April 14th 2013...
My name is Lisa Loud, I'm a 6 month old only child and,
today, I'm writing the first page of my diary.
Potential future readers might think this is a joke, but
it's not. I don't know whether my mother, Rita Loud,
ate something radioactive when she was pregnant or
it was just a random genetic mutation that occurred
by itself but I was born able to utilize a large part of
my brain's capabilities. Normal humans can utilize only
roughly 2% of what their brain is really capable of; well,
in my case, this percentage exceeds 50%!
Hearing just a few words and sentences from any
language is enough for my brain to automatically
figure out the patterns, grammar and even the idioms
of that language. I could already speak my mother
tongue fluently by the time I was 1 month old. By the
time I was 4 months old, I had already learnt 73
languages.
Also, just browsing through any book for a fraction of
a second is enough for my eyes to catch all its contents
and my memory to absorb every piece of knowledge
in it!
Although I have proven I am more than capable of
living as an adult, my parents remain in denial phase
and have unreasonable demands from me, such as
that I stay in my bar surrounded baby bed till they
feel like taking me out!
I have no time to waste with their nonsense. I have
to perform my experiments. I need more lab rats as
well. Or should I say lab humans! Please, don't get me
started with morality; anything is acceptable for the
sake of science! That's why I asked my parents to get
me more siblings.
When they started laughing, I told them that, if they
have forgotten how kids are born, I could remind them,
then I showed them a slide show with details about
how the copulating process is conducted; it even had
pictures with examples so that I would make sure that
my mentally deficient parents would understand. For
some reason, my mother almost fainted and my father
became mad and told me that I was grounded. Hah!
As if the way I lived already, forced to spend the
greatest part of my day in a baby room full of useless
toys was any different from grounding!
June 1st 2013...
I can sneak out of my house more easily lately, since I
started drugging my parents; making a substance that
will safely put them to sleep, even using whatever I can
find in the kitchen, is super easy for a genius like me.
Now the first thing I need to do is build up the capital
needed for my scientific experiments. After a lot of careful
consideration, I deduced that the best way to get the
kind of money I need is to play at the stock market.
And so, after stealing some cash from my parents, I
went to invest. It's not as hard as it sounds, if you have
my brain, that is! Predictions are nothing more than
taking probabilities into consideration, so, for someone
like me who can predict all solar eclipses for the next
6000 years, knowing what shares to buy to become
rich is a walk in the park.
August 30th 2013...
Thanks to my riches, which I have in secret bank accounts,
unbeknownst to my parents of course, I now have my
own, fully equipped lab. Also, I have cameras installed
at every room of the house and I have even put microchip
implants in my parents' bodies; it never hurts to know
where your lab rats are!
I have invented a lot of inventions that will shock the
world, but I will keep them hidden for the time being,
since, either I like it or not, I cannot claim a patent for
any of those before I become an adult (cursed laws).
However, the invention that I am still struggling to perfect
is the DNA modificator that turns species into different
species.
I don't know how many years it might take. Maybe I
will buy animals to try it on in the future...
January 18th 2015...
I conducted the first experiment with my DNA modificator.
I tried it on ten rabbits I had bought and raised in my
lab. They all turned into humans successfully, but there
were plenty of glitches.
The physical age of each of the nine human forms produced
by the experiments is different: I got a boy aged 10,
two twin girls aged 5 and seven girls aged 16, 15, 14,
13, 12, 7 respectively and a newborn female baby.
For the time being, I keep them in cages. Their growls
are annoying, but I have to endure the ordeal for the
sake of science.
I hope I manage to teach them how to speak human
language soon. Also, perhaps I need to get them some
clothes, because seeing them naked is a little... dunno...
weird... even for me!
April 9th 2016...
I have managed to successfully teach the subjects the
human language. Well, except the baby, since its brain
is too undeveloped yet.
Their human bodies seem to age normally, considering
they all are now one year older.
Thanks to my brainwasher (an invention I perfected in
2014), I implanted fake memories to all ten of them as
well as to my parents and some other close relatives,
making them believe that we all are a large, happy
family.
It seems there are still some glitches though. For example,
the 16 year old girl seems less mentally capable than
a normal human. Also, the 11 year old boy's hair kept
his rabbit fur color and he sometimes talks to some
invisible audience, though none of his 'siblings' seems
to be aware of that happening.
Darn, my DNA modificator still requires a lot of work to
be perfected.
May 2nd 2016...
I don't know how much more time it will take before my
DNA modificator is perfected. I started being afraid that
my lab rats might grow up and leave for college or I
might even die of natural causes before I can achieve
my life's goal!
So, I used one of my perfected inventions to freeze time
for the time being (no pun intended; scientists don't
make puns). Actually, I was inspired to make that
invention one day when I watched an episode from
the 'Fairly Oddparents' cartoon, where it turns out that
the main character made a secret wish and stayed a
10 year old boy for 50 years.
The idea behind my invention is largely the same; time is
nothing more than a fourth dimension. Once I activated
my time freezer, the effects of its passage halted not
only for me but seemingly for the rest of the world.
June 15th 2018...
Actually, it's 2018 only from my perspective; for the
rest of humanity, it's still 2016. That year repeats itself
over and over. No, humans' memories are not erased
after every repetition; I realized this one April Fools day,
when my parents and 'siblings' remembered the pranks
Luan had played on them the previous April Fools days.
It seems that, since the effects of the passage of time
stopped, the whole humanity's minds 'froze' in a certain
situation as well, so nobody wonders why they don't
age.
Anyway, I'll undo the time freezer's effects when I
have managed to perfect my DNA modificator... and
maybe some other inventions too.
Truth be told, I have got used to those annoying
rabbits I turned into humans. I'll miss them if they
go. Perhaps I could chill and spend a few decades...
or a few centuries with them before deactivating
the time freezer. Why being in a rush?
