Over the Hedge: Winter Warfare!

Disclaimer: I do not own Over the Hedge in any way; DreamWorks owns the movie and the comic strip characters are the property of Michael Fry and T Lewis. All original characters belong to me.

RJ sits behind a large piece of dead wood for cover as he prepares to signal his team to attack. He has a red-green scarf around his neck and gloves on his paws.

RJ grins to himself at the memory of how happy he was when his family agreed to stay up during the winter until Christmas ended.

The cold December air is nothing new to the raccoon. As for his family…Well, they thought their tails were going to freeze off for the first three day of winter—both figuratively and literally. They had hibernated through every winter until now, and none of them liked the cold. Not one bit. But after some necessary raids to gather scarves, earmuffs, gloves, mittens, hat-toboggans, heated blankets, sleighs, and skis, it made coping with the cold weather much more enjoyable.

The group of animals have thoroughly enjoyed all the human holidays RJ has introduced to them. They had been really missing out on occasions that helped bring the family closer together. Halloween had been an exciting experience, while Thanksgiving was centered on being with family. Now that he had family, RJ could actually experience the upcoming Christmas holiday with them as he did during Thanksgiving.

But that was not what this day was about…Oh no, it was something far more interesting.

Bucky (whispering): "Now?"

RJ (whispering): "Not yet…"

Hammy (whispering a little louder): "Is it gonna be soon?!"

Heather (whispering): "Shhh! Keep it down. You'll give us away."

RJ's team was eager to attack. On his side were Hammy, Heather, and the porcupine triplets while Verne, Ozzie, Lou, Penny, Stella, and Tiger were the opposing team. They were all having a big snowball fight where the rules were simple: Throw snowballs at the opposite team; if you're hit, you're out; whoever is left standing, that team wins.

Hammy has a squirrel-sized Santa hat on and small gloves. The porcupine triplets have on small toboggans and mittens. Ozzie, Heather, and Tiger are all but camouflaged with their snow-white fur blending in with the surroundings; only their tails, ears, paws, scarves, and toboggans could be spotted. Otherwise they are invisible to the naked eye.

Because Verne was a reptile and therefore cold-blooded, he had the hardest time coping with the weather. As a result he was the most bundled up out of anyone. He wore a snow cap, skier goggles, scarf, mittens, and earmuffs. Lou had some gloves, a scarf, and toboggan while his mate Penny had earmuffs and mittens on. Stella was easily seen with her black fur against the white blanket of snow covering the entire El Rancho Camelot Estates area, so she has on a white scarf and white gloves to help her blend in a little better.

Ozzie (whispering): "Do we attack now?"

Verne (whispering): "Hold here…"

Penny: "What?"

Lou (pulls Penny's left earmuff off so she can hear): "Verne said hold here for now."

Penny: "Thanks hon."

Verne: "Okay…"

Everyone on Verne's team got a snowball.

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RJ: "On my mark…"

His teammates grabbed a snowball and waited for his signal.

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Verne (To his team): "Three…"

RJ (To his team): "Two…"

Verne and RJ at the same time to both of their teams: "One, ATTACK!"

At that, snowballs fly everywhere. Verne is hit in the face by RJ, while Bucky, Quillo, and Spike took hits by their parents and Stella. Heather bulls-eyes her dad who (like always) faints dramatically. Tiger hits Heather soon after and vanishes using his white fur.

Meanwhile, Hammy takes out Stella and Lou. Thus far, the squirrel's speed has enabled him to dodge anything thrown at him and make snowballs faster than anyone else. But his attention to finding another target causes him to neglect his surroundings…and then pay for it.

Tiger—using his white fur to sneak behind enemy lines undetected—appears out of thin air and pushes Hammy to the ground. He then puts two paws on the squirrel to keep the rodent pinned down while the cat's free paws begin to quickly craft a snowball.

Tiger: "Ah-HA! You are mine now, squirrely! I shall avenge my fallen love who you took out!"

Before that could happen, however, a snow ball hits him from behind.

RJ: "Not on my watch, Tiger!"

Tiger (melodramatically): "Noooo! My beloved Stella! I failed you!"

Hammy: "Thanks RJ!—Look out!"

RJ turns quickly and dodges Penny's snowball that misses him but hits Hammy.

