Gaara was a happy child per se. He could not remember a time when he was truly at peace. This was a disturbing truth for him. This caused him to be an unhappy teen and then young adult. His gloomy aura caused a slight hitch in his love life. Not to mention that he was gay and coming out had gotten rid of what friends he had left. His siblings were supportive but they were scared of Gaara's mood swings. Gaara took this as a sign that they too had abandoned him. Gaara, as you can you see never caught a break. He left for college to study literature. Friends were not easy to make at college, let alone being a depressed shut in. The people at college were a little nicer but that did not help him at this stage. Gaara knew it was just vicious cycle of staying in because he had no friends and he had no friends because he stayed in. His world was getting smaller and smaller. Temari had tried to get Gaara to a counsellor but he got to the door and then ran as if there was a monster on the opposite side of the threshold. Gaara was used to this monster. He was there all the time. Every time Gaara felt anything, he would crawl from the emptiness in him. It would tell Gaara that there was no escape and that the monster would be Gaara's only friend. He did not have a way out, you see. This was the only way the pain, the suffering and… it would be gone. That is why Gaara was on the roof of his dorm for the last five nights. And that falling feels like flying, he always wanted to fly. He would bring a pack of smokes and a note book with a pen. The wind would keep him company and he learnt to hate the sunrise. It meant he was still alive. He was weak. The need to die was not great to outweigh the fear of the unknown.
Gaara was walking to the stairs, when he heard someone running towards him. It was two guys were running down the hall and burst through the double doors to the girl's dorms. The last one looked back at Gaara. He and Gaara had an awkward encounter in the shared showers this afternoon. Actually, Gaara did not want to even want to think of it. Just the reminder was enough to make up his mind. It was tonight. He was sure of it. Temari called this morning. He had apologized. She did not know for what he was apologizing for, but she continued the conversation asking if he had gone to the counsellor she recommended last month. He said no and told her that he loved her and hung up. She had not called since then so he thought she was thinking it was one of his moods. The stairs took longer than usual tonight. He got to the top and pushed the fire door open. He lit his cigarette and sat for a second on the concrete. His breathing was even despite the fact he was minutes from death. It started to rain. Perfect, the melodramatic ending to the tragic hero's death. I just could not have written something this fucking cheesy. His thoughts then went to the note in his coat pocket. He flipped open the note to the first blank page. The entries were enough to explain why, he just needed to say goodbye. He just scribbled one line.
So long suckers
Gaara hung his legs off the edge of the roof. His cigarette hanging between his fingers and the note book on his lap was getting wet, bleeding the ink through the pages. His black hoodie was not doing anything to keep him dry. His jeans were getting uncomfortable and tight feeling as they slowly dampened. He wondered if his eye liner was running. It said it was water proof but he never believed the company. He was putting out the old smoke and lighting a new one before he was startled when the door to the stairs swung open. Note to self, block door way on the next attempt. He rolled his eyes and jumped on to the tar paper on the other side of the ledge before the person could see him. The two boys who had just ran through the doors downstairs were here with four girls who wanted to watch the summer storm. They saw Gaara and turned back. Again the last person to go back inside was the guy Gaara had a very awkward encounter with this afternoon. He lingered at the door for five seconds then followed his dorm mates. Gaara's determination wavered a bit with the interruption. He was thinking about whether or not the guys would blow the whistle on Gaara. He thought the guy was pretty cool. In fact that was what got Gaara in the awkward situation. He lifted one of the spare bricks, not that he could actually get it off the ground, and put it in front of the door. The vivid re-imagination of the guy showering and the moments that followed had renewed his resolve. He stepped up on to the ledge again. He pulled out a new cigarette as the one he had earlier was soaked. He put the note on the ledge for someone to find in the morning. It must have been five minutes before his foot was starting to leave the brick. He was shaking so bad. He wished that he could have done it the first time. The voice was coming. It was telling him that he was nothing, a coward for giving up. Gaara closed his eyes, not tonight. Tonight the pain ends, nothing the voice could say would talk him down. He was tired of being afraid all the time. There was no escape. He was past wishful thinking; tomorrow was not going to get better. There was still nothing to live for. His foot lifted higher, just a few inches from the cold, wet brick. The door started to move. The brick he had put in front of the door was rocking. Whoever was behind the door was physically fit. Gaara started to panic. Jump now or never. He was hesitating and leaning over the edge. He would lose his balance and gain it then lean farther. He nearly had himself off the edge when the door finally exploded light from the hall. Now! Before they can grab me!
