"Wilson, come in my room!"
Wilson looked at the T.V. then at the remote in his hand. "Why?"
"I want to hear a bedtime story! I can't sleep!"
Wilson looked at his watch. "It's 9:30! You should be up, eating pills and watching TiVo."
"I can't sleep, Wilson!" Wilson heard a sob. "My mother used to tell me one when I couldn't sleep."
Wilson rolled his eyes and walked into the bedroom. House had a pillow up to his chest and had tears streaming down his face.
"You decided to come, bitch." House sniffed.
Wilson rolled his eyes again. "Once upon a time-"
"NO! You have to be on the bed." House pointed to the space beside him.
"Are you five?"
"Are you an ice skater? We're both wrong. Get on the bed."
Wilson sat on the bed and propped himself against the headboard. House snuggled in close. Wilson closed his eyes and sighed.
"Well?"
"Let me think. I have to think of what an adult-House would want as a bedtime story, let alone a child-House."
House picked at the pillow. "I like T.V., hookers, bikes, offices that look like a giant fishbowl, roller-blading in the park, long walks on the beach, being caught in the rain-What do you think I'd what as a bedtime story?!"
"Alright! Once upon a time there was a hooker-"
"Named?"
Wilson sighed. "Named Tina. She was a hooker, but she was also an undercover FBI agent."
"Does she like Pina Coladas?"
"No. Tina was sent to a hospital one day because of an injury at work-"
House glared. "What kind? And which work place was it?"
Wilson threw up his arms. "The stripper bar okay! She got hit by a martini glass or something. And an attractive oncologist walked in to save her in the exam room."
"Where am I in this story?" House looked like he was about to cry.
Wilson smiled at House. "You. Are. Coming. Be quiet! i Anyway /i , she whipped out her badge and demanded to know where the evil man was. The Cancer-saving King asked which one, as he has many enemies-"
"You're making this story about yourself and Tina."
"You are coming in a second. Now let me think." House looked at Wilson with interest. "Hmmm...So, the doctor called his doctor friend, as the hooker-slash-FBI agent was very attractive. His doctor friend-"
"What's his title?"
Wilson looked at House. "What?"
"What is the 'doctor friend' called?"
"Cane-man."
"I want a better title."
"He's...Bitch-This-Is-My-Bike Man."
"Thank-you."
"Bitch-This-Is-My-Bike Man came in the exam room and the two men agreed she was beautiful. And they loved her body so much, and she loved theirs, that they all went out and killed the evil man, who was actually a woman. And they went to have an orgy."
"Threesome."
"And they all had an i orgy /i . The end."
House closed his eyes. Wilson smiled and put his arm around his friend.
"Hey, Wilson."
"Yeah."
"I now get 500 dollars from Chase, as he bet me that I've never had a bedtime story told to me and that I couldn't get one from anybody but a hooker. I think that makes 1000. Good-night,Mommy."
Wilson looked over at the nightstand and noticed a bottle of Clear Eyes. "House, you little-" House leaned closer into Wilson's body. He was asleep.
