Soliloquized Realizations

(a prologue of sorts)

Lily Evans had always hated the color orange.

On the left side of the second floor girls bathroom stood The Fountain. Who had first coined this term, no students were quite sure. As far as the teachers knew, it had been present since before even they had first stepped into Hogwarts`s great halls (and Great Hall), and this only added to its ominous infamy. One thing was for certain, although The Fountain was neither a source of water nor a door to an underground lair, like the actual fountain in the bathroom one floor down, it contained its fair share of secrets. It was, in fact, the most secretive yet discussed wall in Hogwarts, and practically holy text for the younger female population of the school. It was, in the (often sarcastic) words of many, a true fountain of knowledge.

In its many years of service to the school, The Fountain was home to a plethora of gossip, love declarations, song lyrics, lists, hate, crude drawings, monumental engravings, poems, and even some jokes among friends. Over time, each new generation covered up the work of the last, once or twice being painted over completely by the school in a failed attempt to stop the legacy, until it was the collage of disarray that stood proudly before Lily as she mulled over the vibrant orange statement with mixed emotions.

Earlier that day the sixth year had been drifting off in class, thinking about all the snowball fights and midnight adventures that surely awaited her during the upcoming winter break. It would be the penultimate break for her and her friends, so if she knew her roommates (which after six years of constant, live-in experience, she definitely did), they had something extraordinary up their dynamic sleeves.

But thinking about the two years they had left reminded Lily of all the crazy things they used to do, like the time they`d snuck into Slughorn`s office in pursuit of a cat, or when Alice was convinced she could train a unicorn she found in the woods, or the year they`d spend the entire train ride to school running from Ravenclaws. There had been a time they each had often feigned needing to go to the bathroom just to check out the daily splattering of messages scrawled across The Fountain, and the news and entertainment it provided was a large topic of conversation.

Lily hadn`t voluntarily checked out The Fountain in months, and so it was that her nostalgic subconscious led her there on a brief detour, and she stumbled upon the six words she was least expecting to see together.

The glittery orange ink was high among the splattering`s of almost nonsensical interactions that The Fountain was famous for, unapologetically and undisputedly sitting there. It was not meant as rude, or mean, or snobby, Lily figured. The author, who swirled her y`s and hearted her i`s, had probably just written it as an opinion, or even in their eyes, a fact, figuring it was next to impossible that Lily Evans herself would stumble upon it before it was covered up by a fresh round of gossip. Lily Evans, after all, had much more important things to do, and what were the odds she would deign herself to glancing at a such things like The Fountain during the short period of time in which it contained incriminating information about herself?

And yet, there she was…and more importantly, there it was.

Lily Evans totally fancies James Potter

At her first glance, Lily rolled her eyes and wondered if she should cross it out. But that, naturally, would have been a rookie mistake. Blacking out gossip on The Fountain would just draw unwanted attention to it, and besides, everyone knew simple erasing spells to take away the offending scribbles over top. Besides, interacting with it would just make people more assured of it`s possible nonfictionality.

Was it fiction, though?

Of course. Lily Evans didn't fancy James Potter. It was impossible, horrifyingly unimaginable, and James had the bruises (psychologically and physically) to prove it. Everyone knew that, and everyone believed it, except for James himself, the user of the orange glitter quill, and the occasional Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.

As she was dismissing this (highly fictitious) statement from her head, something caught in her mind.

Several quick memories flashed in secession, before she could suppress them. James at the beginning of sixth year, offering her an ingredient she`d needed for a potion but forgotten in her dorm so she didn`t fail the pop quiz. The rush she got from the daily insults she hurled his way, and the glint of familiarity she saw in his eyes that made it feel almost (but not quite) like friendly satire. Lastly and most prominently, she saw him sitting next to her on the owlery floor, exchanging secrets under a rare flag of truce.

Shaking the memories away, Lily reminded herself that what had happened that night in the owlery was a onetime thing, a freak occurrence, and a complete and utter secret. Not even Alice knew about that, and Lily was pretty sure both she and James wanted it to stay that way. Besides the shattering of her reputation, Lily wasn`t sure what the leak of this information could do. It was a Pandora`s box she was terrified to open.

But Lily was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors were meant to face their fears.

Lily Evans did not like James Potter. There was years of evidence, from bruises to doors that were busted from years of slamming, crumpled notes to declarations on The Fountain. Yet it was that very wall that the only statement standing against this resided, orange and completely controversially unquestionably untrue.

Lily Evans totally fancies James Potter

Was it, though? Really?

Lily Evans totally fancies James Potter

Did she?

Lily cleared her mind of all the facts, old promises, and memories, trying to look at the passage in the most unbiased way possible.

Lily Evans totally fancies James Potter

Reasonably speaking, from an outsider point of view, there was no possible way this could be true.

But, Lily though, as she remember the best lies are the ones you tell yourself, she was no outsider.

Looking back on her life, Lily would later think of this one moment, staring up at the glittery orange ink, as the moment her whole world went upside-down, never to be the same again.

All it took, in the end, was two words.

Why not?


A/N: In order to get some necessary context for this story, I`d suggest reading The Cliched Challenge and Heartless Affections, which will provide some important background knowledge for the full understanding and enjoyment of this. Heartless Affections centers around a chain of anecdotal events involving Lily, Sirius, and James in forth year, and the Cliched Challenge, which takes place just a few weeks before the start of this story, is about a particularly disastrous contest.