Disclaimer: The greatest mutha effin bitches Jasmine, Christie and Julie do not own Harry Potter. Just this story that they share in harmony. [fights with Christie over the title] O.o
This story will be focused on the MINORITY characters of the Harry Potter universe. You know, those little people that don't get enough respect or acknowledgement. They deserve much better! Well, this is for the little guys! Enjoy!
The first chapter (uhh, this one) is written by Julie.
%%%% SCENE ONE:: KATIE'S HOUSE:: %%%
Katie Bell came shuffling down her stairs to the living room. She was in her ducky-feet pajamas and had just woken up from a bad dream. She had dreamed that she was in a darkened room, surrounded by flames and death and screams. Then there had been someone in a long, frilly red trench coat with a goatee. Who could this person be? And what did her dream mean?
She plopped down on the couch. The fresh morning sunrise was just starting to come in through the window, and it hit Katie's blonde hair, making it look gold.
Katie stared at the family's Christmas tree. She loved the holiday season, and her family always went all out for it. The tree was sprinkled in false snow, and adorned with miraculous lights and ornaments. The most beautiful ornament off all though, was her dad's Jimmy Dean Sausage one that he had INSISTED on placing near the top. Her dad worked at the Jimmy Dean Sausage Plant, and always brought home free stuff like that.
Katie stood up from the couch and made her way over to the tree. She tilted her head up to look towards the top, where at the tip was perched the Jimmy Dean Sausage Angel.
It was a beautiful angel, holding a sausage in her hand, with pork grease all down the front of her dress and on her face. She was also missing a leg, and had a poop stain on her dress near the back that you could see if you looked close enough.
Suddenly, her dad walked into the living room in his pink bathrobe and fluffy penguin house shoes. He waved at Katie and fiddled with a curler in his hair.
"What are you doing down here so early, pumpkin? I don't fix breakfast til later. And guess what we're havin!" He danced around the tree on his toes. "Sausages!" He tripped on one of the presents under the tree and knocked the whole damn thing over.
Katie stared at the crumpled mess of a tree on their living room floor, then waved her wand saying a few words. The tree rose back into place and stood just as grandly as before.
"Dad, I woke up because I had a nightmare." Katie plopped down in an armchair and turned on the TV, flipping to the History Channel. Her dad sat down on the coffee table in front of her.
"Pumpkin, tell your daddy what the dream was about."
Katie kicked him in the shin. "No! It was personal!" She pushed him off the coffee table so she could see the TV better. It was a special about Marine Fighter Planes.
Her dad lay crumpled and whimpering on the floor. "Pumpkin Pie, why do you always inflict so much emotional pain on me?" Katie was now whacking him with the morning paper.
"Because you are a fruity bastard that cheats on my mom!" She kicked him in the crotch one last time, then took a deep breath, heading for the kitchen.
In the kitchen her mom was opening and closing the fridge, laughing as each time she shut it, a waft of air made her hair fly back.
"Ha ha! Katie you HAVE to try this!" Her mom giggled and continued shutting the door. She then gave up, and walked over to Katie, who was now sitting down at the table with her head in her hands.
"What's wrong, tampon?" Her mom smoothed Katie's hair. "You look so sad."
Katie looked up into the bluish greenish grayish brownish pinkish eyes of her mom and sighed.
"I'm miserable. You and dad are freaks, and because of that none of my friends ever want to come over. Especially since the time dad tried to make Pansy Parkinson give him piggy back rides down the stairs. Which resulted in Pansy losing an eye and dad's weenie breaking off." Her mom's eyes misted over at the mention of her husband's lost member. "I mean, I'm losing friends and I just want to live a normal life!" Katie jumped up from the chair, but her mom stopped her. "Katie, are you ashamed of us?" "Ah huh." Katie pulled away and started for the kitchen door. "I just want to go someplace where I don't have to worry about being your 'perfect pumpkin'. Where I don't have to worry about losing friends to my parents. Where I don't have this hideous mole on my ass, which indeed I inherited from dad!" Katie flashed the mole to her mom, who made a 'whooo' noise and fainted.
Katie slumped to the floor and burst into tears. Why had she been born into such a stupid family? She wanted another one, a better one. One that she could REALLY be loved by.
Suddenly, Katie felt as if she weren't alone in the kitchen. Because her mom had slinked off with a can of butter beans. Katie had then been alone crying to herself. But who was here now?
Katie looked up with tear stained cheeks and blurry eyes to see someone that she knew she had seen before. He had been in her night mare a couple of hours ago.
It was a tall, built man with horns and a goatee. He had thick black hair that laid in curls, and he was wearing a long red trench coat that dragged the floor. At the end of his legs, instead of feet, were hooves. The man smiled at Katie, and winked.
"Who the fruit are YOU?" Katie cried, falling backwards on her butt. The man raised an eyebrow and crouched down beside her.
They were now face to face. "Why, I am Lucifer Jenny Margery HellMyster the Third." Katie made a face. He sighed. "Satan? I'm sure you've heard of me before."
Katie looked him up and down. "Oh yeah. You're that guy who reeks eternal damnation to all who sin and junk. Yeah, I know you." Katie stood up and dusted herself off. Satan smiled at her, and stood up as well.
"I overheard in your thoughts that you wished for another family. And since it's the holidays and all, and since I'm the Prince of Darkness and can do whatever I want, I have decided to adopt your sorry ass." Satan bowed, and winked again. Katie just stared at him.
"Yay! I'll go get my things!" She raced to her room, her new daddy following closely behind. Katie pulled out her suitcase from underneath her bed and started packing.
Satan opened her underwear drawer and stuffed a few thongs into her suitcase. "I'll help." He said enthusiastically, placing some lacy ones lovingly inside. Katie shrugged and shoved a teddy bear, that was dressed in a tutu and ballet shoes, into her suitcase.
Katie had been given that bear from her dad after her first ballet recital. The truth was, Katie loved dancing with a passion. She had been dancing since the age of four, but no one knew that because J.K Rowling only focuses in the main characters in her books.
Satan was digging through her closet, his butt sticking out in the open. Katie kicked it and peered over his shoulder to peer inside.
"What are you doing?' She asked, watching as he flung several dirty socks aside. Then he pulled out a shoebox and handed it to her.
"What's in there?" He asked, standing up and dusting himself off. Katie raised an eyebrow and opened the box. She squealed as she saw what was inside.
"It's my old toe shoes!" She pulled them out and held them to her chest. They were faded pink and dirty, and the laces were straggly. Katie let tears slowly fall down her cheeks.
Satan beamed and sat down on her bed. "You're welcome."
Katie looked up at him. "Thank you!" She raced to his side and embraced him in a hug. "I've been looking everywhere for these!" She hugged him again, then placed the toe shoes in the suitcase as well.
Satan stood up. "Are we ready to go?"
Katie took one last look at her old room, then nodded. "Where are we going?"
"Your new home. Hell." And with that, there was a flash of pink smoke, and Katie Bell and Satan were gone.
A/N: Whoopee! Now it's time for the good parts of this story to start poppin up! What will Katie's new neighbors be like? Will she make friends? Is she going to miss her family? You'll have to see, when the next chapter written by either Jasmine is Christie is up! Chow!..Julie..
P.S- My appologies for that paragraph in the middle...it's all fruity looking. I can't help that the new FF format is shit!
Anyways...REVIEW! REVIEW! And Christie and I shall give a foot massage to your mama.
