Europe or France."
Jared said nothing, but smiled slightly at the 'Gitane' question.
"Alice is a beauty not many can match, you know, and I am such a charming fellow, I know you know that…." Jared coughed at the Warden's garishness. "It's just with some things, like things you really want, and desire, you have to work for it, earn it, go through pains and labors, because you know in the end the fruits of that labor will be oh so sweet. You need to find the fruit you want, and believe in it, and work for it to live fully. There ya goooooo!" He sang out, standing up tall, looking at Jared, as if he waited for him to stand up too and say, 'Thank you for saving me, oh grand majesty!' but Jared was in thought, and was too quiet for the Warden's tastes.
'I love….'
"With all due respect, Warden, sir, I feel like you are reading too much into that dream. Though what you have been saying is true, deeply and painfully true, this power struggle I have has been with something else." Jared started thinking about the man in front of him, and how he would think about him sometimes, and how he would be grateful to him for the things he has saved him from, even if there are an equal amount of times where he has put Jared in danger. He felt like he belonged to this job, this prison, Alice, the inmates, those weird alien twins, and…
And to the Warden too. He hated his ego, he loathed his overt childishness, and he could not stand how he treated him sometimes.
But he could not help how he was attracted to him. The silky violet clad eccentric Warden, with all his maddening schemes, over the top personality, his genius albeit, invasive inventions, this Superjail he mastered and created, all because he feels 'real' jail doesn't work... doesn't teach the criminals anything, and how the Warden saved him from the world that he hated and that hated him, and that had treated him worse outside than in...
"Well, what is it, Jared?" Asked the Warden, his eyes ablaze with curiosity.
"The power over my emotions." Jared looked down.
"What emotions?"
Jared paused for a long moment. He had a little fly buzzing in his throat, buzzing and bugging him to say something, and he didn't want to, but it was tickling his lips and tongue...
"For you…." Jared immediately shut his hand over his mouth, and started to blush. Buzzzz! He wanted to kill all the flies in the world.
The Warden quirked a brow. "Me?"
"No…not you!" Jared said loudly, and got up, and sat back down in nervous frustration. "I meant...something else..." Jared insides were boiling, and he felt very stupid for saying that. "I have a migraine..."
The Warden got up from his seat, and had a very thoughtful look on his face.
"May I l…lea…leave now?" Jared asked in between little nervous coughs. His mouth was dry and he was wanting to vomit.
The Warden looked down at him with a concerned look in his eyes, and he looked very flattered by the comment his accountant made.
He knelt down slowly, and almost like a child, put his face in front of Jared's with a wide smile.
His face because softer. "I never want you to leave Superjail, Jared. I never want you to leave."
And with those words, Jared looked up, not surprised, but embarrassed, because he was moving toward Jared swiftly, and then he opened his arms and closed them over the frame of his accountant's, hugging him, first loosely, then, tightly. The Warden surprised himself with the gesture, uncharacteristic and new to him, he was shocked at himself for doing it, but he felt so giddy.
"Is this your version of the 'hug it out' principle?" Jared said with a bit of humor even though he was very, very surprised, and the Warden said nothing. Jared started to hug back, and then a few stray tears came down his face, but he was smiling nonetheless. The Warden smelled so fresh and almost like flowers, and his body was very warm and inviting, so Jared felt no need to push out of the embrace. Nor did he want to.
Three seconds later, the Warden abruptly came out of the hug and looked very, very embarrassed. "Uh...Jared...um..." He became at a loss for words.
Jared laughed nervously. "Its okay..." Although it felt so strange, because he hadn't felt another person's touch in so, so long, and it was a man, and it was the Warden... it felt so very comforting and so different, and his heart felt so warm and euphoric.
The Warden started thinking about his actions, and he felt simultaneously happy and scared, fearful of his actions becoming emotions and he thought back to the conversation with Alice, the conversation that caused him to feel so strongly about talking with Jared in the first place, and the events that preceded the conversation.
Jared slashed through the Warden's thoughts suddenly with words. "I will get to preparing for the party, now..." Jared looked at him softly. "If that's okay with you."
