I'm taking a little break from Lovegame to crank this one out. I'm kind of at a standstill with it so I needed to take a break.

The general plot isn't mine. It belongs to Cheachxoxsbfflelikelegit but we're collaborating. He and I are best friends and I'm better with words. (: The plot bunny bit him and he sent me this idea. Hope you like it. We're gonna run with it for as long as we can. This is a combined effort with most of the words coming from my mouth but the general ideas forming in his head. In other words, his brain is connected to my fingers but all of the wonderful slash is a gift from me. Enjoy.

PS – My New Year's resolution is to get Chris Colfer to fall madly in love with me but, until that happens, I don't own anything except the words and Cheachxoxsbfflelikelegit owns the general plot line. All twists and errors are mine.

Man Up

I'm tired of getting slushies thrown at me. I'm tired of being tossed into dumpsters. I'm tired of being a nobody. It's junior year. It's time for a change.

xxx

My name is Kurt Hummel. I'm the resident gay. But seriously, I can't be the only gay kid in the entire town of Lima. I mean, really. Come on. I'm a virgin and sick of it. I want someone to love me. I want to be close to someone. I want to feel like I'm wanted. I want to get laid.

Well in reality, I want to get laid by Finn Hudson. I've been madly in love with him for like, ever.

One small problem. I have no idea how to seduce someone. I may need a little bit of help with that. So who to turn to? Mercedes has gotten as much action as I have. Same with Tina and Artie. I could never ask Finn. Quinn is out of the question too. Her and Finn just broke up and she knows I like him. Santana would just laugh at me. Rachel is hopeless. Brittney is...well, Brittney. Mike and Matt....heh. Yeah right. Who does that leave?

Why didn't I think of him before? He is the local man whore. He would never help me though. I'm Hummel, the fag, the catcher, the daily target for dumpster diving. He's the best. He even got with Rachel...and Santana..and Quinn... and every hot mom in this town.

Damn. I need his help. I need Noah Puckerman.

xxx

I got to school early the next day hoping to catch Puck before his crones showed up. I hopped out of my sleek, black Navigator and straightened my D&G see-through rain coat. If this conversation didn't go well, I was prepared for an entire day of slushies. Puck was leaning against his aged truck. It really needed a paint job. I'm good with my hands. Maybe I could bribe him.... Oh good grief. Get your minds out of the gutter. Seriously people.

I grabbed my water bottle out of my car and walked up to him, all the while debating leaning next to him. I decided against it for fear of ruining my coat.

"What do you want, Hummel?"

"I, uh, need your assistance on a matter that you happen to excel at."

"Spit it out, Hummel. I don't have all day. I'm only good at football, beating the shit outta people, and sex." I coughed nervously. I didn't say anything for a little while and looked down at my spotless white leather shoes. After what felt like forever, I glanced up at him. His eyes were wide with disbelief and he looked like he was either about to laugh or cry. "Holy shit, man. You wanna get laid. Sorry dude. You aren't my type."

"Not by you, you Neanderthal. I wouldn't even be talking to you if I had any other option." I took a sip of my water to prevent myself from saying something about it being Finn that I wanted.

"What about a girl? I'm sure they could cater to your desires better than I could. Besides, isn't every girl in this school as gaga over Finn as you are?" I nearly spit my water out. Finally, after quite a bit of coughing, I managed to regain control so that I could turn an icy glare on Puck.

"Why do you automatically assume that I want to sleep with Finn?"

"Because everyone in this school wants to get nailed by me or my boy and since you hate me, I'm thinking you want him." Valid conclusion. Shit. "Admit you want him and I'll consider working out a deal with you. Well that and maybe a little more payment..."

"Fine, asshole. Yes, I like Finn. But that isn't what I need you for. What do you mean 'more payment?'"

"Tell me what you need from me and I'll tell you what I want in return."

"Basically, I want to get laid." Puck made a retching noise at this. "Not by you, idiot." He sighed in relief. "I want to get laid, but I have absolutely no idea how to either seduce someone or follow through on it. I don't even know if I'm a good kisser."

"So you want my to teach you how to be a man?" I rolled my eyes at him. He had a point though.

"Well, not exactly in those words...." Damn. I'm pathetic.

"Well Hummel, you're in luck. If you can keep everything a secret and only give me credit inside your head when you have Finn moaning your name, I'll do it. Fifty bucks a week and you've got yourself a deal." He held out his hand to me. I grasped it and shook.

"See you at my place after Glee, Puckerman." I gave him a smirk, turned on my heel and walked towards the school.