Ever have that feeling were you thing the world's weight is sitting on your head and won't leave? That no one is there to let you lean on his or her shoulder? That's pretty much how I feel at this moment as I watch my mother descend into her grave. We all said out last goodbyes before they closed the lid. I was the first. And after everyone else went up, I went up to her again. At any moment I thought she might raise the lid and smile like she would. But I knew she wasn't going to.
My old Aunt Maria had to pry me away from the casket as they began to lower her into the dark hole. I wonder if it's cold down there. You never know since this is Texas, home of the sidewalks of which you could fry an egg on. Now I had no one to go to. Dad left when I was only three and then got put in jail for life when he murdered three men at a bar in Louisiana. Later when I got to my aunt's house she sat down with me to talk.
"Corrine, sweetheart, we need to talk."
"Mimi, please not now." I hung up my black leather jacket on the hook next to the front door of our apartment.
"I'm serious. We need to discuss about…were your going to live when I go to St. James." She gave me that sit-down-now-or-I'll-whip-you kind of look. I knew this was coming sometime but I didn't want to hear it. It was sad that Mimi was going to a nursing home. But I didn't dare argue with her. For an eighty-three year old, she was very fit and strong.
"Alright. So were will I go? My ass of a father's in jail so what now?"
"Corrine Neveah Parker, we don't use that language in this house."
I cuss all the time and Mimi doesn't care but she always wants to sound more like a mother figure. "Ok, ok so what do have in mind?"
"Well, the only other person I can count on to look after you is your cousin Emily. I have contacted her and thinks its wonderful."
I remember Emily well. Even though there's a little age difference between us, we'd be close like sisters but act like best friends. I smile at the thought. It would be nice to live with Emily, but I would be heart broken without Mimi with me.
"Mimi, I can't just leave you. For two years I lived with you here. While mom," I had wait a few seconds before I finished my sentence. "While mom was sick she said I could live her. Two years and four months I've been with you. I can't just…"
"Rinny, I know it'll be hard but I'm getting too old. Emily will keep you company in Washington, and so will her fiancé."
I had totally forgotten about Sam, Emily's husband to be, and about her living on a reservation called La Push. And then Mimi came home one day with heavy steps. She had called Emily and asked how she was but didn't get good news. Emily was out in the woods on a hill and fell getting three long scars down her cheek. I got a picture a week later of her and Sam. It looked bad, but I was happy to see she was smiling.
"Mimi, I don't know how to live without you." I felt tear welling up at the corners of my eyes.
She patted my hand and stood up. "Come with me. I think it's time." Mimi led me into her room which smelled of lotion and peppermint. (She loves peppermint.) Then she went over to her vanity and opened her jewelry box and took out a long gold chain necklace with a large gold heart locket on the end. "You mother wanted me to give this to you when she or I couldn't take care of you anymore. I think it'll look just as beautiful on you as it did her."
She latched the beautiful chain around my neck and opened the gold heart which had a picture of her and mom in it. "Now we'll both be with you." I felt my smile go all the way up to my ears as she closed it and touched the center of it one last time.
"Well, you better get packing. You leave in two days." She gave one of her huge hugs and led me into my room to pack my things.
"Well," I said making sure my new necklace wasn't going anywhere. "If its Washington, I'd better pack all of my hoodie's." I sighed and pulled out my suitcases from my closet and started to get ready.
