For those of you who expected a crossover with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, I'm sorry. Although that would be rather entertaining...
I'm glad you took the time to read, and I'd be even more glad if you took the time to review! Enjoy chapter 1!
Chapter 1 - Leo the Schoolboy
Leo Valdez was rudely awakened by the less-than-pleasing to the ears sound of Call Me Maybe… being sung by one of his half-brothers. Off-pitch, off-key, and generally sounding pretty bad. He rolled over in his bed, eyes still mostly closed, half-asleep, and looked over at the glowing digits on his clock.
"Why the Hades are we showering at six o'clock in the morning?" he groaned loudly, drawing a look from most of the other kids in the Hephaestus cabin.
Nyssa gave him a glare, shaking her head slightly. "Leave it to you to forget, Valdez," she said, with just a hint of disdain in her tone. She sighed. "I would have liked to forget, myself. Chiron is making us attend school." She said this in the same tone as one might say Chiron is making us shovel pegasus dung or Chiron is hosting a formal party where we all have to wear togas and sing soprano.
Leo bolted out of bed. "Um, no, this boy does not do school," he said, pointing to himself. "Monster fighting and world saving I can do. But not school!"
Nyssa smiled wryly. "You will if Chiron says you will. Get changed." She left the cabin, grabbing a backpack from beside her bed and swinging it onto her shoulder.
Leo muttered some questionable words under his breath and pulled on his clothes, not caring about things like color coordination or whether things were forwards or backwards. Well, actually… he did care about that. He turned his shirt so the front was actually in the front, and then he was ready to go.
He still couldn't believe he had to go to school. Didn't he have battle training or something to do? Surely that was more important than school! Battle training helped him make sure that he didn't die when some monster who thought he might be tasty decided it was snacktime! Leo didn't want to die, not when he had so many things to live for, like coffee and Oreos.
He was going to regret giving in without a fight, he was sure of it.
Leo's first indicator that today was not going to be a pleasant day was his bus ride. The minute he stepped on, he knew this was going to be another case of stereotypical school bus: popular kids sit in the back, losers and nerds sit in the front, the kids who kept to themselves hunkered down in the middle, trying to memorize their locker combinations, and a certain sixteen-year-old demigod was stuck by himself.
It was just his luck that the camp van - a new addition to the camp equipment - had been filled up before he had made it down from breakfast. It was Shane's fault, really, he'd taken too long getting out of the bathroom. The way that kid sang in the shower, you'd think he wanted to switch over to the Apollo cabin.
What other choice did he have than to go to the back? Confidence wins friends, right? Money and food could too, he supposed, but since he didn't have any of that, confidence would have to do.
He chose a seat next to a guy who looked like he'd been up since four that morning making sure every hair was in place and across from a couple girls. Yeah, they seemed a little annoying and giggly, but their looks could make up for that. Time to turn on the ol' Leo Charm.
"How are you doing this fine morning?" Leo asked with exaggerated cheesiness, flashing a not so white toothy smile.
The girls looked at him a little oddly. That was good, great even. That meant he had their attention. Attention was the beginning of attraction, wasn't it?
One of them giggled in a more slightly hesitant way, and the other one reached into her backpack and pulled out a two-inch three-ring binder. "I've been having some trouble opening my binder," she said in that high-pitched, bubbly voice that girls use when they flirt. A good beginning, Leo thought. "Do you think you could get it open for me?" She reached over and dropped it in his lap.
He picked it up and inspected it. "Of course I can," he said, although he was a bit confused.
As if she was reading his mind, she said, "Um, it's a little hard to get open, and I don't want to chip a nail." She held out a perfectly manicured hand in front of him.
Leo shook his head. Women and their nails. What was so important about fingernails, anyway? He pressed down on the tab to open it, and when it didn't budge, he pressed it again, this time using both hands. He was sure his face was turning red just a little. Okay, maybe a lot. What kind of super awesome bad boy can't open a three-ring binder?
"This might be… just a bit… impossible," Leo grunted as he strained against the binder. Finally he got it to pop open and flashed a grin at the girl. "Knew I'd get it eventually, didn't you?" He was still embarrassed. Right now on the Manliness Meter, he was about negative five hundred.
"Thank you so much, I can't believe you could do that," the girl said, staring at him in awe and batting her eyelashes. Leo was baffled. Had he really managed to get a girl already? He knew he was good, but he didn't know he was that good! She had really pretty eyes, he managed to think. They were such a nice shade of blue…
The girl reached out and quickly snapped the binder shut. Leo jumped and let out a shriek that could rival Celine Dion, then looked down to see the middle ring was now firmly clamped around his left hand. He shook it wildly, trying to shake the binder off, but it held fast. "Owowowowowow!" he pulled at it, trying to get it off of him, but it only increased the pain.
