The thing that I remember most about being human was the desire to make my life important. The desire to have people remember me even after I died, and to change me and my family's circumstances. I wanted to change things that were greater than myself, and to help other people.

I thought the best way to do that would be to join the Army. And that thought, that goal, consumed my every thought. I was much too stubborn and selfish to listen to my mother's protests when I told her that I planned to enlist as soon as I turned eighteen. I had even seriously considered faking my age in order to leave early.

Not much has changed since then really. I am still stubborn and still unforgivably selfish. I wanted to change that. I thought that if I left so that I could give her time to move on, no matter how much pain it caused me, then that would mean that I care more about her than I do myself. But, I'm starting to think that might not true at all.

Not because she hadn't moved on or found someone else. I still didn't know about that, but because I made the stupid mistake of thinking that it would be easier staying away from her than it would be to leave her.

Leaving was next to impossible, but staying away from her was a thousand times harder. When I left she had willingly let me go, I could see in her eyes that she honestly believed that I had stopped being in love with her. As if that could ever happen for as long as I existed. But when I left her, I left my heart, and whatever was left of my soul with her. And it was next to impossible to live without them, without her. I was sure that if I were human, I could've died from the pain.

Now I was stuck in… I didn't even know where, walking through crowds of people out late at night drinking and cursing in Spanish while I only tried to keep a low profile. Victoria was nowhere near me. In fact, I was pretty sure she wasn't even in the country anymore. I had lost her for a week now and could only hope that she was nowhere near Washington. Even the thought of her being near Bella made me cringe.

The low profile thing wasn't exactly working out for me at the moment either. Being apart from Bella caused me to radiate depression and hostility. Anyone that ever said a word to me I responded to by cursing at them in whatever language they spoke. I'm pretty sure most people thought that I was some sort of crazed pyscopath. My family had given up on calling or texting me. They had even sent Jasper and Alice to negotiate me back to Alaska, with no luck. Tanya had called as well. But, I ignored them all. If I had an ounce of dignity or shame left in me, I would have felt guilty about the way that I had treated them all, but I didn't. Nothing mattered to me anymore except making sure that Bella was safe and happy.

Crossing the street, I realized that I had been too lost in my thoughts to realize that I had no idea where I was going and that I had probably been walking much faster than I should have been. But, when I turned the corner, I noticed a large crowd of people, larger than the crowds outside of the bars at this time of night. Most were dressed in suits or long dresses and drinking beer or what looked like some sort of cocktail. Some people even had tears in their eyes.

And then I looked up. In front of me and towering over the crowd was a beautifully old and decrepit church. It was tall, with peeling and yellowing white stucco. It looked like it had not been repainted in years and underneath the numerous spots where the stucco had peeled off entirely, was a dark and old wood paneling. The paneling matched the two ten foot tall maple doors at the front of the building underneath a stained glass window. It was impossible to tell what the window was supposed to depict since many of the pieces had evidently fallen out. But, the pieces that were still left were such bright and clear colors, that they changed the colors of the light shining from the inside of the church and reflected colored patterns onto the dirt road.

The couple standing in front of the church was a young and light skinned couple both with dark brown hair. The groom was wearing a white tux and had a ridiculously large grin on his face. The bride had on a long, white dress with gloves and pearls and lace sewn into the top of the bodice. She looked absolutely radiant and reminded me instantly of Bella. They both had their arms wrapped around each other's waists and were looking into each other's eyes with stupid grins on their faces. It was blatantly obvious that they were madly in love.

My stomach flipped. I had tried my hardest to avoid anything that reminded me of Bella. I turned away whenever I passed by an affectionate couple, avoided Romantic movies and books. Hell, even my own family only made me think of her even more.

And yet here I was standing in front of a desperately happy and in love couple. The worst part was how very much the bride looked like Bella.

Stupidly, I decided to try and inch closer so that I could understand what they were whispering to each other over the overlapping voices of the crowd. Until I could hear them speaking in Spanish to each other.

"You look absolutely beautiful, my dear."

"Thank you, and you look very handsome too you know." I could tell, although it probably was too brief for him to notice that she hesitated before saying something else. "You didn't get cold feet did you? Marco said that he didn't see you almost all day yesterday and I was just wondering if…"

He interrupted her, putting a finger to her lips. "Of course not, I would've told him what I had been up to when I came back but, I wanted it to be a surprise and we both know that Marco can't keep his goddamn mouth shut." He pulled out a small, dark blue, square box from his pocket. "I went to the city that day to get you this after I saw it in a magazine. I still want to get you a real wedding ring but, for now, I hope this will be good enough."

He handed her the box and she opened it and pulled out a small gumball machine looking silver ring. My vision was just good enough that I was able to make out the word that he had engraved around the outside of the band, "Forever".

Seeing that one word had me crumbling to the floor in despair. I couldn't stand the thought of spending forever without Bella. I had spent all of this time only trying to get through one second; I hadn't even realized that I would have to spend every second of eternity feeling like I had for the past six months. Missing my family, my home and, most of all, my life and my happiness, had taken its toll on me and now all I felt was an aching, crushing depression.

Most of all though, I missed Bella. I missed seeing her smile and how the blood rushed to her cheeks when she was embarrassed. I missed how warm and soft her skin was and the sound of her laugh. I missed everything about her. She was my life, my soul, and my heart, my life without her was nothing. Even being thousands of miles away from her my every thought and action revolved around her and trying to protect her.

Within the last five minutes, my resolve had crumbled entirely. I realized now how entirely selfish I really was and that I had to have a life with her, even if I was risking her safety. But couldn't I only try harder to keep her away from danger. No, with me in Bella's life, it was impossible to keep her away from danger.

I realized now that what I wanted more than anything in the world was to call Bella 'Mine'. I wanted to see her dressed in a white dress and vow to love her forever. What I wanted was to introduce her as my wife and kiss her every day. I needed to hear her voice again and to tell her how very much I love her.

I had to go back to her.