"Phantom!"
The little minion perked his head up from the pile of scrap. "Yes, mistress?"
"Drumroll, please~!"
The plushie took a record from some random spot conveniently close to him and set it on the player. As the beat poured out-
"Hey there, spootheads~!" Pen faced the audience. "Thank you for clicking here. SO glad you could join us all for Poof Chronicles…wait for it…wait for it…."
"Just SAY it already, Pen." Kahmelion sipped her Dr. Pepper and flipped her page in Divergent.
"Poof Chronicles 2~! As the title implies, this is a sequel to Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists. You don't have to if you don't want to, but as an amateur authoress, I ask that you read the original first. You can find it in the Professor Layton section under Games. In case it helps, the rating is K+ and tagged with the character 'Clive.' Wave to the lovely people, Clive."
"You wave to them." He replied indignantly.
"…Thanks, Clive~! Now, on with the show~!"
Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons
Ch 1: Here it Goes, Here it Goes, Here it Goes Again.
"Slag…slag…slaggity, slaggity SLAG!" Bee mashed the buttons on his controller. He was losing BADLY. To his left on the cement couch Sari smirked before one Falcon Punch meant game over.
"You are KIDDING me…How does KIRBY beat CAPTAIN FALCON with his own power!"
"It's all in the technique. You have to use your character's ability, and my character's ability is to use your character's ability times ten to kick your bumper."
"This vintage game su-OW!"
Ratchet had just bonked the younger bot something fierce. "Then MAYBE you should get your tailpipe off the couch and go on PATROL? It's your turn again."
"Earth Tuesday already? Yeesh. I'll get going." Bumblebee dragged his feet and transformed the absolute SLOWEST he could. Sari strapped on her jetpack and Bulkhead soon followed. They took off onto the streets and began their routine patrol. A lot had happened since "Endgame" my dear fellow fans. Black Arachnea and Waspinator were still on the lamb, and many presumed them dead. Optimus was offered the position of Magnus, and everyone and their grandmotherboard expected him to take it, but he refused in the end. With Ultra stabilized, there was really no reason for a new magnus, and he was content where he was. The Earthbound autobots were the best team in the universe in his eyes. Cheesey, yes, but shut up and pay attention. It'll pick up after the brief recap. Prowl was layed to rest in his old Master Yoketron's Dojo. The team missed him something fierce, but they went on. It was incredibly hard for Bee to cope. Slag, it was hard for everybody, but Bumblebee looked up to him like an older brother. He'd never admit it though. The decepticons were all either locked up or on the Cybertron most wanted, so maybe the ninja could rest in peace.
Suddenly, breaking and shaking them from their nostalgic reminiscing, a vintage white Volvo shot across the free way like a bat out of you-know-where-I'm-not-gonna-say-this-is-a-rated-K+-fanfic. Bee and Bulkhead quickly transformed to bot mode as the runaway car sped out into the intersection and the other vehicles stopped dead in their tracks or screeched to a halt via pile-up. As a continuous, loud, high-pitched scream followed and receded in its destructive wake, Sari realized as it went over the bridge-
"There's someone on top of that car!"
That wasn't even the weirdest part. It was going 200 mph BACKWARDS!
The Volvo landed with a heavy crash of glass windshield but kept on going. An average-looking non-pretty teenager wearing a loose pink shirt, worn blue jeans, hella worn vans, an organge bottlecap green strap choker necklace and ray bans on top of her head clung onto the trunk for dear life. Her brown eyes were wide-open and her short, layered brown hair whipped behind her in the wind. She was gonna die, right here and now, she was sure of it. She couldn't help she was a certified idiot AND mary-sue AND a card-carrying dork. Let's go poof to Detroit in two-thousand unknown in the future she said. No, let's go get some food Kahmelion said. Why oh WHY did she not listen this ONE time!
As she continued to scream her lungs out, the cop sirens faded in the distance. The Volvo spun out and rounded the corner, crashing it's side into a building and sending some little schoolgirls running for cover. "THIS WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"
Yeah, the little car was fast, but Bee was WAY faster. They caught up in nothing flat. He ran right next to it, Sari jumping off and flanking from the other side, and Bulkhead following close behind wrecking ball at the ready. He poised his stinger.
"Driver! SLOW the SLAG down or I WILL use FORCE!"
"Bee!" Sari called, wielding her energy blades. "You do realize if you shoot the hostage will DIE, ya motorhead!"
