Hey there! This is my second GMW fic so I'm still trying to work out the kinks in my writing. This is pretty AU because I'm writing it in high school and I'm including adult themes for our favorite friend group. For this fic, I'm saying that the triangle happened sophomore year of high school so this is junior year that this will take place. The pov's will change throughout also and Charlie Gardner is involved in this too! He and Riley have been hanging out a little bit. Please check out my other story called Full Circle as well. Feel free to leave a review to let me know what you all think! Happy reading :)
He catches your eye as soon as you walk into class. You stare him down just briefly before taking a seat in the front to face your father. As Cory goes on and on about something that is actually related to history for once you feel his eyes burn into the back of your head. No one will notice you tell yourself. You try to ignore it as best you can, he isn't yours to want anymore.
He belongs to your blonde and beautiful best friend. You glance Maya's way and see that she's asleep as per usual so she can't see where Lucas's eyes are wandering. You feel antsy and awkward so you pull your hair from one side to the other exposing your neck to him. Moments later you hear Lucas bring his fist down to his desk causing everyone in the room to jump.
"Mr. Friar, are you alright?" Your dad asks him. You're almost too nervous to turn around to see, but you do anyway. His fists are clenched and he's staring straight ahead, he should be looking right at Maya but he isn't. It's like he's staring right through her instead.
"Mr. Friar…" My dad tries again, but Lucas is in a trance of anger.
"Huckleberry!" Maya snaps in front of him and he's still as a statue. You don't know what possesses you to do it, but you stand up and walked the short distance to his seat and kneel in front of him.
"Lucas," You say softly. He still doesn't move, his eyes are boring holes into the white board at the front of the room. You place you hand on top of his clenched fist and say his name again. At the contact Lucas turns to you and stares you down like you had with him when you entered the classroom.
"Are you okay?" You can barely choke out not being able to handle the physical contact on top of the way he was looking at you. He looks down to your hand on top of his and jerks his fist away like you burned him. He stands up abruptly and asks your dad to be excused to which he gladly said yes since Lucas was distracting the class. You look at Lucas's empty seat at a complete loss of what had just happened.
"Riley," Your dad says getting your attention. You turn to him and he gestures to your seat indicating you should return to it so he can continue class. You sit there and continue to be in your own world missing the sensation of a pair of emerald eyes on you.
"Are you even paying attention? Are you okay?" Maya asks from beside you. She decided class was worth staying awake for once there was some drama involving Lucas. You turn to look at your best friend. You smile a big dimpled smile that could fool just about anyone.
"Of course, Peaches," You say. You're smiling on the outside, but inside you're burning.
Burning with guilt for craving those moments with Lucas.
Burning with resentment toward your sister for taking what was yours first.
And lastly, burning with the desire inside of you at just the tiniest bit of contact with Lucas.
He wasn't yours to desire anymore.
—
People love to underestimate your genius. They assume because you have the highest GPA in the class that it means you don't notice social interactions or miss social cues because you are a little bit too smart for your own good. While the majority of the class was watching Mr. Matthews you were watching Lucas while he watched Riley. You didn't miss the eye contact between them when she walked in. You always notice the way Lucas tenses up when Riley is around while he barely notices when Maya is. When the triangle ended you were so relieved while also very angry on behalf of Riley.
You loved her first after all and she didn't deserve to be heartbroken by the cowboy from Texas. She was your best friend and anyone who made the sun not shine as bright didn't deserve her love in the first place. But then you sat back and remembered that you also loved Maya equally and were very happy for her for getting something great in her life when she's spent so much time being sad. The chemistry between Lucas and Maya was prominent, no one could deny that. And yet, once Lucas chose Maya it seemed that chemistry or fire everyone was obsessed with seemed to die down. You guessed the physical aspect to Lucas and Maya's relationship was fine. You don't discuss it with either, but if there were issues there then you weren't sure what else they had. In groups you all have a blast together. The six of you were like a puzzle. You each brought something to the friendship that every individual person needed to survive and to be complete.