The Warden had a perturbed look on his face, he didn't want him to leave, but he also wanted some time to think. "Jared..." His voice was silky.
Jared paused a moment, his heart beat fluttering suddenly. "Yes?"
"I want to hug you again."
Jared looked at his boss with the blood swimming to his face so fast he could not breathe.
"Why?" Jared barely made out.
"I've never given anyone a hug, ever. Well, maybe it is that I never had a chance to give a hug to someone. And, Jared..." The Warden's face was getting red too, "No one has ever given me a hug, either."
"Didn't you parents...?" Jared implored.
"My father was loud and bossy, and didn't seem to like me very much, he took care of me, but he didn't like me. He died when I was young. My mother... I do not remember at all." He smiled blandly, "He never gave me a hug. Not once."
"Oh..." Was Jared's reply. He was shocked to see the Warden so human. He had always seen the Warden as a mystical thing, a power, a machine almost, and rarely had he ever seen his boss act with no more emotion than egotism, pride, anger and impatience. And silliness.
"And you hugged me back. It felt very nice." The Warden almost swooned, and it made Jared giggle, because he had only seen that swooning look on his face when he spoke of Alice. "I didn't know it felt so nice..."
"I liked it too, sir..." His hands were sweating and his heart was pounding again.
The Warden brightened. "Come here, you crazy little worry-wart of mine!" He almost yelled in excitement. He picked up Jared this time and held him tightly. Jared enjoyed this embrace more, since he expected it, and though it felt a little strange he hugged back, it felt so warm.
"I was talking to Alice the other day, and she made me realize how important you are to Superjail, and it was a wake up call for me." He said suddenly in the others ear.
"What did she say?" Jared asked curiously. He put Jared down and sat in his chair.
"We were talking about the percentage of new inmates to current ones, how the ratio usually evens itself out by the end of every quarter, with Jailbot and with Alice keeping them in line... and then she mentioned the Dream Machine. She asked me if it has helped me find out any dirt on the inmates. I told her not really, they all had relatively simple dreams, some strange and morbid, but overall, not too helpful."
Jared quietly listened.
"When she asked about the dream machine she reminded me of what happened about three days ago. She had gone into your office to have you fill out some paperwork on an budget revision I gave to her to give to you, but when she came in, you were asleep. You started mumbling in your sleep, and were almost having a panic attack. It was like you could not breathe. She tried to wake you up, but you didn't, then, she called for me."
Jared had an estranged look on his face. He didn't remember anything about this.
"I went over to you, begrudgingly, because I was busy at the time, but by the time I saw you, you were getting red in the face and wheezing for air. I panicked and I started to shake you but I, I couldn't..." He sighed with an odd air of defeat. "I couldn't help you. Alice called in the doctor, too, and he injected you with something, I wasn't sure what, and you started to breathe normally again and sleep." The Warden smiled at him. "Don't worry, I read the medical history we had in your file, the doctor gave you something prescribed to you. I didn't even know about it until then. But because of your issues in the past with drugs and smoking, you have some very slight asthma, and your doctor of before had a prescription that was recommended for those kind of attacks. Luckily, we had some here in Superjail."
Jared's mind was boggled. "I have almost forgotten I had medicine for that! I forgot about it completely. It has been so long since I had an attack. I have so many frigging issues, all of them being my fault. Damn it!" Jared looked at the Warden. "But why didn't you tell me, sir?" He asked nervously.
The Warden looked down, and blushed. "I put you into your bedroom to sleep, and then put a camera in your room, too, so if something happened again, I would know." He admitted. Before Jared could say anything, the Warden started talking. "I'm sorry, okay! Its just, let me get to the point of this very long explanation... while the doctor and Alice were helping you, I was so desperate I used my dream machine again to find you, ya know, in your dreams. I thought I could help you through your dream, but I couldn't reach you. You were invisible, and you were like, dead to me. I was so distraught, and I was confused as to why it mattered to me so much, ya know? I was so confused and crap, and angry at myself and even though it wasn't your fault, I was mad at you too. After I heard you were okay, I had some criminals executed early; Jailbot was more than happy to oblige. I was so frustrated I could not do anything!"