"Hey, this guy doesn't seem too concerned about the girl. Hey, how are ya?" He shouted at the brunette clinging for dear life. Through her screams she replied with the question,
"DO I HAVE TO ANSWER THAT!"
"Don't worry, miss, we're gonna get you outta here, hopefully online!"
"Oh, thanks! That sounds like a good plan, I'm ALL for it!"
"I'm Bumblebee, in case you live under a rock! You got a name!"
"Pen Fandgo-OOOOOOOOO!" She pitched as the car suddenly changed direction without warning. Her voice receeded as the vehicle climbed in speed, and the team upped their own.
"SLAG! Sari, why didn't you stop him!"
"HEY! I didn't expect that anymore than you did! I was in the air, he drove UNDER me!"
Bulkhead wheezed behind them. "I….think I….should sit…this one….down…WHOOO….that car's fast…"
The white Volvo veered off, off of the STREET! In fact, it was frikkin' suicidal! The car crashed right through a store window!"
"SLAG! The hostage!"
"..I'm okay…"the girl weekly answered, only to be cut off by the car crashing out through the other wall.
"HOLY MOTHER OF PRIMUS!" Bumblebee increased his speed as Sari flew behind him. "Is he TRYING to get himself AND the girl KILLED!"
The car crashed through three other stores, answering THAT question.
"Oh Slag…"
Bumblebee stopped as the Volvo neared it's fifth demolition derby site. "Bulkhead, come in!"
"Bee, what do we DO!"
"I'm THINKIN'! We gotta stop this somehow, and It's moving too fast."
Sari spoke up. "So far we've only been trying to catch up. We need a different approach to catching IT. We need to limit where it can go."
"Oh, I don't think it's worried about barriers…" Bumblebee surveyed the wreckage.
"Wait, I GOT it! It's a longshot, but you're a big guy, Bulkhead-"
The car spun out, and Pen hadn't YET stopped screaming. People ran and ducked for cover, and bricks fell everywhere. Just then, as the car turned the corner-
A flash of Yellow and black stood in it's way, stinger charged and ready. Naturally to avoid it's capture the vehicle spun around and headed the other direction-
Only to be halted by a flash of orange and blue. The only other way was-
And it ran and smashed STRAIGHT into a giant wall of Green and Grey, backfired, and hissed to a final halt. Sari got closer, blades at the ready, to reveal the face of this fiendish driver. Just as she went to open the door, it sprung open at her and she was knocked to the ground by blur of red and black. The pale nightmaren stopped in the sky to overlook his work.
"You just HAD to pick the demension with the giant robots, didn't you?" He crossed his arms and smirked at the brunette girl below.
Pen stuck out her tongue in reply. "You gotta do what you gotta do. Right then, what I had to do was get the eff away from a psychopath more sick in the head than I am."
"Oh, well, tata." And the being disappeared.
Sari got up and rubbed her bum. "Geez. Jerk. If he made ONE scratch, I'm gonna pummel him next time I see him." She walked over to the back of what was left of the car, where the girl was still clinging on so hard her knuckles were whiter than the paint job. "You ok, what's-your-face?"
Pen twitched her head around to look at her. He face said it all. "It all" was something like "Do I effing LOOK okay to you?" She however, replied: "Perfectly Spooty~!" with a nervous, twitchy smile. She let go, falling to her knees on the ground, and giggled a little.
"Well, let's do that AGAIN~!"
THUNK!
And then fainted and smacked her head on the ground right at Bulkhead's giant metal feet.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, four figures emerged from the scrap surrounding them. A raven-haired Korean girl shoved aside some bricks and brushed debris off of her t-shirt. She also wore skinny jeans and green converse.
"UGH!" She spit out some rubble and re-tied her high-set ponytail. "PEN! God, where is she? PEN!"
A young man(but definitely older than her) soon followed. He was sandy-haired, and wore a white collared shirt tucked into black pants over black leather shoes. Clive straightened his blue tie and picked up his blue hat(severely damaged) from the wreckage. "Bloody heck…we really should have seen that coming. How is it that that creep always seems to follow us?"
"He has a huge grudge and no life. This is pretty much his hobby." Kahmelion held out her hand to help him up. "Thing? Phantom? You ok?"
A plushie made of burlap with large green button eyes and a drawstring head popped out of a huge hole in the wall. "Never better, if you like tons of bricks not only falling on, but INTO your head!" A black gothic rabbit-looking plushie with long red ears and a green knitted deerstalker emerged next to him. "Where's mistress! I swear I'm going to take Reala's stupid face and-!"
