Disclaimer: I own a lovely old white volvo named Casper :)
but sadly, I do not own twilight :(
A/N: hello everyone! this is my first fanfic, and im really nervous about it! i hope everyone likes it! I'll prolly have a song for each chapter. Sort of like, my inspiration, or just a song i was listening to while i wrote it. Anyways, read on, and then tell me how you like it!
If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz
Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again
All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
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BPOV
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP….
5:13am.
UGHHHHHH.
I hate life.
I hate mornings.
I hate life in the mornings.
Today is going to suck.
OK, think happy things. Things that will make me want to get up.
Alice and the boyfriend are shopping all morning. That could be looked at as a good thing. At least she's out of my hair all day.
Me and Edward are going job hunting. Definitely a bad thing.
but for us to go job hunting...he has to come home today.
EDWARD'S FLYING IN TODAY!! Yes!
Definitely a good thing. And I'm supposed to pick him up from the airport in…
47 minutes.
HA! Crap, crap, crap…
I jumped out of bed and ran around my small bedroom looking for clean clothes and brushing my teeth furiously at the same time. Breakfast would have to wait. The airport was thirty minutes away and I could not be late!
I threw on a navy blue t-shirt, my favorite worn in blue jeans, and my old tennis shoes that were falling apart.
I looked gorgeous... Yeah Right.
My hair was still a mess from having slept on it without being washed and I didn't have time to put makeup on, but oh well. Edward wouldn't care. He never did. Grabbing my wallet and keys, I walked outside and locked the door to mine and Alice's apartment. It was so great to have our own place. We shared a dorm our freshman year of college, but dorms are tiny, and we figured an apartment would be more functional. As luck would have it, the apartment complex Edward's brother and his fiancé lived in had two openings on the floor above them, so me and Alice, and Edward and his other brother were able to take the two apartments so we could all live closer together.
As I turned the key in the ignition to my old, beat-up red truck, I felt the engine turn over and rumble to life. Edward absolutely hated my truck, so I figured I would take advantage of this opportunity to drive him around in it. This would drive him crazy, especially since his Volvo is parked right beside my truck and he gave me the keys to it before he left. I turned up the volume on the radio and settled in for the drive to the airport.
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Edward Cullen and I have been best friends for five or six years now. We met the first day of our freshman year at Forks High School. I was terrified because I didn't know anyone, and I was really shy at the time. Of course, because I am so extremely clumsy, I spilled chili all over the table I was sitting alone at. Edward saw me and was nice enough to help me clean it up. He sat with me, and told me he was also extremely nervous and didn't know anyone besides his brothers. We both had biology after lunch, so we walked to class together. We've been inseparable ever since.
Of course, I can't forget all our other friends. For starters there are Edward's brothers, Jasper and Emmett. Jasper is very laid back and calm, and we have always gotten along great. He's the mysterious, musical, artsy type, and he tends to make people feel good just by his "everything's gonna be alright" attitude. Jasper and Edward are twins, so they've also always been extremely close also. Emmett is two years older than Edward and Jasper. All through high school he was the "popular" one out of all of us. He was quarterback of the football team, star of the baseball team, mad great grades, threw the best parties, and was involved in every club there was. He's also engaged to Rosalie Hale.
Rosalie is another one of my best friends. She can totally be a handful some times, but I know she means well and I just have to keep that in mind. She was definitely the popular girl at school, being the head cheerleader and drop dead gorgeous and all. She had beautiful wavy blonde hair, a perfect figure, and the confidence to carry it all well. But the thing about it was, she knew she was gorgeous and popular, and made sure everyone else knew it too. That can be very intimidating at times, but once you get to know her, she is just a kind, caring big sister type who's a little rough around the edges.
Rosalie and Emmett have been dating ever since that first day of school that we all met each other. Emmett saw her in PE that day, dropped some completely ridiculous line about her falling from heaven or something, and somehow she fell completely head over heels for him. They've been together ever since. Last year, when they were both juniors in college, Emmett proposed. He did it totally randomly and casually over breakfast one morning, without all the dramatic, expected stuff. It was perfect, and she said she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Last, but not least, we have Alice. She is my best girlfriend, and we are rarely ever apart. Alice is very petit and pretty. She has short, choppy black hair that she keeps styled wildly. She has wide eyes and a bright smile and I swear she could take on the world. She and Jasper have been together for almost as long as Rosalie and Emmett. It's strange, because they couldn't be more opposite. Alice is short with dark hair and dark features. Jasper is tall, lean, and blonde with blue eyes. He is also extremely laid back and relaxed, while Alice is the most energetic person I know. I guess opposites attract though, and I know they are in love.
