Chapter 1-Schizo


Dr. Gregory House chucked his over-sized gray and red tennis ball against the wall for the umpteenth time within the last hour. As much as he tried to remain busy, his game console decided to give him the "red circle of doom" or whatever kids call it. Either way, he ran out of ideas ages ago.

The snow outside threw ice-daggers at him, deterred only by his window. It started earlier this morning, and even though he expected the waiting room and the emergency room to fill quickly, both remained relatively calm. No unusual cases presented themselves, and for once in a very long time, House grew bored with the entire hospital.

As he began to toss the ball at the ceiling, the only person he would truly call anything more than an acquaintance walked into his office. Wilson wore a blue tie on this particular day, the same color he wore every Tuesday, and he too had no patients. Because of the snow, all his appointments canceled.

He said something then, but House ignored him. The more Wilson spoke, the faster House threw the ball, clearly indicating that he would like some alone time. Instead of Wilson taking the hint though, he grabbed the ball before it fell back into House's hand.

"I said Cuddy wants you in the clinic. Are you even listening to me?" Wilson goaded.

"If I say 'no' will you give me a cookie for being a good boy and not lying?"

Wilson threw the ball back at him with some force and grabbed House's cane. "Just go downstairs and see what she wants. It might give you something to do besides moping around your office all day."

House consented, snatching the cane out of Wilson's hand with indignation. As the door closed behind him, House peered through the glass of his door again and stuck his tongue out.


On the first floor, House pretended to be a patient instead of a doctor, in hopes no one would ask him to do something. The room held very few waiting patients, but it was impossible to sit far enough away from one. Instead he chose a pair far off into the corner to sit next to, an older teenage girl and her younger brother from their appearance. As he sat down, the boy's blue eyes drifted towards him.

"The government made it snow," he stated, as if House knew already. The boy's sister wacked at his knee and House continued to ignore him, until the boy spoke again. "Since I own New Jersey, I speak Finnish."

House turned to the boy, suppressing laughter. Then he had a clear look at him; his extremely blue eyes, soft brown hair, and his unusually gangly frame. The sister looked hardly different; instead she had thick brown locks draped over her shoulders. She smacked at his knee once more and gave him a look House would fear if he were a child again. "I'm sorry," she said. "He knows not to talk to strangers."

"But he might know James Stewart!" the boy squealed, causing the entire waiting room to turn towards him. House did not want this attention, and as the boy continued to shriek, a somewhat loud groan escaped the doctor. He then turned to the young man.

"Look, the more you ramble on like that, the more you give away my position. Now I'm trying to keep a low profile from all those other doctors so if you could shut up I will consider not tossing you out the front door," House propositioned. The boy quickly ceased, then smiled as if he understood perfectly well, and then bent his head low, requesting House do the same.

"My name's Jeremy. I'm hiding from the Secret Service, too."

Jeremy winked a beady eye at him, and then copied House's leg position. He crossed his right leg over his left, placed his hands atop his knee, and contorted his face into a bored expression. House took the time to speak with his sister.

"Obviously you did not bring him here because he's crazy. Did the government finally plant a homing beacon in him?" House sat forward to peer across Jeremy, but the boy leaned forward as well. He leaned back, but Jeremy did the same. Before he could imitate once more, House placed his hand on Jeremy's neck and locked him into place.

"He woke up this morning and said he saw everything in twos," she explained, as if nothing out of the ordinary occurred that morning.

"How could you tell that?"

"His wallpaper has boats on it. He said he was fulfilling the prophecy of Noah." The girl nodded towards House's hand, under which Jeremy began to struggle. Just as he began to scream once again that a Martian put a clamp on his neck, House forced Jeremy to look at him. With his penlight, he peered into the boy's eyes, carefully scrutinizing their movement. Just as his finger drifted towards the outside, Jeremy screeched in pain.

"The maggots! Maya, the maggots are eating my brain!" Fat tears dripped from his eyes, and as he started to rock, the girl wrapped a thin arm around him. "Sorry," she apologized again. "He's schizophrenic; he doesn't know any better."

Jeremy scratched at the side of his head as if he had an unreachable itch. House snatched one of his hands and peered into his eyes again, this time seeing just what he needed. His left eye looked somewhat cloudy compared to the right.

"You know you sound really stupid when you whine like that," House began, but instead of receiving some cry of disgust like other patients he insulted, Jeremy chuckled. The tears slowly subsided, but the young man continued to laugh. House dropped the boy's hand, yet the laughter continued.

Jeremy fell forward out of the chair, laughing so hard his shoulders shook. He grabbed his stomach then, and rolled over onto his side, his face red. As Maya dropped to her knees, desperately avoiding the stares of the other patients, Jeremy turned onto his back, just in time for House to call a crash cart. The boy's eyes lolled back into their sockets, and his body began to jerk.