"Wait!" He called. Gaara expected the police to just pull him back in to the tar, "Please don't jump…" Gaara looked behind him. It was the guy from the showers. I can't fucking get rid of this guy! The big brown eyes were looking right in to Gaara's. His bowl cut was slicked to his head. His green t-shirt was cling wrapped to his muscular chest from the heavy rain. Gaara was just being reminded to the shower eleven hours ago.
"Don't fucking try…" Gaara turned to face the city. Nagoya was a big city, a good city to get lost in. Gaara just wanted to fade in to the city lights. The rain was sparking along with the lights. It was good that it was raining because Gaara had started to cry. "I want this. You can't stop me."
"I get it, you're in pain," he was pleading, not a good tactic when dealing with a jumper, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep again if I knew you jumped because of me."
"You think you get me?" Gaara yelled and stepped down from the ledge to yell at him up close, "You do not fuck have a clue! I have nothing! I am nothing! Who is going to miss a weakling bitch? Huh? No one." The young man was taken back by Gaara's rage. Gaara pushed his hair back and jumped on to the ledge again.
"Y-you're right," you could hear the sadness in his voice. His brown eyes were looking down at his wet socks, "I do not know what happened to you but I know what wanting to die feels like." He was quiet. Damn! The bastard knows I can't resist a good story. I suppose his not going to finish till I come down. "My name is—"
"I don't want to know your fucking name," Gaara was not going to be here long enough to use it, "I just want go in peace."
"But it's not as bad as it seems," his voice was soothing among the harsh pings of rain hitting the vents on the roof, "There will be a sunrise and set no matter if you are there or not but I highly recommend it. Stopping to watch the sun will keep you young." Gaara was getting mad. He was stalling. It was making him nervous. He was wondering if the guy had called the cops after all. "I am Lee! I, uh, was the guy who , uh—"
"I know! I was there!" Gaara spat. He was mad Lee was being persistent, "can you make your point so I can plunge to my death?"
"The world wants you live," he was not making a convincing argument, "not to see you suffer but to see what you can do. You have not even seen the best of your life yet! You could do so much with your life!" As far as Gaara was concerned, he was going to amount to nothing. Why would he want to stick around to watch his life go down the drain? "Do you have any friends or family?"
"I-I have siblings…" Gaara had been trying not to think about Temari and Kankuro. Well, more Temari, Kankuro could go to hell according to Gaara. Kankuro and Gaara were stereotypical brothers. They would throw insults like well wishes. "I don't have friends."
"No you don't!" Lee smiled, "I am your friend, friend!" he stuck out his thumb and nodded his head. He was not the most socially inclined person.
"Don't pull the 'I'm your friend now so you don't have to kill yourself anymore!' trick," Gaara was trying not to burst out in full on sobs. The picture of his sister was passing through his mind over and over. He thought about how she would react when she got the news. He covered his face with his hands. He took a breath and uncovered his face. "I am going to die tonight." Gaara closed his eyes. A hand closed over Gaara's. He opened his eyes to see Lee standing next to him. He was taller and bigger than Gaara. If he wanted to, he could just grab Gaara like a football and save him right there. He knew that Gaara need to decide that for himself. At this very moment, no one could 'save' Gaara. All Lee could do was let him know that he was loved and would be missing an entire life of new experiences. And no one said that you could not use a little ultimatum as well.
"If that doesn't convince you," Lee inhaled and his broad chest expanded, "I'll jump for you. I'll take the pain with me." Gaara's eyes were the size of dinner plates.
"It doesn't work that way!" Gaara shook his head violently, "It's not like you even know me!"
