A/N
So I was over at someone's house (parent's friends), had been there over 6 hours, and was utterly bored. Guess what I do.
Write a crossover Skulduggery Pleasant- Hetalia: Axis Power fanfic!
As you do.
Beware, guys, I did break the fourth wall a couple times. *gets hit by rotten tomato* Sorry! It was in the name of the Plot! Such as it is!
Enjoy~ aru!
The streetlights winked dully against the black sky, orange and amber and white.
Fletcher was all alone at the edge of Lake Burleygriffin, hands shoved deeply into his pockets against Canberra's chill night air.
At least, he had thought he was alone.
Two gay men were walking along ahead of him and appeared to be engaging in some sort of domestic disagreement- at least one of them was, the other seemed to be obsessed with pasta. They both spoke with a distinctive Italian accent.
"Ve~ I was at the pasta place the other day, and they made up a new special recipe! Ve~ it was delicious!"
"I wish you would say that sort of stuff about me, once in a while," the other said.
His partner looked up at him for a moment- then scooted quickly to the other side of the pavement. "Ve~ they gave me a discount because I was a special customer! I'm special!" He said excitedly.
The Italians were alike enough to have been twins- the only difference was that the pasta-obsessed one that spoke in ve~s had lighter brown hair. They were both short and slight, and wearing suits- though the pasta one was wearing blue and the other was wearing a light green-brown.
"You say that kind of shit to the fucking potato- bastard all the time!"
"Ve~ he is my boyfriend, fratello."
Ah. So they were twins… just having an extremely awkward conversation.
"I bet you checked out the same fucking room at fucking Rydges that he did! The dark one yelled.
"V-Ve~ yes?" his brother whimpered.
"Fucking bullshit, Italy! I'm your fucking brother, your fucking twin, I'm Romano, I should have shared a room with you! But you shared with fucking Germany-bastard, so I had to share with that fucking bastard Spagna!" There were blue lines running down his face. Was it some kind of sickness?
Fletcher frowned. Italy? Romano? Germany? Spagna- Spain?
What the fuck!
The one called Italy randomly pulled out a white flag and started yelling "FLAP! FLAP! FLAP!" as he waved it in front of his face.
Wow, Fletcher thought. He didn't say Ve~ once.
Shit just got serious.
Romano reached into his pocket and brought out a tomato, then started nomming while he yelled, spraying Italy with tomato juice and seeds.
"Guys, you really need to stop yelling at each other!"
Romano, Italy and Fletcher looked up at the sky. He had no idea where that random voice had just come from.
"Grandpa Rome!" Italy yelled, putting down his white flag. "Grandpa Rome!"
"No, I'm not your fucking grandpa Rome! I'm a chick, for starters, and I'm not a country, I'm an author!" Oh, shit, just broke the fourth wall again. Sorry folks.
"Not Grandpa Rome?" Italy said, looking confused.
Fletcher teleported behind a nearby tree, trying to straighten out his tangled thoughts. So these two were twins, one called Italy and one called Romano, and Italy was dating a guy called Germany, who Romano didn't like, and Romano was sharing a room with a guy called Spain, who Romano also didn't like.
Fletcher quickly identified a common theme. Romano didn't like anyone.
So were they nicknames… or something else?
"Hurry up and guess, I want to get on with the plot!"
There was that weird voice again.
So there were only a few possibilities.
They were nicknames
They were all representatives of each respective country and therefore referred to each other by the country name
They were the personifications of countries.
The first one was a lot like the second. The second was unlikely because Italy and Romano were twins, and therefore should probably have been born in the same country.
So they were the personifications of countries then.
Fletcher found himself wondering what happened when a new country popped up.
"Well, you see, Fletcher, when a mommy country and a daddy country love each other very much…" Man, I need to stop doing this.
"God, please, I don't need to know," Fletcher yelled, and then he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder. He was pulled out onto the footpath and then he turned to face his attacker.
"Woah," he said, putting his hands in the air. "Easy, dude. Don't touch the hair."
The guy was huge, and wearing an extremely pissed- off expression. He had a suit on that was lighter blue than Italy's, and was more military-style. He had slicked-back blonde hair and sideburns and his eyes were a bright, sky-blue. Just like Romano, he appeared to have blue lines tattooed down his face.
"Was is das1?" he yelled, looking between him and the gays. "And what is with your hair?"
Fletcher rolled his eyes at the angry German. "God, what is everyone's problem with my hair? It is awesome! Awesome, I tell you!"
The blond man's frown grew even more intense, if that was even possible. "Still sein, Dummkopf2,' he said, then turned to the two Italians.
His shoulders slumped and he facepalmed. "Why is it always you two?"
They proceeded to point at and blame each other, although Italy got distracted halfway through by a moth that was fluttering around the lights.
Germany turned to him. "How much do you know?" he asked wearily. Or at least that's what he probably meant to say, because halfway through he got glomped by Italy.
Fletcher hesitated, then stuck out his hand. "I'm Fletcher Renn. And you must be… Germany?"
Germany shook his head and grabbed him by the arm. "Where are you from?"
"London originally, but I've spent the last few years in Ireland, mostly Dublin."
Germany nodded then muttered to himself, "We'll have to take him to England, then."
Ok, I know that wasn't exactly scintillating, but hang in there. It does get more interesting.
However, If I don't get at least one review, I'll take it down and you'll never meet Ireland! *makes threatening growling noises*
Anyway, thank Christ for Google Translate! Sorry for butchering the language of any German-speakers out there.
What is this
Be quiet, imbecile
Ve~ see y'all soon!
