Main Author's Note: Umm…yeah. I changed a few things a bit before posting this up, as PPCers may see. For those of you who are completely new to this fic (such as those who don't frequent the PPC board), I feel I should warn you about some key points of the story before you start it.
First off, this contains an OC. No romance between a canon character and an OC at all, I promise. What little romance (if you can call it romance -snickers at self-) featured in here will require squinting to see. Second of all, this girl is not perfect; she's an honest attempt at an interesting character. She will not always be so cocky and self-assured as she appears for the first chapters. Sickness, self-doubt, mistrust and human nature are only a few of her foes; not mentioning the horrible Mary-Sue she is forced to confront.
What I'm trying to say is if you don't like 'girl-falls-into-ME' fics, even a parody of one, then don't read this. Constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms, however, goodness knows I can use it :)
31/03/06: Umm...yeah. Fiddled with some stuff, put the reviewer responses at the bottom of the page, changed some phrasing/spelling errors...:)
Summary: Here's a thought: What if LotR characters could occasionally resist Mary-Sues? After reading several badfics, I wondered what the results would be. So I wrote this.
Original characters (such as Phoenix ), the plot, and all related original subjects © Me (Don't take them without permission!)
Lord of the Rings and all related non-original (as in, not made by myself) subjects © J. R. R. Tolkien, Peter Jackson and whoever else owns it.
Places mentioned in this story are fictional locations. They never did and probably never will exist. Any relation to people dead/alive is purely by mistake (unless of course intended by the owner(s) of Lord of the Rings)
Author's Note: Its official: I'm insane, but still sane enough to know it. The italics are the story written by the Mary-Sue Author, and the plain font is what is actually happening. Bye the way, I'm not very certain on the dates in LotR so please correct me if I'm wrong.
NOTE:
No Mary-Sues were harmed in the making of this story.
You didn't actually believe that, did you? XD
Teh Ultimate Mary-Sue! (Parody)
Or TUMS(P)
Chapter One: What is this new devilry?
Itt waz an awwesom day, and for a Half elf/half evil lord(ess) named Phoenix Redleaf, it was even awesomer than...awesom!
Legolas looked up, suddenly alert.
"It's coming..."
Pheonix Redleaf was the daughtter of Sauron and Galladriel, and a 17-year-old skilled warrioress who could fire a bow and use a sword and wuz awesom and stuff.
The fellowship was only two days past Rivendell, and already Legolas was jumpy and irritable. They had decided to take a short break, and then try to get at least three more miles behind them before nightfall.
Aragorn raised an eyebrow at the elf. "What ails you?"
"She is... it is coming." He replied, sounding almost fearful.
"'It'?" inquired Frodo.
"I feared as much." Gandalf sighed. "It has followed us from Rivendell."
There was a collective gasp.
"You...you don't mean...Her?" Sam fidgeted, his eyes darting from side to side nervously.
"I can't be. It would have taken it days to get out of that wine cellar." Merry argued desperately.
"It seems like we can never get rid of them." Pippin said softly.
"Yes. I am afraid so- we are being followed by a Mary-Sue."
Phoenix: Ive gotta find teh ring and legolas, daddy will be pleased that I got him his precious and legolas is hot I lurv him.
"She draws nearer...and she is heavily armoured." Legolas looked absolutely terrified.
"What is this, an elf cowering before a mere maiden? Surely you must jest." Gimli said disbelievingly, having not seen a Mary-Sue beforehand.
"This is no 'mere maiden', but a monster that clothes itself in the form of a beautiful woman. All men who lay eyes on her fall instantly under her treacherous spell." Boromir said softly, and then looked Gimli straight in the eye.
"Nay, this is a beast. One whose foul magic we cannot defeat."
She was really really bueatiful with redscarletcrimson hair and piercing emerald eyes and wor black leather with chains and stuff without being goth. she had a sword with an ebony handle adn a black male German Shephard/wolf named Shadow with green markings-and-long-jackal-like-ears-OMG!1!
They prepared for battle. Swords were drawn, bows were strung and axes were held in a Suitably Threatening Manner. The capitals are supposed reinforce this statement.
"Be on your guard. Do not let her come within ten paces of you, or we will surely be lost." Aragorn advised. Everyone tensed, expecting the worst. But not even their worst nightmares could prepare them for what was to come. Honestly, not much in the universe itself could prepare them- except maybe a few choice actors/politicians.
And thne she startedd 2 sing.
Oh heart,
You never failed me,
Oh soul,
you never ailed me...
Legolas dropped his bow.
"Lad, what are you doing!" Gimli whispered urgently. Slowly, the elf turned to face him...To reveal glowing red eyes.
Phoenix came in2 teh clearing and said hello my name is Phoenix Redleaf, howeth do you doeth.
And then all was lost...
---
Hi. What did you think, good? Bad? Review and let me know:)
