AN: This is my first P&P or LBD fanfiction, so please review, and tell me what you thought. Thanks. Also, not having a southern mother to go by (mine is definitely crazy, but not southern), I hope I got the phrasing correct. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I don't own P&P or LBD.
The piercing voice of my mother shattered the silence in my safe haven. Although she was standing in the kitchen downstairs, I could hear her as if she were next to me – not a pleasant sound to wake up to on Christmas morning.
"Elizabeth! Get down here! We're all awake, and you are still asleep, and now we can't open presents because of you. Hurry up! How you will ever manage to find a husband with this lazy attitude of yours, I will never know. Good lord!"
That last statement was what set the scowl on my face. As I'm sure any normal people would say, the blunt truth of their single-ness and lack of charming qualities is not a great thing to tell other people, but to my mother, that's all that matters. She loves any opportunity where she can rant about finding a husband for her three daughters; the lack of eligible, rich, single, handsome suitors in Meryton; and how little we – my father and I – know. In her words, Jane and Lydia are at least charming and beautiful, whereas I am plain and sassy, and my father is – well, my father.
Plucking myself out of bed, I made my way downstairs, still clothed in pajamas, which my mother would heartily disapprove of.
"Elizabeth! What if a rich, handsome, single young man comes visiting on Christmas morning, and finds you in your pajamas! You'll never be able to snag a suitor, if they all keep seeing you looking like a hooligan!"
This next outburst erupted from her mouth as I was sitting down at the kitchen table, causing a glare to plant itself on my features. This was so not what I wanted to be doing right now. Sleeping maybe, opening Christmas presents, hell, even listening to Lydia rant about how disappointing her Christmas Eve alcohol intake was, sounded appealing just about now.
As I reached for the coffee pot, a hand reached out to intercept my own. The diamond ring, perfectly manicured fingernails, and expensive Chanel watch all inspired an anger in me such as I have rarely felt before. I wanted coffee, and I wanted it now.
Not noticing my rapidly increasing breaths, my mother again scolded me for trying to eat before we opened gifts.
"Now, now, Elizabeth, now food before gifts. Lydia wants to open them, and she's waiting, so you just need to control your un-feminine urges to eat."
By now, the fury inside me was barely containable. The thought of Christmas presents, however, cheered me up. My father was sure to get me a new book – I had been requesting that Emerson collection for a while now, so maybe that would be waiting for me. Jane probably hand-stitched some new dresses for me, and how could I begrudge her that? Lydia...well, Lydia I didn't want to think about. It would probably be something pink and frilly/glittery. How wonderful.
It was my mother's that I was truly dreading. Last Christmas, she had given me a book titled 25 Foolproof Ways to Catch a Husband. I was truly shocked upon finding out that she herself had not penned it.
Jane, noticing my foul mood upon my entry to the room, immediately pulled me to her side, away from Lydia and my mother. She grasped my hand, in a desperate attempt to make me control my ever-growing temper.
"Girls, I want you to open mine first," my mother trumpeted, handing us each a malleable, snowman-adorned gift. "I feel like this is truly the inspiration some," a pointed look at me, "of you need in your pursuit of a husband. Open it!"
Tearing open the gift wrapping, I came face to face with a tomato red t-shirt that proudly displayed the saying, "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
I exploded.