"Nah, let's just find Pen and get it over with." The girl shrugged and reached into Thing's head, pulling out a fresh can of Dr. Pepper. "Phantom, can you poof us over to where she is?"
"I can only poof to places I've seen before!"
Clive kneeled down next to him. "But you've watched this series with Pen MANY times!"
"I still have no idea where she could be!"
"Dude, just read a few passages above! The autobots were with her last, right?" Kahmelion tweaked his face.
"…Oh, oh yeah…"
"So, let's get the heck over to the plant!"
"Yeesh, don't rush me!" And with the sound of "SQUID!" he poofed them away.
"Are you SURE it was such a good idea to bring her into the plant?"
"Ah, don't be paranoid, Bumblebee! She needed help!"
"I just can't believe it. All the complexities of these organics and their little scrapes are fixed SO easily…"
"Ratchet, keep you voice down. I think she's waking up."
Pen sprung up to sitting up straight on the table. "Did someone say CHIMICHANGA~!...no, wait, that's just the sound of my head and brains healing…my bad." She shrugged.
The team took a step back. Ok, weirdo.
Bulkhead stepped forward. "Are you ok, little human?"
"Little?" She scoffed. "I'm 15, man."
"Really? I'm 15, too!"
"Neato! In Stellarcycles, tho, amirite~?"
"How'd ya guess? You must only be 15 years then."
"Yeah, but I've seen a lot. Yeah, I'm cool man. Could use a moon pie, though. OH! Can I use your bathroom!" She squirmed.
Sari raised an eyebrow. "Down…down the hall to the left…"
Optimus stepped forward. "Wait a minute. Just who are you, Miss…er…" He waved his hand, signaling her to fill in his drawing a blank.
"Pen. Pen Fandango. Now, I'll just head to the little girls room-"
"Wait, do you even live here in Detroit."
She paused, and giggled. "Uh, NO."
"Anywhere near here?"
"Nope~!"
"Do you need us to contact your parents?"
"Nah, I'm not here with my parents."
"Oh…" Concern spread across the mech's face. "Who ARE you here with, then?"
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF SHAKESPEAR'S MOTHER! I GOTTA PEE!" She leaped off the table and practically FLEW down the hall.
…
"She seems…nice?" Bumblebee crossed his arms. "What the heck is up with that femme?"
Bulkhead leaned over his friend. "Do you think she could be a…a runaway, boss bot?"
Optimus shook his head. "NO clue."
"She DID just cut off before telling us who she's with. She may just be on a trip with some friends or an uncle or other relation." Sari shrugged. "Maybe we should ask her when-"
FLUSH!
Pen crossed back to the center of the room and hopped back up onto the table. "Gentlemen, where were we? I do believe our dear chum Optimus was discussiversing my possible compan-i-on-es traveling with myself?"
…"You…you know my name? We haven't even introduced ourselves."
"Well duh, boss bot. The only way she WOULDN'T is if she lived under a rock beneath a pile of scrap under another rock." Bumblebee interjected. What did ya think?"
"Oh, touché Bumbler." Pen scratched her ear. "I know a lot about you guys, actually, and NOT from the news. Like how Ratchet and Arcee were totally into eachother way back when, and how Prowl was always watching nature shows while Bumblebee and Sari just goofed off and kicked butt in video games…and Bulkhead?"
He looked up.
"I feel ya, man. We artists have the hardest struggle of our lives with every new piece."
"HOLD on a cycle!" Bumblebee put up his hands in a "time out" signal. "How in the slag do you KNOW all this? That's MAJORLY creepy!"
"…I set up hidden cameras in all your rooms, and watch you while you SLEEP!" She held up her hands all clawed and creepy for dramatic effect.
…cricket chirp and awkward silence.
She burst out laughing. "AHAHAHAHA! The LOOKS on your FACES…PRICELESS. Nah, I kid, I just watched the cartoon."
"Excuse me?" Optimus raised an eyebrow.
"Cartoon. You know, like on the TV and stuff?"
"I…don't understand…"
"Oh, remember how I said I'm not from around here? Well, I'm not from this demension either. I'm a poofer."
"A what?" Bumblebee raised an eyebrow.
"A poofer. My friends and I go around to different demensions and have fun and meet new people-Oh, HOGTIE THE MAILMAN! I gotta find them and the minions!"
"You came here to Detroit with your friends?"
"Yeah, then that spooty jerky jerkface jerky jerk Reala made a mess of things. Did you see them anywhere?"