However, even when you all got along perfectly fine you have to wonder how things were when Lucas and Maya were alone. Did they talk for hours the way you and Smackle do? The way you know Lucas and Riley used to? If there was one thing everyone learned at the ski lodge the year before it was that communication was the key to every successful relationship. That is partially why you were shocked when Lucas chose Maya. At the same time you knew Riley wouldn't have been able to let herself be happy with Lucas because she knew it would hurt Maya. Maya being fiercely loyal to Riley as well seemed to have missed the way Riley's smile doesn't reach her eyes anymore. She was so thrilled to finally have the triangle end by getting the guy you wonder when the last time Maya's own smile reached her eyes as well.
Then you glance at Charlie Gardner. He to wasn't paying attention to the lesson either. As per usual his eyes were on Riley. The triangle was never really a triangle. It was always the rectangle. Riley gave Charlie attention out of the kindness of her heart and he ate up any interaction with her he could get. They had been spending more and more time together recently. As soon as Riley moved her hair exposing her neck Charlie let out a gasp and as it turns out you weren't the only one who noticed. Lucas heard that gasp and you thought he was going to kill Charlie right then and there when those iron fists hit the desk instead. You were never surprised that the only one able to bring Potential Texas Lucas back to New York Lucas was Riley. He ignored Mr. Matthews and his own girlfriend but the second Riley touches him he's back in reality just enough to excuse himself before getting himself into real trouble. She was always the one who could get through to him. You keep these observations to yourself knowing bringing light to the truth could hurt the ones you love the most. You sit back and try to remember when it all got screwed up.
—
You lean against the table in the janitors closet taking deep breaths. You aren't sure when you turned into the guy who loved one girl but couldn't stop obsessing over the other. You made the choice. You gave the people what they wanted and ended the triangle the only way you knew would make the most people happy. Riley would've never been with you knowing she was hurting Maya. She was too selfless for that. And Maya was what you were sure you wanted. She was rebellious and kept you on your toes. You close your eyes and count to ten.
"Riley still loves Lucas!"
You let out a shaky breath remembering the moment that changed everything. You had just started coming around to the idea that Maya could be someone you could care about forever. Then Farkle lets the secret of all secrets out and all of a sudden you couldn't move. You couldn't picture a life with anyone else except the girl who fell on your lap your first day of school. You run your hands over your face as the shaking subsides. You hoped no one knew you were in here to see you like this. This big of a mess over someone you had no right to care about like that anymore.
The second Charlie Gardner gasped seeing Riley's neck you knew you could've ended it right there. You could've gotten into the fight, gotten expelled, proved your parents right. But one voice kept you in check. One hand kept you sane. She had been seen hanging out with Gardner recently. For all you knew she was doing that on purpose to tease him to keep him interested. The thought of Riley wanting someone else made your blood boil. All of the deep breaths in the world couldn't keep you in control thinking she wanted Charlie's attention. You pull one fist back and punch a hole right through the wall. As you pull your fist back to do it again a small pair of hands wrap themselves around your arm and you freeze. You'd know those hands anywhere and for a moment you can't breathe.
"You don't have to do that," Her soft voice spoke. Her hands are still wrapped around your bicep and you only feel slightly guilty when you hope they stay there.
"Lucas, look at me," She asks and you've never been able to say no to her so you do it. She hesitantly puts her hands on both sides of your face trying to read you. You won't let that happen though, no one has been able to read you since you made your choice. That reminds you of Maya which in turns reminds you of Charlie and you get pissed again and back away from Riley. She momentarily looks upset but you continue to back up so she can't touch you.
"What do you want?" You spit and the venom in your voice does something to both you and Riley. She covers her shock before narrowing her eyes at you.