"Either way," Lee shrugged, "You take a swan dive and I'll be there like an anchor." He lifted his hand and therefore Gaara's, shaking the two. "I can hold you but not for long, then we'd both go down—" Before Lee could say more, Gaara scratched the inside of Lee's wrist. He was hoping that the pain would cause him to loosen up for a second. Gaara jumped. As far as his small frame could throw him. He saw nothing but ground ten stories below him. His heart was beating slower than ever. The pulse was in his ears and he could feel nausea creeping in to his stomach. He was waiting for the feeling of falling when there was a tight pain in his shoulder. Despite the bleeding wound on his wrist, Lee hung on to Gaara's hand. The rush of blood to Lee's arm caused it to bleed faster. Lee cried out of pain and effort. Gaara was in shock. Lee pulled Gaara up on to the roof. He grabbed the guy's belt when he was half way up. Gaara did a flop on to the roof. Both of them were leaning against the ledge trying to catch their breath.
"That was incredibly fucking stupid!" Gaara bawled at Lee. He was crying again but the rain was still hiding it. It was Lee's turn to be stunned. Their hands were wet from the rain; they should have lost their grip. But he held on. Gaara was still here. Or not. He was half way to the door to the stairs. Gaara was heading for the razor blade. He may or may not be able to go through with the pain but he was willing to give it a try. It was better than having to face Lee every day and having known what goes on in his fucked up conscience. Gaara had just gotten his key in his lock when Lee was at the bottom of the stairs. Lee raced to get to the door before Gaara could lock him out. The lock clicked and Gaara ripped the door open and delve in to his room. Gaara did not see his roommate. He must be at some frat party or something tonight. He nearly got the door closed when Lee's foot got in the way. He was out of breath, soaked and bleeding. In this whole situation, the only person who sustained any real damage was Lee. Gaara had a sore shoulder and a bruised face from swinging in to the wall when he was caught mid-air, but more or less ok.
"Just let me in and I can see if you are ok?" Lee was not convinced that Gaara was done with death for the night.
"I'm fine! Leave me alone!" Gaara was not going to let this attempt go to waste. He was erratic now. His face was covered in panic. The whites of his eyes were shinning with desire and his forehead was twisted with pain. Lee was tempted to push Gaara to the ground to get in the door. "I'm not letting you stop me!" That was it, Lee shoved the door pushing Gaara on his ass. Gaara flipped over as fast as he could and crawled to the bathroom that was a foot away from the front door. He got in to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He could only find his roommate's razor but Gaara was sure he would overlook a destroyed razor when he would see Gaara encased in his own blood. Lee was working on picking the lock on the door. Gaara had gotten frustrated and put the razor on the floor on its side. He put all his weight in to stepping on the razor and ended up putting one in the bottom of his foot. He let out a small scream. Gaara pulled the razor from his foot and stood up, balancing on one foot. Lee gave up picking the lock and just shoulder checked the door. The door frame split open and the handle was hanging at an irregular angle. Gaara looked Lee in the eye. He held the blade to his wrist.
"I'll fucking do it!" Gaara was still streaming tears down his face in pain and he glared at Lee, "You can't save me!"
"I know I can't save you from the pain," Lee was trying to remain calm, holding out his hands palm down, "But I can save you from yourself…" Gaara was starting to sob and lose his balance. He dropped the blade and Lee rushed in to catch him. Gaara passed out from exhaustion and pain. Gaara's head hung over Lee's shoulder as Lee picked him up bridal style. He made a note of how skinny Gaara was. He doubted that he was eating at all. Lee got him on the bed he was sure was Gaara's. The slipknot bed spread was not subtle at all. Lee took the sock off Gaara's foot and wrapped tightly around his foot. It was not bleeding that bad, surprisingly. Gaara was lucky, not that he would see that way. Lee looked for a towel in the bathroom and tied up his wrist. Both Lee and Gaara were going to need stitches but Lee was going to wait until Gaara was awake. He did not want to call a cavalry in for Gaara because that would upset him more. Lee settled at the end of the bed, back against the mattress, thinking about the person who saved him from himself.
