I Won't Hurt Her.
Not a sound was heard as we strode towards Jacob's house. We winded through the woods on an almost unnoticeable trail, being guided mostly by the familiar scent and intuitive recollection of a path once trodden by our ancestors. Our march never reduced in speed, but every now and then we would glance at each other, grinning devilishly at some inside joke that only the pack knew about, or punching a friend playfully with eyes that shown with brightness. All of us, that is, with the exception of Jacob.
Jacob was having a particularly difficult time accepting his destiny. He sulked around, grumbling constantly about not being able to talk to that girl he had grown so fondly of. I had the discussion with him, telling him that he must stop seeing her, for her own safety. But he was unwilling, fighting me every chance he got, pleading with me to just let him call her. I wouldn't let him, and he knew that my decision was final. So he let a dark and heavy cloud of despair hover about him these days.
We moved fluidly, soundlessly; like ghosts gliding through the thick forest and out into the Black's front yard. It was at that moment that I first noticed the ancient red Chevy that was parked in the dirt driveway. I immediately turned to face Jacob and found him standing stock still behind me, his eyes wide, but now holding a kind of brightness in them that I rarely ever saw. "Bella," he mouthed as he took a few eager steps towards the truck.
"Stay away from her," I ordered in a low voice.
Jacob twisted around to face me instantaneously, already knowing what my reaction would be, and locked his eyes on mine defiantly. "I won't hurt her."
A tight laugh left my lips as I regarded him frigidly. How very little Jacob knew. I wondered briefly if Jacob knew just how many times I had made that promise myself. How many times I had sworn never to hurt Emily, never to put her in a dangerous position, never to lose control. I had repeated that phrase to myself like a sacred mantra; I won't hurt her. But I had hurt her.
Anger swelled in the pit of my stomach, causing a growl that had nothing to do with Jacob, but everything to do with myself, to gradually build inside my chest. "Do you want to put her in danger?! Do you want to risk her safety just because you miss her?"
A dark frown of frustration settled over his already hardened features, making him look drained and forlorn. I knew how he felt, and I wanted to comfort him, but telling him that everything would work out fine was just an empty promise
He seemed to understand the bitter undercurrent of my thoughts, because he said softly, but still with an edge of resentment, "I would never do that to her, Sam."
A pang of shame filled me like a bolt of lightning illuminating the sky, making me feel heavy and hypocritical. But I knew that if Jacob continued to see her he would eventually lose control, maybe unintentionally, and injure her. "The only way you can keep from hurting her is to sever the bond you have with her." The words I spoke even sounded unjust to me, but Jacob had to do this.
"So let me get this straight," He glared at me, his eyes filled with hatred, and said with untouched malice, "The only way I can keep from hurting her . . . is to leave her? Do you even know what Bella has been through in the past few months? Do you watch her as she wraps her arms around her chest trying to make the pain of being left go away? Do you see her shudder every time she is reminded of . . . him?!" His fingers started to shake in rage, but he took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm himself.
His rant sounded thunderous to our sensitive ears, but in truth, was only slightly above a normal human voice level. Even still, his voice grew ever softer, and turned into a tortured whimper. "I'm the only person she has! I- I love her." He looked down at the ground, but not quickly enough. A lone tear trickled down his cheek, spattering onto the already damp ground.
This whole time the rest of the boys had stood, silent and unmoving, knowing that this discussion was for me and Jacob. But now Embry came to stand by Jacob, clamping an understanding hand on his shoulder. Jacob abruptly took Embry's hand and shoved it away. Embry scowled, but continued with what he was going to say. "Jake, we all know how you feel about Bella, but you really don't need to get her involved in any of this." Embry spoke quietly, soothingly. Jacob still looked down at the ground stubbornly, but his brow furrowed with indecision.
I glanced at Paul, who looked both aggravated and indifferent. "Why are you making such a big deal about her? She's just a girl." Paul never was the most sensitive of the pack, and everyone usually expected this kind of comment from him, but he received several threatening glares for that remark, along with a deep snarl from Jacob.
"She is NOT just some girl!" Jacob was shaking again, this time it was nearing convulsions.
"Paul," I called his name, and he looked up at me with anger glinting in his dark eyes. "Don't." Paul stiffened, clearly offended that I had not agreed with him, but lowered his eyes and didn't say another word.
As much as I didn't want to, I stood there, relating personally to ever word Jacob had spoken. I then spoke softly in a gentle tone that even I was surprised to hear, "I know that she isn't just some girl, Jacob. But that is why you have to do this."
He still glared at me, but anger that once made him seize with pulsing tremors now reduced to an aching sadness. "I know," He admitted in defeat. His eyes shone with immeasurable pain for a moment as he stood gathering his thoughts. He knew that he had to break his bond with her.
"Make her believe you, Jacob. If you tell her what you're really feeling, she will never recover from this." I knew that far too well.
Jacob nodded slowly, and then looked up at me again. His eyes no longer revealed the anguish that distorted his face only moments ago. Now those dark brown eyes wore a mask that contained a brooding glare filled with hatred. He looked on, towards Bella's truck, and one more tear slid silently down his cheek.
