Author's Note: Thanks for reading my second foray into Walking Dead fic. After the reading, reviewing would be very much appreciated. Hope you all enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
She was thinking about Lee. The only people she had left were about to kill each other in front of her, and Clementine was thinking about Lee. How she'd shot him, how she'd wanted to be brave, keep her eyes open while she did it. That had seemed important somehow, the only way she could think to help him. She didn't have the stomach for it, not then. She'd closed her eyes when she killed Lee.
Not with Carver. She'd watched Kenny bash Carver's face in, doing her best not to look away. That had seemed important too. And now Kenny was going to kill Jane. The knife kept getting closer. It would hit home soon enough. Clem held the gun, heard Jane's strangled plea help.
He was going to kill her. Clem couldn't watch that. This wasn't Carver. It wasn't Larry. She couldn't let this happen.
She held the pistol with her good arm, and still she couldn't pull the trigger.
Kenny. Her last link to Lee.
Her hands were numb with cold. She wanted to close her eyes again, couldn't risk it this time. She forced herself to look, trained the gun.
The snow was in her eyes. Kenny shifted at the last moment, fighting to plunge the blade in. It wasn't a huge movement, but it was enough to throw off the shot. The one Clem didn't want to make anyway.
The bullet whizzed past his right shoulder, disappearing into white space. It startled him. He looked up at Clem, the undamaged eye going wide. Jane took the opening, shoving a knee into his stomach.
"Fucking bitch!" Kenny groaned, losing his grip on the knife as he recoiled.
Jane's response wasn't verbal. Snatching up the weapon, she regained her footing, advancing on Kenny. He was on one knee. She'd reach him before he could move.
Clem fired again, the bullet slicing the air between them. They both looked at her this time,. They were as different as two people could be, but their expressions of horror were the same when they saw what she was doing.
"It's over," she said, voice quiet as she raised the gun to the side of her head. The wind threatened to drown her words, but she knew they were listening. Finally, they were listening.
"Clem," Kenny began, raising a bloody hand.
"Did you hear me? It's fucking over!"
"Clem," Jane said, advancing on her slowly. "What are you-"
"Don't!" the girl ordered. She willed her hand steady, finger on the trigger that could end her life at any moment. "Both of you stay back. Jane, drop the knife."
"Clementine-"
"I said drop the knife."
Jane did.
"Kick it over here."
Jane tried. The snow halted its progress, but it landed close enough to Clem that she knew Jane wouldn't risk grabbing for it. "Back away from him. Spread out. Kenny, get up. Get away from Jane. Now."
"Clem," he said. "You're not going to do this. You don't have to do this."
"You said yourself that I was different. You don't know me anymore, Kenny, and I don't know you right now. So stop telling me what I'll do, and get away from Jane."
Kenny stood. Slowly. She'd kicked him in the knee to get him off of Jane, and the leg shook. He kept his hands up as he moved, leaving a trail of blood behind. Jane backed off, moving closer to the rest stop, farther from Kenny.
"All right," Jane said. "It's done, okay. Just…Jesus, Clem. Put the gun down. This is crazy."
Clementine almost laughed at that. It would've been the bitter kind. Could she put the gun down now? Probably. If she did, she'd lose control again; have to watch them lose it again. This wasn't climbing through a window or a crawlspace; it wasn't a stunt she could repeat.
"Clem…"
Kenny's voice shook. Clementine didn't know what she would say to him. AJ was dead. All that sacrifice and AJ was still dead. The wind bit into her. Blood pounded in her ears. When she finally heard the cries, Clem's first thought was that she'd gone as crazy as the adults.
No. There was no mistaking that noise. It was so different from what she'd heard over the last two years, it couldn't be anything else.
She lowered the gun without thought, letting it fall to her side. Kenny's eye went wide again. He murmured something Clem couldn't make out. It didn't matter. Jane appeared to sag, shoulders dropping. She wouldn't look Clem in the eye. It wasn't important. Within seconds, Kenny and Jane had ceased to matter.
Tearing off in the direction of the cries, Clementine tucked the gun under her jacket, slipping once on a patch of ice. She nearly lost her footing, but didn't notice. There was a car nearby, rusted and covered in snow. She slowed as she reached it, afraid of what she would see. But there was AJ, clearly visible through the back window.
"Oh my God. Oh my God. AJ!"