"What is your problem?" She demands in the most stern voice you've ever heard her use. In reality you have no grounds to be upset with her. You chose her best friend over her. As you sit there starting into Riley's dark eyes you wonder how much of you actually did choose Maya.
"Just go back to Gardner," You say in a hard voice you barely recognize. Riley's eyes are set on fire and she does something that completely shocks you both. She shoves you so hard your back hits the wall.
"Are you kidding me?" She shrieks before pushing you again so you hit harder than before. You've only seen that fire in her a few times before and part of you ignites as well knowing you put it there.
"Am I wrong?" You challenge taking a step toward her, daring her to push you again. "Everyone knows that you two have been spending all of your spare time together, what am I supposed to think?" The closer you get the darker her eyes get, pushing your control to the very brink.
"You can't handle it can you?" She asks. You don't know what she means and you don't want to.
"Handle what?" You ask despite your inner protests.
"The thought of me with someone else," Riley says sizing you up. Out of respect for Maya you can't admit that she's right so you don't say anything. You start counting to ten in your head.
"We were just talking about you."
Riley takes a confident step forward so she's about nose to nose with you. You inhale her shampoo and perfume and clench your jaw to stop any further action from taking place.
"You can't handle me liking someone else," She challenges. You close your eyes tightly.
"Riles." You choke out.
"Me wanting someone else," She taunts brushing her fingers along your stomach, dangerously close to the button on your jeans. You shake your head needing to focus on something else.
"Me touching someone else," Riley whispers undoing your jeans.
"Stop it," You warn tightly.
"Me loving someone else," She finishes harshly. Your eyes bore into hers piercing her every thought.
"No!" You yell backing her up so she's against the wall. You raise one hand slamming it against the wall. It should scare her but it doesn't. The desire in her eyes is enough to push you over the edge of control as you crash your lips against hers. It takes Riley about one second to respond by bringing your shirt over your head as you are already working at pushing her dress up to her waist. She was always wearing these dresses that made her legs look impossibly long and she had to know it drove you crazy. As you lift Riley up she tightens her legs around your waist while running her fingers through your hair. All thoughts of blonde hair and creeps trying to take Riley from you escape you as you finally feel like you can breathe again for the first time in over a year.
—
They all think you don't see it. The way he looks at her. They also don't think you see the way everyone looks at you. Like you're the last to know the secret. All you know is right after the ski lodge Lucas came to your apartment saying he needed to try with you and you were who he wanted. You couldn't expect his feelings for Riley to disappear overnight. If he had chosen Riley it would have been the same, you're sure of it. For once the girl who always had the perfect life got to know what it felt like to be disappointed.
The fact you are part of the reason she was disappointed makes you sick to your stomach though. She is your sister after all and she and Huckleberry didn't make it very long as a couple after their first date. Their passion was different than yours with Lucas. They had the summer rain while you and he had that fire people always talked about. You don't tell anyone that when he comes over you two get about thirty seconds into a conversation before one of you has to make the first move so there's something more than forced small talk happening. This is what you both wanted you convince yourself.
He had the choice and he chose you. He loves you. You ignore the nagging feeling inside of you that says there is something missing. Before you realize it you have sketched brown hair and blue eyes and the guilt washes over you as you rip the page out of your sketch pad and put it in the manilla folder under your bed with the rest of the drawings representing the same person. Lucas was yours and no one could take him from you. You choose not to notice how when he had his moment in class earlier she was the only one who could get through to him.
—
You decide to throw a party because you needed another reason to see Riley in a social setting that didn't include doing homework. You've been patient and waited so long for her to be yours. After Friar chose Maya you couldn't have been happier knowing Riley was free and open to be yours. You gave her some time to heal after being rejected before diving in and trying to be "study partners" studying was the last thing on your mind while around Riley.