"Why, do you think you should have helped me?" Jared asked softly.
"Yes!" He spouted, and Jared jumped at the enthusiasm of the reply. "Yes, I should have. But I couldn't. I am the Warden of the best jail in the world, I am empowered here, and I lead these horrible, mangy, and despicable criminals to the correct punishment for their exact crimes! But I couldn't even save the man that keeps Superjail functioning properly. We need everyone to keep this place running smooth. Alice, to keep the peace, Jailbot, to stop the inmates from killing us and for extra security, me, of course, to lead it all, and you, to keep the other side of the law from getting at us, and keeping our financial records in order and pay the bills. I can't find another Alice, or Jared, or Jailbot, or me! I want who I have now!" The Warden said childishly, and then looked at Jared gently. "I can't lose you. You are a great worker."
Jared's heart was fluttering, but this time, not in a scared way, in a very, very warm, cozy way.
"Warden, I...I..."
The Warden smiled and twirled around. "I can't help it, Jared, I am happy to be with you here, and it seems so wrong. But how can something feel so amazing and right, when simultaneously, you know it shouldn't be?"
Jared coughed. "I don't think I can explain that either, sir." Jared was sweating, and so tired, he was happy inside, but his nervous mentality would not let him show it to the other outwardly.
"What are you thinking?"
"I am so tired, sir. I am very tired." Jared said plainly. "I have a lot to do. I want to stay here, with you, I want to relax, but I never relax." His words were terse and full of anxiety. He realized it when he say the Warden's face, it looked hurt. "You have touched my heart, and I feel so...so..." Jared couldn't find the words. His heart was starting to break because the Warden stopped smiling, and his nervousness was bringing things down.
There was a full minute of silence.
The Warden looked down, and was very somber. Jared looked at the wall to his left, and wanted to cry, but he didn't.
"I realize everything I said is a lot to take in, Jared," The Warden broke the silence. "But these events have changed a part of me. I feel like myself fully, still, but I can't take anything for granted anymore."
Jared mentally slapped himself, and looked at him with a smile. "You didn't do anything wrong, sir, I am just a very nervous person. I am depressed a lot, and I don't remember a lot of my past, nor do I want to sometimes. I repress myself, and then when I am at my lowest point, I indulge...and I don't have any sort of balance."
"Do you have feelings for me, Jared?" The Warden asked blatantly. At first the question gave Jared almost a heart attack, then he thought for a moment.
Jared was starting to feel more comfortable with the Warden now, with all that has happened and this conversation, and did not feel like hiding behind a false facade.
"I like you. I always think we are good friends, but... your actions do not say we are at all. Always, in the past, you've treated me badly...and blame me for things. You never listen to me." Jared said softly. "I...I..." Jared could not tell him the real truth.
"I like you?" The Warden asked with an ironic smile. "Or, I love you?"
Jared looked down immediately, his eyes wide, and he suddenly wished an alarm would sound and there was a riot somewhere, and Alice would come storming in and kick him out.
Jared said nothing.
"Its okay, Jared, you can go, now, if you want." The Warden, smiling, was looking very self-assured that that was what he wanted to tell him. "Ya know, Jared, it is normal. I am very lovable, we all know that. Everyone loves me..." He waved him off and put his feet on his desk, closing his eyes.
Jared sighed with relief, and thought this is good that the Warden has such a big ego, or he would come to more specific conclusions about his reactions.
Jared was scared that the Warden genuinely thought he loved him, because he never thought about the Warden so intimately, mostly out of respect. And if he ever did, it was...confusing, but... he could not deny that he did have this little... crush on him.
"Thank you, sir..." Jared finally said, and started to walk out toward the door. "I will have everything done you asked of me."
"I'm sure you will, Jared." The Warden said thoughtfully.
The Warden sighed, seemingly wanting to say something, but he didn't. Jared paused a moment.
He also wanted to say something else, because he was feeling a million jittery emotions, but instead the tired accountant left his boss, softly closing the door behind him.
'I love you.'