And now we're back to Edward. We have been absolute best friends since day one. I have rarely ever done anything without Edward. We toughed it through high school together, went to prom together, applied for jobs and colleges together, the works. And for the past month he has been off in New York somewhere, playing the piano and having a great time without me.
He sucks.
This is the longest we've ever been apart since we met, and it is killing me!
I arrived at the airport a few minutes early, parked my car, and headed for the entrance.
I hurried inside and quickly checked the boards to find which gate he was flying in to. Realizing his plane was about twenty minutes behind, I walked up to the little café on the second floor to get us each a bagel and coffee. After that, I headed to the gate and waited. It was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. I fidgeted with the bag of bagels in my lap, sipped my coffee repeatedly, and constantly checked the time on my phone.
Finally the plane landed. I waited as patiently as I could for him to get off the plane. One person walked out. Then another.
Three.
Four.
Five...
Okay, Edward. Hurry up please! We spotted each other at about the same time, that crooked smile I loved breaking out on his face as he picked up his pace.
His messy bronze hair was perfect as usual, and he was wearing some random band tee that I'm sure he picked up in New York, his favorite blue jeans, leather flip-flops, and the Ray Bans I bought him for Christmas last year. I took off running and met him halfway. He dropped his bags right before I jumped on him, hugging him so tightly that he probably couldn't breathe.
"Mmm, Isabella Swan, it's so good to be back. You would not believe how much I've m missed you," he said into my hair.
"I missed you too! Did you have fun? What was New York like? Where are the pictures? What did you buy me?"
He chuckled. "Bella, I talked to you nearly every day, so you know the answers to like, all of those questions. You're paying my phone bill, by the way." he said as he let go of me.
"You called me more than half of those times, if I recall correctly, so you will be paying your own cell phone bill, Edward." I said.
"Ha. We'll see."
I squeezed him again before I let go, and he laughed at my enthusiasm. He took his bagel and coffee, and I looped my arm through his as we walked to the baggage claims.
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"UGH, Bella I hate your truck," Edward groaned as he turned up the radio and laid his head back against the headrest. He says that at least twice every time we ride in it.
"Get over it. You know after we get back to the apartments my truck will just be sitting in the parking lot all the time so just let me enjoy this."
He just rolled his eyes and started changing radio stations with a smirk on his face. Suddenly he stopped and turned his head toward me.
"Bella, would you mind too terribly much if we go to the mall or someplace and just hang out for a while? I miss hanging out with you."
I was ecstatic.
"Sure, why not. We don't have anything to do till this afternoon, so lets just hang out for a couple hours."
He nodded his head and then started belting out the lyrics to the Celine Deon love ballad that was playing, making me laugh uncontrollably all the way to the mall.
An hour later, we were sitting on a bench in the food court, laughing at some woman's ridiculous clothes and finishing the last of our giant cookie slices. Edward suddenly turned serious.
"Bella, that man over there has been blatantly staring at you for like ten minutes," he said, looking straight in front of us. "He looks old enough to be your father and it is disturbing me."
Sure enough, sitting two tables in front of us, there was a middle aged man "blatantly staring," as Edward had said. I smirked and turned to catch his eye. He winked at me and then turned back to face the guy, reaching his arms over his head like he was stretching. When he came out of the stretch, he let his hand fall on my knee. He slowly drug his hand upwards, stopping about halfway up my leg before turning his face into my neck.
"Tell me when he stops looking," he half laughed, half whispered against my skin.
This was hilarious. We had done this little number countless times in high school to get various people to leave us alone, but we hadn't done it since we moved here.
Then next part of the game came into play. He started kissing my neck and right under my ear. Suddenly my stomach dropped, my heart stopped, and I froze.
WOAH.
What's going on? This is Edward. We've done this countless times in the past, and it never had an effect on me before.
But wow. I mean he's kinda good at this…
What am I thinking?! He's my best friend! It's got to be because I haven't seen him in so long. That's it. Nothing at all to worry about.
But geez. I wonder where he learned to kiss like this..
No. I can't do this.
"Uh….Edward…?" I managed to get out.
"Yes, Isabella?" he said into my ear.
"He's, um, the creepy man just walked away."
WHEW. Thank God. I found my voice.
