Love is Grim

Fog swallowed the moon like a heavy blanket. The meadow that was usually bright with the colorful flowers, was now dark and dull, there was no life in this field. No happiness or love. Do you know what it's like to lose all hope? To give up? Have you ever been so lost and alone there isn't just a gapping whole in your chest but, you're so gone you don't know what's real anymore?

Well I sat in that lifeless heap of land for hours. Not knowing if anything in the last two months had actually happened. Hoping I was dreaming, maybe stuck in a coma. I looked at my shaking hands, the knuckles were bruised and cut from punching that stupid wall. Yeah, that white one that kept mocking me, it laughed at laughed, amused by my foolishness. My letting myself get close to someone.

This story starts from the beginning, when everything changed. A story of love from the point of view of someone who has no business being in it. Someone who takes souls for a living… A Grim Reaper.

September 18th 2009

This was the day I found the person I knew I couldn't live without. I remember standing outside of Starbucks sipping at a hot chocolate. It had been a cold day so far, the highest temperature reading a whooping sixty-five degrees Fahrenheit. I had stepped into the road without paying attention. The next thing I know there were screeching tires and a numbness filled my right side. My hot chocolate was long gone along with my breath; by the time I realized what happened I was laying flat on my face in the middle of the street. One of my eyes could only see red, air wouldn't fill my lungs, and I couldn't move. People were crowding around, a car door slammed. Then, hazel eyes filled my sight. He spoke but, I couldn't understand, my brain wasn't working properly. Everything started to fade. The last thing I remember were those hazel eyes, golden with flecks of blue and green.

September 22nd 2009

I woke up surrounded by white. There was something in my nose and a dull ache in the crook of my arm. A soft rhythmic beep repeated off to my side. The beep got faster as the memories of what happened slammed into my brain. Someone rushed in, "Miss Garwin, calm down, your in the hospital. You're alright" The woman's voice soothed me and the beeping went normal. "Miss Garwin, can you tell me your name?"

"Uhnn…" I slurred, "Catheryn Dee Garwin" I spoke slow, as if I was a child.

"Ok Catheryn. You've been unconscious for three days. Do you remember what happened?"

The whole scene came back again, "I crossed the street without looking…" Brakes squealed in my memory. "The driver couldn't stop in time, I dropped my hot chocolate, couldn't feel my right side." I paused, remembering those eyes. My voice was stronger now, "hazel eyes" I whispered.

"Excuse me?" she asked leaning closer.

"He had the most beautiful hazel eyes… golden, blue, and green. I remember I couldn't breathe and he was talking to me… but, I was so gone I didn't understand." I tried to remember what he was saying. No luck. "He was the driver of the car right?"

The nurse didn't answer, "I'll go get your doctor"

September 30th 2009

I was released from the hospital that day. Going back to my one bed one bath apartment, 45B. I thought I'd be getting back to my quiet life; back to being the soul stealer I was. The first thing I saw when I opened the door late that afternoon was hazel eyes. "You're Catheryn right?" I nodded stiffly, confused. "I'm sorry, I'm sure I'm the last person you want to see right now, I just thought I should apologize to you face-to-face."

My voice shook, nervously, "you're the guy who ran me over… you're hazel eyes…"

He's face flushed slightly, "Uh, yeah. My name is Kevin, Kevin Call. I-I know this seems out of left field and all but, would you like to go out sometime?"

I never processed it, "Yes!" I spoke almost too quickly and blushed. What was that odd feeling bubbling in the depths of my abdomen?

Kevin smiled, the skin at the corns of his eyes wrinkled. "Good, so… how's right now? Are you busy?"

I shook my head, "I was about to order dinner actually."

"Well the least I could do is buy you dinner, I mean I did slam into you with my car." He said it lightly, trying to joke. However I saw the guilt darken his gaze.

I laughed to make him feel better, although I don't know why I cared. "Then you should buy me flowers too"

That night was the best night I've ever had. We laughed and told stories about our lives. I left out the whole sending people's souls to the afterlife thing though. I learned he was a teacher at a high school, he taught literature classes and hadn't been at work in a while because of the accident. Kevin told me he'd been to scared to confront me in the hospital but, he had visited every day to make sure I was alright.

I let him know I didn't blame him, it was my fault. I had stepped in the street with out looking.

