A/N: This is a spec I whipped up for the Regular Show - not sure I like it, so I'll dump it here for now while I contemplate/work on Adventure Time and MLP:FiM specs. If you can stand to read script, give me a yell if you can imagine it being produced; that's always a good sign, what with the whole "spec" part and all. Lastly, sorry about the formatting. It's bogus, I know.
FADE IN:
EXT. garbage dump - day
A park cart, laden down with a massive, garbage-weeping garbage bag on the roof, comes to a SCREECHING halt. MORDECAI and RIGBY step out and are immediately overcome by the horrid stench of the garbage dump.
MORDECAI
Aw, dude! This is nasty.
Rigby pinches his nose.
RIGBY
(nasal)
This is worse than the time Muscle Man and
High Five Ghost ate those enchanted burritos.
Mordecai shudders at the memory.
MORDECAI
I never knew the ethereal could be so foul.
Rigby walks over to stand beside the cart. The garbage bag on the roof is so heavy it's drooping dangerously over the side.
Rigby
Let's just dump this thing and go.
Rigby Grabs at the corner and pulls with all his might.
RIGBY
Rrrr!
Mordecai reaches out to stop Rigby-
MORDECAI
Dude, stop! You're going to-
-But Rigby TEARS the black bag open, covering himself completely in a CASCADING AVALANCHE of putrid, discarded filth. The filth is motionless, then a dirty Rigby EXPLODES from it, GASPING for air!
RIGBY
AAaaaaagh!
Mordecai takes a step back, shielding himself from the spray of garbage.
MORDECAI
(disgusted)
Aw, sick!
Rigby desperately tries to wipe the film garbage off of himself...
RIGBY
Get! Off! Why! Won't! You! Come! OFF?
...But to no avail.
MORDECAI
Man, that is never coming off.
Rigby throws his arms in the air, furious and defeated.
RIGBY
This blows!
MORDECAI
Hey, could you throw that garbage out? You
know, considering you're already covered in it.
Rigby glares and steams.
RIGBY
Fine.
He points an accusing finger.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
But you owe me!
Mordecai cuts a wide birth around the stinky Rigby.
MORDECAI
Sure dude, whatever.
Rigby MUTTERS and GRUMBLES as he swoops up the garbage with his arms, collecting it into a ball and stumbling towards the bigger garbage piles.
RIGBY
(under his breath)
...Stupid garbage. 'Go throw out the garbage,
Rigby. You're already covered in it.' Why don't
you throw yourself out, garbage? Wish you would...
Rigby's ball of garbage LEAPS from his hands!
RIGBY (CONT'D)
Wha-?
Rigby's fur - coated in filth - angles in the same direction! Yanking. Tugging.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
Ah! Ow!
Rigby's fur RIPS OFF, flying up in the air.
The fur swirls up into a massive rotating ring of trash. The garbage halo spins and floats, then funnels itself down into the mounds of the garbage dump.
Close on Rigby, Waist-up
Rigby stands, furless and slowly reddening.
RIGBY
aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
AERIAL VIEW, Rigby's scream vibrates the mounds around him!
We ZOOM OUT. Rigby's scream is shaking the entire garbage dump, sending seagulls scattering!
We ZOOM OUT TO THE MAX, getting a nice look at the entirety city as Rigby's scream slowly dies out.
Back On Rigby
Rigby's mouth is still open, eyes bugging out and tongue waving, but only the slightest STRANGLED GASP rattles its way out of his throat. Mordecai runs up behind Rigby.
MORDECAI
Dude, what-
Rigby turns, and we truck out a little to see his naked butt. Mordecai quickly covers his face, horrified.
MORDECAI
Aw! You're naked!
RIGBY
I'm always naked!
MORDECAI
Yeah, but you're double-naked!
Put on some pants or something!
Rigby gestures down at himself, off camera.
RIGBY
I wish I had pants or something
to put on! But I don't now, do I?
A pair of very raggedy, very dirty, very loud Hawaiian suspenders magically materialize on Rigby.
Mordecai and Rigby both stare at the Hawaiian suspenders in confused awe. Mordecai's face falls, and he stares Rigby in the eye.
MORDECAI
Dude, I told you to tell me
if you found another genie!
RIGBY
I didn't find another one!
Mordecai stares at Rigby, disbelieving.
RIGBY
I swear!
Mordecai retains his stare.
Rigby throws his arms up.
