A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this new story! I'll be working hard to possibly finish it before the premiere which means everyday to every other day updates if possible! If you guys could drop a review by also that would be great! Also feel free to follow me on Tumblr: dat-ncis-life
After turning in their badges, Ziva, Tony, and McGee decided to go out for a drink with Abby. McGee drove the group with Abby in the passenger seat and Tony and Ziva in the back. Sometime during the car ride, Ziva moved into the middle seat and let Tony out his arm around her torso and pull her close. Their relationship had always been complicated. Very often neither knew where they stood. Tony was ready to take the next step and when he told Ziva that she said she wasn't ready. Tony shook his head trying to clear the memories of that talk in the woods. Ziva placed a kiss on his cheek and moved her lips to his ear. She whispered almost silently the words he was waiting to here, "I'm ready for this, Tony. I want this." She said taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.
When McGee pulled up to the bar, Tony and Ziva got out of the car and joined hands again need to feel the physical touch of the other. The four picked a booth in the back away from everyone else. Tony and Ziva on one side with McGee and Abby on the other. "So..." Abby tried to start a conversation, "The new caf-pow tastes awful." She then just rambled on about anything. Ziva started to lose interest after a while and began drawing patterns on Tony's thigh with her finger. A little while later, he took her hand in his and interlaced their fingers and nodded his head towards Abby.
"I'm sorry, Abby." She said, "What did you say?"
"Tell us about Berlin!" Abby repeated. "It's was pretty great." Ziva answered with a growing smile. "Tony does indeed know how to slow dance." She reminisced fondly.
"If you would ever let me lead." Tony joked.
"I did!" She defended with a laugh, "Just not on the dance floor." She added with a smirk. The statement made Abby and McGee's eyes shoot up in shock. Did Ziva really mean what she said?
"I have to pee." Abby stated her eyes not leaving Ziva's. "Come with me."
Once the women left the table, Tony gave out a laugh and started rambling much like Abby did earlier. "Like why do girls go to the bathroom together? It's weird. Guys don't do it. I mean-"
"Tony." McGee cut him off, "What happened in Berlin?" "We slept together." Tony snapped, "After we caught Ilan's brother, before we went to the airport."
"So you guys have been together ever since." McGee said still trying to process it all. Tony let out a bitter laugh,
"No. We had sex, but it was more than that and we both knew it." He took a big gulp from his scotch before continuing. "After we got in the crash it's like she regretted it. We talked and she said she wasn't ready and we needed to remain friends." "Tony." McGee said softly. "We all know you really love her." "That's the thing." Tony said looking up from his drink with a grin. "On the way here, she kissed my cheek and told me she's ready." "Wow." McGee let out still trying to wrap his head around the current situation.
Meanwhile, back in the bathroom, Abby was in shock. "Ziva. You can't just tell him you want to be friends. He's your freaking soul mate and don't even try to argue with me on that one. This is Tony we're talking about here!"
"No!" Ziva explained, "It's complicated. I wasn't ready. But, he forgives me for the Adam thing and he went after Parsons to clear my name. It made me realize⦠It made me realize that I'm ready to tell him I love him, Abby."
McGee pulled into the almost vacant NCIS parking lot around one. Tony stumbled out of the car to have Ziva steady him."You really shouldn't be driving right now." She stated waving goodbye to Abby and McGee.
"I'm fine." Tony said, "Just a little buzz."
"No. You are not. I did not have anything to drink. I am driving you home. Do not argue with me, DiNozzo." She said sternly leading him to her new car.
Once in his apartment Tony had sobered up, he had down on his couch and looked towards the door at an anxious Ziva looking longingly at the door."Well, if you are alright, I am going to go." She said grabbing the door knob.
"Ziva." Tony called out stopping her. "What's your deal?"
"Nothing." She said taking a step away from the door and towards him. "I just feel like we need to have a serious talk before this goes anywhere and I am not sure you are ready for that."
"I'm ready, Ziva. I've been ready since Berlin. I've been ready since your father died. I've been ready since I saved you from Somalia. I am ready."
"Okay." She breathed. She set her keys and phone down on the entryway table and kicked off her shoes. She went into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water before sitting across the table from him. She took a drink of the fluid and deep breath before looking into his eyes. "I think we have a lot of things and problems to talk through before this goes anywhere. And before we do, I want to let you know I might get angry and raise my voice, but we'll get through this." He warned reaching across the table and taking his hand in hers. He took a deep breath and stole a sip from her water, "So I guess we can start with the hardest one. Somalia."
"What is there to talk about?" Ziva asked defensively, "That was four years ago."