"What do they look like?" Sari scratched her head.
"Well, Kahmelion is just a few inches shorter than me, my age, Asian, long black hair, and she was wearing a grey t-shirt and some jeans. Clive is older than us, 19, sandy hair and some pretty nice Limey-Man duds. He was also wearing that new blue tie I got him for his birthday, and he ALWAYS wears the blue hat. The other two are kinda difficult to describe, but they should be with Kahmelion and Clive."
"…alright…well, we'll try and find your…friends…" Suddenly, the TV screen flickered and flashed to the news, catching everyone's attention.
The reporter held her hand over one ear and held up the microphone with the other, overlooking the city from a chopper over downtown. "This just in, breaking news. Just after the schocking backwards driver that tore through Detroit this morning with a hostage screaming on the back of the car, it appears the Autobots may not be over yet for the day. This is Anne Griffin with Detroit's Eye-in-the-Sky. We are hovering over what appears to be two large decepticons, very old enemies of the autobots and our city rampaging through downtown. They've been identified as the infamous Lugnut and Blitzwing."
"What!" Optimus turned up the volume.
"Those gearheads are supposed to be in the stockade!" Ratchet leaned forward.
The reporter continued. "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as if this couldn't get any stranger, it appears that two teenagers-no, I'm not making this up- TEENAGERS are fighting the menaces. A medium-height Asian female and a Tall Caucasian male, the girl armed with a longsword and the boy with a lance are making their own attacks on the decepticons!"
"Well, shoot~!" Pen slapped her knee and dangled her legs over the side of the table, leaning on her arm. "Mystery solved~! Now, who's givin' me a lift downtown to the scrap?"
"Those are the people you're traveling with!" Sari exclaimed.
"Did I stutter, Sari? Come on~! WHOO! Let's go punch some people~!" She leapt off the table.
"AUTOBOTS! Transform and roll out!" With their leader's command they shifted to vehicle mode and got ready to go. Pen ran up to Bulkhead and flung open the door. "I call Shotgun~!"
"Whoah, where do you think you're going!" Bulkhead temporarily transformed his arm out, grabbed her by the scruff and set her down on the ground.
"Aw, I wanna join the fight!" Pen whined.
"Er…" Optimus helped her up. "We should at least take her to her friends. Buklhead, would you mind giving her a lift?"
"We SHOULD be giving her a lift to a mental institution!" Ratched interjected. "Let's THINK about the logic for a second. Inter-demensional 'poofing?'"
Pen spun around and walked straight up to the front of the ambulance, and leaned on the hood. "Well, YOU guys can basically do the same thing cross-galaxy. I just have a portable method whearas you have conventiently located space bridges."
"And those fruity-lookin' friends of yers with that clown thing today?"
"Hey, they're no weirder that the kinds of guys YOU guys meet normally." She grinned. "Besides, you should see what I can do in this universe, since it allows super-powers.
"And the 'cartoon' thing? Am I to believe you know everything about us because we're some characters on some kid's show?"
"Am I to believe you're just going to sit here while there's decepticons afoot?"
"…smart aft."
Pen grinned and once again hopped into Bulkhead's carriage.
"Ach, vat do you vant from us, you leetle punks!- Ooooh~! Are those sticks for pin ze tail on ze donkey? Let ME try~!" Blitzwing loosed cannonfire as the two teens and two minions ran astride him, slashing his legs with their blades but due to size difference leaving him with nothing more than a few scratches. Lugnut ushed in and pounded the ground, but ultimately failed to squash the little pests. Kahmelion jumped up onto his shoulders and made a large slash over his optic, slicing it in half. The giant clutched his optic in pain, knocking her off. Luckily Clive was able to catche her in time.
"AUGH! BLITZWING! I'm BLIND!"
"Ooh, an eye for an eye, I suppose then, hahaha~!-Stop crying about eet, you big hulking protoform! I've seen raggedy old femmes less sensitive to such a leetle scrape!"
Kahmelion got back to her feet. "Dangit. We're screwed."
Clive wielded his lance. "This would be a GREAT time for Pen to show up randomly and conveniently."
SCREEETCH! The tires skidded to a halt, and the autobots transformed to robot mode. A familiar figure sat atop the green and grey one's shoulder."Hey, guys, just thought I'd randomly and conveniently show up~! Whoo! Let's scrap!"
"Speak of the devil."