She was kind, she was good. Despite being thrilled Lucas didn't choose her you can't fathom why he didn't. Knowing you have the power to get under his skin still makes you happier than it should. Ever since you started creating the gap between Lucas and Riley by asking her to semi formal you loved showing how out of control Lucas can be. If only Riley could see that he wasn't as changed as people thought. Today in class was the perfect example. He about lost it in front of everyone. After class Riley bolted out of there like she was being chased by the cops. You wanted to catch up to her to invite her to your party that night, but you will settle for texting her instead. It would be a big night you had no doubt, everyone always looked for an excuse to party. And you would take any moment you could to spend time with Riley, it was only a matter of time before she chose you.
—
As you get ready for the party you can't help but think that this night will end in disaster. Ever since you arrived in New York after Lucas you have seen him change from Texas Lucas to New York Lucas to a shell of both. Lucas wasn't your best friend anymore. That protective, loyal great guy you've known your whole life has become a depressed introvert. After Lucas chose Maya you noticed a slight change in Lucas's demeanor.
At first glance he seemed to have it all together. He finally ended the triangle from hell and everything could go back to normal. He and Maya seemed as happy as they could. Riley appeared to be fine with it too. You knew better though. As soon as you saw Charlie ask Riley to study after school and she accepted you knew Lucas was going to feel like he lost her all over again. It was of no ones fault but his own, he did make his choice after all. You know him better than anyone and you know he can't stand to hurt people, the only person he ever ends up hurting is himself. You pick up the phone and make a call.
"Is this party going to be as painful as I think it will be?" You ask the genius.
"After what we saw in class today, I don't think painful is the right word." Farkle responded.
"He still loves Riley," You say for the first time out loud. You slightly panic and look around to make sure no one heard you spill that secret.
"He loves them both," Farkle states. He's observed enough to know Lucas couldn't handle hurting Maya as much as he couldn't handle hurting Riley. The way he loved Maya was different than the way he loved Riley though.
You don't even have to respond to that to know what he means. You've seen it too. You don't agree with it, but when people's emotions are involved no one can get out unscathed.
"And Charlie?" You have to question because having the three of them being involved with each other wasn't bad enough. Now you had to deal with this punk again.
"Charlie will never be Lucas," Farkle says and you know that as long as Lucas and Riley are in each others lives no one else can compare.
—-
Everyone meets at Riley's to go to Charlie's party. You notice that Lucas and Riley can barely look each other in the eye, but you don't comment on it. Farkle meets your eyes and you know he sees what you do too. You take his hand silently thanking him for loving you and only you throughout all of this messy triangle. He kisses your temple reading your mind.
"So what are the games everyone likes to play?" You ask trying to make conversation.
"There's a few," Zay answers you. "Beer Pong and Flip Cup are the most popular ones."
"You guys might have to teach me those again," You say already knowing how to play them. Drinking wasn't your thing, it wasn't anyone's thing really. Something told you tonight everyone would let go and shit was going to hit the fan.
—-
The party was in full swing. You have played one round of Beer Pong with Charlie as your partner. Him being the more experienced player and drinker, he helped you guys beat Zay and Smackle. Despite the numbness inside of you threatening to take over you are having a little bit of fun. You glance to the dance floor and see Maya grinding on Lucas, both have drinks in their hands, and you suppress the deep breath you want to take as you feel the knife go through your heart.
"You want to dance?" Charlie asks and you nod barely registering what he's asking. He leads you to the dance floor and you're just drunk enough you can pretend you love the song playing and the feel of Charlie's hands on your hips. You force yourself to get lost in the moment and for a little while it works. You dance like you've seen girls do in the movies, and you try not to let the guilt crush you to death as you remember another pair of hands on you earlier that day. You can almost relax when you feel a grip on your wrist and you're being yanked away from a protesting Charlie. You don't even need to look up to know who it is. The irony and hypocrisy of this doesn't escape you as you're shoved into an empty bedroom.
"What the hell was that Riley?" Lucas yells at you. You're so tired you don't even know what to say. Maya needing to use the restroom couldn't have come at a worse time.