The girl who had asked him to open the binder grinned and turned back to her friend, who was practically collapsed over the seat in silent giggles. When Leo finally managed to pry the binder off his hand, the girl swiftly snatched it from him. "That's my Biology binder, and I'll be needing it. It wasn't nice to meet you, I'm sure the pleasure's all yours." She whipped out a cell phone and opened the Instagram app to look at pictures of random guys.
Leo, rejected, turned away from them. He looked at Mr. Every Hair In Place, who was sitting next to him, and said, "Not a word, my friend. Not a word."
Mr. Every Hair In Place didn't even acknowledge Leo, he just turned a frosty gaze out the window. Nice guy, Leo thought.
Thankfully, it wasn't long before the bus arrived at the school, and Leo jumped up the instant the driver put on the brakes. He had one loss. So what? He was a smokin' hot single demigod, someone was going to pick up on his charm, manliness, and rugged good looks soon.
He had to stop by the front office to pick up a class schedule, which the secretary desk lady gave him along with a look that had mistrust all over it. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't combed his hair that morning (he was fighting a losing battle there) or maybe it was his expression that just exuded mischief. Either way, Desk Lady wasn't going to be joining his fan club.
His locker number was 457, which took him forever to find because the school was a maze of tiny hallways where everyone was squished together like sardines. Of course, every girl he passed who wasn't a hideous monster, he gave his best smile, but for some reason no one responded to his friendliness. In fact, there was one girl who was almost a head taller than him who looked like she kind of wanted to slap him.
All these misadventures resulted in Leo being a minute or two late to homeroom. Not bad for a first day, right? Apparently his teacher didn't think so, because the second he stepped in there, she fixed him with a glare that could have scared the pants off Ares.
"Hello!" Leo said brightly, waving at the room in general. A couple kids waved back awkwardly, but most of them just stared blankly at him while the teacher looked down at her computer.
"And which one are you?" she asked.
"Leo Valdez, funny, sporty, and single." He winked as he said that. "Yeah, you heard me right, ladies. Single and ready to mingle."
Leo saw one girl wrinkle her nose in disgust.
"Find a seat, Mr. Valdez, and I will not tolerate those kind of inappropriate behaviors in this classroom."
Inappropriate behaviors? Sure, maybe inappropriate in the nineteenth century! Although, Leo reasoned, she did look like she might have been born back then.
"My name is Mrs. Stodge," she said, looking around like she was daring someone to challenge it. "I will be your homeroom advisor and your math teacher. Disrespect will not be tolerated. There are rules I expect you to follow at all times while you are here. First of all, the moment you enter this room, there will be none of this ridiculous horsing around. You have entered the halls of learning, and it is a place meant to be undisturbed by the childish worries of a high school student. Second, you will not speak while I am speaking. It is common courtesy, which…" Mrs. Stodge droned on and on, and Leo found his eyelids drooping. He couldn't fall asleep, because he drooled in his sleep. That would be the perfect image breaker.
Homeroom was fifteen minutes long, and Leo was convinced by the end that Mrs. Stodge was a child of Chronos, because she could make that amount of time stretch on indefinitely. Finally the bell for first period rang, and everyone got up as fast as they could, eager to get out of her room.
"Homework, copy down the rules of common courtesy, all of which must be followed in my class, to be handed in tomorrow," Mrs. Stodge declared in a voice that said I am the boss, and if you don't do your homework I will eat your face and send the Furies after you. Leo could see the dismayed expressions of everyone around him, and for good reason. What kind of teacher gives you homework in homeroom? Homeroom was supposed to be announcements and then you're out of there!
"Oh, and Mr. Valdez, I would like a word," Mrs. Stodge added.
Leo went up to her desk, not scared in the slightest. Intimidated, a little bit. Annoyed, for sure. But not scared.
"Tardiness is not acceptable," she said. "And I will not condone any more of your asinine drollery. You may go to first hour."
Leo left, feeling like he'd just been smacked across the face. She hadn't been that terrible to him, but he was still pretty steamed. He was pretty sure Mrs. Stodge had given him a nice healthy burn, especially because he wasn't sure what asinine meant. It kind of sounded like a bad word. He was pretty sure it wasn't, though, because cussing was probably on Mrs. Stodge's list of Stuff That I Don't Allow. When he thought about it, he wasn't sure what drollery meant, either. But in his defense, his childhood had been kind of messed up. You couldn't exactly blame him for failing seventh grade English and Vocabulary!
She needed to lighten up, Leo thought as he sat in science class listening to the teacher read a boring syllabus. She needed to lighten up loads, because right now she was a nasty old buzzkill.
Oh, yeah, Leo thought. Mrs. Stodge is really going to rue the day she met Leo Valdez.
Well... I don't think I have anything to say here! Except that I don't own PJO... clearly. Thanks again for reading!