"Decepticons! Cease and disist!" Optimus got his axe at the ready. Bumblebee drew his stingers, ratchet his ultramagnets, Bulkhead his wrecking ball, Sari her blades, and Pen…what WAS she doing?
Pen reached down into the drawstring head of Thing and pulled out a notebook of all things.
Meanwhile, the fight had resumed. Optimus went to work with his axe, while Bumblbee and Ratched combined their electric attacks to swing Lugnut halfway across town. He was back on his feet soon, however. Kahmelion leaped over Blitwing to distract him, while Bulkhead nailed him in the gut with his wrecking ball. "Hey, nice one, man." Khamleion fist-bumped the giant autobot.
"You guys aren't too shabby yourselves."
"AIYAYAYAYAYYAYAYA~!" Pen rushed in, the notebook raised and held at arm's length in front of her. "HEEEEEEERE's PENNY!" And so she went berserk, firing the paper like bullets from a gun, and surprised everyone with the fact that the paper actually DID damage! With a mighty BANG, a few sheets took off Blitwing's left gun shaft!
"What in the name of Primus-!" Bumblebee fired some sting shots at Lugnut.
"Papyrukinetic abilities. We'll explain later!" Clive, using the confusing caused by Pen's fire rushed forward and tripped both decepticons up with his lance. They were down, but not out. The autobots and Team PaperWyngz raised their weapons, and Phantom and Thing hid behind their mistress's legs.
"All right, ya infernal beast o' burden, ya gonna get up and show what ya made of, or are ya really just wee little babeh bots?" Pen put on a thick Scottish accent, and waved her notebook in the air.
"She always like this?" Optimus whispered as best he could to Clive.
"You don't know the half of it. Matter of fact I don't even know the half of it."
"Just wondering."
"Wait!" Kahmelion raised her hand. "We're not alone…"
Blitzwing drew a remote out from some unknown place with a single button on it. He clicked it, and at that instant, a thousand shadows loomed over them.
Well, more like 5 shadows. The decepticon army just isn't what it used to be.
"Hi~! We're not seekers. We're not going to completely obliterate you Autobot and human scum! We'd NEVER do that~!"
"Shut up, Ramjet." Slipstream raised her cannons.
"PEN! What the HEY-HEY!" Kahemlion slapped her friend in the back of the head. "I thought you said these guys were GONE!"
"I said MOST of them were gone, thank you~!" Pen crossed her arms.
"They…they SHOULDN'T be here! They're supposed to be in the stockade waiting for disassembly!" Optimus was shocked.
"ZOMBIES!" Phanotm and Thing cried, clinging to Pen's legs tighter.
A whole slag storm of firepower was rained down on them from the jets.
"COME GET SOME, SPOOTHEADS!" Pen fired back, her super-sharp paper projectiles not doing much for five targets with missiles, though.
"YOU SLAGHEAD! LET'S GO!" Bumblebee yelled at her face. The team transformed into vehicle mode, and sped off. Bulkhead paused only to allow Pen, Kahmelion, Clive, and the minions to hop in.
ONE RETREAT LATER
"Holy fig, that was fun!" Pen held up her hand to Kahmelion for a high-five…and was rejected.
"You're a total idiot."
"Aw, come one, that was a pretty awesome fight!"
"I'm not talking to you."
"You are now."
"Smart-aleck."
Clive was busy breathing into a paper bag. "…."
"Hey, he gonna be ok?" Bulkhead vocalized to them inside the truck.
"He's still getting used to it." Pen shrugged. "Hey, can you roll down the window?"
"Sure. Here ya go."
And so she shoved him out for some air.
"AGH! PEN! PULL ME BACK IN!" He dangled halfway out the window. "I'M GOOD I'M GOOD I'M GOOD!" BAM! And he got smacked with a tree branch as they retreated to the woods.
…
"There, just getting it over with like a band-aid. So, Bulkster, where're we running?"
Optimus cut in on his frequency. "We're making a tactical retreat."
"So, basically running?" Kahmleion leaned back and sipped some Dr. Pepper.
The boss-bott sighed. "Look, I wouldn't expect YOU to understand. Now, instead of you sitting back there and acting so familiar with us you can start explaining."
"Didn't Pen already explain it to you?" Clive straightened his hat. "Her memory was always pretty foggy…or at least her social manners."
"Yeah, I gave y'all the spiel. Inter-demensional poofers, traveled here to Detroit, yadda yadda."
"PEN!" Kahmelion snapped. "Tell Mr. Fussybritches a little MORE maybe. Man, it's like pulling teeth to get any into out of you."