"You were dancing with Maya," You point out and he shakes his head like it's different.
"How can you just be all over him after today?" He asks you and you want to slap him.
"How can you even look at Maya after today?" You yell back. You couldn't hardly stand to be around her getting ready for the party earlier. If she wasn't so preoccupied herself she would've noticed Riley's weird behavior.
"I hate myself for this Riley!" Lucas exclaims. That just makes you feel worse. You've now made him hate himself.
"Well I'm so sorry I did that to you," You say miserably before turning around to walk out. He's faster holding the door closed so you can't get out. You turn to face him and can barely breathe being in such close proximity. It's reminding you of earlier, and you have to remind yourself how terrible this is.
"I don't hate myself for being with you Riles," He breathes leaning his forehead against yours. "I hate the situation we've all created for ourselves."
"I can't keep hurting her Lucas," You say closing your eyes. "She's the most important person in the world to me."
"I don't want to hurt her either," Lucas says grabbing your hand and lacing your fingers together. "I can't lose you though."
"You already did," You say bringing his hand up to your lips and placing a feather light kiss to his knuckles. He squeezes your hand so hard you think it might break. "Goodbye Lucas." His eyes well up and he won't let go of your hand. Instead, he grabs the back of your neck locking your lips one last time. It was pure bliss getting to be with him, but you both know it wasn't going to last. Neither of you are the type to carry on an affair and hurt those around you. It didn't matter who loved who or what you wanted. Maya deserved to be chosen. You whimper into him as your knees buckle. He backs you up so you can't go anywhere as he moves his lips against yours. You're seconds away from giving in one more time as you hear a gasp from the bathroom doorway. You lock eyes with your best friends all coming out of the bathroom with a connecting bedroom on the other side.
—
You're staring her down like she's a stranger. You can't believe that Riley Matthews, YOUR Honey was kissing your boyfriend like her life depended on it. You saw the lingering looks, the hand grazes but you didn't think they crossed that line. Zay reaches out and touches your shoulder and you see the lack of shock on his face. He looks disappointed and yet completely calm at the same time.
"I need a minute with Lucas," You say surprising even yourself that you wish to speak with him over Riley. As Riley approaches you she has tears falling down her face, and you can't bring yourself to hate her even though you want to.
"We'll talk later," You whisper as she passes you. She nods wordlessly and walks off with Zay to go back to the party. You close the door and approach Lucas.
"I'm so sorry Maya," He says immediately. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. You can tell he hasn't been sleeping, why didn't you notice that sooner?
"Do you even love me?" You ask point blank. You're not even sure why you need to know, for the first time in your life someone chose you over everyone else. When Lucas made his choice it wasn't really just between you and Riley. He had his pick of any girl he wanted at school being a varsity athlete who was impossibly good-looking. He made you feel wanted and worthy, regardless if he meant it or not he still made you his choice.
"Of course I do," He says coming up to you. "I've never had to question if I had feelings for you."
"So you still choose me?" You ask needing him to rip the bandaid off. Lucas looks lost in thought for a moment, like he's reliving a moment from the past. He takes your hands in his and gives them a squeeze.
"Yes, it's you Maya," He says smiling. He looks so cute you can't help but believe him even when you know you shouldn't. You lean up to kiss him needing to feel that closeness to him. He kisses you back briefly and chaste. Much different than the kiss you had witnessed between he and your best friends moments earlier. His lips connect with your forehead and he sighs.
In that moment you feel him choose Riley.
The end! I hope that made sense to everyone and it was obvious which section belonged to which character. I hope the drinking and sex didn't bother anyone. Also, I kinda stole that last line from a 90210 fic I read a few years ago and I thought that was so powerful that it always stayed with me ever since. If you love 90210 go read Our Arms Outstretched, We Are Soaring it's a phenomenal oneshot! But anyway, please review and let me know how I did! I've had all of these thoughts in my head for awhile. Hope you enjoyed reading :)
