[[ disclaimer:if i had enough skill to publish a book, i wouldn't be on fanfiction. i'd be writing books. ]]

It was wonderful and it was awful. Uplifting and disasterous. Every moment they spent together only intensified the feeling that this boy was something special. Something he'd be hard-pressed to find again. Every smile, every grin, every word they exchanged - all of it was making it worse. Making it worse by making him feel so alive, so happy. Such a feeling couldn't be bad, that just wouldn't be fair to him at all - but it was bad. It was awful, because as Leo Valdez fell fast for Jason Grace, Jason Grace was falling fast for Piper McLean.

He could see it happening right in front of him, and it was killing him. Sure, Leo had encouraged at first. He had spurred the two lovebirds on, pushing them in each others arms because it had seemed to be perfect. But now... Now every time he saw them together, it was like a knife to his heart.

Just like now. The three of them sat around a campfire, Jason and Piper huddled close together several feet away from where Leo hunched next to the fire. Every so often, he'd glance their way. They were always looking at each other with those huge, fawning, love-sick grins; they talked in quiet whispers.

It was like he didn't even exist.

They laughed in unison, and Leo's heart sank lower. Jason's blue eyes were twinkling in the firelight and it was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen, but it wasn't directed at him. It'd never be, because Leo had encouraged his two friends to get together. He'd give anything to have Jason look at him like that.

And the more time passed, the longer they spent together, it only got worse. Worse and worse for him as he watched the boy he'd fallen for and his closest friend grow closer. Three months since they'd met, and Piper and Jason were always together - always touching, always laughing, always grinning at one another and sneaking yearning glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. They were supposed to be helping him work on the ship today, but Piper and Jason were just standing there - standing way too close and looking into each others' eyes and it caused a surge of sudden fury to erupt within Leo.

It wasn't fair that he got shoved to the sidelines while Piper got this amazing boy all to herself. Leo sat atop his masterful ship, watching them get closer and closer until he saw Jason tilt his head down towards her. "Hey, Pipes?" he called down.

The two looked up, Piper taking a step back from Jason instantly. "Yeah, Leo? Do you need something?"

Leo nodded. It was taking all his effort not to burn a hole through the ship and to seem his usual cheerful self at the same time. "Yeah. Can you go get Nyssa for me? She's at the forge." He knew Piper would agree, and watched her run off with a sense of triumph. His heart thundered against his chest. As soon as she got far enough away, Leo slid from where he sat and came to stand by Jason.

Jason Grace stared at him, a smile on his face. "What's up, Leo?"

And it broke him. The anger exploded into full on despair because he had been standing there and breaking down for months and all Jason had to say was 'what's up'. "What are you doing?" Leo said weakly. "With Piper, man. What are you doing?"

Jason frowned. He tried to speak, and Leo cut him off.

"I mean, damn, Jason, are you trying to kill me?" His voice was cracking, and it was embarrassing, but there was no way this could keep going. No way Leo could continue to let it happen in front of him. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair, and he couldn't stand it. "You keep looking at her like- like she's greatest fucking thing you've seen, and-!"

"Leo," Jason said slowly. "What's gotten into you?" He lowered his hands onto Leo's shoulders, a frown on his face that deepened as soon as he felt the smaller boy shaking. "What's wrong? Is it Piper? Leo, do you... do you like Piper..?"

Leo could have cried but he felt so hot that the tears had to be evaporating as soon as they hit his face. This wasn't good, this wasn't fair. Jason was his. Jason should have been his. And he... "You think.. you think I like Pipes?" Leo said. "No.. No, Jason, it isn't Piper, it's you, I like-" He stopped, suddenly too frightened to say anything else. Too scared to say it, too scared not to. Leo looked into Jason's bright blue eyes, full of concern, and he leapt.

He threw his arms around Jason's neck, brought their mouths together, and focused on putting everything he felt into it. But almost instantly, Jason's hands on his shoulders shoved him back. If it was possible, Leo's heart sank even further. Jason was staring at him, completely shocked, and, as Leo watched, he raised one hand to wipe across his mouth.

"Jason.. Jason, c'mon, please... I'm sorry..." Only he wasn't because kissing Jason Grace was what he'd wanted for so long.

Jason took a step away from Leo. "Leo... Calm down, so we can talk about this-"

"Talk about what?" Piper was back. She looked at the two of them, eyebrows raised, looking curious. Curious but calm. She hadn't seen, and for that, Leo was a little grateful.

But more so he was devasted. Devasted because Jason had looked away from him and to Piper, and a smile was creeping back to his face at the sight of her. Leo looked away, staring beside him at the ship and trying so hard not to look like anything was wrong.

"It's nothing," he heard Jason say slowly. "Leo's just... a little confused. Right, Leo?"

"Right. Yeah. Confused."

How could this be happening?