"Please." Optimus concurred.
Pen sighed. "We would be the infa-moose Team PaperWyngz." She beamed. "Ok, so you have us here, we're basically a team of crazy-battlers traveling thorugh different demensions looking for a good time and a good scrap. Whatever adventure. Usually we just like the novelty of meeting our fave characters and walking a mile in their shoes. We do this a lot, so we REALLY didn't have to retreat, Boss-bott. Besides, we outnumbered them, didn't we?"
"ConTINue." He gritted his teeth over the other line.
"Why bother, you're not believing a word of it."
"Darn right!" Ratchet's frequency cut in.
"Why is everyone just going though my head?" Bulkhead piped in.
"Ratchet please." Optimus listened to the rest of Pen's little down-lo.
"Alright, so you have Phantom. He's our ability to warp. If he sees the location even once, he can poof to that location, and can take anyone with him as long as they're touching him or someone else touching him. Next, there's Thing. He's our personal 'Hammer-Space.' He can fit CRUISE SHIPS I tell ya, CRUISE SHIPS in his head. Anything we need, basically. Those are my minions."
"Alright…tell me a bit about you and your human friends. What was with that…paper-manipulating thing on the battlefield?"
"That's me and Khamleion's special trait. You see, we are artists, so it's only fitting our super-powers would have something to do with that. We can manipulate paper and ink to do whatever we want. We can make it hard as rock or twisted or sharp or even make our drawings quite literally come to life."
"Yeah. That's pretty much it. We can shape it into special weapons, too." Khamleion demonstrated, once again forming the longsword she had earlier. "I prefer a blade, Pen usually goes with a shooter or a smasher. Guns and Mallets, the like."
"I…see…ok, and what about the boy?"
"Oh, that's Clive." Pen scratched her nose. "He doesn't do much."
"HEY!" he shouted indignantly. "I have a LANCE!"
"That I let you borrow and have been too lazy as a writer to give any special qualities yet."
"Grrr…."
"Quite…" Optimus switched off the frequency. It was silent in the giant truck for a while.
"Is it true?"
"Excuse me?" Pen leaned on the dashboard.
"That stuff you said." Bulkhead reiterated. "About warping and stuff."
"Hey, you saw us in battle." Pen crossed her arms behind her head and leaned back. "Is there any doubt?"
"Well, one thing you said was true." Bumblebee's frequency cut in. "You ARE crazy."
BLAM!
"OH SPOOT!" Pen cried out before she pitched forward and banged her head on the dash. "WHAT THE SPOOT HAPPENED!"
Bulkhead tried fruitlessly to back up, but it was too late. His front end was hanging right over the edge of the huge crater left by the blast from overhead!
Optimus transformed into bot mode. "Slag! They caught up with out convoy. Autobots, give them everything you've got!"
The autobots got themselves ready as well. The jets circled overhead with their fire and the tanks neared, all the while discharching their own. The team fought bravely, but with Bulkhead and the humans a little busy at the moment, they were outgunned in more ways than one.
Team PaperWyngz sat cowering in the truck, trying desperately to keep the balance despite the obvious front-heaviness of the vehicle.
"Mistress, what do we do!" Phantom clung to her leg.
"I'm thinkin', alright y'all?"
"Dude, you're a liscenced Mary-Sue!" Kahmelion shifted her weight to the back of the carriage. "You should be able to get out of any situation!"
"And don't you forget it!" Pen thought a while. "Clive, make yourself useful with your smarts and planning tactics junk and think us a way out of this spoot!"
"Oh gawd, what would Seto Kaiba do?" He chewed his nails as Thing clung to him, messing up his hat askew.
"We HAVE no money! Therefore we can NOT screw the rule this time! THIS situation would require a budget!" Kahmelion took one last Dr. Pepper from Thing's head. "Well, this is it. If any of you survive, stay away from my funeral."
"I got it!" Clive epiphanied. "Bulkhead! Can you hear me!"
"Y-yeah! Whaddaya got? I'm fresh out of ideas and I really don't wanna go offline today!"
"Calm down, you got one shot at this! You have to transform back into bot mode!"
"But I'll fall! Are you slagged!"
"That's why you have to be sure to be quick about this. You'll need to be calm. Once you're in bot mode, we'll be popped out and hang onto you, and then you need to shoot your wrecking ball and make a wedge, then shoot it again to knotch it in that wedge! We'll be able to reel ourselves up like a fishing line then!"
