Chapter 1: "Birthing Revolution"

It was an average, hackneyed, stereotypically sunny day at Bullworth. Birds chirped before being struck by angry pedestrians. Other trite descriptions also happened, along with other generic shit that no one bothers to read. A black limousine pulled up in front of the school, glittering in the sun like a certain vampire pedophile's cold, heartless pen0r. When the door flew open, a pasty, emaciated leg sprung out from the threatening vehicle, squirming like some kind of horrific space parasite.

IT WUZ GIRL.

Immediately, the pedobear-senses of everyone in school (including the girls) went off and everyone sexily proceeded to have a colossal, glorious boner at the same time, which was awkward for anyone in the communal showers. Anyway...

"Welcome to Bullworth Academy, miss."

The petite girl whom the driver was speaking to had animu large, ice blue eyes that glowed like children on fire, which complemented her autistic stare. Her emu black hair was about thirty-five feet long and streaked with wonderful ADD-induced colors, including red, purple, white, diarrhea green, and monkey shit orange. In her hair was her goffick schoolbag, her deceased dog, her restraining order, an old bird's nest, a tampon, a missing child, Fatty's dignity, melted chocolate, and a used condom. She had small, pouty, herpes-riddled, red lips that curled into a content pedosmile. "BIET ME, U COCKSUCKER."

The driver smiled sensually at his dear friend, all while crying tears of evaporating blood for her sexy departure. "NO U."

The driver and the girl then proceeded to have a totally trite conversation to show the readers that she isn't a completely self-centered bitch. After being fucked in the ass and given AIDS (FAPITYFAPFAP), the girl had been carelessly tossed onto the sidewalk with yet another used condom stuck to her hair. At least he used protection! Her head spun sensually as she stumbled onto her anorexic, toothpick legs, all while contemplating about what parts of her pathetic life should she bitch about to people who would otherwise not give a flying shit. Before she could imagine a greased up, tanned Derby Harrington slowly taking off his bedazzled g-string, a tall, stern-looking woman stomped over to her with the most pissed-off, menopause-induced expression imaginable.

"You must be Angelique Shaneequa Smith-Worthenhausser."

"BITCH, GET BACK IN KITCHEN AND MAKE ME SAMMICH," screamed Angelique Shaneequa sexily as her head convulsed like some sort of demon out of Westminster, California. She then proceeded to erotically beat and simultaneously rape Miss Danvers in a thunderous fury that left the whole area within a ten yard radius covered in menstrual blood and whipped cream. After making rough, angry love for ten hours on the sidewalk, Miss Danvers sexily escorted Angelique Sheenequa to the main office. Crabblesnitch, ignoring his ancient, glimmering boner, screamed at Angelique like the horny gimp he was because she was just so AWESOEM.

They argued sexily until Angelique jumped up, tore open her shirt, and unveiled her massive 9001-FFFXOXO cups. "Take me, you dirty pervert. Take me with your fat, wrinkled CAWK!"

So Angelique, Miss Danvers, and Dr. Crabblesnitch had a steamy threesome that lasted for another negative thirty-six hours. Crabblesnitch later died of AIDS and left his young lover Sheldon Thompson behind.

Angelique Shaneequa Smith-Worthenhausser, or A.S.S., then walked straight into Greaser territory and sexed the shit out of anyone who was working on cars. Normally, this would be considered RAEP, but she's a girl, so it's okay, AMIRITE? DERP DERP DERP. It turned out Johnny actually liked it (being the masochistic bastard he is), so he got down on one knee and proposed right then and there to A.S.S.

Tears of blood and citrus-scented urine streamed exotically down her sexy blushing face. "U LIEK ME?"

Johnny smiled a neurotic, bloody smile. "I LIEK."

Angelique jumped onto Johnny like a horny cat onto a homeless person covered in mango glaze. Yet again, they made hot, passionate, manly buttsex in the garage, until an ominous shadow appeared at the entrance.

It was...

DUN DUN DUN!

Derby!