Wrenching the door open, Clem took him in her arms, breathing out harshly when she found no obvious injuries. She released a choking sob, barely aware of it. She repeated his name endlessly, only stopping when she heard footsteps in the snow.
Kenny was half running, half limping towards her. "Is he okay?" he barked, looking ready to collapse himself. "Clem, is he okay?"
"He's okay," she confirmed, unable to comprehend her own words. "He's…he's alive, Kenny."
"Let me see him. Let me look."
It wasn't a request. Clem hesitated anyway, froze a moment before handing the boy over. Kenny's tears mixed with his blood, making a path across the disfigured face that hadn't always been so full of anger and sadness.
"Fuck. Oh my God," said Kenny, holding the baby close to his body. "AJ. Fuck. I thought you were gone, buddy. We, we thought you were gone."
He kept murmuring nonsense, all the things that were trapped in Clementine's head, threatening to overwhelm her. Jane was approaching at a slower pace. Squinting, Clem saw that she had the knife again, but it was sheathed. She'd put it away right before Kenny slammed her into the glass. She'd put it away, and she'd told them AJ was dead.
Clem ran the short distance between them, halting in front of Jane. Her eyes were on the blade. "Stay away from Kenny."
"Okay."
"I mean it, Jane. You stay away from them."
"Clem, I'm not…" She paused, following the girl's eye line. "Here, all right? Cautiously, she unsheathed the weapon, offering it to Clementine.
Clem shook her head. She couldn't touch that thing, not after what just happened. "Why? Why would you lie? What the fuck were you thinking?" The fear of attracting more Walkers was the only thing that kept her from screaming.
Jane holstered the blade, eyes pleading. "Look. I wouldn't hurt AJ, Clem. I would never…" Jane paused, breathing icy air. "He's dangerous, Clem. I…you needed to see that. I just wanted to get us away from him. I didn't know what else to do. You needed to see what he was capable of."
Clem went cold for reasons that had nothing to do with the storm. "What about what you're capable of? You made me think…do you have any idea what you did? You try to prove he's dangerous by taking away the one thing he cares about anymore? What did you think would happen? Are you happy now?"
"It was stupid. I was stupid," Jane admitted. "I was desperate and I made a mistake. A bad one, I know. I shouldn't have lied to you. I didn't think it would go that far."
More footsteps, slow and uneven. Kenny approached. His face was ashen, making the blood there stand out even more. "You're sick," he told Jane, voice low and shaky. "Who the fuck does that? I knew you were fucked up already, but-"
"Enough!" Clem yelled, temporarily forgoing the need for silence. Her eyes flitted between them, going wide. Eventually, her gaze held on Kenny. "Give me the baby."
Distantly, Clementine registered surprise at her own voice. It was cool and level, not at all reflective of what she felt inside.
Kenny studied her, then locked his eye on the gun in her jacket.
Clem saw where he was looking, saw Jane mirroring him. They were back to being scared, and that was fine. If it kept the other shoe from dropping for ten more seconds, it was fucking fine. "Give me the baby," she repeated. She thought it really was over for now, but she wouldn't chance it. Wouldn't chance AJ being between them if she was wrong.
Kenny listened, staring at her as though she was a live grenade. Which was morbidly hilarious, all things considered. He handed her the boy and she winced, biting her lip against pain and nausea.
"That's open again," Kenny said, nodding at the wound in her shoulder. "We need-"
"Who's fault was that? Who's fault was that, Kenny?" she pressed, still with that odd detachment in her voice. How many times had either of them thrown her to the ground in the last few minutes?
"Hey, I didn't…this was her. I didn't do this. She could've said-"
"You wouldn't let her talk. I begged you, I begged you, and you were going to kill her anyway"
The ex-fisherman was smart enough not to bother with a denial. He hung his head under the scrutiny of a twelve-year-old girl.
"Did you want that, Kenny? Did you want me to watch you kill her? Is that what I'm always supposed to do now?"
"No," Kenny said, barely audible. "No, Clem. I…I wasn't thinking."
"No," she agreed, fighting to keep herself from clutching AJ harder. She was dizzy, like she'd just gotten off a carnival ride. Sometimes she wondered if things like that had ever existed, or if she'd just made them up. Had there ever really been anything before now, before this? "Nobody thinks anymore, neither of you. And we're all going to die because of it."
