Watari Is Epic And He Knows It

The name's Wammy, Quillish Wammy. Call me that to my face and I'll kill you. I won't even have touch you, I'll just look you in the eye and you'll drop dead due to my sheer epicness. That's why you'll rarely see me with my eyes open; I might kill someone by accident. Anyway, I'm so badass that I don't even need eyes to see. I'm pretty badass, by the way. Oh, about the name thing. Just call me Watari, everyone does.

I am many things. Inventor. Spy. L's caretaker. Sniper. Butler. Owner of epic moustache. One thing I am not is stupid; I know that Light is Kira as much as L does, but I've never voiced my opinion. To be honest, I think most people on the Task Force know Kira's real identity—except for that idiot boy, Matsuda—but they just don't want to admit it to themselves. I haven't said anything about it because it's not my place. L employs me to look after him and occasionally be his spokesperson, not advise him on his cases.

I don't think I ever mentioned that, did I? Well, know you know. I am indeed L's employee, though I think we both forgot that long ago. Obviously we didn't completely forget it, because I'm talking about it now, but that's not the point. The point is, L looks up to me as a father figure. Of course, he has never said this explicitly, but you don't need to be a genius—which I am, by the way—to figure it out. I'm the one who makes sure all his investigations run smoothly, who supplies him with sweets. I was even there for him in his teenage years which, believe me, were not easy. He did some very strange things, but I was always there for him. Because if I wasn't, then who would be?

After I had been L's guardian for a number of years, I began to realise something. Not only would L be lost without me, but he had also been giving me direction, even if he was too locked away in his own world of justice to realise it. See, I've never had children, even though I've always wanted to. Then I realised that L would make a good son, if a bit of a strange one.

I guess that's why I do what I do—because L and I now have a special bond, I feel as though nobody could take my place. I'll never stop caring for L. His real father is dead—he doesn't need to lose me too.


A/N: Sorry this was so short, but it was just the sort of thing you get in your head and you have to get it out before it expands and you get brain constipation. Get it? Me neither ^_^ This turned out way more serious than I thought it would, but I guess it's good to take a break from crack once in a while. This will not become the norm, though. I don't want to contract the thing known as 'normal', because I heard it's catching o.0 Bye! x