Great sexpectations

It was 12:30 am, and I was sitting in a well decorated apartment in the middle of new york watching VH1 Soul music videos. Preceeding this was the thirty minute ending of the Morgan Freeman, Along Came A Spider. I was sitting in a stranger's apartment. A small white manwho had invited me over his place for a late night freak session.

The only problem was...there was no freaking.

I couldn't tell whether he wasn't interested, or if he was just waiting for me to make the first move. The conversation was mostly non-existent, but when it occurred, it was largely awkward. Our conversation on the phone was a lot of fun. He was a blunt person, who seemed to be forward. I was impressed, because at one point in the conversation I told him that I would call him back and he said, Don't be one of those guys who says they are going to call back and doesn't. A nigga ain't shit, if he can't keep his word.

To quote Tina Turner from the song Fool in Love, The truest thing, that I've ever heard.

I was reminded of the quandary that audrina my good friend said before, When you go over someone's place, who is supposed to make the first move?

Regardless of who's place I am at, I am always expected to make the first move. If we are at my apartment, guys expect me to make the first move because it is MY place, and the bonus is on my to get the party started. I can't tell you the countless times that I have been told, This is your place, I'm just following your lead. It's frustrating.

But then, when I go over someone's house, they expect me to make the first move. In these cases, they reason that they want me to feel comfortable and to initiate things when I am ready.

B to the ULLSHIT.

I'll tell you what's on these people's minds. When it comes down to it, place doesn't really matter. I'll tell you a little secret:

No one wants to be rejected.

Therefore, we create little rules and rationales to explain away our fear of rejection. One of the things that most people fear is unrequited affection--to like someone or desire them, and not experience reciprocity. That's why we always want other people to make the first move. And we will come up with a lot of reasons so that we don't have to be the first to make that move.

I know I'm guilty of it sometimes. But I am reminded of a lyric from the Natasha Bedingfield song Unwritten when she says, Live your life with arms wide open. There is something delightful about that line. Not just that we live our life to let all things in, but we live without fear.

Usually its the fear that gets in the way. Repeatedly.

I am usually the person that makes the first move, if I get the slightest signal that someone is interested. But tonight, sitting in the well manicured apartment of the short guy--I didn't feel like it. I wasn't altogether sure that he was interested. There was some fear--but there was also a feeling that I just wanted someone else to be active with me.

After a number of awkward conversational exchanges, including a ping-pong match of What do you want to talk about? and Why did you come over/have me over at this late hour? The short guy turned into the blunt person that I met on the phone, and he said, Why don't you take off your pants so I can see the color of your underwear?

I smiled on the inside. Or was it simply that my dick had just jumped?