"That's so nuts it has to work! Look, big guy, I know you just met us but you'll have to trust us. Stay calm, we're trained mary-sues we have it under control!" Pen shouted to the vehicle she was in.
"…O…ok. I'll try."
"As Yoda would say, do or do not, there is no 'try'. Especially in this situation-if you did not we'd all die." She patted the leather seats. "You got this, man. From one artist to another?"
"I'm gonna do it!"
"YOU GOT THIS!"
And with a quick change, he transformed. The first shot made its mark perfectly!
"Alright, buddy! You got-"
And the second missed entirely.
"Well this was a spooty idea-AAAAAAAAAH!"
The group screamed as they fell to their untimely deaths. Where the heck what the dues ex machina when you needed it! They screamed their lungs out-or what was left of Pen's lungs considering the encounter earlier today- and fell and fell.
It was looking hopeless for the autobots above ground and it was looking hopeless for Bulkhead and Team PaperWyngz in the crater. Would our heroes escape doom? Maybe even with this uphill battle? Stop asking questions and just pay attentions! Yeesh, stuff just got intense, calm down.
Bulkhead felt something hit him the the back, and he shot up like rocket. He crashed back over the edge of the crater and the team fell off of him, back on safe ground.
"LAND!" Kahmelion exclaimed. "Thank the LORD!"
Pen laughed. "Let's do that again." A flash of black cut her off. In a blur two oddly familiar shuriken loosed themselves in the air and spun around, slicing off the gunner shafts of all the seekers and cutting completely through Blitzwing and Lugnut's legs, felling them, and then returning to where they had been thrown from. The autobots turn to see the strange figure, mysterious and yet not-so mysterious. Pen sprang to her feet. "Oh Spoot…"
"Those shuriken…" Sari gasped, and covered her gaping mouth with her hands. Tears welled in her eyes.
"You're not slagging serious." Bumblebee stepped forward.
"I really have to go to the bathroom again." Way to ruin the moment, Pen. "What?" She shot glances at those staring at her.
The figure stood, and turned to face his team. They looked into a blue visor set high on a long face. "Well… it certainly has been a while."
"PROWL!" Optimus was awestruck.
"PROWL!" Sari and Bumblebee rushed forward. Sari gave him the biggest hug of his life. "You're a zombie or something, right?"
"This is too good to be true!" Bulkhead's jaw dropped. Pen leaped forward and glomped the mech in the face, clinging to him.
"OHMYSPOOTOHMYSPOOTOHMYSPOOT!" She exclaimed. "I'm totally geeking out!"
Prowl paused for a bit. "…who's this I'm wearing?"
"We'll have to save a LOT of explaining for later." Sari turned back to the enemies. "They're regrouping!"
"Wait!" Pen said, detaching herself from Prowl's face. "I HAVE an idea! It's very stupid but I'm 100% sure of it! Sari, you have a hammer too, right?"
"Yeah….how did you-?"
"Like I said, I watched the cartoon! Now, questions later." Pen manipulated the paper into a large hammer, similar to the one she normally used for you who have read Poof Chronicles one. "Blitzwing and Lugnut are out of commission-"
"Hey! Ve can still HEAR you!-You have a very nice voice~!-COME BACK OVER HERE UND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, LEETTLE BABY GIRLZ!"
"And the seekers can't shoot us. Can you give me an airlift?"
Sari activated her jet pack. "Let's fly."
Sari climbed higher and higher, arms hooked under Pen's shoulders and Pen's hand clamped tightly around her weapon. "Alright, and RELEASE!" Sari threw Pen onto the nearest jet and dispensed her own weapon. Both of them got to work.
Sari and Pen made sure none of them went without a smashed wing or two. Sari would smash one and go to the next as it was falling, and took the first three. Pen, having unfortunately left her jet pack home was reduced to smashing Ramjet's wing and leaping from his falling frame to Sunstorm, and finally leaping back to Sari's arms.
"Oh, that was a brilliant, genious plan, human girl! I simply MUST try that some time!"
"You totally don't sound stupid right now! I don't think you're a kiss-up little slag head, honest!" Ramjet called as they all plummeted.
Slipstream facepalmed. "scrap for brains…"
ONE LONG DRIVE LATER
The group sped back to the plant in silence. Part of them really wanted to just shut up and get the slag away from the decepticons, part of them was really weirded out by what just happened. Part of them was shocked by the return of someone they SAW go offline with their own optics.
The arrived at the plant, and Pen was the first to break the silence, per usual. "So…great hustle, out there, everyone, great hustle."