Penny: "Got'cha!"

RJ: "Looks like it's down to you and me!"

Penny (picks up a snowball): "Not for long!"

Both RJ and Penny throw and hit each other simultaneously.

Verne: "Ha! We won!"

Hammy: "Nuh-uh! WE won!"

Stella: "No one won. They hit each other at the same time!"

RJ: "We got a tie game here. And there's only one way to break it."

Penny: "Jeepers! You don't mean…?"

RJ (smiling): "Team Captain Sudden Death Match!"

Verne (nervously): "Oh boy…!"

RJ: "Lou, you're the referee."

Lou (smiling and giving a thumbs-up): "Okie-dokie!"

The hedgies on both teams cheer as RJ gets goes into an open area waiting on Verne.

RJ: "C'mon, Verne! I'm 22 years old and not getting any younger ya know!"

The remark causes everyone's eyes to widen, having discovered that RJ was a little younger than they originally thought.

Verne: "Alright, I'm coming!"

When Verne arrives he makes a snowball right as RJ finishes doing the same.

RJ: "So, we stand back-to-back."

Both animals did as RJ instructed.

RJ: "Good. When Lou tells us to start, we walk 10 spaces, and then throw. Can ya handle that?"

Verne: "Of course I can."

RJ: "Good. You're going down!"

Verne decides to bluff along with RJ this time, instead of admitting that RJ would probably win.

Verne: "You first!"

The other animals all say "Ohhh" because now it was on.

Lou: "Are both of you ready?"

Verne: "Yes."

RJ: "Always."

Lou: "Begin!"

RJ and Verne start walking and all is silent. They reach 10 steps and turn around as fast as lightning to throw.

To everyone's disbelief, RJ is hit right in the chest moments before the raccoon's snowball merely skims the top of Verne's shell, the turtle's head having ducked inside to avoid being hit. This was by no means only a matter of luck. RJ had been so confident that he would win that he didn't bother moving after throwing the snowball which provided Verne with the perfect immovable target. Verne on the other hand knew that RJ always liked to aim for the turtle's large nose—a common bulls-eye due to its size—and made sure to move his whole body and head out of harm's way.

At first no one can even react as they're in total shock that Verne actually beat RJ. But being a guy who never likes silent, awkward moments, and who gives credit when credit is due, RJ wipes the snow off himself and remarks, "Well…we have a winner. Verne's team wins!"

Ozzie, Lou, Penny, Stella, and Tiger cheer in victory as they go up to Verne and hoist him on their shoulders.

Bucky: "I can't believe you lost to Uncle Verne, RJ."

Heather: "Did you let him win?"

RJ: "Nope, he won fair and square."

Hammy: "Verne's team won, so you lost the bet!"

RJ (sighs): "Yep…" (To the porcupine kids) "Looks like RJ's Wide World of Nature will be cancelled this coming season."

The triplets collectively groan, and when finished Quillo says, "We never even got a season finale…"

RJ: "Don't worry, when it is time for Season Two to begin we're gonna make the videos bigger, better, and bolder!"

After the kids' glee subsides, RJ looks back at Verne's team still celebrating…

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Out of nowhere, a snowball hits at Verne's team's feet and they stop parading. They look over to see RJ with a mischievous and playful smile.

RJ: "Hold on…How about a good 'ol fashion, no holds barred, unlimited life, FREE FOR ALL!?"

Verne's team puts down their captain and start to throw their snowballs at anyone they see. Since they have unlimited life, they keep throwing even if they've been hit. It was all-out chaotic fun! In the mayhem, the triplets gang up on RJ, tackle him from behind, and all four roll over one another while hysterically laughing. They're laughing is cut off when Ozzie nails them with a large snowball, and then they get up and return fire.

They keep having a snowball war until late afternoon. Once they have tired out, they use an abducted microwave to make some hot chocolate to warm up. When it was late, they bundle up, go into the log, say goodnight, and fall asleep; eager for Christmas to come in 4 more days.

End

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Sorry for stopping the story with an open ending, but I was more focused on the snowball fight rather than the hedgies' Christmas. I regret to tell you all that I won't follow up with a sequel to this story, but enjoy the Holidays and I'll post a new story (or update a story) some other time! Hasta lavista!