Gullible, broken-hearted me…
I only watched this film recently, loved it and felt I had to write about it. I love the whole Prom thing and wish we had one when I was at school. It follows Sam's thoughts and feelings just before Josie reveals her true identity and onwards from that..
I can't believe I asked her to dance, I can't believe she said yes, I can't believe I am holding her in my arms, I can't believe her fingers are entwined with mine. Glazing into her eyes I am lost…. this is so wrong but I can't help myself, I am drawn to her, captivated by her. I have to tell her how I feel about her, I know I shouldn't, but I must. They should have stopped me dancing with her; they must see the way I look at her. She's 17, I'm her teacher, I'm not that type of guy but she is not like any other student I have taught, not like any other person I have met. I have to keep a hold of myself, I cannot risk this, but I have to know if she feels the same way about me. Ok I will ask her about Dartmouth that's harmless enough. I don't understand why she doesn't want to go to college she is the most outstanding student I have ever had and she writes the most incredibly moving work, I worry that she has reached beyond my capabilities. Why wouldn't she want to continue that study she seems to love so much. She must have a good reason; I want her to tell me, I want to know everything about her. She wants to tell me something hopefully she has changed her mind about college although I can't bear to think of her leaving…..I have to tell her how I feel, maybe I could transfer to a school near Dartmouth if she wants to be with me. She wouldn't want to be with me I must seem like an old man to her but I am sure I feel that there is some connection between us. She seems happy I have something to say to her, here goes…. Wait a minute I have lost her attention, something has caught her eye and I feel the loss of her presence as she springs across the dance floor away from me.
That's our Josie she saved the day, rescuing Aldys from humiliation and a horrible end to her prom. Kids can be so cruel. The princesses call her a loser for standing up for her friend but she stands up to them. The pride I have for her swells up in my heart along with the love I am trying to deny that I feel for her.
She tells them she doesn't care about being prom queen, but she looked so happy when I called out her name. I was desperately wishing I could be 17 again and could be her prom King and whisk her round the floor like Guy did. I have never been so jealous of anyone in my life. I can't believe I stayed with Lara so long I didn't know I could feel this way about someone until I met Josie.
Wait, what is she saying? Am I really hearing her right? She is 25 and a reporter from the Chicago Sun-Times, how could this be, this can't be true, not Josie. She has been lying to me… she has been lying to us all about herself. Who is she? I don't know her at all. I can't listen to any more of this I have to leave.
I had to get out of there, I can't believe this she has fooled us all and me the biggest fool of them all. I thought she was the sweetest, kindest, most honest person I had ever met and it was all a lie. I never want to see her again. I hate myself as a small part of me is ecstatic that she is not 17 and not really a student. I want to go to her and tell her how I feel about her because I now can. But she is not the person I thought she was. The person I fell for was good and sweet and honest I didn't think deception was in her nature, poor gullible me. Here she comes and the situation is even worse, a final dagger through my heart, she was after a story on me, she was trying to ruin me although she denies it, she says that she couldn't do that to me, I want to believe her but I cannot with all the other lies. She is pleading for me to stay, she is killing me, I want to but I can't, my heart says yes but my head says no I am not going to be screwed over. She's pleased I was attracted to her, that she got me to have feelings for her. Yes she doesn't want me to go, as she is probably just desperate for her story and I am her story so of course she doesn't want me to go. I will never trust anyone with my heart ever again. I can't even look her in the eyes; I can't look at her at all. I don't want to see her ever again. I just can't look at her the same way, I have to go.
That's it I'm leaving Chicago to start a new life I can't go back to that school with all the memories of her. I should have never broken up with Lara… no I don't mean that it was the best decision I have made in a long time and I should have made it ages ago but I didn't realise I could feel so much for someone until I met Josie. At least I have that to thank her for as well as ripping my heart in two.
I can't go home I have to make a plan or I will just fall apart, everything feels pointless now. I thought my teaching and my sports were enough to fulfil me in life but I was wrong. Maybe I will go and live with my sister for a bit there are lots of good schools in New York and I trained their so they know me. My sister is always complaining she never sees enough of me.
I can't believe this is happening. Who is this girl really? I just have to forget her. I can't get over what she has done to me. All I can hear in my head is that song 'erase and rewind'. That's what I would like to do with this evening.
A few weeks later:
My move is today, I really should have packed up everything already but something is delaying me. I know what is holding me back even after everything she did I don't what to leave the City she lives in, but I have to go for my sanity. I have to get away from any reminder of her, I don't even know if I am going to cope teaching Shakespeare any more. I haven't got much more to do just wrap up my trophies in this paper that I have not had the heart to read especially as it is her paper, the Chicago Sun-times. Oh no the movers are here already I'll just shove the rest of the paper in the top of this box.
Settled in with my sister in New York I thought I would unpack a few boxes. Most were in storage until I found my own place but I had brought my trophy box as I thought I could put a few out to try and cheer me up plus my sister wanted to see them. She had been so supportive as I knew she would be. I could always count on her and she on me. She said I could stay as long as I liked but I didn't want to be under her feet forever and I was sure she would get fed up of a miserable brother moping round the house. I called her into my room so she could see my latest hockey trophy from Chicago but as I opened the box I nearly dropped to the floor. There was Josie's face staring up at me, I couldn't believe it. I had driven 12 hours, about 830 miles and I couldn't escape her beautiful face, taunting me at what I had lost. My sister walked in the room at that moment in response to my call and was concerned that my face had turned white and I showed her the picture. I couldn't believe it, Josie had written a story about the school, what dirt had she found on me?, I didn't want to read it but my sister started reading it and then insisted that I read it too.
My head was in a whirl. There was no dirt on me in the paper, only the story of a terrible high school experience that had scarred an incredible woman and that woman thought that she was in love with me. The truth about Josie Gellar was laid out in front of me, could I believe that this was all true? I hoped it was, not that I hoped that she really went through that pain and humiliation in high school but it was plausible from her struggles to fit in when she joined high school the second time around. I asked my sister what I should do? And she said I must follow my heart, but what if this is just a way of selling more papers, I can't put myself through that hurt again? But then I will never know if this is real, I have to take this chance. I know what I must do…..
The paper says I need to meet her at the state championship baseball game with the South Glen South Rams game 5 minutes before the first pitch if I accept her apology. The flight is 2 ½ hours and the game is in 3 hours but luckily Chicago is 1 hour behind New York. I have to try to get there; I have to know if this would work. My sister drove me to the airport and I caught a taxi from the airport to baseball field. The traffic was terrible and I was scared I wouldn't get there in time my heart was pounding in my chest, my mouth was dry. Was I doing the right thing? I raced into the stadium and saw her standing in the middle of the pitch and I knew I had done the right thing. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and she was waiting there, putting herself on the line for me. The stadium was silent I knew I had to get her, people saw me and started cheering I ran across to her and looked into her eyes and I knew she really loved me. I held her in my arms and kissed her as I had dreamed of doing for a very long time now.
The end