Immediately Edward dropped his hand and started laughing hysterically.
"That was hilarious! We haven't done that in years! Did you see the guy's face?! Priceless."
I cracked a smile, but I couldn't laugh.
Nothing was funny about what just happened.
I don't think he even realized..
That should be a good thing, Bella. Get a grip!
"…BELLA!" Edward said loudly, waving his hand in front of my face.
Oops.
"You okay?" He looked genuinely concerned.
"Oh…yeah. I'm just tired. You ready to head back?"
I seriously need to talk to Alice right now.
"Sure. I'll drive. You can sleep. Thanks for picking me up so early, my Bella," he said, hugging me close to him.
Okay, He really needs to turn down the Edward a little bit today. He has always called me things like that and he is known for his charm, but never has it had an effect of me.
I fell asleep almost immediately after we got in the car and slept the whole way home.
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EPOV
Thank God, she's asleep.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
I don't know what just happened at the mall. We were sitting there enjoying our morning when I noticed that sick pervert that just kept ogling her like she was something to eat. So I did the juvenile thing and played our little "jealousy game" we used to play in high school. Just an old joke, right? But when I started to kiss her…
"Ughh…" I groaned. What is wrong with me? This is Bella! My best friend since I could remember.
I ran my hand through my hair as I looked over at her sleeping and sighed. She is so beautiful…of course I'd always known she was remarkably pretty, and sometimes I had wondered why such a pretty girl would choose to constantly be around me, when I'm sure she could do better. I had just never taken the time to really appreciate how gorgeous she is.
That's because you're not supposed to think she's gorgeous, Edward. She's Bella.
What had this month of not seeing her done to me?
I sighed again and turned back to the road, trying to get it together before we got back to the apartments.
IF we ever made it back to the apartments in this sorry excuse for a truck...
I cleared my head by listening to some of the classical piano music I kept on my iPod. Emmett constantly made fun of me for my taste in music when we were growing up, but he just doesn't understand. Music to me is like football to him. Jasper and Bella understand though, so I guess two out of three isn't too terrible. Rosolie on the other hand... she's just Rosalie. I don't particularly care what she thinks.
By the time we got back to the apartments, it was just after ten in the morning. I leaned over to wake Bella up, but then I thought better of it. She looked so peaceful sleeping. So I went around to her side and carefully picked her up, carrying her to the elevator, and then to her apartment door. Of course her door was unlocked. I told her to stop doing that. It's dangerous. I carried her into her room and pulled her shoes off before I laid her down in bed and covered her up. Now to find something to do until she wakes up…
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BPOV
I woke up in my bed to the wonderful smell of pepperoni pizza. I raked my hands through my still messy hair, walking out of my bedroom towards the smell. Edward was standing in my kitchen, bent over the oven with his back turned to me, pulling the heavenly pepperoni pizza out. Edward is an amazing cook. I have missed that quality a lot lately, since Alice and I both have some trouble in the cooking department.
He turned around and smiled crookedly, my smile, when he heard me come in.
"Good morning, sunshine," he said cheerfully, mocking my grogginess, I'm sure.
"What time is it," I half croaked. Ha. I am not a fun person to be around when I wake up.
"It's 1:28 in the afternoon, Bella. You slept for like, three hours. But since you got up so early to pick me up I suppose you are forgiven," he smirked, and then kissed my hair.
Why, if he's always done things like that, does it suddenly feel so different?
I felt unbelievably awkward all of a sudden.
"Um, well, anyways, I made us some pizza to show my appreciation, but Alice just texted me and they're back from wherever they went and Jasper needs my help with something, so I've got to go," he said quickly as he shifted uncomfortably.
Great, my discomfort made him uneasy too.
"Uh, okay," was the most intelligent thing I could say.
He turned for the door, running his hand through his hair, which he only does when he is stressed out. What is up with him?
He got to the door before he suddenly turned around.
"Oh. Yeah. I'll be back in an hour to pick you up for our job hunting trip," he smiled grimly and then winked. Neither of us wanted to get a job, but I had depleted the funds my parents sent me, and even though his parents would send him as much money as he needed, he has always liked to provide for himself as much as possible.
I nodded my head to show him that I heard him, still feeling too awkward to say much.
I watched him leave, running his hand through his hair again, and then I sat down to my pizza and began lightly banging my head on the table, waiting for Alice to come through the door and listen to my problems.
I am seriously screwed up.
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So?? did you like it?? or was it a total flop? please review and let me know!!! :)