"Prowl!" Bumblebee noogied his favorite ninja-bot. "You're online! But…HOW, bot!"
"I…I don't know myself…One minute I'm on top of Sumdak towers… Jazz and I used Processor Over Matter, I sacrificed my spark…and I woke up in the woods, and heard you. That's all I remember."
"It's the universe outta wack." Pen scratched the back of her head. "I seen this that I sawed before, mi hombres." The autobots stared at her. "What?"
"You KNOW about this?" Optimus knelt down to look her in the eye. "You KNOW how this happened!"
"Not the foggiest, boss-bot."
"…"
"I'm just sayin' crazy random convenient stuff tends to follow me where I go. Like that clown? LITERALLY that clown? He tracks me for a hobby."
"Is this the same reason there are dangerous decepticons circling the skies once again!" Ratched folded his arms and glared daggers at the teen and her friends and minions.
"Look, man, I don't make the rules. I just experience them. The poofing laws are just as basic as the laws of physics."
Kahmelion finished downing her Dr. Pepper and pointed a very important thing out. "So…nobody else is severely creeped out there's a dead guy walking?"
Cricket chirp.
Sari walked up to her newly revived old friend. "Look, I'm just exstatic Prowl's back and online. I mean, shouldn't we celebrate or something!"
"ALRIGHT! Part-ay!" Bumblbee posed. "I'll get the oil!"
"I got ca-aaaake~!" Pen dispensed the item out of Thing's head.
ONE PARTY LATER
"Alright, so y'all got an extra room or are we sleepin' on the couch?"
The autobots stared. Ratched scoffed indignantly. "There is NO way those haywire sparkplugs are staying here!"
"Hey, it's not like we have anywhere else." Kahmleion shrugged. "And you guys are the only people we can think of that we know in the area."
"We JUST met you!"
"You have to admit, they are kinda fun." Bumblebee fist-bumped Pen.
"Well, gang, looks like we're hobos tonight." Pen slipped Thing's straps over her arms like a backpack, and Phantom got in his drawstring head to ride. Pen put and arm around Clive and Kahmelion's shoulders. "Let's roll."
"Oh, don't guilt trip us!" Sari stomped her foot. "Like we said we just met you. We still aren't sure we can trust you."
"With all this talk about…super powers…and inter-demensional travel…what we're saying is it's hard to believe."
Pen scratched her nose. "Yeah, your right. Sorry to bother you today, then, sirs. Come on then, team, let's go to the GO-BOTS universe."
Jaws dropped. Hook, line, and sinker.
"Wait. Hold on, you DID say you had nowhere else to stay."
"And no money, so we can't afford a hotel." Clive adjusted his hat.
"And you are some pretty crazy wildcards, we could probably hang." Bumblebee said.
"I'm ok with you, you're nice even though totally glitched in the head." Bulkhead added.
"I'm thankful to be alive with my team, and somehow even though I only have our incredibly short conversation to go on, I believe you being here somehow may be the key to MY being here." Prowl scratched the back of his head, dumbfounded for once in his life.
Ratched sighed. "I'M obviously outnumbered. I'll put up with it, but I WON'T like it."
"Also, I wouldn't be able to go into sleep mode with you five running rampant in Detroit." Optimus added as the final note. "Sari, would you mind if they used your room?"
"Yeah, I'm staying with Dad anyway. If they touch anything, they're dead."
And so concludes our Pie-lut chapter. Team PaperWyngz have made it to Detroit and through some crazy reason met and maybe even befriended the autobots.
Pen, we're not FRIENDS. We just met them and they're only letting us stay because they're trying to figure us out.
It's a start. With Prowl somehow back, they wonder how this is possible, and who could be next? Mutant dinasaur cyborg ninja pirates? Remember, this is Poof Chronicles, so…yeah, probably. What happens now? I don't do spoilers.
Pen, this chapter and this ending sucks.
Shut up, Kahmmelion! I'm narrating. I now it's all full of spoot, but I can get away with it. I'm a liscenced Mary-Sue and I'm writing this spootfest.
…
"Hey, we hardly got any lines at all!" Phantom tugged his ears. "NOW all we get is the cruddy sign-off! This was NOT in my contract!"
"Aw, come on, bro." Thing re-tied his drawstrings. "At least we get THIS."
Phantom sighed. "Alright. So, tune in next time or whatever for this load of crap. Next time with 100% more Wreck-Gar. You heard me right, or did I stutter?"
SQUID!