RIGBY
I was gathering up the garbage,
Rigby mimes gathering garbage.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
Then I took it over h-
Rigby takes a few steps, carrying the mime-garbage, and trips.
RIGBY
Ow!
Rigby comes up, rubbing his head.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
Hey, what's...?
He reaches down, picking up a HOBO BINDLE affixed to a stick with three red knots - and two un-knotted loops of red string.
RIGBY
A bindle?
Mordecai plucks the Hobo Bindle from Rigby.
He holds it up to his face (but not too close), and examines it.
MORDECAI
Why didn't you throw this out?
RiGBY
I don't know, I wished the rest of the trash away...
Mordecai's eyes widen in comprehension.
MORDECAI
Then you wished for pants!
Mordecai points to the two un-knotted loops of red string.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
So we used two,
He moves his finger up to the three knots.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
And we've got three left.
Mordecai and Rigby pump their fists into the air.
MORDECAI & RIGBY
Bindle geeeeenieeee!
They high five.
Mordecai puts a hand on Rigby's naked shoulder.
MORDECAI
We can wish for anything, dude.
Absolutely anything. Anything... at... a-
Mordecai cradles the Hobo Bindle to his chest, eyes bugged completely out.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
(rushed, exited)
I wish for a date with Margaret!
A flash of light engulfs Mordecai in an electric SNAP! Rigby covers his face in surprise.
RIGBY
Ack!
The Hobo Bindle falls to the ground at Rigby's feet.
INT. SOMEWHERE GREY - MOMENTS LATER
Mordecai SNAPS back into reality, sitting at a nice-enough table. A little candle sits, lit, in the middle of the table flanked by napkins. The background is a nondescript grey. MARGARET SNAPS into the seat across from Mordecai. Margaret, in barista uniform, looks around, confused and a little scared.
MARGARET
Wha-?
MORDECAI
(thrilled)
Margaret!
MARGARET
Mordecai? Where-?
Mordecai reaches over the table, taking Margaret's hands in his.
MORDECAI
It's okay! I wished us here with
a bindle genie so I could finally-
Margaret turns on Mordecai, angry.
MARGARET
You wished me to a soup kitchen?
We truck out...
INT. SOUP KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
...To reveal a bustling soup kitchen, crawling with CRAZY, MUTTERING hobos!
A particularly NASTY HOBO slides up too-close to Margaret.
NASTY HOBO
Hey baby.
Margaret leaps out of her seat, recoiling in disgust from the filthy man.
MARGARET
Agh!
She shoots a furious glance at Mordecai, and STORMS out of the soup kitchen.
Mordecai flinches as the door SLAMS O.C.. Limp, Mordecai lets his face THUD on the table. He doesn't move for a beat. Hobos of all shapes and sizes slowly circle around him.
Mordecai jumps to his feet, arms and face up and cursing the sky.
MORDECAI
(a la "Khan")
BIIIIIINDLE!
INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mordecai kicks the door open with a BANG!
MORDECAI
Rigby!
Mordecai points a dramatic finger.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Stop!
Rigby, lounging on the couch with a ham sandwich, halts mid-bite. He's still in his tattered Hawaiian suspenders The Hobo Bindle rests next to him.
Mordecai comes up behind the couch. He points at the Bindle, but dares not touch it.
MORDECAI
That bindle is evil, dude. It's like
the monkey's paw. Except a bindle.
RIGBY
The monkey's bindle?
MORDECAI
Exactly!
The Hobo's Bindle only has one knot remaining!
Mordecai gasps and recoils.
MORDECAI
Dude, you made another wish!
Rigby chews on his ham sandwich.
RIGBY
Oh, yeah.
Bits of sandwich fly out of Rigby's mouth as he talks.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
I totally did.
MORDECAI
What did you wish for?
Rigby gesticulates with his half-eaten sandwich.
RIGBY
Well, when I got back...
INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - THE PAST!
Rigby walks into the living room, carrying the bindle. He's casually WHISHING A TUNE, not a care in the world.
BENSON (O.S.)
RIGBY!
Rigby stops mid-whistle.
BENSON stalks up to him, red in the face.
BENSON (CONT'D)
You are four hours late? How does taking out the
garbage take- Are those suspenders from
the trash? Why are you wearing suspenders?
Rigby SCOFFS.
RIGBY
Because otherwise I'd be naked. Duh.
BENSON
But you're always naked! Argh! Whatever!