Black spots formed at the edge of her vision. Instinctively, she held AJ away from her, scared of crushing him as she fell. Kenny called her name and swore. The baby left her hands and she panicked. Then there was cold leather against her skin, arms pulling at her. And then nothing.
She woke up cold. She always woke up cold. The ski lodge was the last place with decent heat, and that was a lifetime ago. A Christmas angel, her mind locked on that. Clem wanted to put a star on the tree, Sarah wanted an angel. Sarah was dead now.
Clem envied Sarah in that moment.
Cracking an eye, she found herself back in the rest stop. The doors were closed, but bitter wind snuck through cracked glass. Clem was stiff and vertical, lying on the floor. She shifted her neck, muscles screaming in protest. Jane was next to her, arms wrapped around her knees.
"Hey," she said, smiling weakly. "You sick of this yet?"
Clem got the joke, and she was tired of passing out. She didn't smile back. She forced herself to sit up and Jane reached out to help. Clem would've shrugged her off if that were physically possible. It wasn't yet, so the girl settled for a verbal response. She didn't feel like talking. "I got it."
Jane backed off, blinked. "I know you do. I know."
It usually made her feel good, Jane's acknowledgment that she wasn't a helpless little kid. Usually. Clem leaned back against the wall. It was the only way she could stay upright. Kenny was sitting across the room in the opposite corner, AJ in his arms.
"That wound reopened," he repeated, speaking quietly. "The shock, the adrenaline wearing off…you need more rest," he finished. "I'm sorry that's so hard to come by."
That was funny. Kenny was sorry. For her being tired. It was all completely hilarious, and here she was, unable to laugh.
"The storm's too bad right now," Jane added. "No visibility. Walkers. We'd freeze, or worse. We're going to stay here for now, until it lets up. With any luck, they'll have moved on by then."
"That," said Kenny, "or the bastards will finally be too cold to move at all."
Clem nodded, looking at neither of them. "Good plan. Did you two actually agree on it?"
No one answered, which was good.
Bloody bits of paper towel littered the floor, probably from one of the bathrooms. They'd tried to clean up while she was out. Kenny's face was still one massive wound, and there were bruises forming on Jane's neck, above the collar of her jacket.
They sat in relative silence for a time, Clem and Jane sharing the same wall, but apart from each other. AJ made soft, agitated sounds while the storm pressed against them from outside. Kenny rocked him, attempted soothing noises, but there was no real effort to it.
This was where Luke had been the other day, Clem realized. This was where he'd been when he'd sat by that tree with the bullet in him, remembering all the dead. She'd said that he should try not to think about it.
She knew it was bullshit advice then, was absolutely certain of it now.
How the fuck had they gotten here?
Gritting her teeth, Clementine stood. Jane didn't reach out this time, though she clearly wanted to. Too slowly, Clem crossed the room, easing down in front of Kenny. He looked at her, tried to smile. She ignored him, eyes glued to AJ.
"I'm the same way," Kenny said after a moment. "Can't stop staring at him, making sure he's still here. Probably sick of it now, poor kid."
"I was going to shoot you. I tried to shoot you."
Her voice was calm and flat again. Over the noise of rushing wind, she heard Kenny suck in air. "I know."
She nodded, finding his gaze. "Do you care? Do you wish I had? Because if you want it that badly, you should just go outside. Freeze. Wait for the Walkers."
"Jesus Christ, Clementine-"
"I shot Lee. He came all that way for me, fought through a herd of Walkers to save me, and I had to shoot him."
She wasn't just talking to Kenny. Clem could feel Jane's eyes burning into her back, knew they were being overheard. There was no space for private conversations in the small building, not that she wanted it. She was done indulging them, speaking to one only when the other was gone, defending one to the other, being interrogated about their conversations.
It was all so fucking pointless, and she was done with it.
"He made me handcuff him to a pipe so he couldn't hurt me. He was dying, he could barely move, but he still worried about hurting me. And then he made me shoot him in the head. Does that mean anything to you, Kenny? Do you care?"
"Clem…of course I do."
"Do you want to die?"
He didn't answer, not immediately. "I want you safe. I want you and AJ to be safe."
"You don't act like it. Not anymore. You scare me, Kenny. You scare me." She emphasized the last word, hoping he wouldn't blame this on Jane.
"I know," he said, ducking his head. "I know, Clem. Truth is, I scare myself sometimes. But I'd never hurt you, Clem. Never."
"You wouldn't mean to."
Kenny didn't argue.
