Description: My version of what happens after 4x09 – snowells!

The beginning is how I would love the next episode to start:P dah! and I have a lot of issues I want to adress.

Also, you will find a short promo video in my profile.


Caitlin was woken up by an incessant ringing.

She huffed through her half-asleep state, doing her best to ignore her cell, but it just refused to shut down. She really didn't get enough rest this night and she wanted to stay in and… she stilled, suddenly remembering exactly why she was so tired. But also so deliciously relaxed as though all the worries, all her troubles and all the tension inside of her were finally just gone. The day before she'd been worried about her friends rather hanging out with her villainous alter-ego – the evil part somehow becoming more obscure – and then she had the occasion to just be herself, Caitlin Snow m.d. And boy, didn't it feel good! She actually considered wearing a power dampener so Killer Frost would only be allowed out when Snow truly needed it.

That damned phone! She really wanted to keep complaining, but soon after that, she reminded herself that in her world she couldn't truly afford not answering, so she groaned and heaved herself up from the warm and cozy bed, reaching to the floor where her phone had to be… somewhere, she groaned again when picking it up when it was left discarded right next to her dress.

"Yeah?" she finally managed to pick it up and then she heard the distress in Iris's voice. "Wait, Iris, slow down… What happened?" she asked a moment later, all the happiness and easiness of the morning slipping away, leaving the all-so-familiar fear and anticipation.

"God, you're cold," she suddenly heard a voice from the other side of the bed and she stilled, forcing Killer Frost back under her own control. It wouldn't do good for the man in her bed to actually discover that she let her alter ego show up when they were naked.

Still, beside that, Caitlin ignored the complainer and didn't even hear him nagging her what was going on and asking if she was always so groggy in the morning.

Finally, she hung up the phone, her face nearly ashen when she fell back on the covers.

"Snow?" he asked then, seeing that something really bad must've happened.

"Barry's been arrested," she informed when finally facing Harrison Wells lying on the other side of her bed.

"For what?" Wells asked, not feeling out of place when being naked in her bed at all.

Wait… how it happened exactly? Snow tried to recall, feeling really guilty that she was concerned about Harry instead of already trying to figure out means to exonerate Barry. Then again, maybe the right person to call about that particular problem would be Ralph. Joe was already in jail, fixing Barry a lawyer, but Caitlin remembered that it was Ralph who'd been through something similar like this with Barry himself. Only back then it was actually Barry who'd brought Dibny down. Would the guy be willing to help as he was now a part of the team?

Snow closed her eyes and brought her hands to her face, groaning again.

"You do that a lot, you know? Although I do find it oddly appealing," she then heard Harry say and before she knew it, he was taking her hands away and she was suddenly right into his arms, his body pressed against her own with no barriers between them and then his lips were kissing her and damn it, if she didn't love every second of it! There was also something else. Something clearly poking her right in the stomach, making her feel deliciously warm inside.

"Is this even normal when it comes to a man your age?" she asked about that particularly hard thing and he stilled on hearing the question.

"Now, Snow, you've just offended me. I am not that old."

"Don't I know that?" she sighed and gave in to the kissing again, abandoning all of her boundaries before feeling guilty once more that she seemed to be so carefree when Barry was in jail. Then again, it wasn't as though he hadn't been completely focused on Iris when trying to save her life for all cost, leaving Snow – or maybe rather Killer Frost then – to fend for herself and Savitar to get to her first. Yeah, she might be happy that Barry was back and and all, but… Maybe that was it. Maybe despite Caitlin being happy for Barry and Iris, she was just a little bit jealous. Not for Barry, just for the idea of being lucky enough to have true love.

In her mind, she came back to the night before when she and Harry had left Joe's house together, him being the gentleman and offering to walk her to her apartment. She didn't even know how things escalated from there. One moment they were talking and she mentioned something about him always knowing what to say and always understanding her as there was this connection between them and then him confessing she had a way of bringing his soft side to the surface. Then she remembered the kiss and the sparks it ignited. It was surprising, really, that after her searching for the right man, after her desperately holding on to any kind of happiness she could get either trying with Hunter or Julian, in the end she seemed to have found that with Harrison Wells. With Harry. He'd been there all along and she couldn't even see it. Maybe it was because of his age, she thought then when standing on the street, snow falling on them as they were kissing. Maybe she should've looked closer. Maybe she should've seen that he was a good man, that she could trust him, that he was already in any secret that might've been a barrier for her to get close to someone else. He was reliable and… and before he hadn't even lived on her earth, so maybe that was why. She knew he wasn't going to stay, so she subconsciously distanced herself from him. She pictured herself this perfect life with a guy who would look like Ronnie, who would be her age, with whom she could build what she'd intended to with his predecessor, but now she realized it just wasn't right. She shouldn't live in her past. She should move on. God knew she wasn't even the same person now that she'd been then. She'd changed so much.