Just get Mordecai and clean the bathrooms!
Rigby scowls in disgust.
RIGBY
Aw, I just got off trash duty! I don't
want to deal with more nastiness!
Benson prods Rigby in the chest.
BENSON
Well too bad! As long as I'm here, you're doing it.
Rigby's eyes narrow. Slowly, a smile spreads across his face as he turns to look at the Hobo Bindle he's carrying.
RIGBY
Well then, I wish you were somewhere else.
Benson frowns, getting progressively angrier.
BENSON
Tough. I'm here, so DO-
A train EXPLODES though the wall, WHISTLING and GRINDING to a sharp halt behind Benson.
Benson looks up at the black steel monstrosity and the deep grey freight car immediately in front of him.
BENSON
What the h-?
The door SLEEEKS open! Four hobos grab Benson and pull him into the darkness of the freight car. The door SLAMS shut, and the train CHUGS away, BREAKING another hole in the wall.
Rigby watches the train depart.
RIGBY
Sweet.
INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - PRESENT
Mordecai stares, unbelieving, at a proud Rigby. We truck out a little. Mordecai's eyes flick to the two massive entry and exit holes in the wall. A bit of insulation falls out of the hole. Mordecai's eyes flick back to Rigby.
MORDECAI
(flat)
You sent Benson away.
RIGBY
Yup.
MORDECAI
Where?
Rigby shrugs.
RIGBY
Beats me. Who cares?
Mordecai pinches the bridge of his beak in frustration.
MORDECAI
We care, because
(yelling)
Benson's the one who pays us, dude!
Rigby's eyes widen at the revelation.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
No Benson, no money!
RIGBY
Aw crap.
Mordecai puts his hands up, motioning that everything is still all right.
MORDECAI
It's okay, it's okay. We can just-
Rigby leaps off the couch, clutching the Hobo Bindle.
RIGBY
Of course! I wish we knew where Benson was!
Rigby stands, proud and posed, for a beat.
MORDECAI
(frustrated)
We can just wish him back.
Rigby deflates a little.
RIGBY
Oh. Yeah, that would have made more sense.
The last knot on the Hobo Bindle undoes itself.
The far door to the outside CREAKS open slowly. Mordecai and Rigby watch it slowly swing outwards, to reveal:
The GUIDING HOBO, dressed in white rags and with a grey beard that covers all but his eyes. The Guiding Hobo motions with a single finger, beckoning Mordecai and Rigby to follow.
Mordecai and Rigby look at each other. Mordecai shrugs, and walks to the Guiding Hobo. Rigby follows, grabbing the used-up Hobo Bindle.
EXT. PARK - DAY
SKIPS, minding his own business, rakes leaves into a nice, neat pile.
A branch SNAPS O.S., and Skips turns to the sound.
The Guiding Hobo leads Mordecai and Rigby onwards, right by Skips. Skips stares at them, a little bit put off.
SKIPS
Why are you two following a homeless man?
MORDECAI
Because Rigby wished Benson away with a magical hobo bindle.
RIGBY
I said I was sorry!
MORDECAI
No you didn't!
The Guiding Hobo is moving on ahead. He turns, and beckons once more.
Skips looks from the Guiding Hobo, back at Mordecai and Rigby.
SKIPS
Magic bindle, you say?
MORDECAI
Yeah.
SKIPS
Lemme see.
Rigby tries to hand Skips the Hobo Bindle, but Skips doesn't take it. Skips leans down and examines it from a semi-safe distance.
SKIPS
Hmm. Looks magic all right.
MORDECAI
Have you seen anything like it?
Skips stands up straight.
SKIPS
No. Homeless people freak me out.
The Guiding Hobo beckons again.
SKIPS
Good luck with that.
Skips goes back to raking leaves. Mordecai and Rigby watch him, perplexed, before walking away.
MONTAGE
1) The Guiding Hobo leads Mordecai and Rigby past the CITY LIMITS...
2) ...Through a BLISTERING DESERT under the midday sun...
3) ...Across a busy HIGHWAY - one that the Guiding hobo has no difficulty with, but proves near-fatal for Mordecai and Rigby...
4) ...Through a RAGING BLIZZARD; the Guiding Hobo is untouched by the chill winds, but Mordecai and Rigby are half-frozen, with icicles hanging off every part of them.
5) ...And finally up a steep incline to the peak of a mountain.
