In Silence I Grieve.
11/Loki
Doctor Who x Thor
Spoilers for 'The Pandorica Opens" & "The Big Bang"
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When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.
-Lord Byron,
"When We Two Parted Ways"
When they'd said the Pandorica was real, that it was the prison of the Trickster, the Doctor's first thought- and it had been a thought that had filled him with both hope and fear- was 'I've found him.'
The years of being alone had gotten to him. The dreaming every night of the times when they were together, and when every little thing in the world reminded the Doctor of him, flooded him with memories that left the Doctor so overwhelmed that all he could do to cope with them was to just stop and breathe. Well, it had all gotten a bit much. The Doctor had realised this when he'd begun imagining that he was still there, by his side just like he should be, as if he'd never left, so that every new thing the Doctor saw, and every place he went was entirely for his benefit- not Amy, or Rory or River, or even Rose, who had been there when the wound was still fresh and aching (not that it had ever really stopped aching)- because things were only bright and properly beautiful when the Doctor could close his eyes, and pretend that his Loki was there with a hand in his, and the perfect thing to say was slipping softly through his lips, putting the Doctor's feelings into words better than even the Doctor could. His lips had been the thing that had truly made him feel awake, even on fire after so long of being cold and dead, after the Time War. He'd lost everything, but he'd found Loki, eventually. His beautiful trickster God, who had been stolen away from him much too soon (although it could have been a millennia, and the Doctor would still say he'd been taken away too soon).
The Doctor knew that Loki had been pulled away to that space between universes, where even the Madman in his Box could not reach him, but his treacherous hearts, both still entirely devoted to Loki after everything, threw the thought to the front of his mind whenever he set eyes on the box that was sitting so still in the corner of the tomb.
And so, even though the Doctor knew better, when the hoards of enemies had come to take the box away, the Doctor had been braver and more scared than he had ever been.
And why, when the box and opened and proved to him that it was empty, the Doctor had allowed himself to cry, and not a single tear was for himself, or any of his friends, because, almost despite himself, every thought he had was on Loki, and it felt like he had lost him all over again.