That same night as we walked up to my apartment door; he kissed me. It was spectacular, his hand cupped my cheek, his lips felt like velvet, I wanted to close my eyes and just feel that moment. But, our eyes were locked, my dark brown and his godly hazel. I couldn't let that sight disappear behind my eyelids. He tasted like mist and honey.

October 20th 2009

That day I found myself bring him lunch at the high school. I walked into his class room silently, he was in the back talking quietly to a student who I assume had asked for help. The kids in the class looked at me strangely. When he stood up and looked at me, his smile lit his face, and the corner of his eyes crinkled. "Catheryn," he spoke gently, crossing the room. "What brings you here?"

"I brought you some lunch" I smiled back at him, "Thought we could eat together."

Girls in the class giggled softly. He ignored them. "Of course" he said, "fifteen more minutes, alright?" I nodded and he turned back to the class, "Students, this woman here, is Catheryn. She's my girlfriend. I expect you all to give her the same respect you do me."

When the bell rang his class filed out quickly, Kevin sat next to me, smiling so bright he could be the sun itself. "I'm happy you came" He whispered and kissed me deeply.

My heart throbbed. I had come to tell him what I truly was, but, I didn't want that look to evaporate from his face. "I'm happy I came too" I whispered back and kissed him deeper, tasting mist and honey; forgetting all about the soul reaping I'd have to do tonight.

November 1st 2009

Kevin said he loved me. I stared at him, surprised and in shock. It wasn't possible was it? How could he love me? And no matter what I tried to tell myself, I loved him too. So that's what I told him, and he was like the sun again. Kissing me so powerfully the flavor of mist and honey filled me and made me dizzy. Could I possibly tell him now? He'd think I was nuts! But, I had to, before he got anymore deep into this. "Kevin" I spoke softly.

"Hm?" His fingers twirled a strand of my hair.

"I'm a Grim Reaper" I said matter-of-factly.

"Really? You don't look like a skeleton dressed in a black robe" He chuckled lightly.

"I'm serious, Kevin. It's true." He tilted my head to study my eyes.

His golden gaze flashed. "Catheryn, You send souls to the great beyond for a living?" I nodded. He smiled sadly, "That must be a great burden…"

I stared at him again, "You're not going to call me crazy?"

"I trust you and know you won't lie to me." He pressed his lips to my ear. "If I die I'd want the last person I see to be you, Ryn. Not some creep holding a scythe."

January 13th 2010

I held the woman's hand gently. She was so scared. "Don't be afraid" I told her. "Your safe with me."

"Where are we going?" her voice was husky. She was a smoker after all, that's what had gotten her.

"A place where all your pain will disappear and you'll be with people who love you" I smiled to her. She smiled back and willingly followed me to the gate. It was golden and as tall as an Egyptian pyramid. Around us was a giant field of yellow daisies. There was a small house far off in the distance; a tree with a tire swing hanging from it was on the side of the tiny home.

"This place looks like where I lived as a kid…" she smiled happily.

"This place represents your happiest moment in life. This is where you were most comfortable." She nodded and turned back toward the gate slowly, "It's time Donna Joy Marque. You have to pass on now."

How bright blue eyes shadowed, "Thank you. Whoever you are."

I watched her spirit pass through the gates like she was mist. "Good bye" I whispered.

January 19th 2010

Kevin's dark hair was a mess I ran my fingers threw it and caught a glimpse of the ring on my left hand. I couldn't help but smile. We were engaged. He had asked me the night before. "Hey" he laughed, "I'm trying to drive here!" I smiled.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

We moved steadily along the windy highway, on the way back to his house. There were few cars on the road and I started to fall asleep. But, out of nowhere a horn blared. The car swerved right and glass exploded on the driver's side. I heard myself scream and felt the car roll over and over…

When it stopped, red syrup covered the asphalt and twisted metal above my head. Something warm and sticky caked my face. I was hanging upside down, being held up by the seatbelt. "Kevin?" I whispered. The smell of rust and salt was in the air, the smell of blood. Turning to look at the drivers side… Shadows blacked out the rest of the memory.