"Lee wanted you to take care of me, you know."
"What?"
"I heard Crista and Omid talk about it once. When you all went to get me, Lee told Crista that if he didn't make it, you should take care of me."
Kenny shook his head, a bitter smile pulling at the undamaged side of his face. "Dammit, Lee. Guy was the smartest out of all of us, but he could be a damn fool sometimes."
"He said you'd do anything to protect your family. And after Larry…"
"What? After Larry what?"
"You scared me then. For the first time. And you were an asshole to Lee because…" Clem felt Jane's eyes more sharply than ever, "because he wouldn't help you. And that scared me too. But Lee kept saying you were a good man. He kept saying we could trust you."
Kenny sighed. Heavily.
"You tried to help me. I thought you'd died trying to help me. Then there you were at the ski lodge, and do you know how happy I was?"
"Yeah, Clementine. I was too. I told you. If we could've stayed…I would've done anything to protect you."
"If you want to protect me, don't make me protect everyone else from you. I thought you died because of me, then I thought I'd have to kill you. Don't put me in that place again."
Kenny didn't speak for a long time. When he did, the words came weak and broken. "Seeing you put that gun to your head. Jesus, Clem. After what happened to Kat…"
Clementine's stomach twisted painfully. She'd forgotten about Katjaa. She'd actually forgotten the shot in the woods, the bullet Kenny's wife put in her own brain. In that moment she'd forgotten, and what did that say? What did it say about how bad things were?
Worse, what did it say about her? What did it say that some part of her viewed this as an advantage, something that gave her actions more impact?
"Don't put me in that position again," she repeated. Then she stood, took the baby without asking, before Kenny could protest. It hurt, but she held him anyway. She crossed to the middle of the room, halfway between Jane and Kenny
"I don't trust you anymore, Kenny." She spoke to the wounded man, but stared at the wall above Jane's left shoulder. She couldn't do this while looking at him. "But I want to, and I think Lee would want to. And I think you're wrong about Jane."
Part of her still hated the woman for what she'd done, but Clementine refused to believe Jane didn't care. She'd come back. People who didn't care wouldn't bother coming back.
"Are you willing to risk it?" Kenny's quiet voice hit her ears from behind.
"Am I supposed to risk being wrong about you?"
If he had an answer, Kenny didn't give it.
"If you're going to go, then go," Clem said, switching her attention to Jane.
"I said I wouldn't leave you."
"You also said I wasn't obligated to anyone, so why are you?"
Jane paused, unable to address the flaw in her own logic. "Is that what you want, me gone?"
"No."
"And you want to stay. With him."
Clem glanced over her shoulder at Kenny, returned her eyes to Jane. "I don't want to die. I don't want any of us to die. And I don't think AJ and I will make it alone."
She couldn't turn to see Kenny's reaction, but felt a shift in the air that meant he understood. She wanted to trust him. He'd saved her life. So had Jane. Jane, who said he was crazy, then did the worst kind of crazy thing to make the point.
Clem thought now that he'd been crazy since he walked out of the woods without his wife and son. That it started then, and festered. Slowly, like a cancer. It was infuriating, Jane lecturing her on Kenny's downward spiral. Clem knew him in the beginning, before everything fell apart completely. And she knew a hell of a lot better than Jane about how far Kenny had fallen.
He'd also gotten his head bashed in, so Clementine wouldn't have to. Brain damage, probably. That's what Carlos said, before he died like everyone else. Whatever was broken inside Kenny, he'd stepped up to protect her, probably made it so much worse. She'd never be able to forget that.
And she'd never leave him with AJ, not alone. He knew that now, she could tell. He knew and he wasn't protesting.
"I don't want us to be alone," she said. "We'll die that way, all of us. And we'll die if we don't get smarter, if you two don't get smarter," Clem added, half-turning to address both of them.
Neither moved. Neither spoke.
"You know what else Lee said, right before I shot him? He said not to be afraid of the Walkers, that we're smarter than they are. But we're not, are we? Not always. Even the Walkers know better than to go after their own."
There was nothing left. There was pain all over, AJ's tears on her bloody jacket, but Clem felt disconnected from all of it. She walked away from both of them, towards the doors. Staying far enough away to keep AJ from getting cold, she watched through dirty, cracked glass as the snow fell, waiting for the storm to pass.
She wondered what would happen when it did.
She wondered if it ever would.