"I'm not necessarily you need to talk about it. But, there are things I need to tell you. I haven't told anyone because I don't trust them like I trust you. Ziva, when I thought you were dead, I had this giant desire to die myself." He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He got up and went to the closet and took out a gym bag he came back and placed it on the kitchen table. Tony took out the contents of the bag: a rope, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of painkillers, and a letter. "If Vance said no to my plan to rescue you, I was going to come home and take that entire bottle of painkillers and wash it down with the bottle of Jack Daniels and then hang myself. Tony finally let the tears fall down his face. Ziva got up and wrapped her arms around him and tried to look in his eyes, but couldn't see clearly due to the tears clouding her vision. "I'm sorry." He sobbed.
"Tony." She said quietly kissing his cheek. "Look at me. It is okay. I understand. Tony, I went on that mission because I thought you did not want anything to do with me. And when that happened, I felt as though I had no reason to live. I talked to my father about it and his solution was to go on that mission." She offered him the glass of water that he took. "Can I read your letter?" She asked softly, "It is okay if you do not want me to read it."
"Of course you can read it." Tony assured, "It's addressed to you in part of it." He lead her to the couch and held the letter out to her. She sat down close to him and he kissed the crown of her head as she began to read.
First of all, I apologize to whoever found my body. I guess I should get along with why I did this, as cliche as this is, I couldn't take it anymore. The love of my life is dead. So, I'm going out like Romeo did. But, I also want to write to all the people I love as well. Gibbs- I'm sorry I went out this way. I know you taught me to not be such a coward, but she was my Shannon. Maybe you're stronger than I, but I can't do it anymore. You were always like a father to me. Thank you, I love you. McGee- McProbie, now that I'm gone, it's time to take a step up. Make sure you haze my replacement like none other. And never stop smiling McGoo. As much crap as I gave you, you'll always be a little brother to me. Thank you, I love you. Abby- Abbs. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. But, just think of Kate, Ziva, and I hanging out in heaven waiting for you. I hope you play a lot of upbeat music at my funeral. And I'm sorry, but today is most likely a black lipstick kind of day. Thank you for being the sister I never had, I love you. Ducky and Palmer- I do hope an autopsy isn't necessary, but if it is make sure to tell fun and happy stories while doing it. You two are the best dynamic-duo of all time. Take care of each other. I love you both. Thank you for all you did for me. Ziva- Even though you're dead. You will always be the love of my life. You are my soulmate. I'm so sorry for everything I have ever done. But, knowing I couldn't be with you due to your death, I couldn't live myself. I'm coming your way. I love you more than these words can express, Ziva. I love you. And a funeral note to whoever is reading this, make sure our names are on the same tombstone.
When Ziva finished reading her hands were shaking and had tears falling freely. "Tony" she sobbed, "I love you so much."
"I love you too." He confessed. He looked longingly into her eyes with pure adoration. He then closed his eyes and leaned into her. Her lips met his and she kissed him with every ounce of love she had.
"So, how about an easier topic?" She suggested and leaned into his arms. "Paris." He said, "That was when I was knew I was ready to really tell you I loved you, but I knew you weren't ready for that. So, I kept it inside."
"The night we shared a bed and you held me through that nightmare and made me feel safe again, that was when I realized I love you. But, I didn't think you were ready." She laughed.
"See!" Tony exclaimed, "Look at how much progress we're getting through. I guess the events of January are next."
"I know you told me I was not alone, Tony." She said, "But, I did feel alone. I got drunk after my father's funeral. I remember drinking more than my limit at the bar and then waking up in Adam's house. Nothing in between. It could possibly be classified as a rape."
"I'm gonna kill him if I ever see him again." Tony stated, "For him to take advantage of you as far as your father died is disgusting, but for him to take advantage of you due to your alcohol state makes me want to murder him."
"So, how about that Berlin?" Ziva asked trying to change the subject. Tony sensed that and rubbed his arm on her back in understanding. "It was more than just sex for me."
"I feel the exact same way." He agreed. "But, why did you regret it?"
"I did not." Ziva clarified, "I was scared that you would get hurt. People were after me Tony. I did not want you getting caught in the crossfire."
"I can handle anything." He told her, "Especially if it's for you." Her entire body physically relaxed and her eyes softened. She pulled him in by his tie and kissed him passionately. "I'm worried I'm gonna mess this up." He confessed looking at the ground. She cradled his face in both of her hands and kissed him again before looking into his eyes.
"Do not worry, Tony. We will be okay."
A/N: I'm really proud of this chapter! But, don't expect the next ones to be this long! Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow or the day after that. Thank you guys so much for reading! Love you guys! God bless!
-Kristen
