Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters- I wish I did. Nor do I own the song. I actually own little so don't sue!
Spoilers: Whole of series one- Fic is set straight after the final episode.
Pairing:
Jeyton- Peyton Sawyer and Jake Jagelski,
Brucas- Lucas Scott
and Brooke Davis
Naley- Nathan Scott and Haley James
PROLOUGE
"I love the time and in between,
The calm inside me,
In this space where I can breathe."
Elsewhere- Bethany Joy Lenz/Sarah McLachlan
Peyton pulled the envelope from her door handle wondering who would leave it there. As she read she felt slightly light headed. She sat down slowly on a nearby chair. Brooke walked towards her.
'Hey sista!' she noticed Peyton's expression. 'What's wrong?' Peyton held the letter out to her best friend and stood. Brooke sank into the seat she'd just vacated her own face falling. Peyton watched her for a few moments and then felt bile rise dramatically in her throat.
Brooke met her at the bathroom door. Her dark eyes shining slightly with tears, lips trembling slightly she moved and hugged Peyton tightly. Peyton returned the gesture.
'Are you ok?' Peyton asked her brunette friend. Brooke raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.
'I'm not the one who just threw up. What's got into you?'
'Think its just sinking in that he's really gone.' Peyton said blue eyes suddenly sparkling. Brooke wrinkled her nose.
'Did you know?! I thought you found out like me with that lameass excuse for a letter…'
'Not Luke! Brooke I didn't know about Lucas at all I swear it.' Peyton sighed and slid down to her bedroom floor.
'Then who… Jake Jagelski?' Brooke knelt down beside Peyton and held her hand.
'Yeah… Hearing that about him in the letter…' Peyton smiled grimly. 'Kind brought it home.'
A worried Brooke had thrown the letter on Peyton's bed. It was written hesitantly as if the writer was unsure of how to say what he wanted…
Dear Peyton and Brooke,
I know this letter is going to seem strange. But as John Steinbeck once said: "I have owed you this letter for a very long time-but my fingers have avoided the pencil as though it were an old and poisoned tool."
So I'm finally picking up this old and poisoned tool. I want you both to know that I'm so sorry. Sorry for what I did and what I put you both through. I'm not proud of my actions and I'm not proud of who I've been recently. I don't like that person.
I want you to know that I love you both. You're two of the most amazing people I have ever known. I'm so pleased to see that the two of you are friends again. My part in that friendships near unmaking cuts deep into and I'm again- so sorry. The bond you have is stronger than you thought. Stronger than I've ever known, you two seem so attuned to each other and you see deep within each other.
I know this will seem a shock but I'm leaving with Keith. Charlestown seems like somewhere I can find who I am. Take a chance to grow and become someone I hopefully do like.
Peyton I'm sorry we mistook friendship. I'm sorry we took one step to far and let half-feelings rule of rationality. You're such a wonderful caring person, you thought of Brooke till the end. You've been through so much, much more than anyone needs in their live, yet you still worry about other people and always put their feelings first, I wish I had your compassion and I wish I could stay in Tree Hill and be there for you. Especially now Jake has left, I think I now how you feel about him Peyton. I see the light in your eyes when he's near you. And I see the way he looks at you when you're not looking.
I let someone I love walk away from me too. I had no choice but the reason she walked away from me was my own actions not the actions of someone else. If Jake comes back Peyton and I hope he does. Take the chance.
Brooke I'm again- very sorry. I love you and should never have thought to walk away… you're so beautiful and so exciting. Every moment with you was an eye opener to me. I hope to make some changes in myself before I see you again. You trusted me not to be the sort of person I was. Not to be the same male you were used to. When we met I thought you were the person everyone else sees. The airhead. You showed me the opposite- you showed me a smart, funny and brave woman. I had the honour of briefly being with. I hope when we meet again I can be some worth you.
I'm sorry to have to say my goodbyes by letter. But Keith and I leave now. I've said goodbye to Nathan and Haley. I hope you both can look after her for me. Maybe even look after my "little brother." Nathan and I have made our peace. We've got a lot more than a father common it seems. Maybe Brooke, you could check on my mom for me. she isn't too thrilled with my leaving.
I love Tree Hill and I love you both. But I must go. I need this chance to prove to you both and to myself that I can do better. It won't be easy but Abraham Lincoln once said "The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time."
More than anything in the world I want to be able to breathe in my own time. Take a little of that time- find the space between it and hopefully find who I am.
Love,
Lucas