EXT. MOUNTAIN - DUSK
Mordecai and Rigby drag themselves up the incline, PANTING and sweating. They finally crest the peek, and their eyes widen and jaws go slack in awe.
We TILT DOWN to see a sprawling HOBO METROPOLIS! There are cardboard-box skyscrapers and paper-bag monuments.
EXT. HOBO CITY - DUSK
A myriad of HOBO CITIZENS stumble and limp through the dirty streets in their tattered clothing.
We PAN ACROSS to a large shanty building labeled CITY HALL.
INT. HOBO CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
A semicircular room is filled with hobos in varying levels of dirty formal dress. They all look to a hobo sitting behind a podium. A tiny plaque (made of cardboard and written on in marker) reads MAYOR.
The assembled hobos cry out POLITICAL HOBO WALLA; which is composed primarily of nondescript shouting and calls for CHANGE!
The HOBO MAYOR contemplates.
EXT. MOUNTAIN- DUSK
Mordecai and Rigby are still in awe.
RIGBY
Whoa...
MORDECAI
An entire city of hobos.
Rigby wrinkles his nose.
RiGBY
Smells awful. Let's leave.
Rigby turns to walk away, but Mordecai reaches over and grabs his shoulder.
MORDECAI
No dude, we have to save Benson.
Mordecai clenches his free fist.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
(determined)
For our paychecks.
Rigby SIGHS, and raises a half-hearted fist.
RIGBY
For our paychecks...
EXT. HOBO CITY - LATER
The Guiding Hobo effortlessly leads Mordecai and Rigby through the bustling dirt streets. The hobos stare at Mordecai as he passes, silently judging his lack of tattered clothing.
MORDECAI
Dude, why are they staring at me like that?
RIGBY
Probably because you don't have these sweet duds.
Rigby slips his thumbs under his suspender's straps, and lets them SNAP back against himself.
Mordecai and Rigby come to a sudden stop, BUMPING into the Guiding Hobo's back.
The Guiding Hobo points... to a dirty and hobo-ified version of the park! It's clear that he goes no further.
Mordecai and Rigby walk around him, and into the Hobo Park.
EXT. HOBO PARK - MOMENTS LATER
The resemblance to the normal park is uncanny. The grass may be brown, and the benches falling apart, and the snack bar made of cardboard, but it all gives off an air of familiarity.
MORDECAI
Dude...
RIGBY
I know, man. This is freaking me right out.
Mordecai and Rigby (with bindle) walk up to the hobo version of the Park House. It's made of dirt and sticks, but the similarity remains.
MORDECAI
Do you think...?
Rigby looks around, inexplicable confused.
RIGBY
Do you hear that?
MORDECAI
Hear wh-?
BENSON (O.S.)
Idiots!
Mordecai and Rigby light up, quest finally coming to fruition.
MORDECAI & RIGBY
Benson!
Mordecai and Rigby run around the side of the house-
-And run smack into two brown lumps!
Mordecai and Rigby fall back. Rigby lands flat and unmoving on his back, while Mordecai collapses on his butt.
MORDECAI
Ow, what did- did...?
Mordecai's face goes slack in shock, staring O.S.. Rigby sits up, rubbing his head.
RIGBY
Aw, weak.
Rigby looks at Mordecai.
RIGBY
What're you freaking out-
Rigby turns to where Mordecai is staring.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
(high, squeaky)
...About.
Across from Mordecai and Rigby sit their tattered and messy hobo counterparts: MORDEBOND and DRIFTY! And they're in equal states of shock!
From around the edge of the building steps a foot. A distressingly clean foot. We PAN UP to reveal... Benson! Normal, not-hobo Benson!
MORDECAI
B-Benson?
Benson crosses his arms, obviously unimpressed with Mordecai and Rigby.
BENSON
Oh. It's you two.
Mordecai and Rigby scramble to their feet. Mordebond and Drifty do the same.
Mordebond grabs Mordecai!
MORDEBOND
Ya' have to get him away from us!
Mordecai tries to shake his homeless doppelganger off of him, but Mordebond hangs on tight.
MORDEBOND (CONT'D)
We can't take the work!
Benson SIGHS.
BENSON
These two are even lazier than you
two! I didn't think it was even possible.
Mordecai brushes Mordebond off of him.
MORDECAI
Okay, okay! Geez.
He turns to Benson.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
We're here to bring you back home.
Benson frowns.
BENSON
And you think I want to stay here with these-
He gestures to Mordebond and Drifty.
