'I dreamed I was missing,
You were so scared,
But no-one else listened,
'Cause no-one else cared.'
I was standing on the other side of the courtyard, when I saw her shouting. She was frantic, her voice loud and desperate, her eyes wild with worry. She looked beautiful, even in that time of anguish. She asked her friends. The Weasel, Potty and the Weaslette all looked disinterested, too busy fighting. The Granger girl came with her, anxiously searching, although she knew the truth.
She even asked a few Slytherins, they went on with their work without a care. Even Pansy, who scanned the battlefield, before going back to the fight. Then the dream faded. I woke up to find that I was the only one still asleep. Nightmares had nothing on that dream. Greengrass… Brrr!
I didn't know much about Astoria Greengrass. She was just some dumb fourth year with beautiful hair and exquisite eye… No Draco! This is chubby Daphne's sister. I had no idea of the time but I did know that she was the family shame, being a Ravenclaw and all. She got on the Golden Trio and Weasleys as well. I almost smiled at the thought. Almost.
I didn't have much to smile about. I had to kill Dumbledore, who was keeping an eye on me, I was sure. Snape was by the dormitory door. I hated it when he came to see me in the morning. "Draco, I have to warn you. The Dark Lord wants you to try and kill the Granger girl. If you fail in your first task."
I groaned. My godfather just didn't understand. I didn't want to kill the Granger girl or Potter, even Weasley was better entertainment alive. I wasn't a killer, but I wasn't going to let the Dark Lord know that.
As I sat down next to Blaise at breakfast, I noticed Astoria sitting next to another Ravenclaw. She looked down at her plate, dark hair falling down her shoulders in curls. She was quite pretty but very young. My mother was five years younger than my father. But look how that was turning out! I was worried for my mother's welfare, my father was becoming more sadistical by the day.
I looked over at Astoria. Could I be with her like that? Could I be evil enough to make her scream with something other than pleasure? I watched a girl spill her juice on her lap, laughing at her cruelly. The way Astoria glided out of the room like nothing had happened.
I could barely sit there for a minute. I had to follow her up to the Ravenclaw Tower. I found her sitting in a room, facing a mirror. It had a mild locking charm on it. She obviously wanted to be found.
"Hello, Astoria." I made her jump. Her dark grey eyes were filled with surprise. "I saw you go. Is that the mirror I think it is?" She nodded and moved out of the way so I could see. Polite. I now saw why her sister stayed by her, she was a good kid.
I looked in the mirror and I saw my mother and father with me. "I'm Minister, my parents are proud and I'm everyone's friend, even Potter's. I'm actually… nice!" I felt surprised.
"You're not as mean as you act Draco. You're nice anyway. You're happy being nice." Astoria smiled at me. She smiled. I hadn't seen anyone smile in a while. "I see me and my family and we're happy. I'm not a disgrace and I'm Deputy Minister." She turned to face me again. "I wouldn't want all the pressure of being Minister."
"Pressure is my life." I told her and that's when I became friends with Astoria Greengrass.
'After my dreaming,
I woke my fear,
What am I leaving,
When I leave here.'
It was nearly the day. The day when the closet would be fixed and I was not looking forward to it. I was willing to die. I was getting thinner and my eyes no longer shone with sadism. They didn't even shine. Astoria was the only one looking after me, forcing me to eat. The only one forcing me to live.
Today was another day. "Draco, you can't do this, you don't want to do this. This is isn't you, Draco." Astoria pulled on his arm and I rolled his eyes slightly. Her feelings of concern always warmed my heart. I often thought about that dream.
Huh. I actually only ever thought about my bad dreams, not my good, well interesting ones. A rush of something cold ran down my spine. It was fear, a sensation I often found in those days. Of course, it was more than just fear, it was exhilaration and regret and a thousand other things.
Then I looked into Astoria's haunting eyes and realised. I was going to die soon, that much as fairly certain. I realised then, how I truly felt about Astoria. She wasn't my little sister. If she was, I wouldn't muse at night about her cherry lips, soft touch and gentle and elegant curves. I wouldn't stare into her eyes and be overjoyed to find my own reflected in them.
"I-I'm sorry, Astoria. I have to go." And I ran like the coward I was.
'So if you're asking me,
I want you to know,
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.'
"The closet is finished Draco. I know that you don't want to tell them yet. But they will find out soon enough." Astoria warned me with a threatening, low but tempting voice that she had.
"I know but I don't see the point. I'm going to die one way or another." I sighed, leaning further against the bars of the Astronomy Tower. It was really too bad that Astoria didn't wish to be like her father and become one of us.
"What do you want Draco? Apology? Pity? A friend? I just don't know if I can even your friend anymore." The word crushed me and I dragged her face to meet with mine.
"When I do die…" I started before she interrupted me. Saying I wouldn't die. "Just listen, Tori! When I do die, forget everything bad I've done. Give me some reasons to be missed." Her dark eyes met mine and I swore. "Damn it, Astoria. I'm in love with you. Stupid silly love."
