So after hearing a bunch of different of songs I had a bunch of Clint/Nat feels. I'm really surprised that I've been Writing through nat so much but hey, whatever. This story will be more or less Connected, and yes I know it's Taylor Swift, but just because she has the emotional maturity of a 16 year old, doesn't mean she can't write some decent songs.
Once upon time
A few mistakes ago
I was in your sights
You got me alone
You found me
You bound me
She wants to say that hindsight really is 20/20. She wants to blame it on him and her exhaustion that day. But she can't. For one thing, she was in top form, and he won fair and square. For another, one thing she's learned in her years, few as they are, is to never lie to herself. She spent too long in denial. She made a lot of mistakes that day, but registering what it meant and not being more wary was the one she regretted the most (not like it would have changed anything though). It would have saved her a lot of useless angst, ever since she stared past the arrow aimed straight at her & stared into those clear, precise blue eyes.
I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me
In the minutes & weeks that followed, Natasha found herself more & more confused. She was irritable, cold, distant and nasty with everyone, including him. The others treated her with the suspicion she expected, but not him. He wasn't as friendly as he is now of course, but he never once gave any impression that he thought she'd defect. She would ask him about it later, after he very nearly beats the crap out of an agent who insinuates she's a traitor. He answers with more familiarity and warmth than he'd ever given her up to that point. He doesn't care, he says, who she was. All that matters is who she is now. Now she realizes that's when it happened. When she learned how to love. After that heart to heart however, he went back to his normal wary interactions around her- by no means would she have been comfortable with that level of familiarity at the time, but she now knows why she was feeling so disappointed the next time they talked.
And he's long gone
When he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me
She knows he is out of her reach, even when they 're fighting in synch. He knows who she is. And the thing is she should've realized what he was going to do to her.
Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground
She knew what she was doing that day, she saw what he was offering and she took it. She knew exactly what she was getting into. He gave her a new life, a new identity, showed her herself inside the Black Widow, showed her how to love. And when she finally acknowledged what she felt was love, her world came crashing down. There was no way he could love her back. Not after what he saw.
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
No apologies
He'll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn't know
That he's the reason why
You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning
He knows her so well. He can read her every expression, even though she's spent her whole life hiding. She wonders if he knows. If he does, he probably knew before she did. He would never acknowledge wouldn't want to hurt her.
And I heard you moved on
From whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt
Is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see
He was long gone
When he met me
And I realize the joke is on me
It hurts, whenever they're on seprate missions, or assigned different partners. It hurts to be around him, it hurts to be away from him. Natasha wants to pull her hair out with the absurdity. She hates the Red Room even more now. If they were going to turn her into a murderous unfeeling psychopath they could have at least done it properly. Its a joke she thinks, that she'd go her whole life scorning and repressing emotion, only to be plagued by love of all things.
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places
I'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now Flew me to places I'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
When your sadest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything Yeah
She doesn't think he can love, (He's too angry with the world) which is some consolation at least. She doesn't think she'd be able to see him with someone else.
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now Flew me to places i'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
She knew. When he tracked and cornered her after years of surveillance, when he lowered his bow and offered her freedom in her current captivity or a new life, and when he grinned as he called in for a pick up for two, oh she knew. She knew he was trouble. She just didn't know how much.
So halfway writing this I had an idea to make this story around the theme of "once upon a time", and only use songs with that phrase in it, but that would kinda limit me.. I only thought of this 'cause the next song has that lyric in it too, and I was like 'ooo cool, almost like I'm deep or something'. haha not really. Maybe each chapter will have the phrase in it, that could work. Epic.
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