Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or plots developed by Shonda Rhimes or any other writers in this big wide world.
Author's Note: Much like the fic I posted earlier, I have yet to decide whether this will remain a One-Shot or be further developed into a full-fledged story, that will depend on whether I can think of what to write next! Positive reviews as well as constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. I know that many people have different interpretations of these characters, if there is anything major you would like to point out, don't hesitate! Please, read, review, and with any luck enjoy. :)
As I took Zola and Bailey from their car seats, grabbed all of our bags and made the short trek from the car to the front door with Bailey in my arms and Zola at my side, I was struck with a feeling of uncertainty. What would I see when I opened the front door? Would there be suitcases by the door waiting for their cross-country trip? Or would they already be at the airport?
We shuffled into the house, and Zola ran to what she had pegged the 'tea party table' as I set our bags by the door, took off Bailey's coat and shoes, and let him run toward his sister. Not once did I glance around to see if Derek was anywhere in sight, but I knew, from the lack of shrieking coming from my tired 4 year-old that he wasn't in the immediate vicinity. I heard Zola giggle and turned toward her to see both of the kids involved in a serious game of 'Ring Around the Rosy' that had them in full-belly laughs as their tiny bottoms collided with the plush rug of the play area. A smile made its way onto my face as I took in the scene and sighed, knowing it was time for baths and bed, but they were so happy in this moment. I knew that the nights to come wouldn't bring nearly as much joy with them, and I wanted Zola and Bailey to savor every second of this one.
After loading the dishwasher, folding a load of laundry that had without a doubt been sitting in the laundry room for at least a couple days, and listening to the kids play, I couldn't put it off any longer.
"All right Zo it's bath time," I cheered, attempting to mask the exhaustion from the day.
She turned toward me with a pout and whined, "But, Mama, I not even dirty, my toes not stinky."
"Well they will be in the morning," I said with a roll of my eyes as I scooped up Bailey and grabbed her hand. "Come on sweetie. You can help me pick out pajamas for you AND your brother, OK?"
She perked up at this up and nearly shouted, "Bailey gotsta wear the dino' jammies Mama, and I can wear da pincess ones, I always da pincess."
"Yes you are," I laughed, she definitely inherited her father's ego. I watched as she bolted down the hall and toward her door before smiling down at the little boy in my arms as I followed after her, "Come on Monkey, let's go get you and Miss Crazy Pants in the tub."
With his hands on both sides of my face and two light smacks came a "Dinos!" from the little guy and off we went.
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From the moment we had returned home, I knew Derek was here, his sent lingered and didn't leave during the hour I had been here. He had stayed cooped up in our room for most of the night, only coming out for a brief moment after the kids' bath to read them their favorite bedtime story, 'Click Clack Moo Cows that Type', and kiss them goodnight before heading back.
I hadn't been in there yet and I was nervous for what I would find when I did. Would his clothes be emptied from the closet and folded neatly into suitcases? Would his books have disappeared from the bedside table? He hadn't said a word to me since I told him to go to D.C., and as much as it pains me to tell him to leave our family behind, to leave me behind, and go after his dream job on the other side of the country, I know he needs it. Part of me had this glimmer of hope that he would fight me when I told him to go, that he would prove to me that our family was more important than his career, but that's more of a fairy-tale thing and those are not my strong suit.
Before I knew it, I had been standing in front of our bedroom door for 5 minutes thinking about what I would find if I went in. Finally, I ripped off the band aid, 'no anesthesia', as Derek would say, and opened the door. My breath hitched in my throat as I took in my surroundings and I leaned against the door frame for support.
The closet doors were open and half of the closet empty, and as I looked over to my left, there he was, sitting on the edge of my side of the bed and staring off into space. I took a deep breath and with a crackly voice said, "This isn't how we end, is it? After everything we've been through, this… this can't be how we end," I could feel the tears building behind my eyes and as his head turned, our eyes met, his were laced with tears too. He shook his head, opened his mouth and closed it again before placing his elbows on his knees and holding his head between his hands. Slowly, I pushed myself from the door jam and sat next to him on the bed.
"Meredith, I… I can't not now, please, I don't have any fight left in me," his body sagged into every word that fell from his mouth, and for the first time in weeks, I saw the toll this has taken on him.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a split second before saying, "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm sorry that you feel like you haven't had my support, and I know I haven't been so gracious in handing it out, but Derek, you never asked my opinion about any of this. You just made all of these decisions and expected me to go along with them. I'm not trying to start a fight, trust me that is the last thing I want. This is why I never asked you to stay, and this is why I'm telling you to leave, as much as I hate the thought of living on opposite ends of the country, I know you need this. I know that if you never try to make it work, you will always resent me, and the kids for keeping you from such an amazing opportunity. Coming home has to be your choice, I can only hope that you realize you can't live without us and come crawling back," I ended with a slight laugh that came out as more of a strangled sob.
I watched as the tension uncoiled from his back and he relaxed slightly into the bed, before dropping one hand and propping his cheek on the other as he looked me in the eye. A slight smile graced his face and he let out a chuckle, before he sat up straight, wrapping one arm around me and placed one hand on my thigh, pulling me close and pressing his cheek against my head. As I circled my arms around his waist giving him a small squeeze he whispered, "I'm sorry I've been an ass lately, I've been having a hard time and I shouldn't have taken it out on you as much as I did. I love you Meredith."
"I know; I love you too Derek. I'm still pissed off, you realize that, right?"
He laughs louder this time, "Oh, I know; never doubted it for a second."
We sat wrapped up in each other, physically and emotionally, until he took a deep breath, no doubt breathing in the smell of my lavender conditioner, kissed the top of my head and looked at me before stating, "We should get some sleep."
Ten minutes later, we were in bed, side by side. Knowing this would be our last night in the same bed together for who knows how long, I wanted nothing more than to curl into his arms the way I had for years. Derek must have had the same thought, because moments after the thought crossed my mind, he rolled onto his side, moved closer, and pulled me toward his chest. My breath caught in my throat at the simple, once so usual action before I cuddled into his warmth.
"Meredith," I felt his breath on the back of my neck even before I heard his soft, sleep-filled voice. "We will never end," and with that short sentence, I knew that eventually we would be alright. It may take a lot of talking, listening, phone calls, and Skype sessions, but one day, we will be OK. We've been through so much together, and this will not be the end of us.
Positive reviews as well as constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!