She took one step forward and I was kissing her. Kissing the girl who had haunted my dreams for nearly nine months. Her lips were sweet, her kiss gentle. But in no need to rush. I needed rush. So I rushed her and I afterwards regretted it.
'Don't resent me,
But when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.'
I had done it. I'd let the rest of them kill him. With Harry Potter watching, the git. The next day, I was back at the Manor and my every need was catered for, except Astoria. The Dark Lord had crucio'd me but it hadn't hurt much. I was trained for it since Third Year.
The Dark Lord had, however, sent people to try and replace her but no-one was Astoria. No-one was her smile, advice and kindness. They were toys, toys for me and me alone. I was meant to make them hurt. I just hoped I hadn't, I'd sent them to the dungeon.
I wasn't going to soil my blood, I told them. I didn't want to hurt them, I told them. They weren't her. That's what I told myself. I just hoped she didn't hate me. I'd hate me. I did hate me. I was worthless scum. Astoria was right. What did I want from this? What had I wanted from her?
I just wanted her to remember me, good or bad. Forgetting about the others, just me.
I truly was greedy.
'Don't be afraid,
I've taken my beating,
I've shared what I mean.'
It was over. I had told them the truth, what I thought of Deatheaters and how they were all wrong. I was returning to Hogwarts. It wasn't like nothing had happened to me because of it. Before I'd left, I'd been crucio'd by Aunt Bella. She didn't know I could make a silent Protego. Luckily.
When I arrived, my greeting was luke-warm but then my saviour spoke out. She said I was safe, they could trust me. That was when I knew I wanted to be with her forever. She would risk everything for me. I was in love with her.
But after I was accepted, most Slytherins, minus me and a few others, were sent to the dungeons.
'You're strong on the surface,
Not all the way through,
I've never been perfect,
But neither have you.'
I walked around the dungeons, not wanting to face the Deatheaters yet. Astoria was kept in a separate cell, seeing as she was the youngest and apparently, emotionally unstable since Dumbledore had died. Since I'd left.
"I missed you, Tori. I really did, they gave me people to replace you but…" I was cut off by her cold and empty stare.
"I don't care. You probably don't remember me, well, barely. Justa stupid kid, who you fucked when I made love to you." Her hair was getting darker, her eyes less grey and I could see her heart withering, her soul dying. I could also see that that there were streaks of grey in her hair. Worry.
"Don't you ever say that!" I hissed at her. "I loved you, I still love you. You have always been mine and I I will always be yours. If you give up on me now, then I will crumble. Again, without you. Alone forever."
"Oh well." Her words are dull although her tone is bright and her demeanour uncaring. There's an awkward silence that I long to fill with everything that I feel for her. Regret, sorrow, love are the top three.
"We're going to get through this, don't worry, Astoria. We will get through this." I held her hand through the bars. Her eyes finally met mine. She didn't want to meet my eyes. In her eyes, I was still a Deatheater. There must've still been a spark though. Otherwise, she wouldn't have saved me. Again.
"You might. Voldemort will take you back, you have great talent. Unless we win, I'm dead. If we win, you'll stay alive as well, and be a hero because you came back to us. I'll be rejected because I'm seen as a lousy Slytherin. Even though I'm a Ravenclaw in my heart."
"Yeah I was going to ask. Why have you been put down here?" I noticed her gaze quickly darting from the floor to the walls and then the ceiling. Anywhere than my eyes.
"The Sorting Hat re-sorted me. Its never happened before. Ever. I started to go crazy when you left and I began to plot and shake because of the pain of losing you. I wanted to be a Deatheater, to be with you. So the Hat found my true place. Because of you." Astoria growled at me and I let go of her hand.
I'd had enough of that shit. I was going. "I've never been perfect, Astoria. You don't need to rub it in." I growled back. "And now its obvious to me, that you're not perfect either. You got re-sorted into Slytherin, for Merlin's sake! Maybe you're not even worth wanting."
As I walked away I heard her last cry. "You know, Malfoy, I never even wanted you in the first place. You needed me, remember?" I kept walking and tried not to let my true emotions show. She'd hurt me. But I had hurt her first.
'So if you're asking me,
I want you to know,
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.'
I took my place with my parents. My mother was smiling widely and my father looked exhausted but pleased with me. They were like my family in the mirror. Only proud of me for making the wrong choices. Then Potter woke up and my mother dragged us all to the back of the crowd.
I saw him hug his two friends and I smiled slightly. Someone was happy, it made me happy. That's when I realised something. I liked to please and be pleased in return. This wasn't going to work. I squeezed my mother's arm. "We have to join them."
"What?" My mother looked shocked at the very idea of fighting beside all these filthy people. "But, Draco, its suicide." My mother explained, patting me on the arm gently.
I watched from across the battlefield. Astoria had been released with Pansy and Blaise. She was frantically asking people about me. No-one cared, even though Granger tried to help for a while. Oh well. It looked like I would be going to the good side, whether I liked it or not. "I'm going Mother. They're going to win, we want them to win, aren't the Blacks all about honour? Where is the honour in dying for something you don't believe in?"
