The rain poured down. I raised my head and let it wash over my face. My bandanna was soaking wet by now. My breathing was harsh and rapid as though I had just run a great distance.

I love the rain. I love what it symbolizes. The rain seems to purify everything. I love that when it rains, the world seems to morn with you. The fact that it seems to wash away what you did wrong- all your failures is especially appealing to me. But the reason I've come to love most of all, happens almost every night.

"Fear-less Lead-er," the sarcasm seemed to ooze out of Raphael's mouth.

I flinched internally, but didn't let it show. I stood strong even though I felt my heart crumble inside me. 'Not again,' I thought, 'can't he just leave it?'

"You're so freaking smug!" Raph screamed. "You don't give a damn 'bout us. You sure didn't 'bout Master Splinter!"

"Raph," I whispered. My eyes were silently pleading for him to stop.

"SHUT UP, LEO!" Raph screamed. "GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Raph-"

"Get out, Leo," Raph growled.

I glanced around for Don and Mike for support. I could see Mike, his head poking out of a door. His blue eyes were wide. Mikey was sure to know the routine by now: Raph gets ticked off about something and decides to take it out on me. Of course he insults me, I don't mind that as much as when he brings up Master Splinter. He doesn't need to remind me that it's my fault that he died. After that I can't take it, but I can't show weakness. I can't show that I'm ready to cry so I straighten up and walk out of the lair. I never show how I feel.

Raph glared at me. I bit back everything that I wanted to say, I straightened up, and mean fully walked out of the room. As soon as I left, Raph swore and threw one of his sai

into his punching bag.

The door slipped shut behind me and I broke into a sprint, as fast as I can go. Tears began to fill my eyes as I climbed up onto a rooftop

I couldn't show that I was ready to cry, not in front of Raph. I couldn't show how weak I've become or how a few words make me crumble.

The reason I love the rain most of all is that then and only then no one can tell that I'm crumbling or weak. No one can tell, I'm crying.