Hello all!
So this is my first HP fanfic, however, I've been reading it for several years now.
This will kind of be a self insert, however, I am trying to make it more humorous than serious. Without giving too much away, I will be making fun of quite a few fandom tropes as well as exploiting some canon loop holes.
Just a heads up, I make no money off of this and EVERY character in this story is owned and operated by J.K. Rowling.
Enjoy.
I hate cruises, he thought laying back on the bed in his "cabin". The little tv in the room displayed the main deck of the ship as a storm raged on outside. The ship was so big it didn't sway too much in the wind.
He watched as the pool on sloshed water back and forth, wondering if they would drain it and refill it after the storm or leave it.
The storm had started less about two hours after the ship had launched from port. He hadn't even had time to go to the bar and get a drink with his dad and brothers. They'd boarded and decided to unpack before getting things started.
He got his own room because he didn't want to share with his two brothers and their wives, well, at least that's what he told his mom. He was really hoping he might meet someone on the cruise and maybe have a bit of fun. His hopes were dashed when he boarded and saw the other passengers. He only saw a few women he found attractive but most of the time they had kids wrapped around their legs.
How was I supposed to know 90% of the people on this ship were families with children.
A flash of lightning crossed the screen, pulling him out of his memories. He sighed and reached for the book he had brought, hoping to escape for a bit. Just as he opened it and removed his book mark, he saw something on the screen that pissed him off a little bit.
Four kids, probably not much older than eight or nine had stepped out into the tunnel that led onto the deck.
Damn kids, there is a STORM out there. What happens if you slip and fa-
Just as he thought it, the only girl of the group stepped out, clearly trying to show off for the boys. She turned around stuck her tongue out at them when lightning flashed again and one of the deck chairs flew by, clipping her on the shoulder. She slid into wall, her head hitting hard enough to knock him out. The boys ran toward her when the whole ship lurched, causing them to stumble and fall. The girl slid across the deck toward the pool, still unconscious.
His book fell to the floor as he flung his door open, sprinting down the hall, pushing people aside, and yelling for a medic.
He got to the main deck and found the boys screaming for help down the hallways. Running past them he yelled at them to get a medic.
The wind outside was quite a bit worse than he had expected, almost immediately blowing him off his feet. Grabbing a hand rail, he looked around for the girl. He started to panic before he noticed her wedged underneath a flipped deck chair. He ran to her and heaved the chair away before picking her up. He struggled his way back towards the tunnel where a few of the employees had just showed up with a stretcher and were about to come help him when the ship lurched again.
He was blown off his feet and began sliding toward the edge of the ship. He struggled to hold onto the girl and find a hand hold. Finally, he felt a railing slam into the crook of his elbow and was able to latch on. He fumbled with his belt, getting it off and wrapping it around the girl to secure her to the railing before looking around and seeing where he was.
There was no way he could stand up in this wind and it would be unsafe for him to-
Everything went white and silent.
He felt himself slipping and panicked when he couldn't move anything. He looked at the arm that had held the railing and tried to scream when he noticed it was completely burnt and his hand was missing some fingers.
He couldn't do anything. He slipped away from the girl, who he noticed didn't have a scratch on her. He felt a slight sense of relief when he noticed his belt had held.
Well, I guess this is it. Four years in the Marines and not a single scratch. I go on a cruise and less than three hours in I die.
He felt himself lifting off the deck and flung over the rail. The world faded into white.
BOOM!
His eyes snapped open at the sound of thunder.
Was it just a dream?
He sat up, squinting, trying to make out the space he was in. His hand brushed something light on the floor and he noticed they were glasses, round with some sort of tape on the bridge.
He put them on and the world around him cleared.
Where am I?
He was laying on the floor in a stone room next to a fire place. He looked around and noticed the couch next to him had someone in it. The kid had a chubby face and his arm hung down the side of the couch.
Hmm… Is this the afterlife? Some shack in a storm?
A light from the kids wrist caught his eye and he noticed the time.
11:59. Wait a minute…
The watch turned to midnight as another thunderclap shook the building.
"No. Nope. Nuh uh. This is not happening," he said as the boy on the couch jumped awake.
BOOM!
"How is this even possible?" he asked himself as he noticed an only too familiar fat man and skinny woman come down the stairs.
BOOM!
"Who is it?" the man said.
BOOM!
The door slammed to the ground revealing a massive outline of a man in the doorway. He walked in and picked the door off the ground and placed it back in the doorway.
"Sorry about tha'," he said, walking further into the shack.
"GET OUT!" the fat man yelled, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HERE! I DEMAND YOU LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!"
"Oh shut it, Dursley, yeh great prune," the giant of a man said grabbing the puny looking rifle from his the fat man's hands and tying it into a knot.
"Okay, uh… Timeout."
Everyone turned to look at him. He hadn't realized he had actually spoken but decided to run with it.
"I need to check something real quick," he started, before pausing at the sound of his own voice. Everyone still stared at him.
He pointed to the fat kid on the couch.
"Dudley."
He pointed to the couple on the stairs.
"Petunia and Vernon."
He pointed at the massive mountain before pausing.
I probably shouldn't give away that I know what's happening. If it's happening. This is weird.
"Okay, continue." he said pointing Hagrid. God, this is weird.
Hagrid walked over to him and shoved Dudley (This is really, really weird) off the couch before sitting and pointing his umbrella at the fire sending two fireballs into it.
For the next ten minutes, he didn't say much except for the occasional question he knew he was supposed to ask. When it was over, he curled up under Hagrid's coat trying to figure out just what was going on.
I died. Now it seems I've become Harry Potter. Also, I have gone back in time, which means my family doesn't exist yet. I'll have to check in on them later. Unless I'm in a different universe where my family doesn't exist. That sucks.
A sadness that he hadn't expected settled over him. He wouldn't be able to see his parents again. His brothers and their wives, one of which was expecting a child. His life had been about his family and now they were gone. He felt a tear run down his face.
He turned to look at the half giant on the sofa.
Well, I guess I can make some friends here. Hell, maybe my family does exist and I'll be able to meet them.
He rolled back over, his mind resolved to make the best of this new life.
Also, this could all be a dream.