I had her convinced. My father just didn't want to go. So I went across myself, Mother following. He had no choice. And that was the moment. The moment where I knew what I wanted, how to get it and what was going to happen next.
I was going to live. Now Astoria, where was she? How old was she now? She was sixteen, I was seventeen. It wasn't as bad as all that.
'Don't resent me,
But when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.'
I walked across the dead bodies, of good and bad to find her. Then we kissed and I didn't care. No-one was watching and no-one would care. They would be happy. For us.
"Please don't say you hate. Please say you were lying." I begged her and I could see for the first time why I loved her. It was her eyes, hair, smile, personality. It was her beautiful ability to listen, her way of always keeping you guessing.
"What kept me alive out there? Thinking of you, Draco. There was no-one else in my mind." Astoria brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. It tingled. It was nice. We hugged. It felt good.
'Forgetting,
All the hurt inside you've learnt to hide so well,
Pretending,
Someone else can come and save me from myself,
I can't be who you are.'
It's the first morning of our honeymoon and I smiled at her. "Honey?" She asked me. I murmured a 'yes'. "Was there anyone else but me? Could someone else have saved you?"
"WHAT!" I shouted. "I would never, ever be with anyone else. And if you mean, Pansy, you know, she's a lesbian!" I groaned into my pillow.
"You're such a drama queen, Draco. I was just teasing. Its so hard though sometimes." She sighed and I wrapped my arms around her. She was so perfect. I kissed her forehead.
"You need to forget when I was gone. I'm here now. And your mother… she is never going to hurt you again. You're going to be okay." I snuggled even closer to her and we smiled at each other.
"Thank you. Why can't I be like you? Forgetting the past?"
"Astoria, I'm jealous of you. Remembering the past is only a little thing about you. I could never be you. No matter how much I want to. And then the two went back to sleep again, until they awoke at five in the afternoon.
'So if you're asking me,
I want you to know,
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.'
Astoria was smiling so much, I was scared her jaw would break. I really didn't want that to happen. Astoria had a lovely smile and I wasn't very good with cosmetic magic.
"Why are you smiling so much?" I was reasonably irritable. My day at work had not been the best, truth be told.
"Well, my wand began to glow today." Astoria told me, leaning against the door frame.
"That's great. Why do I need to know?" I asked her, before going back to my papers.
"Well, it was glowing blue and also the name Scorpius Hyperion became engraved in the wall of the spare room." We exchanged a look. "I'm pregnant. It's a boy."
I hugged her so tight, I was a little worried for the baby inside my wife's stomach. "That's amazing Astoria! So I guess I'd better start decorating. Are you getting time off from work? Is it okay that it's a boy? Do you mind if I touch your stomach?" I touched her stomach anyway.
"Enough with the questions. This baby is another thing to add to your list of success, I'm sure. You can do no wrong, Draco Malfoy." She teased me, flicking black ink onto my face.
'Don't resent me,
But when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.'
"YOU DID THIS TO ME!" were the last words Astoria screamed at me, before she was whisked away in the hospital.
"Don't worry, they all say that." The nurse reassured me. She patted my arm and invited me inside.
"I'd rather stay alive, thanks. I'll be in after I've had a coffee." The nurse nodded and ran into the ward, with my wife.
Blaise was on his way, as was Hermione Granger. Astoria had insisted.
Then my son was born.
Babies eyes are meant to start blue but they were my grey from the very beginning. His hair was soft and blonde like mine but his skin was the more tanned colour of Astoria's, who was smiling, like our son was the reincarnate of Merlin.
He was perfect. I knew she didn't really mean it when she said she hated me for making her have a baby.
'Forgetting,
All the hurt inside you've learnt to hide so well,
Pretending,
Someone else can come and save me from myself,
I can't be who you are.'
Scorpius was getting ready for the train and he looked remarkably smart in his robes. The Weasley girl was also wearing her robes. I didn't fail to notice Scorp's stare at her. She was pretty for a Weasley.
"Dad? Would Mum be angry if I wasn't a Slytherin?" Scorpius's eyes are large with worry.
"She was a Ravenclaw. She would've just wanted you to be happy."
"I wish she was still here with us, Dad. I miss her." Scorpius looked like he wanted to cry. I held onto him, close.
"I miss her too, son." I tried to hide my own grief but to no avail, I felt the tears in my eyes. Why had she left us? Why had she been taken so young? My sweet Astoria, my damaged precious.
"It'll get better, wont it Dad?" My son asked me. He reminded me so much of his mother. So wise, so wonderful and so kind.
"Of course it will. Maybe your mummy will bless us with a new mummy." I knew this was a lie. No-one else could be my saviour. Scorpius was the only person in my life, who I cared for.
"Bye Scorp. Have fun." I hugged him and kissed him on the head. I watched him walk off.
I'm sorry Astoria. But I can't be who you are.
That was it! It was tiring and fun and tiring. R&R please. I'm tired. Its midnight. Love you all!
