Memories of Water
In her dreams, there is no Alkali Lake, no disjunction between duty and desire. Jean Grey has a world that is free of hurt and harm, free from lack of control and tragedy.
It never was, never will be.
And now, Scott, best friend and would be husband, is dead. She killed the Professor too, doesn't matter that he's come back to life. To everyone, she will just be the woman with the fiery red hair, the one who killed her lover and her father figure too.
There is no psychiatrist powerful enough to unlock her mind, and no one that wants to.
At Alcatraz, she knew subconsciously there were two ways to end the madness that had begun. One, she could let Wolverine come close, two, they would somehow force their way forward with the boy. The second was unlikely; she'd rip him to pieces before he got close enough to rip her powers away.
And then the end came, and kept coming, because there were no claws in his hands, only a needle and an antidote.
When Jean felt her mind and body returning to Earth, she began to scream, because there was nothing left for her or anyone she'd ever loved.
"JEAN! Jean! You've got to calm down! You've got quiet down!"
Backwards, everything is going backwards, the sky is whirling around and her eyes are rolling backwards, past Logan's aggravated face and snarled sentiments and backwards. She is screaming hysterically, whimpering as she writhes, stopped only by his arms pinning her down. They're still on the pavement, she's pinned on the asphalt she blew apart and now she only feels empty. She's screaming because of what she's done, and what will happen now. Strength is leaking out of her in waves. Now she has no power and she will be so alone. It doesn't take a superpower to see the future.
They're running now, Jean's in Logan's arms and he's running to catch up with Storm, to get her away from the carnage because she'll never be a person again after this. In the human world, she'd be put to death and my god, she thinks, she's only human now.
The sky is rushing past her, growing dimmer and dimmer as she stop struggling and tries to fall asleep and die in Logan's arms. It's like coming down, down farther down, past the stars and headlights and conscious thought, the phoenix was a magnificent high of power and control and she's only ever wanted control. Now, Jean's down, going down, below the streets and she's still flying.
Anguished, as he sees her fading, Logan starts to yell again.
"JEAN! NO! You've got to stay…oh god stay here Jean, I promise, we'll figure things out…"
Then Kitty starts to yell, swearing and cursing, she's crying now, things like "You bitch! You don't deserve-don't you can't come back! You shouldn't…no…!" Jean can't see with her eyes closed anymore, and she opens them to Kitty's tear stained cheeks and Logan arms wrapped around her.
"Logan?" she whispers, Kitty's wailing becoming less in the background.
"Shh, don't try to talk—"
"Why didn't you let me go?"
Then, Jean slips into unconsciousness—tears only beginning to well in her eyes—to awake later in the Mansion, alone save for Logan's patched attempts at waking her.
With that, a portrait is framed that will symbolize their futures, all of them. Kitty in the background, screaming into oblivion now, only frustration and anger and nothing else. Bobby holding her back, arms wrapped tight, face filled with shock and disbelief. Storm off to the side, tears streaking down her face, hand over mouth, eyes beginning to harden.
And then there is Logan, holding Jean's limp body in his arms, dark eyes in a terrorized expression as he gazes at the scene around him, and looking down to the broken woman before him, realizes the enormity of what he has done.
Disclaimer: X-Men not mine.
A/N: Attempting to write another Jean Grey story, hopefully in character. This will be an angst!fest work in progress, written when I feel up/down to it. Hope you enjoy, whether you do or not, I'd welcome reviews urging me on, or telling me how to do better.
Thanks for reading.