BENSON (CONT'D)
-you.
MORDECAI & RIGBY & MORDEBOND & DRIFTY
Hey!
BENSON
We're stuck here.
MORDECAI
Why? By who?
Benson gestures O.S.
BENSON
Hobo police.
Two hulking, hunchbacked, mean-looking HOBO POLICE stand in the middle of the park.
The uglier of the two points to his eyes, then at the us. He's watching you.
Mordecai and Rigby stare at the Hobo Police, eyes wide. Mordecai turns to Benson.
MORDECAI
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
Off on Mordecai's sneaky expression...
EXT. HOBO CITY - NIGHT
Mordecai, Rigby (still with bindle), and Benson run, SCREAMING. We truck out; the entire Hobo City police force is hot on their heels!
BENSON
Okay! What's the plan?
MORDECAI
(panting)
This... is... the plan!
BENSON
What?
A Hobo Policeman gains on Benson, and takes a SWIPE at him with a wooden stick/billy club!
BENSON
This is a terrible plan!
A hand sweeps from O.S., WHIZZING by Rigby's head.
RIGBY
Just run!
EXT. MOUNTAIN - LATER
Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson clamber over the crest of the mountain, running down the slope as the Hobo Police flow over the peak like a tidal wave.
MONTAGE
1) Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson run back through the raging blizzard...
2) ...They dodge traffic across the highway...
3) ...shuffle desperately through the desert...
EXT. PARK HOUSE - DAWN
...And finally collapse face-down in front of the house, exhausted and half-dead.
RIGBY
Did... we... luh-lose... them?
Mordecai rolls, GROANING, onto his back, looking face-up.
The entire shot is filled with angry-looking, blistered, iced, and tread-marked Hobo Police.
Mordecai can't gather the strength to even look surprised.
MORDECAI
Nope.
The Hobo Police GROWL.
BENSON
Have to admit, never thought I'd be killed by hobos.
RIGBY
I did.
BENSON
Really?
RIGBY
I like to be prepared.
BENSON
Well, I still hate you.
The Hobo Police reach down at us, until their filthy hands engulf the shot.
MORDECAI
WAIT!
The hobo hands stop.
Mordecai EXPLODES from the center of a cluster of Hobo Police, holding the magic bindle high above his head.
MORDECAI
Grovel, hobos, for I possess the Magic Bindle!
The sun shines behind the bindle, haloing it in light.
The Hobo Police stare up in awe.
HOBO POLICE
(in awe)
The bindle!/He has it/I thought
it was lost/Change?/But how?
Mordecai grins.
MORDECAI
Yeah! That's right! Awe! Now back away
before I wish you all... poorer, or something.
Rigby and Benson get up, standing behind Mordecai.
RIGBY
Good thinking, Mordecai!
Mordecai nods.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
But didn't we run out of wishes?
Mordecai kicks Rigby.
MORDECAI
Dude, they didn't know that!
Turning back to face the Hobo Police...
...we see a sea of angry, filthy faces.
MORDECAI
(nervous)
Heh. Heh Heh. Magic bindle?
A hairy hand whips from O.S. and snatches the bindle from Mordecai's hands.
Hobo hands quickly tie the five red knots on the bindle.
A Hobo Policeman holds the bindle high in the air.
HOBO POLICEMAN
Home.
A train CHUGS in from nowhere, forcing Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson to leap back as it SCREECHES to a halt in front of them, almost running them over. It completely blocks the mass of Hobo Police from view.
The train GRINDS away, leaving nothing but a rut in its wake and an empty field - no hobos in sight.
Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson stand, stunned.
BENSON
I have no idea what just happened, but I'm just
going to call you guys idiots and walk away. Okay?
Mordecai and Rigby limply nod.
MORDECAI
Yeah.
Rigby
Sounds good.
BENSON
Idiots.
Benson walks away.
RIGBY
Wait, we could just tie the knots back on?
Rigby lets out a SHOUT OF INDIGNATION.
RIGBY (CONT'D)
We could have had infinite wishes!
MORDECAI
Infinite hobo wishes, dude. Not worth it.
RIGBY
Pfft, says you. I could have had
a whole closet full of these babies!
Rigby hula hoops in his suspenders, SNAPPING the straps repeatedly.
Rigby stops in mid-gyration as the pants RIP and peel off him like a banana.
RIGBY
(deadpan)
Let's just go inside.
Fade OUT.
