Hi everyone! It's me again! So, this is a story about how 10.5 feels after spending some time in Pete's World. Read on for more!

While I was writing this, I had the song "The One You Really Love" by The Magnetic Fields stuck in my head. This was originally going to be a songfic, but it developed into this. I'm considering adding some chapters, but I still don't know.

Disclaimer-I don't own Doctor Who. The BBC does.


The One You Really Love

As he finished writing the letter, he put it in an envelope simply labeled "Rose." He forlornly placed it on the living room table, knowing that when he came home tonight, he would have to explain himself. But it had to be done.

Several hours later, the door to the flat opened, disrupting the dark silence of the room with a resonating creak. Rose walked inside, turned on the lights, and set her purse and keys down on the entry table. She walked towards the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. It had been a very long and tiring day and she needed to relax. Rose kicked her shoes off, propped her feet up on the table, and took a sip, breathing in the wine's musky undertones. She leaned back on the couch, reflecting on her day. Quite suddenly, Rose was disrupted from her reverie by the stark white letter on the table. Curious, she picked it up, took the letter out, and started reading.

Dear Rose,

This is quite possibly the most difficult letter I have ever had to write. I have written you this letter because it says everything that I'm too much of a coward to tell in person. Here it goes. To put it bluntly: I'm the Doctor, and he's me. But it's still not the same. At least for you. When you said, "But he's not you," my heart broke. And if I still had my second heart, it would have broken too. That cold, godforsaken beach always seems to be just the right place for heartbreak. Like he said, "he needs you. That's very me." It's the complete and absolute truth. I need you, even now.

I remember our first date, Bad Wolf, and the Cybermen. I remember when you saw your father die two times and tried to save him, only to see him die again. Yes, we have the same face and memories, but it goes beyond that. We share the same emotions. I know the pain and anguish he felt when he burnt up a sun just to say goodbye, when he lost the chance to say what he so desperately wanted to. And if I could burn up a sun for you now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd do anything to convince you that we are the same. It's just that no matter what I do, it'll never be enough for you. But I will always love you.

I thought that everything would be fine now that we're together, but no. Far from it. We've been together in Pete's World for a year and a half now, but you still have nightmares filled with loneliness and grief. And I can't do anything to stop them. It kills me that all I can do is hold you and tell you that it will get better, eventually. But they keep coming back. Please Rose, let me help you. You wake up, sobbing in the middle of the night, crying out for him. The one you really love and I don't know what I can do. Do you know how hard this is? Not just for you, but for me? Before I became human, I could travel across all of time and space to escape my problems. I've done that for 890 years, give or take. But now, I have to face our problems, and because I've spend so much time running away from them, I have no solutions, nothing to help you. I guess becoming human was the one way for me to truly become a man. I'm trying to help you, just please tell me what is going on. I have to know in order to help you. Is it him? Still, after all this time? I know you kissed me on the beach that day to convince him that everything was fine and that you were fine. You only did that so that some of the pain would stop. If you're staying with me out of pity or kindness, then please, just tell me and end it. That would be the kindest thing to do; to put me out of my misery because I can't go on like this; lying next to you, holding you, loving you, when all you want is him. I feel like I'm in a ménage à trois, but I'm the one who always is left out.

Finally, I have said everything I have been dying to say for so long now. I have made my decision to do whatever you want me to do, regardless of what I want. So Rose, it's time for you to make your decision. But remember this: no matter what, I will always love you. I always have.

Sincerely,

Your John

Crying, Rose set the letter down and buried her head in her hands. She knew what her choice was; it just broke her heart that she made it so quickly.


Did you love it? Hate it? I have no idea unless you review!!! *hint hint*

Please tell me what you think about another chapter. I'm thinking about adding Rose's perspective, but I need your feedback!