Tired
At the sound of her alarm clock, Meredith dreads even being awake before it even went off. It's only the day after. The day after Denny died, they day after Izzie quit the program, the day after her regret. Today, everyone will ask her if she is okay. And you know what she will do? Reply with her same old "I'm fine." routine, the words she will use so much it wont even seem like a real word anymore.
She groans, and slowly urges her legs to move. So, she gets up, takes a shower, which she takes a little longer time doing seeing as she leans her head against the tile and takes in deep breath. Motivating herself to get it together. That no matter the circumstances, she still had work. Still had patients who needed more looking after then she did at the moment. If that is even possible.
Down in the kitchen Meredith pours herself a cup of coffee to go. George is eating a bowl of cereal.
"Good morning," Callie says, cheerfully, while entering the room. Meredith smiles at her, downs her coffee, and pours another. I don't know how anyone can be this cheering, this early in the morning. Meredith says sitting up on the corner of the counter.
"Any surgery's this morning?" George asks both Women, as he gets up and rinses out his bowl.
"Not that I know of," Meredith says getting off the counter now and filling her cup back up and snapping on a lid.
"I don't until this afternoon, why you want to scrub in?" Callie gives George a knowing look. He just smiles at her.
"Well, we are going to be late." Meredith states, taking her coat from the hook. "I'm just going to go say goodbye to Izzie, meet you in the car." she adds, leaving the two alone in the Kitchen.
Clean, dressed and now with her body full of Caffeine, Meredith is in the locker room waiting for rounds to get up and rolling. It was weird leaving Izzie home alone. She wasn't even awake when she left, well not that she knew of. It was even weirder to not have her usual chocolate muffin with her coffee. Guess it's something she is just going to have to get used to.
"Okay interns..." Bailey seemed out of the ordinary this morning. Everyone looked at her strangely. "O'Malley, Karev, your going to have to pick up were... Izzie left off." George and Alex just nod there heads and collect the stack of charts Bailey was holding and left the locker room. Christina and Meredith sat on the bench in front of her, waiting for orders.
"Christina, your in the pit, we seem to have a lot of people down there this morning." Surprisingly, Christina left without a whine or a whimper. "And Meredith?" She asked, instead of her usual command.
"Yes Dr. Bailey." Meredith asked quietly.
"You don't mind assisting Shepherd in surgery do you?" She gave Meredith a knowing look.
Meredith didn't like the look so she didn't protest. "No, should I be?" She decided to question.
"No reason, and when that's over, I need you to run a few labs."
"No problem..." Meredith got up to leave.
"And Meredith?"
She turned around slowly, the physically and especially the emotional tiredness showing in her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Bailey asked already knowing that her intern was going to flat out lie. She just wanted to know the extent of what was wrong.
"I'm fine." Meredith plastered on a fake smile. She then turned around and walked out of the locker room. Bailey just stood there for a minute or so. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and mentally scolded herself for getting too attached to her interns.
GAGAGAGAGAGAxGAGAGAGAGAGA
"Okay Mr. Stanton, Dr. Grey here just needs to run a few more tests, then, I don't see why you can't go home." Derek Shepherd informed. Meredith looked up from the patient's chart and smiled at Mr. Stanton. She completely avoided Derek's gaze..
"That sounds good." Mr. Stanton replied, letting out a sigh of relief.
"Okay, Let me run those test and I will be back in an hour." Meredith added and turned to leave.
"Hey Meredith, wait up." Meredith didn't stop walking, nor did she bother to turn around. She knew he'd just follow. "After you do those tests, do you want to have lunch with me?" He asked, skipping the part where he wanted to talk to her, but he assumes she got the gist of it.
"What about your wife?" Meredith inquired.
"..That wont be an issue." he stated, matter of factly. Meredith looked at him expectantly but got no answer. Her beeper went off.
"Fine, see you at lunch" she says while veering off the left and into the nearest elevator.
