It seems like a dream…
Like it happened, but it didn't seem so real until the second day hits and your biggest fear comes to life… It was never a dream… It happened…
You plead, cry, scream and pray for it to be, but in the end its still reality.
All this time you think you were happy, and then life just shatters…
It's hard to think that the world still turns when your reality is shattered like glass.
You force a smile, a laugh, and keep going. And then suddenly you remember…
You stand still in your sad world, watching as others go on in life, not knowing how you really feel on the inside.
While life goes on, you suffer in silence. That's how the world likes it…
Tears won't fix what doesn't want to be fixed…
All of a sudden you feel trapping in the middle of the fight…
One side offers answers and the other is left with nothing, but they pick and prod at you to try and get answers that are not there.
You feel afraid, and angry that you can't do anything.
Even if… you really want to… you can't…
You lock yourself away, even from those who try to help. You give them enough to let them comfort you, but in the end the moment they leave you break down more and more.
You feel guilt, trying to figure out why, and how to fix it.
You feel anger, you can't find the answer, even if you want it so badly.
But most of all you feel… Alone…
There are plenty of others who have faced this, but not so many at your current age, or position.
17 wonderful years… Happy, loving years… and suddenly they are dropped at only a few words…
I cried for hours, days, and finally a week the tears are just gone.
I want to feel nothing, but all I feel is the endless hurt and confusion of the whole situation…
I want to throw away reality! I don't want to feel all this pain!
Someone save me from it all!
A gentle hand rested on my shoulder, I look up to see a man. In his eyes I see sadness…
He was thin; he wore a blue suit with converse.
I cried softly, and finally he pulled me into a hug. He told me everything would be okay…
I cried harder, clinging to this stranger. It didn't feel like it would be okay…
I wanted so much to think it will be…
He would rock me gently as I sobbed endlessly, holding it in made me feel so much worse, and the smiles I had forced finally shattered.
He wipes my eyes with his hand and offered a small smile.
As he vanished to dust, another stood in his place…
He was tall, and strong. A uniform with a large S on his chest, he looked down at me sadly. I didn't want his pity!
I didn't want to feel all this emotions! Just leave me alone!
I hit his chest in anger, he lets me, for he didn't really feel it.
I went on and on until my hands were swollen and red. He takes my small hands in his and lets me vent my anger onto him. I screamed at him, and he only listened to me as I ranted and fought him.
Growing tried, I fell to my knees and cried more.
He kneels in front of me and grabs my shoulders, he looks me in the eyes and tell me not to lose hope. To keep going, and not to give in.
I wiped my eyes as he spoke, my hands only hurt as my heart would beat.
He too slowly turns to dust…
In his place, a metal being looked at me… His eyes all too familiar…
Old and wise…
He lifted me in his arms and let me lay on his chest, listening to the spark beat on the inside. I would sniffle and he would only offer comfort, and a kind word.
He would tell me stories of old and would tell me his predictions for the future. I would only listen, having given up my hope…
He set me down and looks at me sternly.
I was young, but that didn't mean I should think my life was done… I'm here for a reason, my life was not over. I had to fight through all the pain, keep moving forward, even when all seemed lost. This was now a battle, and I was chosen to be a warrior…
I didn't want to be a warrior… What could I do?
He looked to me and said simply, Help those who are in the same pain as you are…
With those last words he was be the next to leave me alone…
Finally… He appeared…
The knight of darkness…
He looked at me, his eyes clear and face unreadable…
I glared at him.
What did he have to say? There was nothing left for me to hear!
I was already tired of this, I wished for it to end! My mind already is eaten away by this! Leave me be and let me wallow in my misery!
He looked at me still, then ever so slowly he removed his mask…
I only stared, that was a lot of trust to give a person…
In the darkest of nights, there is light. You have to find it to move on…
You have people who care for you, who want to help you, but you have to let them in… You can't close the world out, there's too much for you to do in this world to simply give up!
I looked away, he raised my chin to look at him again.
Don't let the darkness take you away from the world of light…
I was left alone…
No one came to me…
I was finally alone…
I would hear my name in the distance… I looked up to see my family, they were hurting too weren't they?
It's not just me…
My friends shouted for me, telling me they loved me and that they were really there for me…
I stand up and limp toward them…
I know you care, I know you love me…
I would start to run to them…
I know you'll be there when I reach you…
Only a thin sheet of glass keeps me from them, I raised my arms to cover my face and I crash through…
I fear… That you too will leave me in the end…
So…
My feelings in one tiny story… Paper… Thing…
My parents, after 17 years, are getting divorced… And when this was announced to me… I guess my mind couldn't take the pressure… I've held this in for a few days, almost a week now…
I don't feel like myself anymore, I try to keep a mask on to keep others from worrying about me, but lately it's only making me feel so much worse.
I have friends who are fighting me from keeping it bottled it too, my family is really worried about me… I'm in college, 4 and a half hours away from home and 3 and a half hours away from my grandmother…
Where I am, I am utterly alone…
There was no real reason to make this, senseless writing, other than just to get it off my chest…
I thank you for just skimming over it, or reading it if you actually do take the time to. It's nothing special at all.
Anyway, I would also like to put that… Well, I hate to do this, but I'm kind of putting my work to the side… The pain I'm dealing with is messing with me, and I can't think straight, even my school works is suffering from my mind endlessly being picked away at by this whole thing.
For the moment, I have to watch over my mom and brother, and they have to watch over me… My friends are hugging me every chance they get and talk to me about what I feel these days.
So I apologize for this, I really really do, but I just –sighs- I can't work well with this weighing on me…
So I thank you for time, and patience. Normally I would say I was slacking because of school and all, but now my heart just isn't here with me… It's broken and feeling lost…
So, I again, hope you have a wonder time, and when I feel up for it… I'll post something on my stories.
Until then my friends…
Fare well for now…
~*~Katie Gibbs~*~