January 24th 2010 to February 14th 2010

I stood at in his doorway. A coma. That's what they said, Kevin was in a coma. It seemed funny to me that we met because of a car crash and now… a car crash would be the reason we split up. His family didn't show up that day, or a week after. Students from the high school came and brought him flowers, and gave me that look. The one that says they feel bad but, are really glade it isn't someone they loved. He made no sign of waking up. CAT scans showed no improvement. I knew I was going to lose Kevin. And on valentines day the doctors told me what I had already knew.

I cried hard at his bed side for what felt like hours, "Why?" I whispered to him. "Why are you leaving me?" I didn't expect an answer. I knew he could hear me though. I'd taken a lot of coma patients to the gate before. They told me they could hear everything around them. "Your family will pull the plug, maybe it's for the best… they say you won't recover from the damage…" My voice broke into a sob, I kept speaking. "I've never been as close to someone as I am to you. I'll be alone…" I whispered that last part. "I won't tell you goodbye, not yet. You said before that'd you wanted me to take you to the 'great beyond'" I chuckled under my breath, "I'll take you, I promise. No other reaper will guide you to the gate, I'll do it. I love you…"

His family came later that day whispering soft goodbyes, reliving memories out loud, telling stories. It was just like in the movies and TV shows. They pat my shoulder and I felt nothing. I wasn't inclined to being there anymore, I just couldn't leave.

February 18th 2010

His sister signed the papers that day. Her slopping signature scrawled the bottom of the paper like when you smash a bug and smear it on the ground. I was angry, they had only given it four days, and even though the doctors did another test that turned out negative. I knew he was there, his spirit trapped in his body. But, I couldn't help him until the unhooked him.

February 20th 2010

The family hadn't told me when the doctors would be pulling the plug from the machines. I knew anyway of course, I sensed it that morning, the feeling I get when someone's about to die. A supernatural pull toward the spirit realm, the place caught between life and death. Limbo. It turned me into a being of the other side, took me to the person who was dying, and there I would wait. Watching the person die. A job like this will make you hate the sound of beeping.

This day it took me to Kevin's hospital room. His relatives stood around him, crying. I heard the beeping of his heart machine flat line and turnoff. His spirit rose from his body and he looked back confused and lost. We were both unseen to everyone else of course. "Kevin" I spoke softly. He turned to me quickly, then faded out.

I smiled, he needed time to figure out what happened. I'd wait, right here.

February 25th 2010

He was back in his room today. I was sitting there waiting. "Catheryn" He moved close to me and grabbed my waist in a hug. "Catheryn, I'm sorry. It took me so long to figure out what was going on."

I nodded. "Some spirits do that, I've waited longer. Are you ready to go now?"

Kevin's head shook violently. "Are you kidding?" He held me tighter and faded away.

February 27th 2010

It was eleven fifty-eight. He came back again. "I'm ready" he whispered sadly.

I held out my hand, "Trust me"

"I do…" His fingers clasped mine and the clock hit midnight.

February 28th 2010

We stood in the meadow. Neon flowers surround us, the moon was high, the sky clear. Stars dotted the black silk, you could see the arm of the milky way; all of it cast a glow over the area. Breath taking. "Our wedding was going to be here" He whispered. My mother used to bring me here every year when I was growing up, we'd sit in the middle and gaze at the burning spheres above." Kevin's eyes were filled with sadness. "I'm sorry…" Hazel eyes trembled. "Is there anyway I can stay?"

I shook my head. "Kevin William Call. It's your time." My voice cracked and I had to look away.

"In another life then Catheryn…" He kissed me one last time. Mist and honey… "I'll always love you." Tears snaked down from the corners of his eyes. He stepped toward the golden gate. Mist and honey I thought. All I have left of him are his hazel eyes.

Now

I stood at Kevin's grave after everyone left the funeral. His family had buried him in that meadow. His tombstone was just a cement slab in the ground. Smooth and flat. I place myself on it and laid back, looking up. The sky was cloudy, the moon was empty, the flowers were colorless, the world was dull. There were no sounds, no feelings. It started to rain lightly. I felt like the earth was mourning his loss as well. "In another life Kevin…" I closed my eyes. I could feel him with me, he lay by my side, enjoying the raindrops splashing his skin. He moved close to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His head tilted over my face, his hazel eyes filled with longing. I opened my eyes. I was alone. In the rain. All alone… With his golden eyes speckled with blue and green all over my mind. They were the only colors I'd ever see again.