An Observation worth Shedding Over
I realize I'm just an old Jewish guy, who escapes reality by researching and investigating conspiracies our government has conducted. But even so, I sit here at my desk day after day, month after month, year after year. I observe the many human beings that crawl about this precinct.
Some people I appreciate, others I do not. But I feel that I have a good grasp of life, that I understand the daily drag regular people go through, and the hardships only some encounter. Through my nine years here at SVU, I've met more then my share of the hardships; not only for victims, but for the wonderful staff. My colleagues; my friends.
Though I thought my friends were intelligent, it appears I was wrong, or some how I've overestimated my own intelligence. For I've sat here the last few months in awe, in shock, in horror. I've watched Olivia and Elliot for seven years, I've witnessed the foundation they've built. The relationship, the trust, the hope they bring to many of the distraught women, and men sometimes, that come in here. So I asked myself, what ended it? What step did I miss? What could I have overlooked?
And I realize that my beliefs in the power of government conspiracies are all around us. One word; fear.
At one point a few months ago, Olivia and Elliot got too close, when I realized how close they were to giving in to each other's temptations, I prayed (not literally of course) that they would work past it. That they could get past the physical attraction, and remain partners because I was afraid that they would have to split if they engaged in sexual freedom. Makes sense doesn't it? I wanted them to be happy. And I imagine that's what they thought to.
They probably hypothesized that if they didn't touch, talk after work, stay late together at the precinct, etc. that they would never be put into the situation where they found themselves not only falling for each other, but acting upon those cravings. But it didn't work.
It's so obvious now. It didn't matter if they remained partners, that was nothing- well it was something, but it really had no comparison. They were in love, I understand that now. I see it; things make sense that didn't before.
But, again, I feel myself confused. There is no doubt in my mind that Elliot and Beck, I refuse to call her by first name basis, have shared something. Maybe a kiss.
Just by jotting my thoughts down I feel I have come to some sort of insight, and I hope that if Elliot hasn't already, he'll understand it soon enough to still win Olivia's heart, and keep his own in the process.
This is my revelation; these moments Elliot has shared with Beck; his hand on her back, the pats on her arm, the hugs, the kisses. All of it. All the love he seems to be beaming to Beck… it isn't for her. These moments are not meant for Beck…
All those nights Olivia and Elliot spent together, all that time and work and effort- through pain and suffering and even laughter. They were both so afraid, so afraid to admit how they felt. They were always dodging each other, always paranoid about the little things. Where their hands would be, when their eyes would meet. But for how long? How long could two people go on like this?
That's when I realized I had been praying for the wrong thing. The thing I wanted most was for them to cave. To talk. They never talk. They never call. But most of all, they never touch. They're both too afraid.
But the fact is, I know the minute Elliot sees Olivia again, the second, I know he'll realize all of this. It'll all come screeching to a halt and maybe Olivia and Elliot will finally get past the fright and embrace their love. You see that's all it'll take, a moment. A second.
My only fear now is that it may already be too late.