She still wasn't sure how this could work out, she thought when Harrison so eagerly reminded her the events from the night before. He was so attentive, so passionate, so… she stopped thinking at some point and just started to feel. In fact, there was nothing else she could do at the moment. And oh, boy, did she need that! How long had it been? She started wondering and immediately stopped counting. She'd never slept with Hunter – thank God – and it never truly felt right Julian no matter how hard she tried to tell herself he was perfect for her, so… yeah…

Nothing mattered anymore. Just Harrison and his body that fitted hers so surprisingly well and…

Right after, when they were both lying on their backs, breathing heavily; her eyes for the first time actually took a closer look at his exposed body, finding it very much appealing – his face might've betrayed his true age, but his flesh most definitely not, which came as a surprise to Snow, knowing how fond he was of the Big Belly Burger. Still, he was very active and he ate healthy when not counting the BBB snacks he so often snacked on between meals.

"Wait… what was it that you said before…?" he suddenly asked with a frown, turning his head to look at her and being immediately distracted by the sight of her body. She felt the sudden urge to put the sheet over her, which she did.

"Barry got arrested. They found him standing right over DeVoe's dead body," Caitlin finally explained, bringing herself back to reality. Harrison, on the other side, seemed to be at loss for words. "We have to go. He's been framed and we need to help him." She jumped out of bed and hit the shower. Quite frankly, now that the tension was released and she reminded herself once more what they should be doing, she felt guilty and… slightly odd about the whole thing. Was it the right call to hook up with Harrison Wells anyways? The man wore the face of the one person who'd betrayed her and was responsible for her finance's and then husband's death. Still, she also went for Zoom, which was so stupid of her that she still hadn't managed to forgive herself. She should've seen the signs and instead she got herself so worked up in the idea of finding someone to be happy with that she missed them all. She hadn't even managed to let go of that notion with Julian, which was just another mistake added to the pile. And Harry was there through almost all of it. She was the first person on the team to have actually found a connection with him. She remembered as he wanted to leave and she followed him to a bar to convince him to stay and then when she was kidnapped by Grodd, he came to get her. She couldn't deny not feeling something there with the intensity of both his actions and his eyes. Only he was searching for his daughter. There was no time to even think about getting closer to him. When he got shot and she thought she wouldn't be able to save his life, that was the worst feeling she'd ever had and she never admitted that to anyone, even to herself. Until now. Still, what was the point of trying to get closer to him when he was leaving with Jesse? When he was so many years her senior. When she shouldn't have all those feelings. In the end, they got squashed, buried deeply inside, forgotten. Resurfacing once when she thought he was gone again, when this time Godd kidnapped Harry himself, luring him to the jungle and they all went to save him. She couldn't help her emotions when she saw that he was actually alive.

Did all of that mean…? Did she…?

Still, it wasn't like she had time for that now. There never seemed to be any time for her, for her needs and for her own happiness, she realized with bitterness. She loved Barry, she did. He was like a brother to her and she understood his actions, so in the end she forgave him, but in the same time it didn't mean that she wasn't disappointed in him all the same. He lost both his parents, had a chance to get them back and screwed with all of their lives in the process. She actually thought what she would do if she could bring Ronnie back that way and eventually decided to just let it go and forgive Barry. Only because of what Barry had done, she'd manifested powers and her worst nightmare – Killer Frost – sometimes occupied her body, taking over. It was better now that she was actually fighting for the good guys, but there were times Caitlin was afraid that once she let her out, her alter ego would finally find a way to kill her and remain like this forever. Forget happy ending. Forget happiness and children and the right man. None of those things seemed to be in Caitlin's cards anymore. Barry was the one who got it all. He got Iris. He got to marry her against all odds.

And was now in jail.

Once again, Caitlin forced herself to think straight. She needed to help him. She needed to, because he would do the same for her.

Or maybe not. She was always there, saving his life, helping him, putting his own welfare above her own. They all did that. All except him.

And she was still alone. She was the one getting the worst kind of powers. She was the lonely one. She was the lost one.

She shook her head.

This was just her life and there was nothing she could do about it. Maybe that part hurt the most in the end.

And she still had to deal with naked Harry in her bedroom.

God, she hoped he was dressed by now and ready to head out.

And who was she kidding? She might've felt something stir in her heart every time he did something wonderful for her or was in danger, but were those actual feelings? She'd never considered them before because there truly was no reason to.

She had so much figuring out to do. Somehow, her life had become even more complicated…