Meredith had to discharge a patient for Bailey before lunch and be reminded that she had to run a bunch of labs afterwards. Now, she was in line buying lunch, sort of dreading her time she was about to have with McDreamy. I really need to stop referring him as that, Meredith thought to herself as she paid for her salad and bottled water and turned around to surveillance the cafeteria for Derek. He was in a lone corner, just waiting as he looked over a chart.
"You coming to sit?" George asked as he walked up to her with his own lunch.
"Huh? Oh..no, I kinda promised Derek I would sit with him..." George could see her hesitation but didn't know the full extent of it.
"Well okay, see you later?"
"Yeah..."With that they went their separate ways.
Meredith slowly walked up to the table and sat down as if she's always done it. Derek looked up from his chart and smiled at her as if this was an ordinary ordeal. Both doctors ignoring the uncomfortableness in the pit of their stomachs.
Derek advanced first, "Hey, I didn't think you'd show."
"I had to discharge a patient.." Both nodded awkwardly and silence ensued. Derek set his chart aside and began to eat his lunch. Meredith just stared at her salad.
"You okay?" Derek asked, braking the now impregnated silence.
"I'm not that hungry."she stated, avoiding his gaze all together.
"Oh..."
"Well? You wanted to talk to me?"
"So...how's Finn?" Derek asked, leaping over the conversation that was about to be discussed and into an even uncomfortable one without meaning too.
"...I wouldn't know..." Was all she had to say.
"Oh...didn't work out?" Heavy relief. now setting in. She had left with Finn the night of the prom. Which is why Derek had assumed she was still dating the vet.
Meredith looked up at him for the fist time and stared at him. Not really wanting to say what she should say.
"He didn't want to play second fiddle." She replied bluntly. Derek looked away for some reason and stared at his hands. He knew what she meant, just didn't know how to counter it. "Look, If your not going to tell me what you wanted to tell me, I'm leaving, I have to check up on Izzie anyway. Not that she'll be happy about it, Meredith thought. He didn't say anything so she pushed her chair back and left him all alone with his thoughts.
GAGAGAGAGAGAxGAGAGAGAGAGA
"Hey Izzie...you home? Pick up...well.."
"What? Izzie's weak voice finally came from the other line."
"Just seeing how you are..." Meredith said into the phone. She was currently on the elevator in the middle of doing the labs she promised Bailey.
"I'm fine...I guess."
"What are you doing?" Meredith asked, looking up at the floor numbers.
"...Nothing, I have nothing to do, Oh yeah, I cleaned your room, and my room, and Georges room...And the kitchen..and the living ro-"
"Yeah I get the point..."
"What about you?"
"Running labs, I have a lot since your...I'm sorry.
"It's okay...I brought it upon myself didn't I?" Izzie asked, still with a weak voice. Meredith didn't say anything. "It's okay, I know I did..." The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.
"Ugh!" Meredith said into he phone as Derek appeared on the other side of the elevator door.
"What is it?" Izzie asked.
"Nothing..I have to go, see you at home."
Izzie sighed and replied dully, "alright see you." Meredith hung up and placed the phone in her lab coat. Derek stepped in and the doors shut. Meredith looked at the floor, Derek looking at the floor numbers.
"Who was that.?" he asked
"Izzie."
"How is she?"
"Holding up..."
"She's a tough girl..."
"Her Fiancé died!" Meredith burst out. Derek turned around and stared at her.
"Meredith..." Derek went to put a hand on her shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Meredith was livid. She was angry at Derek, her mother, but mostly, was angry at herself. For letting all of this get to her.
"I'm tired Derek!"
"Of what?" he asked gently, giving her his look. This made her angrier
" I am tired of being on the donor list!" She screamed.
"What?"
"I... I'm tired of being second on the list, and frankly... I am running out of time."
I already wrote a fanfic on this but I wanted to do another. I'm hoping this one is better then the last one. So, what do you think?
